Mitch Hays

I’d probably miss it too, to be honest. As much as I enjoy being nice to you, I like being mean to you just a little more. You might have to be out the, the juice isn’t spiked but grannies get down. I mean the old saggy titties just get my 85 year old dick up in a snap. Viagra has nothing on them. Well, we don’t have to follow the rules, you could be bigger than me and you could still be my little jetpack. 

You like being mean to me more than you like being nice to me? Aw, that’s like total boyfriend goals. Ew... that may have been the grossest thing you’ve said to me ever. I’m too gay and young to be thinking at all about saggy grandma tits but now you have that, along with your 85 year old penis, stuck in my head. True, but I’m pretty sure I’m done growing, vertically at least. I can’t promise you I’m not going to end up getting fat and growing a bit wider, though.

I bet we could, I mean I planned on being nice until you said you’d turn my dog into a brat, then the niceness was gone for good. I mean, if you really wanna know what my adult plans are it’s playing BINGO and having some prune juice, turn up. I think that’s what it’s called, but if not we’re calling it that from now on because that’s fantastic.

I’m sure we could too but I might miss our stupid banter if we were nothing but nice to each other. Oh, yeah, unless that prune juice is spiked and the bingo is strip bingo, then I’m out. Jetpacking it is. I don’t know if I’m quite small enough to be considered ‘jetpack sized’ but the name is too badass to not use.

Hey, it’s been awhile you should have expected it! But what if I didn’t want you to stay over, hm? What if I had some adult plans later or something? But spooning you takes so much work for my old ass!

True - I don’t think we can have a conversation without you insulting me Morgan. Adult plans, huh? Since I’m your boyfriend, it’d be a little awkward if you had some ‘adult plans’ that I couldn’t know about. Oh, c’mon. Maybe I’ll even let you be the little spoon so I can do all the work and cuddle you. What’s that called, like jetpacking? 

I’ll steal him from you if I have to. Plus when he gets bigger he’ll overpower your weak ass, he needs someone with strong arms to handle him, that being me. Alright, well get some things gathered up so you can sleep over, once you get here I’m not sure I’m gonna want to let you go back to your dorm.

Oh, wow. That’s just cruel, Morgan. It’s one thing to take a dog away from me but it’s a whole new level to call me weak. My arms are nice and proportionate! Good because I was planning on sleeping over with or without an invitation. I’ve missed you so you’re spooning with me whether you like it or not.

Um, no, that’ll be your problem because I’ll be shipping him to you once he starts being a brat. I’ve missed you too, kid. Did you want me to come and get you or what?

And then I’ll whip him into shape and make him the best ever and then you can’t have him back. That would be great, especially since I have no idea where you live and I hate taxis.

You can’t make him a brat or I’ll ban you from ever seeing him again. That would be pretty great, actually. You haven’t seen my new apartment yet, so you need to see that too.

I can’t control what happens - if Dwight becomes a brat then that’s your problem. I’m just going to give him all my love. And yes!! Okay, I’m definitely coming over. I’ve missed my favorite old man. 

You can come meet him tonight if you want. I got him a couple of days ago and he’s already spoiled, haha.

Oh I bet he is. I’m just going to spoil him more though - he’s going to end up being a total brat. I’d love to come meet him tonight though, plus then I get to see you too..

My new four legged friend called Dwight.

Oh my god. I want to meet him. When can I come meet him? When did you get him?

It’s fine, I haven’t been that lonely. I did get some kind of company.

Oh yeah? Whose was that?

I was wondering where you disappeared to. 

Sorry, babe - I’ve been so busy trying to get my grades up.