sometimes randy wakes up crying from a nightmare where benson dies of multiple gunshots as he walks out the diner. and during nights like these, which were growing more common as the distance lengthens away from louisiana, randy sobs quietly as he pulls himself closer to the wall. lodging his body to the coldness of it, trying to muffle his whimpers as much as possible. he dare not to awaken and annoy benson because of his fears and nightmares.
benson didn't notice it the first few weeks that they could afford a motel and two beds.
but as their money depleted and they had to share a bed, neither willing to let the other sleep somewhere else, benson has been waking up to the shuffle and sniffles coming from randy's side.
when he finally made known that he was also awake, he gently turned randy to face him as he pulled him into a hug. benson doesn't ask why randy is crying, afraid of what the answer might be. that randy misses home, that randy is trapped and wishes to flee from benson. emotions that remain valid for randy to feel and act on. emotions benson thinks randy should certainly act on.
but benson didn't think of that when he firdt tugged and turned randy's body to face him, to enbrace him. he only thought to comfort him. to, for once, help.
it only came second, the thought that maybe randy wouldn't want to be comforted by his captor when he is the reason of his sorrow.
but is benson still randy's captor? these days, randy drives almost as much as benson, and during that night, randy was the one who insisted, held benson's hand, and pulled him out the diner and into a car. lucky stars that made them find an unlocked car through the backdoor of the diner. it was randy that finally got them out of town.
so benson doesn't know what they are, what anyone would call their situation. but right now, randy is crying, benson is pulling him close, and randy is putting his arms around benson's waist.
benson flinches at first, and randy stopped too. always afraid that what they might do will displease the other. but benson eases and randy slowly slides his hands over benson's waist and tightens his embrace.
randy's crying worsens first. now sobbing louder, for it was apparent that he had been repressing the sound.
benson only lets randy cry, his hands either rubbing randy's back or running his fingers through the boy's hair. anything to calm randy down.
once randy was finally quiet, with only but small quick inhales left from his cries, he looks up at benson. benson sees the red eyes and the tear stained cheeks and is transported back to the day of the incident, after the gun has already gone off thrice. the frozen look of fear in randy's face.
but as he comes back to the present, he sees the difference. how this image in front of him isn't fearful of benson, but rather fearful for him. as if randy is looking at benson to save him.
benson doesn't understand, nor does he want to.
he brings his hand to cup randy's face, to wipe his tears and to bring him closer to him.
he kisses randy's forehead and feels him physically melt, and with one of his hands trailing doen randy's shoulder, bensons asks "does it hurt?"
he means randy's shoulder.
"yes." randy whispers, though he means his heart.
