we'd be so less fragile

  It’s not a bribe. It’s a gift, that may or may not persuade you to discontinue your anger towards me.

Which is the same thing. Depending on the gift I may or may not continue being angry with you. 

  Fair enough.

I thought so. 

  Nah, I got the point. Unless you meant for it to sound like you wanted to smuggle drugs in a massive gummy bear. If so, that went right over my head. 

I definitely did not mean for it to sound like I was smuggling anything in a giant bear, or smuggling anything at all. Ever. 

  You might want a day off, I wouldn’t go full vacation though. That might be too much stress for you. Honestly, I’m not sure. I hear they do work wonders with some people though.

A full vacation would definitely be too stressful... but maybe a day or two. Just no cellphone, no computer, no tablet. No anything and cut myself off from the world. Huh... well, I don't think it would be much good in my case. 

  Pepper, how long is this silent treatment going to last? 

Until I am no longer angry with you.

  Ok, fine. I’m only going to say this once.

  Another remedy is to bite down on your tongue as hard as you can without hurting yourself. The pain would transfer from your head to your tongue. It’s like magic.  

This one honestly wins for the strangest cure for a headache I've ever heard. Where did you pick that up? Better yet -- have you done it? I'm pretty sure that's a terrible idea because then your tongue would just hurt and your head.

  I don’t think they make lifesaver sized aspirin. I know they make giant gummy bears though, and that’s basically the same thing right? 

Not unless their were drugs hidden inside the gummy bear... that is totally not what I wanted that to sound like at all.

  Oh no! Are you sick? I swear this weather has been wild lately.

No, work. This weather has been crazy though. Freezing one day, boiling the next.... are we really small talking the weather? I thought people only did that in movies.

  Oh, work troubles. Those can be a pain. Do you at least have a day off coming up? You could take it and relax, learn some deep breathing techniques for when you go back.

No, I honestly forgot what a day off feels like. Sometimes I think I could use the vacation but then I worry what would happen if I wasn't around. Deep breathing techniques? Do those actually work?

  C’mon Pepp. I made the speech, I’m back in the states, and I’m probably free of all tropical diseases. What else is there?

No.

  I highly doubt it would go down. What did you do to make the pain so bad that you would resort to such extreme measures?

You're probably right. I made the mistake of working for a giant pain in my... head. Clearly.

  Okay, okay. Next time, you can come to Cancun with me.

Nope. Not speaking. Not listening.

  Do they make aspirin that big? I mean, surely that couldn’t be healthy.

At this point, after all the temple throbbing, I vote screw healthy. I'll take it. Though I'm not quite sure how well it would go down. 

  You shouldn’t party too hard at children’s hospital galas. They make for the worst hangovers.

I'm not talking to you.