A Glimpse of My Life

“I don’t need you, God” is the biggest lie that I have been led to believe over these past few months. In terms of transitioning, there were many tasks that needed to be accomplished (buying furniture, working out a finance deal on a car, get a new driver’s license, etc) and at the end of it all, I could only sit back and recognize that things had gone smoothly. Well, smoothly in the sense that so many more things could have gone wrong. In my mind, I knew that God had allowed all of this, and yet my heart was hardened. 

I believed that I had done all this on my own (with my mom). It was so hard to overcome this idea that I was responsible for working things out. Fast forward two months, and I have only added to the list of things that I’ve done. I’ve made friends, gotten more familiar at work, set up a routine, and picked up a few hobbies along the way. On the surface, I more or less have things “figured out.” But once I dive a little deeper, I know that it’s all simple a facade. At the core, I still have this belief that I don’t need God. Look, I’ve figured it all out on my own!

Oh, what a lie this is...also over the last few months, I have really been enjoying Captain.

Like the wind, you'll guide Clear the skies before me And I'll glide this open sea Like the stars, Your Word will align my voyage And remind me where I've been and where I am going

-Captain, Hillsong United

Captain represents to me what my ideal state is. I want to be in a place where I recognize where God is leading me and what He has brought me through. Although it was only a short while ago, God’s faithfulness through my years in college now seem like a distant memory.

May He soften my heart and lift the veil from my eyes. May He destroy this lie in my heart that somehow I don’t need Him.

As I graduated, one thought that often crossed my mind was how God was calling me out of Pittsburgh. What was going to happen to all the ministries that He had been calling me to over the last four years?

God calling me out of Pittsburgh meant that I would have to leave PCC and ACF both behind. On top of that, I had been helping the church leaders set the foundation and vision for White Harvest. As May drew closer, I still sought to serve God each day, but started doing so with the thought of passing on certain ministries to others.

It was very difficult to part with the ministries that God had given me a heart for. And yet, there was a verse that He kept pounding into my head:

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” - Philippians 1:6

Jehovah Jireh (God will provide). I have to believe that the God-given works I accomplished were only a small fraction of what God will do. With me removed from the equation, nothing changes. God will still provide the growth. He will still complete the good work that he started.

At the same time, I am so overjoyed that God allowed me to transition many of the things I cared about to new leaders, whether it was White Harvest, ACF (pretty much everything I had a hand in as a cell leader), Friday board games, or personal ministries. While I am sad I will not be able to walk alongside certain younger men in ACF, I am excited to see how God will continue to grow them. And that’s enough.

2am ramblings yay

I forgot to write this before whoops... April 1 (Easter), I got the chance to serve on worship team for the first (and probably last) time ever in college. To be completely honest, I was a bit caught off guard when Ryan asked me to play piano, and I had a lot of doubts about my own abilities. I have played since I was 6 or so (ABRSM exams woot) so I knew that I had the technical/musical training in order to actually play. I just had doubts that I would remember what to do and a slight fear that I would mess up. Well, I did end up messing up. Several times. During the church offering >.> And, while that was...unfortunate, I was so overjoyed that I was still able to glorify God somehow. At the same time, I think God was really using this opportunity to remind me of the joy of playing piano after having rarely touched piano since coming to college. Not only did I have fun practicing with the team and independently, but I also truly enjoyed serving with some brothers and sisters in a way that I don't usually get to. To add onto that, I also got to serve with together with Jen in a more defined way. This last year, my serving with Jen has been somewhat limited. Within ACF, we both have our own separate ministries, which has pros and cons. (I think I'll write another reflection on this later cuz I have many thoughts on this.) Anyway, serving on worship team was such a huge joy in so many ways, and I thank God that I could serve Him with what talents I do have.

Originally posted on private CL reflection page

Volleyball has been more fun recently, but also challenging. God has definitely been challenging me to be an "ambassador for Christ" (2 Cor. 5:20) in all aspects of my life. Most recently, this is during volleyball, when I play with a few ACFers, some people from Central, and some non-Christians. This is a time when we can enjoy the bodies that God gave us, and yet it is also a time to show God's love and grace. The last two times we've played, there was a group of people who were playing basketball on the same court (volleyball spans a full basketball court) and were aggressive towards us. The first time, I tried to hold people back. Some of the younger guys wanted to provoke the other players or spike the ball in their direction. I tried to remind them that we are to "love others" and "be angry and do not sin." Further, because we play with several non-Christians, this behavior would have indicated that we are no different from the rest of the world. However, I feel strongly that we are called to live radically and in a way that just...doesn't make sense to non-Christian observers. This time (today) I made sure that I was the one to "confront" the other players to protect some of the younger Christians from having to deal with it. I say confront, but really I was just trying to talk to them about sharing the court. Needless to say, it's difficult to be an ambassador when someone is up in your face trying to fight...only by God's grace could I have remained calm and find a way around the situation. I hope that how we act on the court (and in our lives) will reflect God's love and glory and at least get our non-Christian friends to wonder why we are so different from the rest of the world. Sola Gratia!

Originally posted on private CL reflection page

This spring break, I spent a lot of good quality time with my parents and sister. To say the least, it was such a blessing to be with them and enjoying face-to-face time and talks. Reflecting back on break now, I recognized how much my parents and I have grown. On my end, I've learned how to effectively communicate with them, and especially to be patient in times when communication breaks down. On their end (and I told them about this), they have become a lot more patient with me, and learned how to give me space to operate yet still give advice at times. Although they are not Christian, I have tried to exhibit God's love to them. By God's grace, I felt that I have been able to do this more over the last two years at home, whether over short breaks (Spring break) or longer ones (Winter + Summer) and serve them by my actions. It could be something as simple as volunteering to accompany my mom on errands, picking up groceries, cleaning up the yard, or cooking dinner. In all these things, I've come to realize that God has grown me so much and given me particular skills with which I can serve my Christian brothers and sisters, as well as my biological family. At the same time, it is still a growing process. I find myself more and more frustrated at my sister. In my mind, she does not know how to receive love and wants to be independent while still relying on our parents. In my opinion, she wants to run before she can walk, and gets frustrated easily. More often than not, a conversation with her (either by me or my parents) will end in her yelling and retreating to her room. What frustrates me the most is that she doesn't accept the responsibility of trying to change and become better. This all just shows how much she needs Christ, but unfortunately I don't think her heart is open to the idea of Jesus Christ right now. I know it won't be for forever, but it sure seems that way right now...

Originally posted on private CL reflection page

Read this in my devos and I'm instantly reminded of one of the bigger lessons I learned in retreat: God finds joy in you. Which also reminds me that I forgot to post my retreat reflection here lol.

Originally posted on private CL reflection page

Originally posted on private CL reflection page

As I was thinking of counter-examples, I came up empty, save for one. In Matthew 14, when Peter is walking on water toward Jesus, a wind blows and he starts to drown. The first thing that Peter utters is "Lord, save me!" I interpret this as a prayer (but can see the flip side). Even in his failure, Peter still turns to Christ *first* If this is the case, then we don't have to strictly pray to God the father right? Examples: "Spirit, I pray that you would move in us" vs "Father, I pray that you send your Spirit down on us" or "Jesus, save us" vs "Father, save us" What do you guys think?

Originally posted on private CL reflection page

We kinda touched on this a little during pre-study. The only thing that we know with 100% certainty is that God's will will be done on this earth.  and it was really cool to see it come up in my personal devotions as well. We come before God unashamed because we have confidence in what we believe and faith in Him. He will protect us, lead us, and deliver us from evil until that day when He calls  us home. <3

Originally posted on private CL reflection page 

This is a very powerful verse that I meditated on today. In general, I have never hesitated to do what I would consider to be God's work, but this verse captures what I feel most of the time. *"we have our hope set on the living God"* It's such a joy to serve God in ways that glorify Him and help others to know Him better. Especially as we start to pray about next year's leaders, I hope that God will choose those who have their hope set solely on Him.

Originally posted on private CL reflection page

“The question is not ‘who is my neighbor?’ But rather ‘how can I become a neighbor to those in need?’ “

@ PCC. Reference: Luke 28-35

I’m so excited for the new cell leading team...and so hopeful. After Gordon shared what his vision was regarding the changes in ACF’s structure...well let’s just say that I am very confident that this is the team to flesh it all out. Some changes are coming around, but the one feeling that I keep coming back to regarding the future of this team and of ACF is one of hope.

Daily devo material...and my constant prayer.