Some of you know that I went to Columbine. I’ve talked a bit about it, but it isn’t something I generally discuss much. TL;DR: It was horrific, and it’s left me with PTSD that right now, is pretty crippling. I’ve funcitoned reasonably well in the half of my life since. Ups and downs, strikes and gutters. It’s only in the last couple of years that things have started to fray to the point that I’m realizing the wear this has taken on my life. I simply didn’t quite get that no, most people aren’t fighting themselves like this every day. The “oh, you’re fine” attitude I tend to lean toward internally only serves something like PTSD in order to make it stronger.

So here we are now. Moving back to LA this past November has basically wrecked me financially, and I’m in pretty crappy shape. Things are actually a lot tougher than I’ve shared with some of my friends. It’s not easy to admit you’re surviving with the assistance of food stamps. I have an ulcer that’s been bothering me for months, and (possibly most importantly) I can’t afford the kind of therapy I need. Without a safe, stable environment, living with PTSD can be a painful, regressive cycle of anxiety. What I’m realizing now is that I’ve simply never had the resources to properly begin my life. That’s not somebody’s fault, and it doesn’t invalidate any of the expreriences I’ve had or the awesome things I’ve done - but it makes a lot of the false starts make more sense.

My dear friend Heather Gold has struggled with PTSD and a lack of support in the past, and is making her way to the other side of it. She’s been down this hole before, and she knows what I need to get out.

She pleaded with me to setup a GoFundMe page to share my story. I’ve done that. Now I’m sharing it with you.

Any help, kind words, signal-boosts or pats on the head are welcome - and so, so appreciated. Asking for help is hard. Asking for help after things have gotten sort of bad is even more difficult.

I hope that by now you guys know me well enough to know that I’m not full of shit, and I wouldn’t be doing this if I had another way.

I love you guys. 👍

-Jay

tysonelder: Jay is one of my best pals. We’ve never met and we’ve only talked with voices once for 20seconds on a google hangout. He’s a good dude, an amazing photographer, and makes some interesting things. He needs our help. Let’s give it to him. Anything we can.