Haha I'm Heading Straight To Hell!

Demon walks in to the living room. Locks eyes with Bruce. Bruce whispers "Ah fuck."

"You owe me your first born."

"ha, do I? That's not right is it?"

Bruce is sweating. Dick is sweating. The Demon too, is sweating. (there are far to many people and entities in the same room, it is extreamly hot)

"Please do not tell me that you, Master Bruce, made a deal with a Demon, and negligated to tell me?" Alfred is expressionless. Bruse is scared shitless. (less of the Demon more of Alfred's wrath.)

Demon looks at Dick. Dick looks at Bruce. Bruce looks at the floor, oh wow what an interesting rug, is it new-

Dick sighs. Moves towards the door, only Tim cuts in with, "Dick was never legally adopted by Bruce, was he?"

All eyes shoot to Tim. Tim shrinks back. (mostly cause Jason is looking at Tim like he's ready to do a Titan Tower rerun)

Bruce looks at Jason.

"Bruce, I swear, if I have to die a second time cause of your fuckass actions, I swear to God-"

"You died? Already? That kicks you out the running." the Demon looks so, so, tired. Surely it can't get worse? "and maybe stop mentioning the big G."

"Who? God?"

The demon glares. Jason is unruffled. He turns to Cass with a grin-

"Bruce kidnapped me. I'm not his kid." Cass is completely unapologetic as she turns to Tim. Tim, who is very much regretting opening his mouth. Should've just let Dick take the fall dammit.

"yeah well, I'm emancipated. So."

Steph is silently laughing on the couch. She stop when the demon narrows his eyes at her. "woah hold on, I'm not Bruce's kid! I'm not even adopted!"

The Demon is pinching the bridge of his nose. "Jesus Christ."

"okay so now who's mentioning the big G!"

"Jason shut up, good God please" Dick hisses

"you just said it too-"

"okay! Who's next? You?" The Demon yells. He gestures aggressively at Duke. Duke who was honestly asleep like two seconds ago. Gosh who are these people?

"Er I'm a foster kid bro. Sorry man" Duke shrugs.

The Demon is done. It whips around to Damian.

"Okay. Are you emancipated?"

"No."

"Are u a foster child?"

"No."

"Do you live in this house and have a clearly familial relationship with Bruce Wayne, despite denying that you are not his child?"

"Wow that feels highly aimed." Steph whispers.

"No." Damian replies, very much amused.

"Have you died?" The Demon pushes through.

The silence is loud.

"Well... No? Depends on who you ask tbh."

"I'm- ykw I'm not gonna question it. Are u the biological or adoptive child of Bruce Wayne?"

"Not really."

The room explodes in noise.

"Fym no!?"

"I swear to God"

"I'm calling Talia"

"Fucks sake"

Alfred fires his shotgun. Silence returns. He nods at Damian.

Damian clears his throat, "yeah I'm more of a successful science experiment. I wasn't really born. My mother created me with her and fathers DNA. so yk. I don't think that stands in the contract."

The Demons jaw has dropped. Bruce's jaw has also dropped.

"Is anyone in this room, Bruce Wayne's legal first born!?"

Silence. Duke coughs. Jason Snickers. Bruce steps forward, "listen, I'm so sorry, I promise I'll let you know-"

"Yk what?" The demon throws his hands up, "I give up, keep your damn kids Bruce!"

The door slams on its way out.

"He should be just taken Ace tbh."

sleepy jason + damian cameo :p

Jason, who was taught how to use guns by Bruce: what.

Bruce: I love you Jason… but you only use my love against me.

Jason, whose exile from Gotham for the protection of its rogues hinges completely on Jason’s own regard for Bruce:

Jason, whose trust and love for his father was abused just so that Bruce would have a punching bag for his grief:

Jason, who only just recently died for Bruce:

Bruce: aren’t you going to say anything?

Mother dear, the world's gone cold

No one cares about love anymore

What will you say

When you see my face?

Father, do you hear me? Do you know me?

Do you even care?

What will you say

- it is an unspecified time after jason's death, but it seems pretty recent which feels a little odd

- everyone talks about jason in a very detached way and say "his passing" instead of like...his murder? its a weird watering down of what happened to him

- tim is just annoying as a character ngl

- he fully inserts himself into everything in a weird way, it feels like he's developed a para-social relationship with bruce and dick and thinks its real in some way

- the "batman needs robin" is stupid, he needs a support system not robin specifically. like dick and bruce were ready to let robin die with jason, which would have been smart, but for some reason a 13 year old's childish idea that his hero need to continue to exist in the same way even after the death of his child won and convinced them??

- batman needed therapy and a support system, not robin

- he openly admits he's dreamed about being robin, and jumps to doing it as soon as he can, so get out of here with the "he just became robin to help batman"

- his parents are literally fine, in his flashback they are being very normal and they put him in boarding school, they did not leave him in the house by himself, im tired of seeing it made out to be canon that tim's parents were abusive

- tim's whole recount of dick's parent's death was weird af, why would he say all that? like a random kid comes in and vividly recounts your parents murder to you and tells you he gets nightmares about it??

Teen titans…go?

Process below