ā Ā spoiler alert: itās probably aliens. Ā ā
ā Ā bad idea. Ā ā
ā Ā iām considering him a suspect. Ā ā
ā Ā iām considering him a suspect. her sonās feeding her sedatives. yeah, he was like, āgo on mother, eat these pills.ā Ā ā
ā Ā you just made this go so much more dark than it needed to be. Ā ā
ā Ā well, i just donāt trust this boy. Ā ā
ā Ā yeah, have some pills, smoke this cigarette. goodnight. Ā ā
ā Ā this is a very irresponsible landlady. if your tenantās apartments smell like smoke, maybe check in on āem. Ā ā
ā Ā if your tenantās apartments smell like smoke, maybe check in on āem. Ā ā
ā Ā this is gonna get a little morbid, but whoās to say that a burning body doesnāt small like barbecue? Ā ā
ā Ā no, of course it doesnāt make sense, itās weird! Ā ā
ā Ā has any skull shrunk at any other point in history? Ā ā
ā Ā now youāre acting like a detective and not like a jackass. Ā ā
ā Ā you donāt think itās weird that all of her was gone except for a skull, parts of the spine, and a fucking foot that was still completely intact like nothing happened? Ā ā
ā Ā i bet if george clooney was on the tonight show and you set him on fire, one of his feet would burn, and the other one would probably still be planted there on the floor in a very nice shoe. clooneyās flammable. Ā ā
ā Ā clooney is probably flammable, youāre probably right. Ā ā
ā Ā so, a fire that was too hot for firemen did not damage her apartment? Ā ā
ā Ā too much fire here. what do i look like, a fireman? Ā ā
ā Ā soot and a foot. thatās all they got, huh? soot, foot, and a cup skull. Ā ā
ā Ā thatās a bizarro version of a dr. seuss book right there. Ā ā
ā Ā the foot did not catch on fire⦠one of āem anyway. that other one? phew. donezo. Ā ā
ā Ā the first theory⦠is ridiculous. iām just gonna say that right now, itās ridiculous. Ā ā
ā Ā i donāt trust anyone who says, āit seen it happen.ā that sounds like a country bumpkin if iāve ever heard one. Ā ā
ā Ā it seen it! i seen it with my own two eyes! Ā ā
ā Ā i seen it happen while i was playing my banjo! Ā ā
ā Ā yeahā well, okay⦠keep going. Ā ā
ā Ā can you imagine just being out, having a good night with your pals, drinkinā? and you know, toward the end of the night when youāre like, āyeah, what a fun night this has been,ā can you imagine just exploding? just catching on fire. all your pals would be like, āhuh?ā not a good night. for him or his friends. Ā ā
ā Ā is it very european to burst into flames? Ā ā
ā Ā put that pen down. you look like a jackass. Ā ā
ā Ā a lot of people explodinā in europe. something you might wanna look into. this runs deep. Ā ā
ā Ā when i think spontaneous combustion, i think, like, ābam!ā like a popped balloon, just shards of person just exploding. Ā ā
ā Ā that asshole in fantastic four? what do you have against him? Ā ā
ā Ā if my clothes are on fire iāll do a little dance to try and get āem out, stop, drop, and roll, what have ya. Ā ā
ā Ā maybe she just passed out or died or something. Ā ā
ā Ā iāve never had a doctor speak to me like that. i would love it if i showed up and a doctor just started unraveling strange little tales. Ā ā
ā Ā the answer could lie with extraterrestrial origin. Ā ā
ā Ā what if aliens just get drunk and fly around the universe and shrink peopleās skulls and turn them into little piles of ash? Ā ā
ā Ā i can see how aliens would be involved in kind of like shenanigans and be hooligans. Ā ā
ā Ā i donāt even smoke, but i would love to have one last cig before i go. Ā ā
ā Ā this is a weird case! this is just sinking in! what are we doing here?! Ā ā
ā Ā what if weāre just lab rats to these aliens? Ā ā
ā Ā theyāre gonna shrink her into a little tiny titty. Ā ā
ā Ā no⦠no. whatās the matter with you? Ā ā
ā Ā if you used voodoo for evil, you would kill me!? you would murder me?! Ā ā
ā Ā itās a hypothetical, i wasnāt thinking of doing that. Ā ā
ā Ā sometimes we argue, but i donāt want to murder you. Ā ā
ā Ā i never said i wanted to murder you! Ā ā
ā Ā you wanna kill me! Ā ā
ā Ā this is a hypothetical situation! Ā ā
ā Ā alright, yeah, no. continue to tell me about it now that i know you want me dead. Ā ā
ā Ā i think you might intellectualize too much. Ā ā
ā Ā so this is kind of a night out⦠with spirits. Ā ā
ā Ā whaā you look so scared already. Ā ā
ā Ā i do find that more compelling than any of the other dumb āevidenceā youāve dug up. Ā ā
ā Ā any time i can get you to do that shrug, it means i make a great point. itās a great point. it makes me heart warm. Ā ā
ā Ā iām gonna buy you one of those haunted dolls for christmas. Ā ā
ā Ā put away your fear and just focus on what you feel. Ā ā
ā Ā iām bad at feeling. i really wanna believe in something outside the norms of, you know, physics. Ā ā
ā Ā i took an improv comedy class once because⦠well, iām a white guy. Ā ā
ā Ā so, the takeaway here is⦠every little sound is a ghost? Ā ā
ā Ā the takeaway here is that sounds that donāt belong in that environment may or may not be ghosts. Ā ā
ā Ā my jacket just moved in a way that it felt like somebody touched me on the shoulder and i think if you had felt it, you would scream. Ā ā
ā Ā wait, what? that was never part of the bargain. Ā ā
ā Ā a lot of times i just do these because i know youāll hate it. Ā ā
ā Ā i feel like iām gonna fucking cry. Ā ā
ā Ā i donāt wanna talk about it. i wanna leave. Ā ā
ā Ā i think you need to learn how to shut the hell up. Ā ā
ā Ā i think you need to learn how to shut the fuck up⦠i stepped it up with the bigger curse word there. Ā ā
ā Ā iām not even trying to be a jerk about this, iām just getting tired of you asking me if i get scared about things i donāt believe in. Ā ā
ā Ā itās like asking me if iām concerned that, when i fall asleep, the moon turns around and winks at me with a big, evil face and has a boner or something. Ā ā
ā Ā tell me whatās more probable: the moon having a boner or a ghost being real. Ā ā
ā Ā the dark side of the moon just has a giant, dusty boner. thatās about as real as ghosts. Ā ā
ā Ā now weāre heading into the belly of the beast. Ā ā
ā Ā iām excited. this is maybe he only time i believe in what youāre talking about. Ā ā
ā Ā bigfootās meat and bone. Ā ā
ā Ā no, thatās dumb. itās not supernatural, itās natural. Ā ā
ā Ā this is the heaviest sandwich iāve ever embraced. Ā ā
ā Ā my organās are starting to shut down. iāll be dead in five minutes. i think i might need to go to the hospital. Ā ā
ā Ā could you imagine being the guy who coined the phrase ābigfootā? Ā ā
ā Ā aināt that like a couple of funny brothers⦠destroying their fatherās legacy. Ā ā
ā Ā donāt make bigfoot believe in your little ghostly energies bigfoot is meat and bone. Ā ā
ā Ā i donāt think thatās how bigfoot rolls. Ā ā
ā Ā the vest is gonna make me look more festive⦠and i wonāt get shot, so thereās that. thatās an added bonus. having fun getting shot. iām not gonna help you.Ā ā
ā Ā having fun getting shot. iām not gonna help you. Ā ā
ā Ā you honestly think weāre going to encounter a sasquatch, the sasquatch is going to attack you and your life is going to be saved because youāre wearing a helmet? itās gonna bring a rock down upon your head, weāre gonna get it on film, and weāre gonna say, āthank god you had your helmet on your head.ā Ā ā
ā Ā i think weāre ready to rock and roll, man. Ā ā
ā Ā you look like an idiot. Ā ā
ā Ā if i see people taller than me i get concerned about them because i think theyāre gonna die young. Ā ā
ā Ā i wasnāt fat-shaming bigfoot. i was just mentioning that this is a creature of enormous strength. Ā ā
ā Ā his name is cedric. he struck me as a cedric when i first saw him after i destroyed his apartment. Ā ā
ā Ā well, if itās any consolation, you look like an idiot. Ā ā
ā Ā i think itās time for a little beer break. Ā ā
ā Ā if a bigfoot actually walked out right now, this would be the greatest thing ever captured on camera, if we lured out a bigfoot with a beer. Ā ā
ā Ā they said that⦠i agree, but they meant it more, so hit them! Ā ā
ā Ā nah. this guys inhaling too many⦠cat⦠shit⦠fumes. Ā ā
ā Ā yeah, this is all jolly right now, but can you imagine what this is gonna be like at night? Ā ā
ā Ā it is a very old piece of footage, but so is⦠die hard. still good. Ā ā
ā Ā iām saying just ācause somethingās good doesnāt mean itās bad, orā Ā ā
ā Ā thatās a completely different train of thought. what the fuck is going on here? Ā ā
ā Ā (wheezing and laughing) itās been a long day. Ā ā
ā Ā now you look like a man i would never talk to under any circumstance. Ā ā
ā Ā donāt judge a book by itās cover? itās a hell of a cover. this place is beautiful! Ā ā
ā Ā i donāt wanna kill the vibe, but we could just turn the lights on, itās a hotel. Ā ā
ā Ā holy shit! itās a jacuzzi tub! Ā ā
ā Ā this is the best place weāve ever ghostbusted. Ā ā
ā Ā like a ghost sitcom? sign me up! Ā ā
ā Ā well, he can go to hell. Ā ā
ā Ā oof. i donāt even wanna talk about that evening. Ā ā
ā Ā i stole this off the woman who died in the titanic! Ā ā
ā Ā ā¦shadows do tend to follow you, though. thatās sort of how they work. Ā ā
ā Ā you gotta fuckinā calm down, man! Ā ā
ā Ā ghost 101. week one, knock books off shelf. week two, uhh, hold a candlestick in the middle of a hallway. week three⦠sheets. Ā ā
ā Ā this is one of the best days of my life. Ā ā
ā Ā i freaked out because i thought something flew in front of me, but come to think of it, it couldāve been the reflection of my light turning off. Ā ā
ā Ā you know, a ghost has probably whispered point blank in your ear, but youāve probably never heard it because you were too busy going, āugh ugh okay, oh, what did i do? oh, what did i do? i always get myself into these things ooo.ā Ā ā
ā Ā are we doing more of this or can i use the jacuzzi hot tub that weāve been blessed with? Ā ā
ā Ā are we gonna spend the night here and not use the jacuzzi? Ā ā
ā Ā the jacuzzi jets donāt work⦠weāre just two guys sitting in a tub. Ā ā
ā Ā yeah⦠itās daft punk. the djās daft punk came into our suite at night and gave me a little diddy, thatās what happened. Ā ā
ā Ā itās not haunted. i know itās not haunted. itās not haunted. Ā ā
ā Ā youāre like a stupid string puppet that i can just bring along with me and i can pull it when i wanna hear something dumb. Ā ā
ā Ā noā theyāre. no. no. nope. Ā ā
ā Ā the ball also stopped at theĀ āi love potā graffiti, so maybe this ghost just loves to blaze it. Ā ā
ā Ā whaā what are ya doinā? Ā ā
ā Ā look it up. itās a thing on the internet. Ā ā
ā Ā who are you pointing to? Ā ā
ā Ā i bet i could squeeze an apple till it exploded. Ā ā
ā Ā you hear that in the distance? itās the excuse train coming. Ā ā
ā Ā great. thatāll be good. iām gonna snap that. Ā ā