花嵐ノ記

why

“So… What, then?” Arthur tilts his head to one side, scratching at a temple, puzzled. “Are you telling me you wish to roleplay a wife role with me on account of me being a father on Father’s Day?”

Arthur folded his arms over his chest, humming.

“I– won’t judge you harshly for your interests, but…” A slight concern comes to his face. “Surely you have any number of greater uses of your time you might rather than this?”

“I don’t, I’m extremely sure there is nothing more important than this.”

“Besides, do you have anything better to do? Actually, I don’t care. Helping this Caster takes priority now.” Flaxen ears dropped, a small pout forming upon her face. He might have not said anything hurtful but she was ready to attack at the smallest of provocations. 

It was, again, her pride on the line.

“Oh- Oh, my goodness.” Arthur himself seems to become flustered as Tamamo abruptly snatches his hand to ensure he can’t leave her. “You wish for me to give you company – for Father’s Day?”

He puts heavy emphasis, trying to get his point across.

“…Caster, I– do understand you don’t follow social norms, but…”

“…surely you understand there’s a certain context involved in calling a man of your own peerage ‘daddy’, yes?”

“...”

How did he reach that conclusion? Was he actually an idiot? 

“Don’t misunderstand, that is definitively not what I’m trying here! I’d never call you da-- No, nevermind. I will not say it, not even to explain myself.” Granted, admitting she was only teasing and being a complete a fool for the sake of it wasn’t particularly favouring to the cause. “It’s a celebration, we cannot miss this one for you either. I can surely ease the concerns of a family man with my charms! This is for the sake of becoming a wonderful wife, nothing else!” 

Arthur just– quietly chuckles, gently graspring Tamamo’s fingers and lifting her hand towards his face. He’s well aware of her long-sought-after desire, after all.

“May you one day find the right soul to celebrate this day with, Caster.”

And without further adieu, he presses a soft, chivalrous kiss to the back of her hand.

“Wh--” What a way to steal her thunder, robbed from the moment and also to break her  composure. Not a trace of the playful fox was left, only a flustered mess. “Nononono, just wait a second you... you devilish king! You cannot do that to ME and act like it is no big deal!” It was definitively not a big deal. She had been caught by surprise and to be placed in such an embarrassing position was not something she can let go. Rather than removing her hand, she grabs his own. 

Now neither can go on running from this.

“I think you happen to be confusing the holiday. It is a day for celebrating fathers, not courting them.”

Arthur’s eyes took a slight sharper edge when Tamamo purported that he had no desire, no hope. Really? Come now, he wasn’t the same spirit he was when he was first summoned for the farce known as the Holy Grail War.

“It’s hardly that I am without hope, nor that I feel no desire at all, but…I am well aware of my own limitations, and my weaknesses.” He gingerly pushes her hands clasped over his back towards herself. “A man who cannot care for his wife has no business being a husband. I am many things, Tamamo no Mae, and many of which I can be proud of. But knowing what it is to be ‘human’ is not among them.”

He gave a slow shake of the head, looking her square in the eyes to convey his meaning. He had failed as a husband once, and he didn’t believe he was any better for any woman to love then he was back then; not yet.

“I daren’t imagine making another woman so unsatisfied as I once did before.”

It was then, amidst her passionate lecture, that Tamamo said something. It was something that, compared to the rest of her purpose in her words, was entirely secondary. Indeed, it was something tossed in completely offhand, from the sound of it.

“…My ‘task’…?”

In her fervor, it seems the fox had made an error. She had just indicated knowledge she should not have.

Arthur had not hidden his origin from the other Servants. They all knew he was ‘from another world’. But only two souls knew why, one of whom had taken that knowledge to his grave in defeating the First Beast.

There was only one reason anybody else should be aware of his purpose. And that… That would be…

“…”

Arthur was silent for some moments, his expression entirely neutral, but perhaps most worrying were his eyes. They were fixed upon Tamamo now, steady, unblinking, devoid of any indication as to what might be running across his mind – he seemed be looking through her.

For his part, Arthur wasn’t sure how to proceed. He couldn’t overlook what he had just heard. He couldn’t ignore what this might mean. Yet, here, now, was surely not the place. They had come here as acquaintances. She was attempting to help, in her own capacity. He couldn’t do this now.

Then, slowly, the smile began to creep back up upon his face. Ah, yes, there it was. It came as a breath of fresh air, to him; an ample opening to do some good. A chance to salvage this little debacle.

“…No, I don’t believe I’ll ‘fail the villain before me’, not hardly. I actually think I can assist her a great deal. Especially given she’s just fed me a great deal she herself refuses to adhere to.”

He sat a little higher now, leaning forward, hands clasping together on the table.

“ You truly believe that your manifestation can only have one purpose, don’t you…? Caster–”

“–what if I told you that the belief of a Heroic Spirit’s physiological limits wasn’t absolute after all?”

“You...” Tamamo shook her head, best not to insist. “Arthur-san, you also underestimate your capacities. All you need is that soul of yours, loving it does not seem hard. My joke was crude but I will be honest, I would eat it in a heartbeat if given the opportunity.” She cannot criticise someone’s reluctance, her own had prevented her from showing her deep affection toward humanity. He was also fooling himself, trying to dedicate himself to save others just like their Master. 

That was the true charm of this kind of individual, their uninterested but innocent wish. No hidden meaning, just a protective outlook. It was hope incarnated and while she had criticised it vividly, it did not mean she was one to despise it. Maybe if she hadn’t been in such denial, she would praise it with an open heart. 

“I’d prefer if I didn’t have to encourage a Saber, you are all such a headache. I thought a pretty face like Nero-san was a bother but you are far more handsome and nice. The perfect natural enemy.” Followed by the loudest of sips from her drink, Tamamo placed her glass down while keeping direct eye contact with Arthur.

“It depends if such revelation is unpleasant. So, what it is?”

“Hmhm… Yes, that seems to be the general consensus.” Arthur returned with a patient smile of understanding. “I can’t quite say it to be the same with me. Then again, I suppose she didn’t exactly call me forth from the Throne…”

Tamamo wouldn’t know the meaning behind those words, nor would anyone besides the Master of Chaldea herself. She hadn’t summoned Arthur of her own – the two had met by happenstance. It was from a cosmic coincidence, a fleeting hope of the late once-Solomon, that they came into contact with one another, and it was from that contact Arthur was able to be stabilized within their world, spirited away from his journey to aid in their cause.

At her playful proposition, however, the King fell uncomfortably silent.

Who knows what sort of reaction Tamamo was vying for when she spoke those words? Given her character, perhaps she was looking to distract herself by getting a flustered outburst, or a nervous blush? Any such reaction one might expect a man to have when spoken to so by such a beautiful woman.

But the only thing showing upon the face of Sir Arthur now – was a dying enthusiasm, melting away in record time, the smile slipping from his features by the second.

“…My lady Tamamo no Mae. Take what I am about to say to heart.” He brings a hand up slowly to rest over his breast. “I have no wish for the Grail. My life, for however long it may last, exists surely to protect the future of others. All others. Including yourself.”

“That is why– you shouldn’t even joke about courting with the likes of Arthur Pendragon.”

He was a peculiar exemption to what one can consider normal, even as a Servant. Tamamo did not really respect and she always had a sense of superiority toward her peers. She knew quite a bit more than the average but never interfered, which was incredibly cruel of her part. One can only assume she did not care at all but in fact, it was the opposite. Her concern and fear prevented her from acting, shackled by fear. 

Her teasing might have strung a chord in Arthur, whose factions (while beautiful) wounded up expressing sadness. She was quite confused, robbed of words and from attempting to pursue even further her terrible attempt at diverting the conversation.

“Stop it.” 

It had incredibly bothered her so for now, she had to shed her mask and be a firm woman. Showing such a serious face was no good for her heart. It was, after all, a sincere and she was just a lying fox. Keeping her reputation as a trickster was hard after proving herself as a kind creature, whose care and deep love for humanity poured in her words.

Tamamo placed her hand upon his, unsure if out of comfort or to draw attention toward her. 

“That self-sacrificial tomfoolery. How am I to take your words when you have no hope for yourself? If someone like you has no chance at happiness then I deserve it less. You are insulting a lost cause with your sadness. Don’t tell me our king only knows how to provide lip-service.” 

Sabers always managed to rile her up, was this an actual pattern? Oh, dear.

“What makes you so special that you cannot desire for something? You stupid handsome man, your task is just a bit above us but it doesn’t exempt you from human desire. You were a man once, blessed or not -- you were still a man. Servant or not, it remains in you. A human life span, human weakness and a human soul. A pure human life, full of glories and mistakes. Bring your nonsense to a Servant that has not experienced godship, they may be able to buy your silly thoughts.”  

Because a king was nothing in the eyes of a fox, of a beast that was once worshipped as a goddess. As a mere fragment of Amaterasu herself, a ruler is a spec in the world below her.

Arthur raises an eyebrow at the other’s dramatic display.

“Yes, how could I have ever imagined something might be amiss?” With a small sigh, he tosses up his hands. “Very well, I can’t force you to tell me.”

Yet Tamamo was not to be entirely sated of her displeasure, as when the waitress came around to hand them their drinks, the knight gave her a nod of acknowledgement with another of that damnably-charming smile before turning his attention to the matter at hand, taking a couple of idle sips.

Ponderously, Arthur rubs his chin some moments, before speaking again.

“–You know, if to become a bride is the dream you strive for – why not simply go for it?” He gestures towards her. “Surely you’re aware; there’s been Servants in the past who were able to remain manifest beyond the confines of a Grail War to lead their own lives in the current age. Master’s a kind girl; I’m sure she’d do her best to support you seeking out your own peaceful life.”

Arthur pauses briefly, mulling over a possibility he hadn’t considered. Of course, Tamamo tended to use “husband” and “wife” as catch-alls, so there was a chance that, like so many others among them…

“…Unless, of course, Master happens to be the one you’re shooting for.” He follows up, unable to resist the smallest crack of a humored grin. “I daresay you’ve quite the crowd of competition to rise above if she’s the partner you seek.”

‘If I were to tell you, you might laugh!!’ The waitress’ demeanour was an attack at her feminine charms and complete disregard of Tamamo as a threat -- even with her vicious gaze, the female staff was only showing a tender expression in return to Arthur’s demeanour. He did not do anything of out the extraordinary, it was pure politeness and yet...! It was terribly infuriating! She had no idea who was pissing her off more, the knight or the innocent waitress.

Her drink was completely ignored, she only heard him out for the sake of pretending she was not bothered. Though, at the mention of Master, her ire subdued. Perked up ears dropped, once again showing the obviousness of her feelings. 

“Master is... truly a wonderful person, right? I can completely understand why others fall for her. I was completely smitten when we met but I understand that there’s only so much I can do.” Tamamo no Mae desired to be chosen, to be more than second best for someone. She did not know how or why such emotion existed in her, but it remained strongly. The mere notion of having to withstand such rejection from the one she loved was not one she wanted to experience. 

Never again. 

In another future, even she was not the one.

“My feelings of love can be poured in protecting her and her dream, this is the reason why I was summoned. Being at her side is enough. I want her to be happy. Don’t you want that too?” A half-true can suffice, she was not good enough to be so selfless but neither foolish to know when she had already lost a fight. Burning was for those of pure heart and a rotten creature such as this fox can protect herself.  

And for that very reason, she had to keep playing coy. Elbows atop the table, an expression full of interest and the smile of a predator. Cat-like and curious, the Caster leaned subtly to eye him closer. 

“To follow your plan, though... I might need a bit of help.”

the home

whether it’s your warm embrace, your unwavering reliability, your smile that says “welcome back”, your motif is the home. your the equivalent to coming out of the rain to the fire on and your slippers waiting by the door. your uncanny way of making people feel alright, you’re treasured in these trying times. i respectfully request you take care of yourself, the world will never been as kind to you as you are to it. anne lammott said “lighthouses don't go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining” and though unconventional, lighthouses are inhabited and your cup runs over with generosity. because you probably don’t hear it enough, thank you.