i had a picture in my mind

"yeah but not everything you hear is true, people like to lie all the time." he muttered, starting to become agitated.

"sure pal." joy's menacing smile was irritating ogilvie even more by the second.

"three, you still got mommy issues, two years of your bullshit, i can't undo, one, i hate the fact that you made me love you." the song continued, javadi nodded her head along with the beat, softly singing the lyrics.

joy was bouncing her leg in anticipation, the typing was no longer enough to occupy her building energy as she grew excited at the fact that she knew this song was about ogilvie.

a song, written and produced by you.

of course, joy was the only one who knew you dated this guy. you and joy met at a social group in your town, she was doing an out-of-state rotation and met you there. you two bonded over the fact that you both loved music. joy was in a band in high school and you were experimenting with making your own music.

only difference between you two today is that you're an international popstar and joy is a med student, both difficult things to accomplish.

and on joy's first day of rotation at ptmc, she texted you about how her day went. you read in excitement until she mentioned a tall, curly headed boy who interrupted her the whole day. his last name was ogilvie, and you froze in your tour bus upon hearing this.

small world, you thought, as you realized your friend was working with your ex. one of the reasons why you're famous if you were to be completely honest.

you spent the rest of that night on the phone with joy, explaining almost every detail about your relationship with him. how he was your first, how he was rude and mean towards others, how you felt he looked down on you for pursuing music and not a 'real career'. how his issues with his father bled into your relationship, how his parents didn't approve of you. the amount of rumors that surrounded your relationship back in high school, it was just too much for you to handle.

and ogilvie wasn't making any of those things worth it, so you broke up with him before he went off to college.

ptmc was still bustling, and the med students continued to be hard at work while your voice looped in the background.

"this voice doesn't sound familiar to you, ogilvie?" joy persisted in tormenting him, she couldn't wait to text you about this after work.

"nope, not at all."

"and i don't know how i fell for your shit, you gross me out now i've got the ick and i've got a list of why you don't get to fuck me." the radio, your voice, continued.

joy smirked at the lyrics, looking back at ogilvie. giving him one last chance to admit it.

but ogilvie didn't look her way, he continued typing, finishing up his charts so he could hurry up and go home and grimace at the memory of you.

when you broke up with james, he wasn't shocked. he knew exactly why you broke up with him, the cheating rumors, his father being unsupportive of him constantly. it was affecting him mentally, he knew he wasn't pleasant to be around. he was under a state of constant stress from trying his best to make his application for medical school the most competitive.

the day he got into med school, he was happy. his friends and family were surrounding him, celebrating, his mother brought a cake for him to feast on. a congratulations for all of his hard work.

he felt off though. he knew something was missing.

so after all of his friends went home, and his parents went to bed. he was holed up in his room, crying into his pillow thinking about you. reminiscing about you and your wide smile, how you always supported him through all of his extracurricular activities. how you always hugged him and then kissed his lips to congratulate him.

and after he made it home from work, he cried into his pillow again. thinking about all of the soft memories of you, how soft your hair was and how he loved smelling it after you washed it. how soft your hands were, and how nice it felt whenever you rubbed his hand with your thumb, soothing him. how soft your lips were whenever they kissed him, or whenever they were wrapped around his dick.

ogilvie missed you, a lot more than usual.

so when he showed up to work the next day- after beating off to the thought of you- he was very absent-minded.

there was a guy actively bleeding out in front of him in trauma 1. nurses and doctors surrounded the guy as they took his blood pressure, hooked him up to an iv, and berated him with questions.

"sir what's your name?" "do you have any family?"

a knife was stabbed right near his heart, ogilvie tried not to laugh at the irony.

and while javadi and joy were answering medical questions that were coming their way, ogilvie was stuck standing there, stabilizing the knife with donnie.

"and always make sure you have these things with you," donnie, the nurse practitioner, had little pieces of gauze that were wrapped into tubes in his hand, and put them against the small knife.

stabilizing the knife, the doctors continued to work around the patient.

"ogilvie!" robby shouted, "what's the difference between treating a knife wound near a heart to treating one near the lungs?"

"..."

"ogilvie?"

"yes sir?"

"what's the difference between treating a knife wound near the heart to treating one near the lungs?"

"there is no difference, besides making sure the heart is pumping out blood and making sure any of the lungs weren't punctured."

"good." robby praised, despite the irritated look on his face.

"surgery can take him now." one of the nurses announced to the room.

"good, let's get him up there." dr. robby nodded, grabbing some hand sanitizer before heading out of the room.

joy, javadi, and ogilvie stood there as a surgeon and a nurse rolled the patient away.

"let's go pick up some more patients," javadi suggested, mainly to joy.

"i'll meet you out there." joy told javadi, smiling at her.

as javadi walked out of the room, joy turned her attention towards ogilvie.

"you're off your game today." she looked him up and down, trying to hide her growing smile.

"am i?" ogilvie's absent-minded face persisted, even if he was actively in a conversation.

because his mind wasn't here, his mind was with you, in his bed, cuddling while watching some shitty show you were interested in.

his mind was with you while you shared some dumb song you were so excited to show him, your smile was brighter than the sun, your eyes practically had little stars in them as you lit up explaining each lyric to him. and james listened intently, as he always did.

walking back out to the main hospital floor, james was hit with your voice once again.

"how'd you make me love you? and i'll admit it. sometimes i miss when we were in it." your voice rang out through the ed, a patient nodded her head along with it.

he could hear joy's snickers along with the music. he sat down on one of the spinny chairs, trying his best trying not to go to the bathroom so he could cry over you some more.

"seven, talk a big game 'til you're naked, only six seconds, and i had to fake it, five, you're toxic."

"-javadi you wanna guess something?" joy had that same sly look on her face from last night, her attention turned towards ogilvie.

"yeah what's up?"

"the guy who this song is about."

"who..? there’s no way i’d be able to guess that." javadi was typing away, charting what happened in the trauma room.

joy pointed at ogilvie, a shocked look appeared on javadi's face.

"there's no way you dated the (name) and fumbled her, are you kidding??" javadi exclaimed, her eyes wide and her smile was wider.

ogilvie sighed, running his hands down his face before getting up from his chair and staring at the board. he glanced over at joy and javadi, a tired look on his face. he was embarrassed, but he was too exhausted for embarrassment to be his primary emotion. so he decided to pay them no mind, for his own sanity.

ogilvie knew was barely going to make it through this shift, his heart was too heavy in his chest. the tears in his green eyes on the verge of spilling, his mind thinking of you.

"yeah, i did." he admitted.

javadi’s smile was still prominent on her face, “oh my god there’s actually no way.” the idea in her mind of making a ‘my coworker is the ex of a famous popstar’ video was floating around in her mind.

joy smiled, seeing ogilvie so down. she didn’t know the weight of his situation though, which was why she was able to be so lighthearted about it. about teasing him.

james remembered when you had him listen to a song you were conflicted on how you felt about it, "say it ain't so.” by weezer.

"i mean it's a really good song but it's made by them so i don't really know how to feel about it.." you explained your feelings about the band.

you two were sitting in a parking lot, outside of a random store. just talking and listening to music. the music flooded james’s car.

"my dad likes this song," he added, leaning against his seat, facing you. james was tired, after a long study session for chemistry and an even longer practice for cross-country, he was exhausted. but seeing your face, your beautiful, soft face, made him smile.

you always liked his sleepy smile. and he loved yours.

"say it ain't so, your drug is a heart-breaker. say it ain't so. my love is a life-taker." the lyrics played in ogilvie's head as he sobbed into his hand in the sterile bathroom.

he missed you more than anything in this world, he wanted you back with every fiber in his being. he couldn't believe he let you go like that, and he knew there was a slim chance of ever getting you back. ever hearing your laugh or your voice whenever you explained yet another song to him again.

james was defeated, at his wits end on how to cope with his emotions. how to cope with losing you.

so at the end of his shift, he sat in the ambulance bay. wired earphones in his ears, listening to say it ain't so. and then he listened to some of your favorite songs, remembering how easily you lit up when talking about the melodies, and the backstories of each one.

tears ran down ogilvie's face as he was faced with the memory of you, and the thought of how he'd never get you back. he wish you were hurting like he was, but apparently you were singing pop-punk songs about how much you hated him and how shitty of a person- an ex- he was. and that made his heart ache even more.

"yeah no, i should be there soon." a voice spoke from a phone. ogilvie turned in his head to see joy talking to someone. joy's hand was near her mouth, her phone on speaker mode.

"okay don't rush, i don't want you to get ambushed like last time." joy laughed into the call, reminiscing with the person.

but james recognized your voice immediately.

"hey joy!" he called out, joy looked in his direction. a weirded out expression on her face.

"what do you want ogilvie?" joy was already annoyed with her shift, and now she had to interact with ogilvie.

"is that (name)?" ogilvie's tearful face looked down at joy.

joy was taken aback by his tears, "yeah it is.." she had no idea he was capable of human emotion.

"that is not who i think it is." you're shocked, your mouth wide open on the other side of the phone.

you're laying down on your tour bus, now absolutely disgusted by his presence. you couldn't believe that he was still kicking, you knew that he was working with joy now. but you never expected to interact with him again.

"james?" your voice spoke, and james just stared at joy's phone. he wasn't sure what to do, if he spoke to you. he might say something that'll make you never want to speak to him again. and if he didn't say something, he never knew when you two would meet again.

"hey (name), how're you?" he felt so exposed talking to you, as if he was naked in front of 100 people. all of them laughing at him, participating in his public humiliation.

"i'm doing good james, how about you?"

but he was in the ambulance bay, with his clothes on and joy by his side. and you on the other side of the phone, speaking to him with a certain softness in your voice that people use when talking to ex-lovers they parted with on good terms.

"i'm surviving." james smiled, you could hear it in his voice. that same tired same he gave you when you were in his car, in that parking lot, listening to your favorite songs.

you were on the verge of tears on the bus, phone in hand and the sun had said goodbye. the moon greeted you instead.

"that's good to know.." you were at a loss of words, you missed him more than you thought you would have.

you knew he was no good though, people change but you weren't sure if ogilvie was one of those people. yeah, it's been 2 years since you two were together, he had to have changed in that amount of time. but every time you think about his face, you remember all of the times he yelled at you, stressed out about his father.

how he barely tried to defend you from the rumors surrounding the two of you at school, since he was too busy securing his future. and you couldn't blame him, or at least you tried not to.

you knew what james's priorities were, and that's why you broke up with him. you knew you weren't as special to him as that medical school acceptance letter which is why you had to leave him.

but you didn't know when he got that letter, all he could think about was you. wanting you by his side.

"we should meet up sometime, catch up with each other." you heard his voice, a little taken aback by his suggestion. you noticed he sounded sad, and you didn't know how to feel about that.

you smiled, tears streaming down your cheeks, "yeah that doesn't sound too bad. i'll let you know when i'm in town?" your voice broke a little, all of the emotions you felt about him came rushing all to you at once. your love for him was flooding your mind.

"good good, i'll see you then." james walked away from the phone, away from joy, away from you.

he went home that night with a bittersweet feeling in his chest. the knife was still near his heart, but it didn't hurt. it twisted and turned, but it was comforting.

as he laid in his bed, closing his eyes. he dreamed of you, dreamed of how you would feel in his arms after being away for so long. and then he thought back to your song he heard one too many times today.

"i'm- i'm a biochem major and i'm staying in rieber hall!" his eyes couldn't even look into yours. and when he did finally manage to make eye contact- he looked like a deer stuck in headlights.

and after that, you didn't see him much due to being in different degree programs. whenever you did see him around campus, he was talking to himself, flashcards in hand. no doubt he was good student. it was clear he was passionate about his future and that was something you admired.

sitting down in a common study area on campus, you got yourself situated. ready to do school work. but before you did that, you decided to grab a snack.

walking up to the vending machine you saw ogilvie in one of the hallways pacing around, "hey! how are you?" you called him, the wave of your hand composed and the smile on your face genuine.

something ogilvie doesn't usually receive unless it's a teacher singing his praises.

ogilvie liked you, as bluntly as possible. he didn't know you as a close friend but he wanted to get to know you.

he just couldn't talk to you.

he thinks about you often though, at night, during class, in the shower. ogilvie can't recall the last time he's seen someone as beautiful as you, he wasn't sure if a person more attractive than you existed.

the only way ogilvie knows how to 'connect' with people is by impressing. he's done that from a very young age, winning in his school's spelling bee to get validation from adults. participating in his middle school's cross country team, running as fast and controlled as he could in order to be a favorite of the coach. placing on the podium in multiple HOSA- Future Health Professionals- events to impress his high school health care teacher.

so naturally when ogilvie wanted to catch your eye, he kept flashcards around. and yes he was actually studying but it wasn't a method he's ever used before, but he thought it made him look cool so he persisted on doing so.

and even if ogilvie preferred to study in the biology hall to be around more like-minded individuals, he didn't mind going to the part on campus where more people like yourself would be studying.

"i'm doing good! how are you?" ogilvie responded to your greeting.

ogilvie rarely asks other people how they’re doing unless they're a superior.

"i'm fine, just trying to get some schoolwork finished. how about you?"

"yeah- just uh- just studying for an upcoming exam. it's for my organic chemistry class, it started in august and it's going to be on alpha carbon chemistry, amines, and spectroscopy, so it's a big exam. i'm not even sure if the professor is allowed to administer it like that-" ogilvie cut himself before continuing his rambling. he had no idea that was even doing it, he was just staring you in the eye and just could not stop talking.

"wow, sounds like a lot. i'm sure you'll do great on it though!" you smiled at him before walking back to your spot.

ogilvie's face had been stuck in an expression of embarrassment ever since he caught himself rambling. but his face was now morphing into one of innocent bashfulness, too overwhelmed by the fact the person he liked said that he would do great on an exam.

sure it was a general comment that could have been given out to anyone, but ogilvie didn't realize it. he didn't talk to enough people in that manner to realize it, any insinuation of him being good at his academics was met with either sarcasm or malice. not because of people naturally disliking him, but they were prompted to because of his arrogant attitude.

ogilvie would remember that interaction for a long time. (1) because it involved you and (2) because every time he had tried to approach you on campus, you were busy talking to someone else.

at every campus event, club event, or just general student event- you were either chatting it up with some student, a professor, or some guy who was way below your league (in ogilvie's 'humble' opinion).

his lack of access to you drove him crazy as in high school whenever he had a crush, he was able to approach them with no problem. they never really reciprocated but that's not that point. so when ogilvie heard from an ‘actual’ friend of his that there was a frat party going on this saturday, he didn't care. why would he waste his saturday night surrounded by a bunch of drunk people when he could have been studying for his organic chemistry and physics exams?

ogilvie's friend said your name, "oh, i know you don't talk to them often but they're gonna be there," giving him the news of your presence.

"seriously? are you sure?" ogilvie's shocked but hopeful expression was one that made his friend laugh at his eagerness.

"yup, you know we're both in that one club together, right? they were just talking about how they know some guy there and was gonna go party with him or whatever."

ogilvie's hopeful expression dropped quickly, he looked like he had been thrown on the ground.

although his friend didn't notice because they were facing away from ogilvie and had went back to typing on their laptop.

but ogilvie knew he had to make it to that party.

-

it was loud, a combination of different party essentials music filled the air. the crowdedness of the frat house was too small to be holding all of these people, which had ogilvie concerned. that and the strong smell of alcohol and weed.

as ogilvie tried to make his way through the crowd, he was distracting himself by looking for you.

which wasn't a good idea because he had bumped into someone.

"watch where you're going man." the guy said to him, apprehensive.

ogilvie looked scared, his eyes wide, nervous of what might happen to him.

but this wasn't even the person who he bumped into.

it wasn't until his eyes shifted to the left of the guy is where he saw you standing.

"oh don't worry about it mateo, i know him!" you perked up when you saw ogilvie, smiling at your friend before smiling back at ogilvie.

his scared expression left a nervous but pleased look on his face. a face of awkwardness and uncertainty.

ogilvie was happy at the fact that you were happy to see him but when he went to speak nothing came out.

you and mateo both looked at him with a concerned look on your faces, hoping that he wasn't about to pass out.

"you good man?" mateo asked.

"do you need to go sit down ogilvie?" you questioned.

"no, no! i'm fine i promise i just uh, i was thinking about something." ogilvie hurriedly reassured you two about his condition.

"alright well, i'm gonna go find a beer pong table, and this music is ass." mateo’s honesty made you laugh.

you didn't catch it, but he winked at ogilvie before leaving.

"hey, do you wanna go somewhere more quiet? you had to practically shout now as the music got louder.

"yeah! that would be nice." ogilvie graciously accepted.

you took his hand, leading him through the crowd to the front porch. from there you could see your car parked all the way down the street.

ogilvie felt as if he was ready to explode at the touch of your soft hand on his. the way you gripped his hand, ensuring that you wouldn't lose him through the crowd had him more flushed than the hot climate of the house.

sitting down on a chair on the porch, you let go of his hand and gestured to the seat next to you for him to sit as well.

"so how does one go about getting to know you?" "huh?" ogilvie responded, curious about the phrasing of your question.

"sorry for how i said that but i see you a lot around campus. you seem cool and i wanna get to know you, so how do i learn about you?" the casualness of your interest in him had ogilvie's heart racing.

no way the person he has a crush on wants to know more about him and held his hand in the same night.

"well- uh, i guess asking? what do you want to know?" ogilvie's smile finally turned into one that looked comfortable to hold in his face.

you were happy he wasn't finally straining himself trying to keep up appearances.

"why do you want to be a doctor?"

"to help others.. growing up i was at the hospital a lot for various health reasons so, trying to bring comfort to others like how the doctors did for me is something i want to do."

"wow that's really nice, sorry to hear about all of the hospital trips though."

"no don't worry about it.. just a part of life."

"okay what's your favorite color?"

"orange and green."

"...?" you didn't say anything, but your weirded-out facial expression did.

but instead of trying to backtrack on his answer, ogilvie laughed. he laughed at being able to put that expression on your face because that meant he had to be doing something right. at least he hoped.

the two of you continued to converse for about an hour or so.

the cool night air felt nice on your skin, the muffled sounds of shouting and music became something that brought you comfort.

listening and answering to ogilvie was an interesting experience since he’s kind of a weird guy, but you enjoyed in his company nonetheless.

you knew the night had to end though so you went to go check the time.

11:29.

"oh shit," you said as you looked down at your phone, "i'm gonna text a friend real quick, let him know i won't be going home with him."

this intrigued ogilvie. because who else would you be going 'home' with tonight.

ogilvie released the breath he didn't realize he was holding in while you typed away.

"you ready to head home?" you asked ogilvie with an exceptant look on your face.

"yeah- yeah! but who's home?"

"i have an on-campus apartment that's not too far from here." you smiled to reassure him.

ogilvie didn't respond, just nodded and walked with you to your car.

-

as you opened your door to your apartment, you called out to see if any of your roommates were home.

“i think they all went out to tonight,” you said upon getting no response. “do you wanna come to my room?” you asked ogilvie.

“uh yeah sure! totally.” ogilvie quickly responded.

opening the door to your room, you let ogilvie look around before asking him something else.

“is it okay if i kiss you?”

“...”

-

you pushed ogilvie onto your bed, having him lay down while you straddled his lap. you admired him for few seconds, his green eyes, his brown curly hair.

you put your lips to his and started to kiss him. it took ogilvie a few seconds to start kissing back, as he was most likely in shock that this was happening.

you put your hand in his curly hair, pulling on it gently.

as you two continued to kiss, ogilvie started to moan. you hadn't realized you were grinding on him until he started to get louder.

"oh my god," ogilvie moaned out as he separated from the kiss.

smiling into the kiss, you continued to grind up against him, feeling his hard-on rub against you made your head dizzy.

ogilvie was in his own little personal heaven. the warmth you radiated on him made him feel comfortable, his hands were near your hips- moving with you.

ogilvie continued to moan into your mouth, you did the same.

it wasn't until he broke the kiss and let out a guttural sound was when you realized that he came in his pants.

you laughed lightly at this, finding him adorable. smiling back his blown out green eyes, his pupils beyond dilated.

"oh my god-"

"that was hot," your impressed but gleeful expression was one that ogilvie would never forget.

he managed to impress in the most embarrassing way possible, embarrassing to him at least.

ogilvie hid his face in his hands, not wanting to look down and see the mess he created.

"you can stay here tonight if you want, we have a washer machine as well."

ogilvie nodded, "yeah- yeah that would be great! where should i sleep."

"in my bed."

there was no way the person he has a crush on wanted to know more about him, held his hand, made out with him, and was now offering to sleep in the same bed as him all in one night.

"i'm- i'm a biochem major and i'm staying in rieber hall!" his eyes couldn't even look into yours. and when he did finally manage to make eye contact- he looked like a deer stuck in headlights.

and after that, you didn't see him much due to being in different degree programs. whenever you did see him around campus, he was talking to himself, flashcards in hand. no doubt he was good student. it was clear he was passionate about his future and that was something you admired.

sitting down in a common study area on campus, you got yourself situated. ready to do school work. but before you did that, you decided to grab a snack.

walking up to the vending machine you saw ogilvie in one of the hallways pacing around, "hey! how are you?" you called him, the wave of your hand composed and the smile on your face genuine.

something ogilvie doesn't usually receive unless it's a teacher singing his praises.

ogilvie liked you, as bluntly as possible. he didn't know you as a close friend but he wanted to get to know you.

he just couldn't talk to you.

he thinks about you often though, at night, during class, in the shower. ogilvie can't recall the last time he's seen someone as beautiful as you, he wasn't sure if a person more attractive than you existed.

the only way ogilvie knows how to 'connect' with people is by impressing. he's done that from a very young age, winning in his school's spelling bee to get validation from adults. participating in his middle school's cross country team, running as fast and controlled as he could in order to be a favorite of the coach. placing on the podium in multiple HOSA- Future Health Professionals- events to impress his high school health care teacher.

so naturally when ogilvie wanted to catch your eye, he kept flashcards around. and yes he was actually studying but it wasn't a method he's ever used before, but he thought it made him look cool so he persisted on doing so.

and even if ogilvie preferred to study in the biology hall to be around more like-minded individuals, he didn't mind going to the part on campus where more people like yourself would be studying.

"i'm doing good! how are you?" ogilvie responded to your greeting.

ogilvie rarely asks other people how they’re doing unless they're a superior.

"i'm fine, just trying to get some schoolwork finished. how about you?"

"yeah- just uh- just studying for an upcoming exam. it's for my organic chemistry class, it started in august and it's going to be on alpha carbon chemistry, amines, and spectroscopy, so it's a big exam. i'm not even sure if the professor is allowed to administer it like that-" ogilvie cut himself before continuing his rambling. he had no idea that was even doing it, he was just staring you in the eye and just could not stop talking.

"wow, sounds like a lot. i'm sure you'll do great on it though!" you smiled at him before walking back to your spot.

ogilvie's face had been stuck in an expression of embarrassment ever since he caught himself rambling. but his face was now morphing into one of innocent bashfulness, too overwhelmed by the fact the person he liked said that he would do great on an exam.

sure it was a general comment that could have been given out to anyone, but ogilvie didn't realize it. he didn't talk to enough people in that manner to realize it, any insinuation of him being good at his academics was met with either sarcasm or malice. not because of people naturally disliking him, but they were prompted to because of his arrogant attitude.

ogilvie would remember that interaction for a long time. (1) because it involved you and (2) because every time he had tried to approach you on campus, you were busy talking to someone else.

at every campus event, club event, or just general student event- you were either chatting it up with some student, a professor, or some guy who was way below your league (in ogilvie's 'humble' opinion).

his lack of access to you drove him crazy as in high school whenever he had a crush, he was able to approach them with no problem. they never really reciprocated but that's not that point. so when ogilvie heard from an ‘actual’ friend of his that there was a frat party going on this saturday, he didn't care. why would he waste his saturday night surrounded by a bunch of drunk people when he could have been studying for his organic chemistry and physics exams?

ogilvie's friend said your name, "oh, i know you don't talk to them often but they're gonna be there," giving him the news of your presence.

"seriously? are you sure?" ogilvie's shocked but hopeful expression was one that made his friend laugh at his eagerness.

"yup, you know we're both in that one club together, right? they were just talking about how they know some guy there and was gonna go party with him or whatever."

ogilvie's hopeful expression dropped quickly, he looked like he had been thrown on the ground.

although his friend didn't notice because they were facing away from ogilvie and had went back to typing on their laptop.

but ogilvie knew he had to make it to that party.

-

it was loud, a combination of different party essentials music filled the air. the crowdedness of the frat house was too small to be holding all of these people, which had ogilvie concerned. that and the strong smell of alcohol and weed.

as ogilvie tried to make his way through the crowd, he was distracting himself by looking for you.

which wasn't a good idea because he had bumped into someone.

"watch where you're going man." the guy said to him, apprehensive.

ogilvie looked scared, his eyes wide, nervous of what might happen to him.

but this wasn't even the person who he bumped into.

it wasn't until his eyes shifted to the left of the guy is where he saw you standing.

"oh don't worry about it mateo, i know him!" you perked up when you saw ogilvie, smiling at your friend before smiling back at ogilvie.

his scared expression left a nervous but pleased look on his face. a face of awkwardness and uncertainty.

ogilvie was happy at the fact that you were happy to see him but when he went to speak nothing came out.

you and mateo both looked at him with a concerned look on your faces, hoping that he wasn't about to pass out.

"you good man?" mateo asked.

"do you need to go sit down ogilvie?" you questioned.

"no, no! i'm fine i promise i just uh, i was thinking about something." ogilvie hurriedly reassured you two about his condition.

"alright well, i'm gonna go find a beer pong table, and this music is ass." mateo’s honesty made you laugh.

you didn't catch it, but he winked at ogilvie before leaving.

"hey, do you wanna go somewhere more quiet? you had to practically shout now as the music got louder.

"yeah! that would be nice." ogilvie graciously accepted.

you took his hand, leading him through the crowd to the front porch. from there you could see your car parked all the way down the street.

ogilvie felt as if he was ready to explode at the touch of your soft hand on his. the way you gripped his hand, ensuring that you wouldn't lose him through the crowd had him more flushed than the hot climate of the house.

sitting down on a chair on the porch, you let go of his hand and gestured to the seat next to you for him to sit as well.

"so how does one go about getting to know you?" "huh?" ogilvie responded, curious about the phrasing of your question.

"sorry for how i said that but i see you a lot around campus. you seem cool and i wanna get to know you, so how do i learn about you?" the casualness of your interest in him had ogilvie's heart racing.

no way the person he has a crush on wants to know more about him and held his hand in the same night.

"well- uh, i guess asking? what do you want to know?" ogilvie's smile finally turned into one that looked comfortable to hold in his face.

you were happy he wasn't finally straining himself trying to keep up appearances.

"why do you want to be a doctor?"

"to help others.. growing up i was at the hospital a lot for various health reasons so, trying to bring comfort to others like how the doctors did for me is something i want to do."

"wow that's really nice, sorry to hear about all of the hospital trips though."

"no don't worry about it.. just a part of life."

"okay what's your favorite color?"

"orange and green."

"...?" you didn't say anything, but your weirded-out facial expression did.

but instead of trying to backtrack on his answer, ogilvie laughed. he laughed at being able to put that expression on your face because that meant he had to be doing something right. at least he hoped.

the two of you continued to converse for about an hour or so.

the cool night air felt nice on your skin, the muffled sounds of shouting and music became something that brought you comfort.

listening and answering to ogilvie was an interesting experience since he’s kind of a weird guy, but you enjoyed in his company nonetheless.

you knew the night had to end though so you went to go check the time.

11:29.

"oh shit," you said as you looked down at your phone, "i'm gonna text a friend real quick, let him know i won't be going home with him."

this intrigued ogilvie. because who else would you be going 'home' with tonight.

ogilvie released the breath he didn't realize he was holding in while you typed away.

"you ready to head home?" you asked ogilvie with an exceptant look on your face.

"yeah- yeah! but who's home?"

"i have an on-campus apartment that's not too far from here." you smiled to reassure him.

ogilvie didn't respond, just nodded and walked with you to your car.

-

as you opened your door to your apartment, you called out to see if any of your roommates were home.

“i think they all went out to tonight,” you said upon getting no response. “do you wanna come to my room?” you asked ogilvie.

“uh yeah sure! totally.” ogilvie quickly responded.

opening the door to your room, you let ogilvie look around before asking him something else.

“is it okay if i kiss you?”

“...”

-

you pushed ogilvie onto your bed, having him lay down while you straddled his lap. you admired him for few seconds, his green eyes, his brown curly hair.

you put your lips to his and started to kiss him. it took ogilvie a few seconds to start kissing back, as he was most likely in shock that this was happening.

you put your hand in his curly hair, pulling on it gently.

as you two continued to kiss, ogilvie started to moan. you hadn't realized you were grinding on him until he started to get louder.

"oh my god," ogilvie moaned out as he separated from the kiss.

smiling into the kiss, you continued to grind up against him, feeling his hard-on rub against you made your head dizzy.

ogilvie was in his own little personal heaven. the warmth you radiated on him made him feel comfortable, his hands were near your hips- moving with you.

ogilvie continued to moan into your mouth, you did the same.

it wasn't until he broke the kiss and let out a guttural sound was when you realized that he came in his pants.

you laughed lightly at this, finding him adorable. smiling back his blown out green eyes, his pupils beyond dilated.

"oh my god-"

"that was hot," your impressed but gleeful expression was one that ogilvie would never forget.

he managed to impress in the most embarrassing way possible, embarrassing to him at least.

ogilvie hid his face in his hands, not wanting to look down and see the mess he created.

"you can stay here tonight if you want, we have a washer machine as well."

ogilvie nodded, "yeah- yeah that would be great! where should i sleep."

"in my bed."

there was no way the person he has a crush on wanted to know more about him, held his hand, made out with him, and was now offering to sleep in the same bed as him all in one night.

whenever you're going over flashcards, he'd single you out, putting you on the spot. and if you aren't able within a second of him finishing the question, he'd degrade you in front of everyone.

"not as quick as i thought."

"imagine if a patient was dying in front of you and it took you that long to figure out what to do."

"are you able to elaborate on that or is all you know..?"

"how could you not know that, did you not read the index?" (come back to this)

"i knew you dumb but not this dumb, even m1s know this."

you had no idea these were things you said to your friends that you were trying to 'help'. which is something he also claimed to be doing. but you'd argue that as well.

the berating you in front of your friends was already embarrassing enough, but it was even worse when you were alone.

it's not like he became more sinister when you were studying alone with him. it just became more apparent to you that he wasn't trying to impress the study group, he actually thought these things about you.

and ogilvie was someone you admired, for his wits of course. yes he had moments when he didn't have the answer, but he knew how and when to find it.

you always knew you had to try harder to learn the concepts you learned in class as you weren't as naturally gifted as people like ogilvie. and you were good at studying. when you were alone and when you were with people that encouraged you rather than scolding you for no reason.

and you weren't sure why you kept going back to study with ogilvie. even if he was mean to you, a part of you oddly liked that. he also knew his shit and shared details you would have missed had you been studying alone. he might be a dick, but he knew how to back up his anti-people personality.

although sometimes you didn’t really like being left alone with him. yeah it was helpful, but he was also taller compared to you. always looking down at home, literally and metaphorically. you trusted ogilive, he was a rude person not a monster. still, that it didn’t shake the feeling you had every time your friends left after some much needed review.

you unpacked your backpack in a cafe near your school.

as you finished putting your laptop and notebook on the table with the rest of your study supplies, a figure sat down at your table. ogilvie.

he spoke, "they said they wouldn't be able to make it to the group session tonight, so it's just going to be the two of us." ogilvie delivered the news in a way that was unfamiliar to you. he seemed nervous, something you didn't even know he was capable of experiencing.

"really? what's going on?"

"not sure, didn't really care to listen since it wasn't a research opportunity." his lack of care came back as soon as it left.

you rolled his eyes at his apathy, "you're a funny guy."

"we're still on for tonight though, right?"

you looked at him with a puzzled look on your face. you didn't think he'd still want to study with you. i mean it's silly you'd think that as you've had multiple one-on-one sessions with him before, but never at his dorm.

the dorm room that seemed like you needed a certain iq level to get in and you weren't sure about the ethics on that.

"yeah, why not."

"why not..?"

"i mean yeah, we're on for tonight." you looked at him with a concerned, puzzled look on your face. his change in demeanor was weird, it was as if he was seeking you validation. or some kind of acceptance from you.

"cool, i'll see you then." ogilvie smiled at you, like a genuine smile. which was something you didn't think he was capable of unless he was scolding someone on their content review efficiency. or just calling them dumb.

and as you started to study, ogilvie was out grabbing snacks and drinks. and spending time perfecting his anki card deck.

-

about 100 anki cards and two energy drinks later. you and ogilvie made some pretty good progress. or at least you did, and were very proud of yourself.

you two were sitting on the floor of his dorm room. it wasn't the most comfortable floor but the rug in the room made up for it.

and even though you wanted to take a break, you knew ogilvie wouldn't allow that because that would be 'wasting' his time.

"you have shockingly improved, good job." ogilvie's smug smile while he gave you that backhanded compliment made you upset.

"yeah thanks.." you said, shifting your eyes to anywhere but him.

he was actually somewhat nice up until that point. but after an hour of straight studying, you were in need of a break.

you looked at him, "hey are you up for a quick break?"

"we still have another 150 cards to do, we don't need a break now."

"there is no we, i am the one in need of a break ogilvie." you exhaustedly sighed as you tried to explain yourself to this difficult man.

you weren't sure if he was being obtuse on purpose or not.

"breaks are good but i know you don't need one right now. maybe you would have done better on your peds exam had you stopped taking so many breaks. y'know sometimes i wonder if you truly want to become a physician."

his doubt in you made your stomach hurt. you thought he had at least some respect for you but that crossed a line.

"why do you insist on belittling me every opportunity you get?" you confronted him.

"because you're the weakest link out of our group. sure you're still a high performer but not as high as you could be."

"that doesn't give you any right to insult me and question my intentions with being in this program though, do you not understand how degrading it is?" you kept your calm, but your tone was still confrontational. you watched as his face shifted from being blank to being one in deep thought.

ogilvie took a breath before looking into eyes, with probably one of the most serious looks on his face that you have ever seen.

"i have a proposal for you," he started, "if you can wrestle and pin me down, we can take a break and i'll stop being so mean to you."

you wanted to slap the smile that was creeping back onto his face.

"you cannot be serious."

"come on, it'll be fun!"

'at least he admitted to being rude,' you thought. at the very least he could own up to that.

you stared at ogilvie once more before you got up from the floor. considering your size difference, he was just a little bit shorter than you when sitting down. you looked down at him, grasping his shoulders and then attempting to put him in a headlock.

you wrapped your leg around his torso and tried to lean him back. all you heard was the sound of him laughing.

"god is this your best attempt at trying to take me down?"

you were a bit embarrassed by that comment but still decided to keep going.

but one thing you forgot was how strong ogilvie was.

ogilvie grabs the leg you wrapped around his waist to pull you in front of him. flipping you on your back, he pressed your back against his stomach. holding you in a full nelson with no chance of escape.

as you tried to slow down your breathing, you heard ogilvie doing the same.

neither of you spoke for a few moments and his grip on you was loosening up. but it was still there.

you felt something hard pressing up against your back. you didn't want to assume what it was but you knew, the worst part was is that you couldn't tell if you liked it or not.

"you can let me go now," you spoke up, still facing away from ogilvie.

"i'd rather not."

"why not?"

ogilvie let you go while swiftly getting up to stand by his bed, his hands folded together covering himself.

"i think we're good to take a break now."

"but i didn't win-"

"hey," you waved back, a cheerful smile on your face.

her hair was down today, it was longer than you had expected. she had on a short sleeved, grey t-shirt and a pair of baggy, black jeans. you liked her outfit, you thought she had looked cute. one side of her hair was tucked behind her ear so you could see her ear map in full, various kinds of silvers all aligned nicely on her ear. from small cuffs on her helix to stars on her lobe, her earrings spoke for themself.

joy didn't say it, but she liked your piercings as well. it fit with your look, it fit perfectly with your face. or maybe she just liked how your face looked, she wasn’t able to make up her mind. but she knew she liked being around you. squinting her eyes to see all the details of your outfit.

as you sat down near joy, almost mimicking her pose on the picnic blanket, she extended an earbud to you. a white wired earbud that was connected to her phone.

"i thought we should listen to paramore today." joy said, she made it sound like a suggestion but you knew she was declaring it.

"is today paramore weather day?" you teased, taking the earbud from her hand and putting it in your ear, an adorably sly smile creeped up on your face.

"any weather is fit for paramore," she smirked as she made her point, looking around the park instead of at you.

"i guess you're right." you agreed with joy, giving her the win.

the white clouds passed over you as you stared into each other's eyes. not saying anything, just admiring the other. you and joy did this kind of sporadically in the week you've known each other. you two never spoke about it, you just did it. and that was it.

joy broke the eerily comfortable silence, "have you heard their debut album?"

"paramore's?" you followed up.

"yeah, all we know is falling."

"i've heard like maybe two songs off there, never listened to the whole thing though." you laughed very lightly, joy smiled at you. there was an unreadable, but endearing look in her eyes that you didn't catch.

"well i'm sure you're gonna like it, it's similar to what we listened to yesterday." she reassured you, squinting her eyes to press play on her phone.

"do you wear glasses?" you wondered outloud, a question that seemingly came out of the blue for the both of you.

"i do actually, yeah, they get annoying to wear sometimes though. i can live without them." joy responded, fiddling with one of the earrings on her lobe, the opposite ear she had her earbud in.

you nodded your head, "that's understandable."

as you two listened to the opening track, hearing the guitars and drums, and hayley william's voice all rock out together. the cohesiveness of the song had you bobbing your head along, enjoying the angsty sound the band was making.

almost forty minutes went by without you noticing, time warped whenever you listened to music. you swore by that. as the final song on the 10 song album wrapped up, you looked over to joy who was already looking at you.

you giggled at this, "so did you think about the album?"

"i should be asking you that," joy took the earbud out of her.

"i asked first," you stated, hoping that would urge her into answering.

"i thought it was good, like every time i listen to it. it's one of my top albums." she spoke, letting you know her positive opinion of the band.

"nice, i liked it too! hayley's voice is really good." you agreed with joy, “thanks for showing me the whole album.”

“anytime.” joy’s lips upturned, that same endearing look returned to her eyes.

as you unconsciously moved your hand closer to her phone, she reached for her phone at the same time. your hands brushed up against each other’s as she grabbed her phone, and you stared at each other. and since the music ended, that all too familiar scarily comfortable silence that fell over you two.

as joy's black, glossy eyes studied yours, your eyes gazed at hers.

your hands laid comfortably on top of each other, you could feel your heart beating faster. yet your breathing stayed calm, a warm sensation hit your body like a blanket laid on you. the sun was out, which explained the heat hitting you. or at least that was the reasoning you used to convince yourself that you weren't warm from her bony hand resting on yours.

"you wanna listen to riot?" joy broke the silence, her black painted nails reflecting under the sun's light.

"i'd love that." you bit your lip, failing to hold your smile.

and as almost another hour of music passed by, so did the clouds. but they were now turning grey.

you felt something wet on your forehead, you looked up and felt that same thing again.

"shit," joy said, about to get up from her position of laying on the picnic blanket as she felt the rain too.

"i have an umbrella in my backpack," you let know her as the rain started to pick up.

as you zipped open your backpack, settling for sitting on the grass as joy wrapped up the picnic blanket and put it in her black, crossbody messenger bag. you grabbed your umbrella, opening it.

joy stood close to you, your arms touching. she looked at you, with a sweet, fondness in her eyes, before she wrapped her arm around your waist.

"there's a nice cafe nearby if you don't wanna go home, my friend works there so i can get us a discount." her casualness infatuated you, your mouth was slightly open as you leered at her. your mind didn't know how to react to the arm wrapped around your waist, but your body leaned into it.

"yeah, that sounds cool.." you were so nervously happy you weren't even sure how you should've responded. your voice trailed off as she guided you in the direction of the cafe.

you two walked together, you held a tight grip on the umbrella until you finally arrived.

she introduced you to her friend, they seemed like a kind person. and since this cafe seemed to be a small business like the music shop joy worked at, they were dressed causal. not in an uniform but still wore an apron. their face and ears were decked out in a mix of silver and gold jewelry, not many people could pull that off. but they managed to do so with flying colors.

your umbrella was closed, but joy’s hand was still on your waist. you tried your best to hide your dopey smile as she ordered for the two of you. she asked for your usual drink order, and she just ordered an iced cappuccino for yourself.

you two sat down near the big window the small cafe had. the sky was now a dark grey, the water was painting the light grey sidewalk a weird-brownish grey color. the rain hitting the pavement, trees, and grass heavily.

the pitter-patter of the rain soothed you as joy sat across from you. pulling out her phone that her earbuds were still connected to.

"wanna listen to their self-titled album?" she asked, a pleasant smile on her face as she extended her hand to yours. an earbud in her hand.

"yeah," you returned her sweet smile, not even realizing you had that same adoring look in your eyes that she had.

you couldn’t help the way your stomach flipped as you both stared at each other while listening to ‘still into you’, an unreadable expression on both of your faces. the tension was eating you alive, you opted into bouncing your leg as joy looked at you.

and time passed once again as you two finished up paramore's self-titled album, both softly nodding your heads along as you listened intently.

“the assignment” you try to recall, but her hands are sliding down, over your stomach, finding the waistband of your panties.

“anatomy's practical, not theoretical,” she says as her fingers slip under the fabric. “you should thank your professor for being so dedicated to your education.”

you feel her fingers brush your pussy, already wet despite your protests. the touch makes you jolt.

“see? your body remembers better than your brain,” she comments in that flat voice that drives you wild. “clit's right here, yeah?” her middle finger finds the sensitive nub and presses just enough to make you moan.

“yeah... there...” you admit, dropping all pretense of studying.

“good.” she shifts over you, and you hear the belt unbuckling. “now for the practical lesson on penetration.”

you feel the plastic chill as her strap-on nudges your ass cheeks. that thing you love and hate equally. the tip seeks your entrance, slicking up with your own fluids.

“relax,” she orders, and you obey, opening for her.

the first thrust is slow, deliberate. you feel every inch as she fills you, stretching you in a way that still shocks every time. a moan escapes your lips, and she catches it with a wet, deep kiss.

“remember the pelvic floor muscles?” she asks against your mouth. “contract them now.”

you do, squeezing around the strap, and she growls in pleasure. “excellent. best student I've got.”

she starts moving, thrusting into you with hypnotic rhythm. each push drags you closer to the edge, and her fingers never stop working your clit, drawing precise circles that make you see stars.

“shoko, faster...”

“patience is a virtue,” she replies, but speeds up anyway. the sound of your bodies slapping fills the room, mixed with your gasps and her controlled sighs.

“how's it feel?” she asks, driving deeper. “describe it. anatomically detailed.”

“feels full,” you pant, clutching the sheets. “like... every inch of my cunt is getting stimulated.”

“good.” her hand on your clit gets more insistent. “and here? what do you feel here?”

“heat, like… fuck, like it's gonna explode.”

“that'd be the orgasmic response,” she says like she's lecturing. “when you get there, I want you screaming all the skull bones. starting with frontal.”

“can't, can't even remember my name now.”

she laughs and ramps it up. the dildo hits that inner spot that whites out your vision, and her fingers give no quarter to your swollen, sensitive clit.

“shoko, I'm gonna, fuck, gonna...”

“go ahead,” she commands. “let it out.”

a wave of pleasure crashes through you, making you scream and clench around her. you feel your insides convulse, muscles gripping the strap like they never want to let go. then a hot gush soaking the sheets under you, splashing your thighs and the bed.

she keeps moving inside you, drawing out the orgasm till you're shaking and begging her to stop.

finally she stills, breathing a little heavy. her fingers pull away from your clit, glistening with your fluids.

“impressive,” Shoko comments dryly.

you collapse on the bed, spent, feeling your body still pulsing. the air reeks of sex mixed with lingering cigarette. that's when you check the clock.

“shit!” you bolt up, making the dildo slip out with a wet sound. “missed the deadline!”

Shoko adjusts the harness, totally unfazed. “really? too bad.”

“you could've said something!”

“was busy grading your performance.” she leans in, wiping your fluids off her fingers with a tissue. “as your girlfriend, I'm so sorry. truly.”

“and as my professor?”

that small, wicked smile tugs her lips. “as your professor, gotta tell you you lost five points for late submission.”

“you can't be serious.”

“oh, but I am.” she leans in and kisses you softly. “don't worry. extra credit work's available.”

her eyes rake your naked, still-trembling body.

“we start tomorrow after class,” she says, picking up her spent cigarette. “bring today's enthusiasm, and you might even boost that grade.”