Alyssa

Conrad was skeptical at first. He’d only ever spent his summers in Cousins Beach, much further up the East Coast. But Emory, who was from D.C., insisted it would be worth it. He explained that the group would be mostly fellow Stanford graduate students and some of his friends from high school – nine people total. The more he explained, the more it sounded compelling. 

Conrad was in desperate need of a reprieve. He wasn’t sure if he had the courage to go back to Cousins Beach and see his family, after all the events from last summer – the wedding, Jeremiah saying he never wanted to see Conrad again, and so much more. Agnes said the summer could work as a fresh start for him in some ways. It’d be a chance to get out of his head and get out of the tunnel vision all those summers at Cousins Beach had given him, she said. It was enough to convince Conrad. 

So he packed his bags and flew home to Boston to pick up his car. He picked up one of his summer roommates, Teddy, and they took off at 5 a.m. to drive along the shore. They finally arrived around dinner time, and even though they were both exhausted, Emory persuaded everyone into kicking off their summer by getting drinks at a nearby dive bar. Only eight had left. 

Y/N must have been the ninth.

It was Conrad’s turn to meet her. Emory had been nudging Y/N along from friend to friend. He clapped Conrad on the back and bellowed, “And this is the golden child of our group. Really the prodigy of our class. Conrad Fisher.” Conrad chuckled, shaking his head. 

“I’m not the golden child,” he said, reaching out his hand to shake Y/N’s. She surprised him by leaning in and giving him a hug instead. 

“My name is Y/N,” she said, leaning close to him to speak. “I know Emory from undergrad at Stanford.” 

“Oh, I go there now for graduate school. I mean, I went for undergrad for a bit too.” He was mentally kicking himself for stumbling over his words like this. It was like his tongue was tied. He had never been great at flirting. “What do you do now?” 

“Well, normally I work in an art gallery, but I’m going to go to graduate school this upcoming year,” she explained. Conrad was getting goosebumps from her proximity. 

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“Huh?” 

“I said where are you going for grad school?” He spoke louder this time. It was hard for them to hear each other over the live guitar and drums. 

“Oh! Brown.” 

“ I used to go there too. I transferred from there,” he yelled. 

“No way! You’ll have to tell me about it.” She squeezed his arm gently. “I’m going to get a drink. But it’s nice to meet you.” 

She practically pranced as she weaved her way through the crowd again and headed to the main bar. Conrad watched, even noticing other men’s eyes briefly flicking toward her. She was like a burst of sunshine in the dark bar. 

Conrad already knew he was fucked.

***

When they got home at around 2 a.m., most of the group had been stumbling, but despite that, Emory still somehow had energy. He connected his phone to a speaker and started playing a remix of “Pursuit of Happiness,” slurring as he said, “C’mon guys. It’s the first night of summer.” 

Meanwhile, the housemate Conrad drove with, Teddy, looked like he was about to fall asleep any minute. He gave his girlfriend a kiss and headed over to his room, presumably to fall asleep. 

This experience was entirely different from his previous summers. He was used to the occasional party, but usually, he had to sneak back in after and try to hide how drunk he was as he went up the stairs. And last summer, he was so occupied trying to take care of everyone that he didn’t have the time to let loose.

And plus, most of his housemates were girls. That, already, was a huge shift. 

As Emory recruited others to dance with him in the living room, Conrad headed into the kitchen to get a snack. He wasn’t sure if he had any more energy left over. The group had ordered pizzas for the first day and there were still several slices in the fridge. He had just started eating a cold slice of pepperoni when Y/N walked over.

“Ooh, need that,” she said, pointing to his pizza. “Where?” Conrad wordlessly lifted open the box he had sitting on the kitchen’s island and Y/N also started digging in.

“Okay, Conrad, so do you know the lay of the land here? What’s the room situation? Like where am I supposed to put my stuff. I think Emory is too drunk to know what to do.” Conrad swallowed his bite of pizza quickly. 

“Shit, yeah, so I think we all started claiming rooms. So, Lexi and Margot – the two girls who go to Stanford with us – offered to share a room. They’re upstairs. Teddy and Tess claimed the master suite downstairs to share, since they’re dating. There’s two other rooms on the first floor, but those are taken by Emory and Hale. I took a room upstairs, but I didn’t know if Stassi claimed one of the last two up there yet. I think both of them have a connecting bathroom though, so I hope that’s not a problem for you. I guess the bonus is that you’re on the balcony. I can show you the rooms … if you want.” 

She nodded her head. “Oh yeah, I need help carrying my bags too. Is that a problem?” 

“No, no. I can do that. Just show me which ones.” 

When they had finished their slices, Y/N pointed to two suitcases. She tried grabbing one of them to help carry, but Conrad insisted on lugging both bags up. He wheeled them over to one of the doorways of a remaining empty room. “Hopefully Stassi hasn’t claimed one yet, and if she has, it’s not this one,” he said, as he gently nudged the door open with his foot. 

Y/N wrinkled her nose. “Which one is Stassi again?” 

“She is the one who went to high school near Emory. The super tall blonde.” He flicked on the lights. “Looks like this one is open, if you want it.” 

Y/N flung herself onto the mattress. She spread her limbs out to make a “X” shape. “Oh yeah, this is the one.” Conrad laughed, as she then sat up. “You think you’re going to be okay up here? Being the only man among a whole army of girls?” 

“I don’t mind it. I used to do a summer share house with my friend Belly. Honestly, it might be easier this time since I used to have to share a bathroom with her and that caused the most fights, but I have my own bathroom in my room. Besides, I don’t really know a lot of the people here, so it doesn’t really make any difference to me.” 

Y/N cocked her head. “Really? Who do you know?” 

“I know Emory. My friend Agnes introduced us. And I know Teddy because we’re in the same program, but that’s pretty much it. I don’t know a lot of the Stanford people Emory hangs out with, so I haven’t really met Lexi or Margot. I’ve only met Teddy’s girlfriend Tess a handful of times. And no idea who Emory’s high school friends are.” 

She sighed. “Well that makes me feel better. I thought it was just me who didn’t really know anyone.” 

“How did you get pulled into this?” 

“Oh, Emory and I went on a beach trip together my sophomore year of college. And we already said we’d run it back, but just never got to it. Well, until this year, obviously. He texted me and it just was the perfect time in my life. What about you?” 

Conrad shrugged. “He kinda just pulled me aside randomly one day at school and asked me. I was a little unsure at first, but then he gave me the full pitch. Literally had a Powerpoint that outlined the costs and everything.”

She laughed again. “Sounds just like Emory. We always made him the ‘CEO-’” she made air quotes with her hands, “of our trips. Even though for half of it he’s drunk.” 

Almost as if on cue, there was a series of hooping downstairs as the bass of a song dropped. Conrad heard Emory yell, “Oh HELL yeah Hale.” 

Y/N grinned up at Conrad. “We’ll see if we get any sleep this summer.” 

***

On the first night, Conrad didn’t. He was busy tossing and turning, trying to get adjusted to sleeping in a new place. While he was awake, he thought of the girl just right down the hall from him and the way she glided through the bar. If he hadn’t known the song playing was a Rolling Stones song written years ago, he would have thought it was made just for her. 

She shoots colors all around like a sunsight going down. Have you seen a lady fairer? 

Conrad didn’t think he had. 

***

After achieving a few hours of sleep, Conrad got out of bed at 8 a.m. to go for a jog. He ran along the shoreline in their neighborhood and stopped to take some photos of the beach to send to Agnes. After a five mile run, he headed back to the house.

Teddy was the only other person up, and it seemed like he had just gotten back from a workout of his own. He dapped Conrad as he walked into the kitchen.

“Hey man, I was going to get started on some breakfast. You in?” Teddy asked.

“Sure man.” 

Conrad started cooking some bacon while Teddy focused on making a batch of eggs. As they were cooking, Teddy and Conrad talked about how they rested during their first night in the house and their workouts that morning.

Teddy was just a nickname; his full name was Theodore Patton. Conrad met him a few years ago during undergrad, since they were both pre-med students at Stanford. They quickly got along, since they were both reserved and grew up along the East Coast. Conrad later learned his mom was a cancer survivor, and they both talked about their experiences as kids watching their mothers fight a disease.

Conrad was always struck by how Teddy moved with integrity, and it was that trait that solidified their friendship. Teddy had met his girlfriend, Tess Todd, during their junior year at Stanford, and he’d sworn then and there that was the girl he was going to marry. It took him a few months of shyly approaching her for him to finally confess his feelings, and now, they were one of the most secure couples Conrad knew.

He liked that about Teddy — that he was willing to be so vulnerable. Compared to some of the other friends he met at Stanford, Teddy was one of his favorites. 

They were nearly done cooking, but no one else in the house had woken up yet. Teddy had popped some biscuits in the oven. As the two of them leaned against the countertops, Teddy asked, “So, anyone caught your eye yet?”

Yes.

“I don’t know. Feels a bit too early to tell,” Conrad answered. “All the girls are nice though.” 

“Yeah? Have you really gotten to talk to any of them yet?” Conrad shrugged.

“I talked to Y/N a little yesterday when we came in. She was cool.” 

“Ah man yeah, I only met her a handful of times during undergrad. She’s always been nice though. Anyone else?”

Conrad shook his head. “Nah, I met the other girls but I haven’t really talked to them much.”

“I know Lexi and Margot a little. I know Margot a bit better, but they’re both cool. Pretty much glued at the hip though. I don’t know Stassi at all, but she seems nice.” 

Right then, Tess wandered in the kitchen, clad in shorts and a big t-shirt. She yawned as she walked in, then greeted, “Good morning guys.” She gave Teddy a hug and a kiss. “Who else is up?” 

“I think just us,” Teddy answered. They then heard a, “Oh FUCK!” and glanced at each other. “I guess not just us.” 

Emory came barreling out of his room toward the front door. The three watched as he swung the door open and came out with a bag full of Taco Bell. He promptly threw it in the trash. “Morning fellas. Sorry, I drunkenly ordered Taco Bell and fell asleep before I picked it up. Oh shit, are you guys cooking bacon?” 

Emory’s outburst seemed to awaken the whole house. Hale trickled out of his room shortly after. And then, Y/N came in. She’d apparently been awake and doing yoga on the balcony connected to her room. She was glowing in the same way she did at the dive bar. 

“Wow guys, it smells so good in here,” she said as she walked in. She walked over to Emory and gave him a hug immediately. Conrad felt his heart tug at the sight. 

Once Lexi and Margot joined, the group decided to eat breakfast outside together. Conrad was seated right across from Y/N. He was trying not to keep looking at her the whole time. 

“So, what’s our vibe for today?” Emory asked the group. “Because I’m just saying, it might not be a bad idea for a beach day. The weather is looking great. We can toss a football around, maybe some beach volleyball, or something else.” 

“Emory, I’m just amazed you’re not hungover right now,” Tess said, as she passed down a plate of bacon. 

“Oh this guy is a tank,” Hale said, high-fiving Emory. “In our Georgetown Prep days I would see him shotgun several beers in a row like it was no problem.” Conrad noticed Lexi scrunched up her nose and Stassi was grinning as she rolled her eyes. 

“He wasn’t a tank when he threw up at prom,” Stassi joked. 

Emory pointed at her. “Hey, we agreed as a group never to talk about that again!” Hale and Stassi laughed. Conrad just smiled. 

“I think the beach sounds awesome today, for what it’s worth,” Y/N said. “I want to take a dip in the ocean.” 

“I’m down for the beach,” Conrad added. 

Emory grinned. “Okay, that’s three for the beach. Any other thoughts?” 

It didn’t take much convincing for everyone to agree. 

When Conrad was done eating, he offered to collect some of the group’s plates and some of the bigger dishes to ease the clean up process. His years of working as a server and busboy were taking over. As he was washing some of the dishes, he heard Y/N’s voice right behind him. 

“You know, I’ve noticed you’re a big act of service guy,” she said as she walked up to his side. “Want any help?” 

Conrad looked over at her and shook his head. “It’s okay.” 

“Aw, c’mon, I know you’re saying that to be polite. What can I do?” 

Conrad hesitated. “Want to dry some of the dishes?” 

And that started the system. He washed, she dried. 

“So, you want to talk more about Brown – now that we’re not in a crowded bar and I can actually hear you?” she asked. 

He chuckled. “There’s not much to say for me. I was there for a year or so, before I transferred to Stanford for the rest of undergrad. But I liked it. The campus was great and easy to get around. I was only an hour from home, so that was nice for me at the time.” He passed her a plate. “I wish I could give you more, but honestly, I kind of had a lot going on at the time so I feel like I wasn’t really present when I was there.” 

She cocked her head as she dried the plate. “What do you mean?” 

“Well, my mom had a cancer recurrence, so she wasn’t really doing well throughout that year.” 

Y/N frowned. “Yeah, I’m sure that was really hard. I don’t blame you. How is she doing now?” 

Conrad hesitated for a second. It was always hard to figure out how to bring this up to someone. For one, he didn’t want to hear the pity that was associated with it and deal with the awkwardness of having to give the assurances of no, I’m okay, it’s been a while. But grief was a nonlinear feeling. There were spurts where he very much wasn’t okay, and it felt like it completely consumed his day. He’d have these moments where he’d start just thinking of his mom and tearing up. Objectively, he’d been doing much better than previous years. Therapy taught him some self-regulation tactics. But there was no concise way to describe all those feelings to someone you just met – much less, someone you wanted to like you.

“Well, she passed away later that year so,” Conrad finally said. It was quiet for a minute. He knew Y/N was watching him carefully. She reached her hand up to touch his arm, but she didn’t say the typical I’m sorry to hear that or anything else. He looked over at her, and her eyes were focused on him. “She’s still with me all the time, though. I see her in everything, so it’s not like she’s really gone.” 

“I understand,” she said. “Well, I’m proud of you for making that leap to Stanford after. I know I just met you, but I’m sure that must have been a big move.” 

Conrad had just finished washing the last dish. He turned around to lean against the counter as he passed it to her. “Well, thanks, Y/N. That’s nice of you to say. I know you’ll have a great time at Brown. Providence is awesome. And I’m from Boston, so if you ever need someone in an emergency situation or anything, I know a lot of people who can help you out.” 

“You know, given the way you’ve acted in the past 24 hours, I know you mean that, so thank you,” she said. She smiled over at him. “Very chivalrous vibes going on here with you.” Conrad laughed, blushing a little. 

“I don’t know about chivalrous.” 

She kept smiling at him. “No, definitely chivalrous.”

***

When it was time to go to the beach, Conrad offered to drive part of the group in his Range Rover. Emory volunteered to drive the other half. He felt a tug on his heart again when he saw Y/N go into Emory’s car, but he was happy when Teddy hopped in his car again. Usually with Teddy also came Tess, and he was always relaxed being around the two of them. He was most surprised, though, when Stassi jumped into his car too. She hopped in the passenger seat, while Tess and Teddy sat in the back. 

As they drove over, Tess started off the conversation. “So Stassi, tell us more about you.” 

Stassi giggled. “What do you want to know?” 

Tess shrugged. “Anything you think people just getting to meet you should know about you?” 

“Okay, so I knew Emory and Hale when I was in high school, but we didn’t go to the same school,” Stassi said. “We met because our parents were friends. Right now my big thing has been trying to tap into having some proper R&R. I’ve just been traveling way too much, and I need to be in one place for a bit.” 

“Oh, where have you been going?” Teddy asked. 

“All over the globe. I travel with bands for work.” 

“You might just be the most interesting person in our summer house,” Tess said. Stassi smiled. Conrad noticed her eyes glance over at him for a minute. Her gaze seemed to linger for a beat longer than usual.  

“What about you Conrad? Want to tell us your story?” she asked.

Conrad felt he was 16 again, talking to the coolest girl at the party and not knowing what to say. It’s not that he was into Stassi romantically, but she was intimidating. 

“There’s not much,” Conrad replied. “I’m a medical student at Stanford. That’s how I met Emory, Tess and Teddy.” 

Tess and Teddy shared their own stories of how they ended up on the trip. Teddy explained that he knew Emory from being in the same fraternity in undergrad, and how he met Tess his junior year. Tess told her own perspective of how she knew some of the other girls, like Margot and Lexi. As they shared their own stories, Conrad felt Stassi’s gaze consistently flicker over at him. It made him nervous – and not in a good way. 

He was relieved when the 10 minute drive was over. The other car was about eight minutes behind them, since they made a Publix run on the way to grab everyone’s sub sandwiches for lunch. Y/N was the one who was carrying the bag with everyone’s order. She was holding it up with pride, with her beach chair slung over her shoulder. When she got to their set up, she set her chair right next to Conrad’s. 

“Long time no see,” she joked to him. Conrad’s heart fluttered. 

“Want me to take those?” he asked, pointing to the bag. “I can get them set up in the cooler.” 

“Don’t worry, I got it,” she said, as she walked over to the cooler and tucked them in over their cans of beer and soda. She grabbed two beers and handed one to Conrad as she plopped back into her chair. “You’re such a savior.” 

Conrad laughed. “I am trying to be a gentleman.” 

“And it’s very sweet of you.” 

Each time she said something complimentary like that, Conrad felt like he was on fire. But instead of verbalizing that, he just flashed her a smile and lifted his beer can to cheers. “What are we gonna raise our cans for?” 

She tilted her head in thought. “Let’s cheers to having a summer of new beginnings.” They both clinked their cans and took a long sip of their beers. “So, Conrad, what are the chances I can convince you to play a game of beach volleyball with me?” 

“I could go for that, but we have to be on the same team.” 

***

They played a few games of volleyball against some of their other housemates. Conrad learned quickly that the most competitive of the bunch – besides Y/N and himself – was Margot and Lexi. They played the most games against them, and it was tight each time. Margot and Lexi won one round, but Conrad and Y/N won two. 

“Okay, so we have to buy you guys drinks when we go out tonight,” Margot said, after they finished their third game.

“We’re holding you to it,” Y/N replied. 

Conrad wanted to put his arm around her. Over the past few hours, he felt so in sync with her – so confident that there was something there in between the two of them. It wasn’t some infatuation, but genuine chemistry. Speaking to Lexi and Margot, he said, “She makes the call on our drink of choice,” and pointed at Y/N. 

The four of them walked back over to their beach chairs. But before Y/N could plop back down next to Conrad, Hale called her over to ask if she wanted to swim. 

Conrad couldn’t help noticing how Hale looked at her as she ran over to the shoreline. His gaze was lingering in certain areas, with a small smirk on his face. It made Conrad clench the chair. 

“Conrad,” Margot said, snapping him out of the moment. “Do you want your sub?” 

Conrad shook his head. “No, I’m good. Thanks though.” He got out of his chair. “I’m going to go for a swim too for a bit, and I’ll be back.” 

He ran toward where Hale, Stassi, Emory and Y/N had gone for a dip. Y/N cheered as he started treading into the ocean. He tried not to wince as the cold water hit his back. 

“Hey, welcome Fisher,” Emory said, grinning as he swam toward the circle. “You know Stassi right?” 

“We met, Emory,” Stassi replied. “Conrad drove me over here when you refused to give me room in your car.” 

“Oh, well if you want, I’m willing to switch with you on the way back. I didn’t know you wanted to ride with Emory,” Y/N then said. Conrad’s heart lurched.

Stassi’s face seemed to drop. “Oh, no it’s okay. I was just joking.” The group all jumped as a big wave came in. In his head, Conrad was screaming. He tried to keep his face neutral. 

“So what’s the plan for tonight Goldman?” Hale asked Emory. 

“I think we all go out for dinner and then maybe hit another round of bars,” Emory answered. 

Hale looked over at Y/N. “Would you want to do that?” 

“I’m always down to go out,” Y/N replied. “What kind of bars are we thinking?”

“Maybe a round of cocktails at dinner, and then we go to some of the beach bars? What do you think? I’m going to pitch it to the group when we’re back in.” Hale and Stassi agreed. Emory looked over at Conrad. 

If Conrad was being honest, he would have preferred to do something a little more laid back. They had been out for a bit last night, and the fatigue from drinking yesterday was still hitting him. But seeing the way Y/N was enthused about the plan and knowing the way that Hale had been looking at her all day, he ended up saying, “I’m in.” 

***

After they got back from the beach, Conrad took a brief nap for about 30 minutes, but he woke up to a knock. He groggily opened his door and saw Margot on the other end. 

“Wait, oh my god, were you sleeping? I’m so sorry,” she said. Conrad waved it off. 

“It’s okay. I probably needed to get up anyway. What’s up?” 

“So there’s a divide of what everyone wants to eat, so we’re thinking about splitting up for dinner. Emory wants tacos, and I personally am wanting to get seafood instead. Do you have a preference?” 

He thought for a minute. He wanted to ask which restaurant Y/N was picking, but that would make his interest too obvious. “I could go for some seafood.” Margot grinned. 

“Correct choice. We’re going to leave in like an hour or so, is that okay?” 

“Fine with me.”

“Good, because even if it wasn’t we were going to do that anyway.” Conrad laughed. “I just had to pretend to make it seem like you had a say.” 

“Who’s coming with us?” 

“Lexi, Tess, and Y/N.” Conrad felt a wave of relief go through him. “Stassi, Teddy, and Hale chose to go get tacos.” 

“Okay, great. Well, I’ll see you in a bit then.”

Conrad knew it would take him fifteen minutes at the most to get ready. He showered, put on a pair of khakis, a linen button down and his watch. He was about to head downstairs to wait for the group, but as he was out in the hallway, he heard Y/N call his name. He spun around. She was standing at her door frame. 

 “Would you mind helping me out for a second?” she asked. “I need someone to help straighten the back of my hair and the other girls are getting ready.” 

“Sure.” 

Her flat iron and makeup were set up in the corner of the room by her full-length mirror. She sat criss-cross in front of it and grinned at Conrad as she handed over the flat iron. He kneeled behind her. “You know what you’re doing? Need any help?”

“I’m good. I used to do this for a friend a ton. Did you put on heat protectant?” 

“Yup, it’s all ready,” she said. He lifted the flat iron and started running it through the hair at the back of her hair. Conrad couldn’t help noticing how soft it was. He wanted to run his fingers through it.

He remembered some of the tricks Belly taught him, like how to curve the flat iron toward her when he got to the bottom to make sure the ends didn’t seem spiky. It only took a few minutes to fix the section of her hair. 

When he was done, he set the flat iron back down and glanced up at her in the mirror. “You look great,” Conrad said. 

“Really? You don’t think the eyeshadow is too much?” She was wearing a pink eyeshadow that glimmered on her eyelids. Conrad shook his head. 

“No, it’s really pretty. You look really pretty.” She turned around to look at him. 

“That’s so sweet of you, Conrad. Thank you. You also look pretty.” 

He laughed. “Pretty?” 

“Yeah, do you not like being called pretty?” He shook his head. 

“No, it’s not that. I just laughed because no one has said that to me before. But I like it.” She smiled again. 

“Good.” 

Someone knocked on the door. The two of them glanced over at Tess, who was standing in the doorway. “Hey guys, just wanted to know if you were close to being ready? I think Lexi and Margot are almost done.”

“Oh yeah, we’re good,” Y/N said. 

Tess gave a quick nod. “Okay, then I’m going to call us a car.” She gave Conrad a quick look, and he knew immediately that she had listened to part of their conversation. 

He turned back over to Y/N, who was looking directly at him. “I think we should go downstairs,” she said.

“Yeah, of course,” he replied. He stood up and reached out his hand to help her up. He felt a jolt of electricity when she grabbed it, and he tried his best to act normal.

*** 

The five of them sat near the water at the restaurant they picked. Conrad was thrilled when Y/N sat next to him. They put in orders for bang bang shrimp and drinks. Conrad originally was going to order a beer, but the girls insisted he should join them and order an espresso martini instead. 

“Conrad, I think you’re one of the girls,” Margot said after their drinks were dropped off. Tess giggled. 

“Oh he’s soooo one of the girls,” Y/N chimed in. “He helped me with my hair today, and he knew how to handle the ends.” All the girls said wowwww in unison. Conrad laughed.

“I really didn’t do much,” he said. 

“You’ve done more than most men would have done,” Lexi said. “Has Teddy ever helped you with your hair Tess?” 

“He helped crimp my hair today actually,” Tess said, twirling one of the strands around her hair. 

“I don’t know how to crimp hair,” Conrad said. “So he’s doing better than me.” The group of girls giggled. 

“We’ll teach you, Conrad,” Margot said. “I actually should teach my boyfriend how to do that. It’s always so hard to do the back pieces.” 

“Margot, I didn’t know you had a boyfriend,” Y/N said. Conrad did, since Emory told him every person who was single in the house before the summer started. 

Margot nodded her head. “His name is Austin. He was originally thinking about coming for the summer, but he got a job in California so he’s staying right now. But he might come up for the summer. We’ll see.” 

“They’re a really cute couple,” Lexi chimed in. “I approve of him.”

“And it takes a lot for her to approve of someone,” Margot added.  

“Wait, so do you have a boyfriend too Lexi? Or are you single?” Y/N asked. 

“Oh, I’m single,” she answered. 

“But I really want her to date Hale,” Margot said. Lexi laughed. “I think they’d be so cute together.” 

Lexi shrugged. “I don’t know.” 

“I could see it,” Tess said. 

“Have the boys said anything Conrad? About who they’re into?” Margot asked.

“I haven’t talked to Hale or Emory about it,” he answered. “I haven’t really gotten to know Hale all that well.” 

“Which of the guys would you say you’re closest with that’s here?” Lexi asked. 

“Probably Teddy.” He noticed Tess smile. “I don’t know if he’s gotten any intel either.” Tess shook her head. 

“Yeah, they haven’t talked about it yet,” Tess said. 

“Boys are so crazy. I feel like girls would have talked about this already,” Margot said.

“Speaking of which, are you looking for something this summer Conrad? Or do you have a girlfriend?” Y/N asked. She took a sip of her drink. 

“Oh yeah, tell us about your dating life, Conrad,” Margot added, leaning forward. 

He shook his head. “There’s not much to say. I’m not dating anyone right now, but yeah, I’d like to have a girlfriend.”

“When was the last time you were in a relationship?” Lexi asked. 

Conrad hesitated and grew flustered. “Uh, maybe seven years ago.” 

“Have you seen other people since that? Like on dates?” Y/N asked. 

“Here and there, but med school is so busy and I don’t want to waste anyone’s time,” he said. “After my mom died, I wanted to be alone for a while. I was too depressed, and I ended up ruining things with someone I really care about. Now that’s a whole other problem, and I didn’t want to drag anyone into my mess while I was getting over that, especially because I can’t exactly avoid my ex.” 

“What do you mean?” Lexi asked. 

Conrad hesitated again. This was always an awkward history to talk about. It almost always ruined dates when he explained.  

“After we broke up she started dating my brother, and now they’re married,” he explained. Tess choked on her drink and started coughing. Lexi’s jaw dropped. He really didn’t want to look over at Y/N’s reaction. 

“Are you serious?” Margot asked. Conrad nodded his head, shrugging. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. That is so fucked up. How long were you guys together?” 

“Only a few months,” he said. 

“And when did she start dating him?” Lexi asked.

He winced. “Like a month after we broke up.” 

“I cannot believe that,” Tess said. “Who goes from someone to their brother?” Conrad again shrugged, but he was trying to avoid saying something even slightly negative about Belly. It felt good to talk about it, though. For so long, Conrad restrained his feelings, mostly out of embarrassment.

“Seriously,” Y/N added. “How did they tell you they were together?” 

At this point, he already opened up the flood gates. “They didn’t exactly tell me. I was finishing a final at Brown and they were going to drive me back to Boston after. I caught them making out.” They all audibly groaned. 

“God, Conrad, this is like a horror story,” Lexi said. “I feel like I need to buy you a shit ton of drinks tonight, and I already owe you one from volleyball. This is awful.” 

He gave a low laugh. “Yeah, I won’t lie. It sucked.” It was nice to be able to say that out loud. He tried to stop his mind from running through the memories, like he did every time he started thinking about that period of his life. His mind would play glimpses of all the summers like a film reel. He’d always spiral after, wondering how the outcome could have been different if he was better. 

He was about to start doing that, but Margot spoke and pulled him back to the present. “I need to get on whatever SSRIs you’re on,” she said.

“Seriously. And maybe whatever therapist you have too,” Lexi said. 

The way they were reacting with ease — with such support — gave him the courage to glance over at Y/N. She was studying him in a way that made his cheeks feel flush. He wanted to ask her so badly, “What are you thinking right now?” But instead of either of them saying anything, she lifted her hand and gently squeezed his arm. He smiled at her, and it felt like so much was being said in that moment between the two of them. 

It felt intimate in a way that Conrad hadn’t experienced in years. For so long, he convinced himself that Belly was the only girl for him because of the way they were capable of nonverbally communicating with each other. Yet somehow, this woman he had known for not even 24 hours was able to do the same thing as a girl he had known for decades. 

When they finished dinner, they started walking over to the bar they were going to meet the rest of their housemates at. Y/N had been walking ahead with Margot and Lexi, but Tess hung behind to walk in step with Conrad. 

“So, I noticed you seem to be vibing with Y/N,” she commented. Conrad looked over at Tess. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” she said, nodding her head and grinning. “Do you think you’re interested in her?” 

Conrad lifted up his pinky finger. “Swear you won’t say anything.” She lifted her pinky up and hooked her finger around his. “I think she’s really cute and cool. I like her.” 

“I knew it,” she said. “When I walked into her room today and you were helping her with her hair I knew something was going on. I told Teddy about it and he was like, ‘No, Conrad just said it’s so early.’” She had slightly lowered her voice to mimic Teddy’s tone, and it made Conrad laugh. “But you also looked like you were about to murder Hale at the beach today each time he was flirting with her.”

“Am I that obvious?” he asked. Tess shook her head. 

“Not really. I feel like I picked up on it because I’ve known you for a while, and I’ve never seen you act this way toward a girl. You barely look at other girls when we’re at parties. Oh, and for what it’s worth, I think she’s into you too.” 

He cocked his head. “What makes you say that?” 

She gave him an incredulous look. “Really? No girl would willingly ask a guy to help her with her hair. She wanted to get close to you. And she keeps sitting next to you or by you every time we’re hanging out as a group. But… I could also ask her if you want?”

“You’d do that?” he asked. Tess nodded her head. 

“I’m actually a pretty good wing woman. Just trust me.” 

“Well, thanks, Tess.” 

“Stassi is into you too, just so you know, if you’re interested in her. She told me when we were out on the first night and she was a little drunk.” Conrad hesitated, and Tess giggled. “Yeah, I didn’t think you were.” 

Their group ended up in front of the bar. Emory had spotted them from inside and ran over to the window to scream, “Hell yeah! Let’s party!” 

“Well Emory is definitely already drunk,” Lexi joked.

They got their IDs checked and walked inside. Emory practically tackled Conrad in a hug. “Broooo, we missed you at guys' dinner.” 

“Guys dinner with Stassi?” Conrad teased. Emory waved it off. 

“You know what I meant. Dude, we are going to do a shot of tequila.” 

“Nope, we owe Conrad and Y/N a proper drink first,” Lexi said, cutting in. “Shots later. C’mon Conrad, we’re about to go order.” She started guiding Conrad over to the bar. As they walked over, she whispered, “You looked like you really did not want to do that shot.” 

“Yeah, thank you.” They joined Margot and Y/N at the end of the bar. Margot handed him another espresso martini. 

“Ladies choice,” Margot said, pointing over at Y/N. “Cheers girls.” They all lifted their drinks, clinked their glasses and sipped. 

The espresso martini had almost a chocolatey taste to it. “That’s really good,” Conrad said. Stassi wandered over to their group, holding a regular martini. 

“Hey guys,” she said. “Conrad, you look good. I like this button down on you.” 

Conrad thanked her. Y/N piped up, “Yeah, green is your color.” 

“You think so?” he asked her. 

She nodded her head, smiling up at him. “Definitely.” His heart lurched. 

“So you think I should wear more green?” She shrugged. 

“Well I think you could look good in blue or even like a maroon. I think you could look good in anything.” 

Stassi seemed to get a hint that there was something going on, because she then quietly stepped away and turned back to Emory and Hale. Lexi and Margot had gotten distracted by their own conversation, but he had barely noticed it. He was too focused on Y/N. It was hard to look away from her. 

He took a step closer to her. “You look great tonight too,” he said. “You looked good yesterday too, when I saw you.” 

“Yeah? You thought so?” she asked. Her lips were curling up slightly. 

It had been a while since Conrad had tried to flirt. He wasn’t positive, but he thought that Y/N may have been picking up on that charge in between the two of them too.  That feeling, and the conversation he just had with Tess, gave him enough courage to say, “I really did. I noticed you as soon as you walked in.” She looked at him for a second, and he felt that electric current course through his veins that he always managed to feel around her. 

“I noticed you too.” His heart palpitating. 

Whatever could have been said next was interrupted by Tess and Teddy, who had wandered over to the two of them. “Hey guys, we’re going to go upstairs to dance,” Teddy said. Conrad could tell by the smirk on his lips that Tess had told Teddy about their conversation already. “You guys want to come?” 

Conrad looked over at Y/N. “Yeah, let’s dance,” she said. 

He followed the three of them up the stairs. He could feel the heat and humidity of the dance floor once they reached the top of the staircase. There were dozens of people upstairs, grinding on each other as a song Conrad didn’t recognize played over the speakers. 

“Oh my god, I love this song,” Tess exclaimed. She grabbed Teddy’s hand and started pulling him closer to the crowd, singing along, “Touch me then say you need me.” 

Conrad felt an arm sling around his neck and glanced to his side. It was Emory, who had wedged himself in between him and Y/N. He was beaming, and his other arm was slung around Y/N’s shoulders. “You ready to dance bros?” 

“Oh yes,” Y/N said, as Emory started pulling them toward Tess and Teddy. The rest of the group had also come upstairs. They formed a very loose circle near one of the edges of the crowd, and Emory released both Y/N and Conrad. 

Y/N shimmied as she sang along. Conrad leaned over to her, “What song is this?” 

“It’s Good Time by the Dare. You’ve never heard this?” she asked. She had to speak loudly so she could be heard over the music. He shook his head. “That’s crazy.” 

Hale, who was wearing his sunglasses upstairs, belted the lyrics. Lexi was giggling looking at him, and he took off the sunglasses to place them on Lexi. The two started singing the song practically to each other. 

As the night went on, the DJ started playing some music that Conrad knew, and Emory did manage to get Conrad to take a tequila shot. The drunker the group got, the more they started bouncing and making exaggerated moves on the dance floor. Conrad was practically folding over with laughter at how amped up Emory had become. 

He hadn’t let loose like this in ages. The past 24 hours had been better than the entirety of last summer at Cousins Beach. 

By the time it was 11 p.m., he realized how drunk the group was. He poured some water in as many cups as he could hold in his hands. He first walked up to Margot, who was taking a photo of something and giggling to herself. When she spotted him, she was still bright with delight. “Hale and Lexi are making out,” she said, lifting her phone to show him a photo of the two of them kissing in the corner. Conrad glanced over in the direction Margot had been taking a photo in, and spotted Lexi against a wall, as Hale kissed her. They looked like they were barely coming up for air. 

“That didn’t take long at all,” Conrad said.

“Chemistry doesn’t lie baby!” Margot exclaimed. 

“What are we looking at?” Emory yelled. His words were slurring a little from all the drinks. He looked at Lexi and Hale. “Oh, damn.” 

“Your buddy is doing great, Emory,” Margot said, as she sipped her water. 

“I feel like I’m watching softcore porn,” Stassi said, as she walked up to stand beside the three of them. Conrad realized he hadn’t seen Y/N in a minute, and glanced around the room to find her. He saw Teddy and Tess, drunkenly dancing with each other by the DJ, but there was no Y/N in sight. 

“Hey, does anyone know where Y/N went?” he asked. Stassi shrugged. 

Emory spun around. “She was literally- Oh. I guess not.” 

Conrad passed Emory and Stassi two of the waters he had in his hands. “I’ll be back. I’m going to go look for her.” He walked over to Tess and Teddy, and asked them similarly if they knew where she went, but they shook their heads. How had anyone lost track of her? 

He walked toward the bathrooms to see if she’d been in line, but she wasn’t there either. So, he decided to go back downstairs, just to check. 

She was sitting at the bar, deep in a discussion with some blond guy. She was smiling as he was talking, and Conrad felt his heart wrench just like it did when she hugged Emory. He paused, uncertain if he should interrupt. He watched as she giggled at something he had said to her. 

“You okay man?” He glanced over. Teddy had apparently followed him, and he now stood on Conrad’s right. 

“Yeah, I’m good,” Conrad said, nodding his head. 

Teddy glanced over at Y/N, and gave a short nod. “Ah, I see.” He clapped one hand on Conrad’s back. “C’mon, I’ll go up with you.” Conrad was about to protest and say it was fine, but Teddy had already started walking toward Y/N. Conrad reluctantly followed.

“Hey guys,” Teddy said, once he approached Y/N and the mystery man. “Sorry to interrupt. We just wanted to come check in on you, Y/N. Everything okay?” 

She nodded her head, smiling. “Yeah, I just needed some air. It was getting hot upstairs.”

Conrad felt awkward as he stood there, saying nothing. He realized he still had a cup of water in his hand, and practically jittered as he offered it to her. “I got you some water.” 

She smiled up at him. “So chivalrous.” Conrad’s heart skipped a beat. 

The guy sitting next to her was staring at her, but didn’t say anything. Teddy reached out his hand toward the stranger. “What’s up man? We’re friends of Y/N’s. I’m Teddy.”

“Ryan. Y’all got a nice friend here,” he said, as he shook Teddy’s hand. His drawl was thick. Y/N giggled and Conrad felt a flash of jealousy flare up. 

“Conrad,” he said, also reaching out his hand to shake Ryan’s.

“Ryan is going to introduce me to his girlfriend,” Y/N explained. “She works at a yoga studio and apparently they have some teacher openings.” Conrad felt some relief wash over him. 

“Yeah, sorry if I seemed like some creep coming up to her,” Ryan said, chuckling slightly. “It’s not like that.” 

“All good,” Teddy said. “Y/N, do you want to come back upstairs with us though?” 

Y/N sighed. “I’m actually thinking of calling a car. I’m kinda feeling out of it and ready to go home.” 

“I’ll go with you,” Conrad offered. “I’m kind of ready to head out too.” She smiled at him. 

“I think Tess might wanna dip soon too. I’ll ask her,” Teddy said. 

“Oh yeah, we’re going to have to say our byes soon anyway, so you have time,” Y/N replied. She turned to Ryan and gave him a hug. “It was nice meeting you.” 

The three of them went back up the stairs. Lexi and Hale were now on the dance floor, and his hands were resting on her waist. Margot was now wearing Hale’s sunglasses from earlier. Tess, Stassi and Emory were also a part of the group, still dancing. 

“Hey, we’re going to go,” Conrad said, already giving Emory a hug. “We’ll see you guys at home.” 

“Aw damn,” Emory said, clapping Conrad’s back. “I’ll miss you, Connie.” 

“You’re acting like he’s going to war,” Stassi said, laughing. 

Everyone else decided they were going to stay for a bit longer. Conrad called a car, and the app told him it’d arrive in less than four minutes. He and Y/N quickly booked it down the stairs and outside.

“So, did you have a good night?” Y/N asked, as they waited for their car. 

“Yeah, you?” he replied. 

She nodded her head. “It was good. I think I was exhausted since I didn’t sleep well last night. I’m so ready to go home.”

“Oh, me neither. I only got a few hours of sleep. It’s always hard for me to get adjusted to somewhere new.” The car they called had pulled up right in front of them. Conrad gestured toward it. “That’s us.” 

He opened the door for her, and she slid into the car. He quickly jogged around the back to get in on the other side. She propped her head against the window, as the car started driving back home. 

“Did you know Hale and Lexi kissed tonight?” Conrad asked.

“Holy shit, really?” Y/N replied, yawning as she spoke. 

“Yeah, I think you might have been downstairs at that point.” He chuckled. “Margot was there taking pictures of the whole thing. There was a point where I didn't think they were breathing.” Y/N giggled. 

“This is so crazy. Remember at dinner when she said she didn’t know about him?” 

“I know, right?” He looked over at her, and Y/N was yawning again. Her eyes kept fluttering shut, and then snapping open. “Hey, don’t worry about staying awake. I’ll make sure you get in okay.” 

She looked so precious as she nodded her head and softly said, “Thank you.” She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the window. 

By the time they got back to the house, Y/N was almost completely out. The driver asked if Conrad needed help getting her in, but he shook his head. “No, it’s okay. I got her.” He walked over to the side of the car she was sitting on and slowly opened the door. Her head hung, now that it was no longer leaning against the window. Conrad unbuckled her seatbelt, and shifted one of his arms underneath her knees, and the other around her back.

He picked her up bridal style and took her out of the car. Her eyes snapped open, and she looked up at him. “Conrad,” she said breathily. “I can- I can walk.” 

“Shh, it’s okay. I got you,” he said. She wrapped one hand on his shoulder. She was still blinking rapidly, as if she was fighting to stay awake. He fumbled a little when he got to the front door and unlocked it, but somehow managed to get the key in and open it. He carried Y/N up the stairs, toward her room, and when they got inside, he gently set her on her bed. He pulled off her shoes for her, and set them by the door, while she curled up sleepily into a fetal position. “Hey, where are your makeup wipes? 

“It’s in the first drawer on the right in the bathroom,” she replied. He stepped into her bathroom, grabbing one from the package and walking back over to her bed. He started removing her makeup, and she giggled. 

“Thank you,” she said softly again. 

“Course,” he said, as he finished removing foundation from her chin. “I’m gonna get you some water from downstairs.” She nodded her head. 

By the time he brought her a cup, she’d already crawled another the covers. He set the cup on her nightstand and turned off the lights in her room. He closed her door as quietly as possible. 

As he climbed into his own bed that night, he wondered what it’d be like to spend the night with Y/N – to feel her head rest on his chest as he ran his fingers through her hair. 

***

Conrad slept in about 45 minutes longer than he intended to the next day. He saw a missed call from Steven. As he stood up to start getting ready for a run, he called Steven back.

“Sup Fisher,” Steven said. It was nice to hear his voice. In the past few months, they’d put in a lot of effort to fix their friendship. It took a lot of apologies on both of their ends, but now, Conrad felt like they were back to normal. It was nice to have that with someone from his summers in Cousins.

“Hey, sorry I missed you earlier,” he replied. “What’s up?” 

“Eh, you know, Tay and I are packing for our move right now, so get ready for us to be West Coasters with ya soon,” Steven said. He then whispered, “But holy shit does she have a lot of clothes. I keep thinking we’re close and there’s a whole other drawer!”

Conrad laughed. “Aw man, I bet. When do you guys take off officially?”

“In two weeks, technically. We’re mostly just getting the winter stuff out of the way now.” 

“Wow, it felt like just yesterday you guys found out.” 

“I know, it’s happening so fast, but I’m ready to get the move done. How’s North Carolina?” 

“A lot different from Cousins. There’s like, nine people here in the house, and most of them are girls. My floor is pretty much entirely only women.” 

Steven let out a low whistle. “Any girl catch your eye yet?” 

“Uh, there’s one girl who seems really cool, but… I don’t know. I feel like I completely forgot how to date.” 

“No offense, dude, but you didn’t really know how to do it to begin with.” And the two of them laughed. “What’s her name?”

“Y/N. She’s friends with the guy who set up the trip.” Conrad ran his hand through his hair. “I think she might be into me, but I dunno. I can’t really read her.” He paused. “Wait, well, can I ask for your take on something? I told her yesterday when we were out that I noticed her immediately when I first met her, and she said she noticed me too. Do you think she was just being nice, or do you think that’s a green light?” 

Steven groaned. “Dude, that’s like one of the most clear green lights ever. She’s literally telling you she’s paying attention to you.”

Conrad’s heart swelled. “You really think so?” 

“Yes! Hold on, lemme ask Tay. TAY!” Conrad heard her reply back, “What?!” before Steven explained that Conrad needed girl advice.

As she picked up the phone, Taylor said, “I never thought I’d see the day Conrad Fisher was asking me for love advice. What’s going on?” 

Conrad explained the same detail he told Steven, and he added a little more. He mentioned that she’d asked him to help her with her hair, and that he’d carried her to bed last night.

“Oh, she likes you,” Taylor said. “You should make a move. You should ask her on a date or something. Well, wait. Do you want this to be a fling or do you think she could be girlfriend material?”

“Girlfriend material,” Conrad replied. “I, uh, I’m bad at doing the hookup thing. Actually, it might be a bad idea, because she’s going to Brown and I’m moving back to California after all this-“ 

“Well, slow down a little,” she said. “You don’t have to figure that out now. Just ask her out for drinks and see where it goes from there.” 

“I agree with Tay,” Steven said. “Just try it out man.” 

The three of them chatted for another ten minutes or so. Steven mentioned that by the end of the summer, they wanted to come down to North Carolina to see the house Conrad was in. When they hung up, Conrad grabbed his headphones, readying himself to at least a five mile jog today.

As he stepped out, he noticed Margot’s door was wide open, and he heard giggling. One sounded distinctly like Y/N’s laugh. He approached the room, knocking lightly on the door frame to announce his presence. Sure enough, Y/N was sprawled across the end of the bed, and Margot was under the sheets.

“Hey, just wanted to say good morning,” he said.

“Conrad!” Margot exclaimed. “Come in! We’re debriefing about last night.” He walked further into the room, opting to lean against the dresser instead of plopping on the bed. (When he was a kid, Laurel taught him to avoid sitting on a bed in his day clothes, and it stuck with him.)

“What time did you guys get home?” Conrad asked.

“I got home at like maybe 3 a.m. Stassi, Emory and I went to this hot dog stand downtown after the bars,” she said. “I don’t know about everyone else. I think Tess and Teddy left 20 minutes after you two.” 

Conrad raised an eyebrow. “And what about our new lovebirds, Lexi and Hale?” 

Margot smirked. “No idea, they disappeared, and Lexi did not come into the room last night.”

Y/N started, “Do you think they… you know…” She raised her eyebrows, clearly alluding to them having sex. 

“Oh, for sure,” Margot said. “They were all over each other last night. Wait, I literally took a photo.” 

“I watched you do this,” Conrad added, laughing a little. Margot giggled again, as she pulled up her iPhone. She held up a somewhat blurry, dimly lit photo that showed Hale making out with Lexi against the wall last night. Both Conrad and Y/N cackled. 

“Wait, oh my god, I heard something so crazy last night after you guys left, but it cannot leave this room,” Margot whispered. “Do you guys promise?” The two nodded their heads. “Conrad, shut the door.” 

He snickered, as he walked over to the door and gently closed it. Once it was shut, Margot continued, “So when we were at the hot dog stand last night, Stassi was like, drunk drunk. And she was like, angry at Hale.” 

“Wait, why?” Y/N asked. 

“I guess this past winter, the two of them hooked up while they were both home, but Hale was very much like, ‘I’ve liked you my entire life, but I don’t feel ready to have something with you right now.’ And they both agreed ahead of this summer that they’d talk about it. And then yesterday, he was making out with Lexi.’” 

Conrad and Y/N’s jaws both dropped. 

“So, they never talked about it?” Conrad asked. 

“Apparently not,” Margot replied. 

“I’m so confused. I thought Stassi liked Conrad,” Y/N said, gesturing over at him. “Am I crazy?” 

“No, I think she does, but I think she has more of an established history with Hale but is trying to be cool girl about it,” Margot replied. She looked over at Conrad. “Sorry Conrad.” He waved it off, and the three of them laughed.

“Wait did Emory even know any of this?” Y/N asked, but before Margot could answer, the door opened. Lexi came in, still wearing her clothes from last night and with her heels in her hands. She still had mascara on, and her hair was tousled. She smiled wryly as she walked in.

“Hey guys,” she said, giggling as she walked toward the bathroom. “Don’t mind my walk of shame.”

“Well, was it good?” Margot asked. Lexi had a smug grin on her face, and she gave a quick nod. “Love that.” Lexi giggled again and then closed the bathroom door. 

Conrad stretched. “Well, I was going to go for a run, so I’ll catch you guys for breakfast?”

“Wait, where are you running?” Y/N asked. 

Conrad shrugged. “Just around the area.” 

“Do you care if I join?” 

Conrad tried to hide how elated he was. “No, not at all.”

“Okay, wait for me, I’ll be downstairs in like, five,” she said, standing up and walking to her room. 

Conrad trekked down the stairs. He spotted Emory, who was also still wearing his clothes from last night and passed out in one of the living room chairs. Conrad walked over to him and nudged him awake. 

Emory woke up with a jolt, confused at his surroundings. “Oh shit, hey.” Conrad laughed. Emory blinked several times. “What time is it?” 

“It’s like almost 10 a.m. dude,” Conrad replied. 

Emory groaned, and then slowly stood up. “Fuck. My head hurts so much.” He stretched his limbs and started padding toward the hallway and his room. Conrad shook his head to himself. 

Y/N made it downstairs at that point, a bright smile on her face. She had changed into a tank top and running shorts. “You ready?” she asked.

“Yeah, let’s go.” 

After they both stepped out of the house, Y/N took the lead on deciding which direction they’d run. She pitched finishing their run near a coffee shop, so they could get some caffeine and pastries as a treat. They didn’t speak much as they jogged, but Conrad was enjoying her company as is. They both moved at a similar pace naturally; it felt like they did this together a million times already. 

Y/N pitched sprinting for the last mile, and they both gunned it for the end. By the time they reached their end zone, they both leaned over, panting a little at all the movement they’d done that morning. 

“C’mon, let’s walk to cool down,” he said, patting her back. He didn’t even care that she was a little sweaty. She nodded her head, straightening herself up, and they walked slowly toward the coffee shop they agreed upon.

Once they were there, they ordered together, and Conrad offered to pay. As they waited for their coffee and breakfast sandwiches, they both chugged at least two cups of water. He noticed one lock of her hair had been sticking up, and he reached out his hand to smooth it out. Her hair was just as soft as he suspected. 

“Thanks,” she said, smiling up at him. “And, I meant to tell you, thank you for yesterday too. I know I was a little sloppy at the end.” 

He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head. “I would not describe you as being sloppy. You were just tired, and it was okay. We all had a long day yesterday.” 

“I know, but still, you really did so much for me – taking off my makeup and helping me get into bed.” She reached her hand up to lightly touch his arm, and there was a bright look in her eye. “You really are a real life knight. I’m convinced.” 

Something about the way she looked at that moment caused a shift in Conrad. Maybe it was the way the sunlight seeping through the tall window illuminated her hair. Maybe it was the way her lips curled up as she touched his arm, or the way the brightness of her eyes kept reminding him of “She’s a Rainbow” by the Rolling Stones. Whatever it was, he knew he couldn’t hide his feelings anymore. 

But then his brain screamed at him to stop. His mind wandered back to his own experience dating a housemate. Similarly, Steven had told him to go for it, and then mere minutes after he got off the phone, he saw Belly making out with his brother. And even last summer, when he really put all his feelings out there and told Belly how he felt, she shut him out again. 

He knew that he should open his heart again, but he still wasn’t sure if he was ready. 

So instead of asking her out, he just said, “I don’t know if I’m much as a knight as you think I am, but… you’re welcome. I was happy to do it.” 

*** 

He felt defeated when they got back to the house. He was mentally kicking himself for being a coward, but there was an internal blockage he couldn’t seem to lift. He headed into the kitchen to grab a cup of water and ran into Tess and Teddy eating at the island. 

“We were literally just talking about you!” Tess exclaimed. Normally, Conrad would get anxious from a statement like that, but there was delight in Tess’s expression. “How was the rest of your night? What happened?”

“Uh, one sec,” he said, holding up his finger. He poked his head out of the kitchen to see if Y/N was anywhere in sight. She headed up the stairs when they walked in, but he needed to double check. Once the coast was clear, he turned back to Tess and Teddy. “Nothing happened last night, but this morning, we went on a run together. And I- I chickened out. I was so close to asking her out and I just-“ He let out a long sigh. “I don’t even know.” 

“That’s normal. It took me forever to finally get the courage to ask out Tess,” Teddy said. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, man.” 

He looked over at Tess, whose eyebrows were scrunched together. “I think I talked to her last night,” she said. “But I can’t remember. It’s kind of a blur.” 

Teddy spun his head toward Tess. “What do you mean? Talked to her about what?” Tess gestured toward Conrad. 

“What did she say?” Conrad asked, eagerly lurching forward. 

“I can’t remember,” Tess mumbled, grimacing. “I feel like I- OH.” She then pulled out her phone. “I wrote it down, because I knew I was going to forget it.” Teddy leaned over her shoulder and started chuckling. 

“What does it say?” Conrad asked. He was fully aware of how desperate he sounded, but he couldn’t take the suspense. Teddy gently grabbed his girlfriend’s phone and handed it over to Conrad. 

Y/N says Cornad is cute. Says not sure on vibe. Would kiss. 

“I was dancing, so that’s why your name is misspelled. I was trying to multi-task,” Tess said.

“She really said that?” Conrad asked, passing the phone back. 

Tess shrugged. “Unless my notes are completely wrong.” 

“Her notes usually aren’t wrong,” Teddy chimed in. “I think you’re in a good place to ask her out.”

Just then, one of the back doors opened. Conrad immediately dropped the conversation as Stassi walked into the room. She was quiet, simply giving the three a small smile and muttering a greeting before walking up the stairs.

“Is something going on with her today? I can’t tell,” Tess said. 

Conrad knew the truth, but he figured it was best to hide it for Stassi’s sake. So instead, he shrugged. “I think she’s just hungover.” 

***

Later that afternoon, Conrad was studying on the back patio, but his thoughts were occupied with Y/N. He was trying to figure out how he would even ask her out. He was chewing on the end of his pen, deep in thought, when he heard someone sobbing. The sound was coming from the balcony above him – the balcony that was connected to Y/N and Stassi’s room. He froze, wondering what could have happened. 

He contemplated what he should do. Should he call out her name and acknowledge that he was there? Or let her have the privacy of the moment?

He chose the former. “Y/N? Is that you?” The sound stopped suddenly, and he cursed at himself for making the wrong choice. She probably wanted to be alone, and he ruined it. 

But he saw a form awkwardly shuffle toward the end of the railing. It wasn’t Y/N, though. Instead, it was Stassi. 

“Uh, sorry, it’s me,” she said. “I didn’t mean to disturb what you were doing.” 

He felt uneasy. He didn’t know Stassi – or really anyone in the house – well enough to know what to say. But his heart broke for her. He knew what it was like to be in Stassi’s position. 

“You didn’t,” he said with finality. “Hey, do you- Do you want to go out on a drive? Or go to the beach?” Stassi let out a long exhale and then nodded her head. “I gotta put my stuff up in my room, but we can walk out together?” 

She nodded her head. “Sounds good.” 

He shuffled his notebook and textbook together, before heading back inside and upstairs. He set his books down and picked up his keys, before walking over to Stassi’s door to gently knock. She opened the door quickly. Her eyes had a pinkish tinge to them. 

“You ready?” he asked. She nodded her head. 

The two of them walked quietly down the stairs. It was a little uncomfortable as they headed toward his car. When they were inside, he asked, “Where do you want to go?” 

She sniffled. “Honestly… I kinda wanna go to Cookout.” 

He had no idea what that was, but he typed it into his GPS and a million locations popped up on his phone. He picked the closest one and pulled out of their summer house’s front loop, right off onto the highway.

They were quiet for most of the car ride. He glanced over at her every now and then, only to see her staring at the window. Her demeanor was different, and he started to wonder if maybe he got the wrong impression of Stassi. Now, as he was witnessing her in the car, he was realizing that she wasn’t as intimidating as he initially thought. If anything, he was starting to think that Stassi might even be a little like him – guarded, but secretly, eager to connect with people. As they pulled into the parking lot, he asked, "Drive thru or do you want to go inside?” 

“Umm, drive thru,” she said. “I probably look like a wreck.”

He shook his head. “You don’t look like a wreck, but we can do the drive thru.” He drove up until he was right behind a car. “Uh, so, confession. I have never been here before, and I don’t know what it is.” 

She laughed. “You don’t have Cookout in California?” 

He shook his head. “Or in Massachusetts.” 

“It’s fast food. Like, greasy fast food, but it was my favorite thing as a kid when we’d come to North Carolina,” she said. “There’s only one near D.C., and you have to drive like an hour out to get to it, so it always felt like a treat when we’d come here. They have these milkshakes and cheese bites too. Or you can get cheerwine.” 

“Cheerwine?” he asked. “What’s cheerwine?” 

“Oh my god, you’re such a Yankee,” she said, widening her eyes.

“You’re from D.C.” 

“Which is in the south, mind you,” she replied. “Unless you didn’t pay attention in your history class.” 

He laughed. “I paid attention in my history class. I just wouldn’t consider D.C. now the south.” 

She raised one of her eyebrows. “And when was the last time you were there?” Conrad hesitated. “Yup, yup, I knew it,” she cackled. “You haven’t been in a while. I knew it.”

“Okay, okay, sure,” he said. “Now are you going to tell me what cheerwine is?” 

She laughed again. “It’s kind of like if you mixed cherry flavoring with Dr. Pepper. Do you like Dr. Pepper?” 

“Not really.” 

“Well, you should try it anyway,” she said, leaning back in her seat. “That and the cheese bites.” 

It was finally their turn to order. Stassi rattled out what she wanted, and he did as she asked – requesting a cheerwine and just an order of white cheddar cheese bites. He wasn’t that hungry, but he knew it would lighten her mood. 

After they picked up their food, Conrad pulled into a parking spot so they could sort through what they grabbed. He took a sip of his cheerwine and winced. “Too sweet,” he said. Stassi laughed. Usually, Conrad didn’t like when people ate in his car, but he chose to ignore it this time. 

“Thanks for doing this,” she said quietly. “I- I don’t think I could take another second in the house today.” 

“I get that,” he said. “Do you want to talk about what’s going on?” She bit her lip and glanced away from him for a minute. “We don’t have to.” 

“No, no, it’s just… I don’t know,” she said, pausing. He kept looking at her, waiting for her to continue. “I have had a crush on Hale for forever, and for years, I just didn’t think it’d go anywhere. Over winter, he and I hooked up, and I thought maybe it’d be time.” She sighed again. “I guess he didn’t think he could get his hopes up over me again, since for years, he felt the same way but I took off across the globe. We said we’d talk about it this summer, right when Emory invited us both to the house, but… then I showed up and he acted like nothing happened. I kind of did this toxic thing, flirting with you and hoping that’d nudge him, but it didn’t even work. Next thing I knew, he was hooking up with Lexi. It sucks… feeling expendable like that.” 

Conrad knew exactly what she was talking about. 

“I understand, and I… I don’t think it was right for Hale to do that, for what it’s worth. I know I don’t know the guy, but he should have tried to talk to you,” Conrad said. “But, I was kind of in your position once last summer, and I learned the best thing to do is to be direct. It sucks to have to put yourself out there. It’s the most embarrassing thing in the world, and I can’t promise it’s going to end well. But once I did, I felt so much peace after. I could at least say to myself, ‘There. I did everything I could.’ That’s what you want for yourself – to be able to tell yourself you tried.” 

Stassi looked at him. “Do you think I should tell him I still like him?” 

Conrad shrugged. “I can’t be the one to tell you what you should say. I think that’s where you have to listen to yourself. If I have any advice, it’s to say what comes to your mind.” He paused. “I mean, think about it before you say it, but you usually know what you need to tell someone.” 

She giggled. “Thanks, Conrad. And thanks again, for this.” She waved up her milkshake. 

As they drove back to their house, he mulled over his own words and the lessons he learned. Maybe it was too late with Belly, but that didn’t mean he had to make the same mistakes with someone else. It finally gave him the courage to do what he needed to do. 

So, after they pulled in, he marched up to Y/N’s room. Her door was open, and he knocked lightly on the frame. She set her book down, waving him in, and he stepped further into her room.

“Hey,” she said, eyes brightening. “We were all wondering where you ran off to.” 

He fumbled with his fingers. “Oh, yeah. I- I left for a bit with Stassi. She was kind of upset about, you know, what Margot told us, and I thought she could use a friend.” 

“That’s sweet of you. How’s she holding up?” 

“She was upset, but I think she’s better now,” he replied. “Hey, listen, I’m sorry to change the topic, but I wanted to ask you something earlier today. I was wondering if- I was wondering if you’d be open to going on a date with me.” 

There. He said it. Finally. He felt his anxiety seize in his chest, but at least it was done. 

It felt like minutes before she replied, but then a huge smile stretched across her face and she vigorously nodded her head. “Yeah, I’d really like that. Whenever.” 

“Really?” he asked, lighting up. “Great. I don’t know a lot of places here, but is there something you’d like to do? Drinks? Dinner? I don’t think there’s an art gallery here, but I could look.” 

“There’s actually a place that Ryan – the guy from last night – told me about, and I really wanna go,” she said. “It’s a cocktail bar. Would you be open to that? Maybe tomorrow night, if you’re not busy?” 

He nodded his head. “Yeah, yeah. Let’s do it.” 

When he was back in his room, he texted Steven. I asked her out. She said yes. 

His phone chimed with a reply minutes later. Hell yeah dude. 

***

The next day, Conrad was once again struggling to focus on studying. His mind was buzzing with excitement thinking about his date with Y/N. He told Tess and Teddy about it the next morning, and soon, Margot was knocking on his door congratulating him and asking if he knew what he was going to wear. (She ended up digging through his closet and drawers, and picking out something for him.) 

Somehow, even though they lived right across the hall from each other, he hadn’t seen much of Y/N that day. They had passed each other briefly as he was coming back from his run in the morning, and she was heading off to a yoga studio. So, he was nervous as he approached her door. 

It was shut this time, so he knocked on it. When she opened it, Conrad’s breath was taken away. She was wearing a pink dress and gold hoops, and she looked even more radiant than the first time Conrad saw her. 

“You look beautiful,” he said. 

“Thank you,” she replied, stepping out of her room. “You look handsome.” 

“Not pretty this time?” he teased. 

She smiled. “No, pretty too.” 

They made small talk as they walked down the stairs toward his car. He opened the passenger seat door for her, and then slid into the driver seat. She typed in the place on his phone, and as his hand brushed hers, he thought about how much he wanted to hold her hand. 

When they arrived, he helped her out of the car. He felt his heart practically gallop when he saw how delighted she looked as they walked into the bar and toward the table he reserved.

She ordered a strawberry sayonara, and he ordered a manhattan that had some kind of twist to it. He wasn’t usually a dark liquor person, but he felt like he had to upscale his order. He was nervous about not seeming like he was into this – the uppity cocktail bars and eccentric menu. Though, in truth, he tended to stick to ordering beers at dive bars with Agnes, Steven and Jeremiah. 

He felt his heart weigh down again as he thought of his brother, but he shoved those thoughts aside and looked at Y/N. She was practically glowing in the sunlight as she sipped her dark pink drink. 

“I couldn’t focus on studying today,” he admitted. “I was thinking about our date all day.” 

“Really?” She seemed genuinely surprised. 

“Yeah, have you met you?” he replied. “I’ve been practically fumbling ever since I saw you the first time.” 

She slowly shook her head. “I didn’t notice that.” She set down her drink. “You know, I was getting really nervous around you too.” 

This time, he was in disbelief. “Really? I didn’t pick on that. At all.”

“I feel like over the past few days I’ve been doing some silly things to get to know you better,” she said. “Like, why do you think I found you to help me figure out where to place my bags? Or when I asked you to help me with my hair? I easily could’ve done that.” She paused. “Well, not easily, but it would have gotten done.” 

He laughed and shook his head. “I think I was so excited you were asking me to do it that I didn’t catch onto anything else.” 

Her smile grew bigger, and Conrad felt himself practically melt. She had one of the nicest smiles he’d seen. He recalled how it felt like to see her beam for the first time and question whether she was the epitome of the sun herself. 

“You’re such a gentleman,” she said. She picked up her drink again and took another sip. “I kind of want to know. What red flags do you think you have?” 

He weighed on how to answer that. “I can be avoidant, but… I’m trying not to be. Any time I’m anxious about something, I pull away from it. And at the same time, I’m a bit of a people pleaser.” He shrugged. “At least, that’s what I’ve been getting out of therapy.” 

“I think you’re a little hard on yourself too,” she said. “Carrying everyone’s burdens.”

“Okay, now you sound like my therapist,” he joked, and his heart skipped a beat when she laughed. “What about you?”

“Well, I’m the opposite of you. I’m definitely an anxious attachment type,” she said. “I also overthink everything, but like you, I also people please.” She cocked her head. “It’s funny though, because I definitely haven’t thought you’ve been avoidant the past few days. If anything, I feel like you’ve been direct and open with me.” 

He shook his head. “It’s been there. I chickened out yesterday for a bit. I meant to ask you out that morning, right after our run. Hell, probably even earlier than that.” 

“What convinced you to do it?” 

“Honestly, a lot of pep talks and talking with Stassi yesterday,” he said. “When I was wit her, I was reflecting a lot about things I’ve learned, and one of my biggest lessons has been to open up and say how I feel. I can’t always promise my delivery is perfect, but it’s getting me out of avoiding.” 

She paused, digesting his words. Then, she reached her hand across the table to graze over Conrad’s. He felt a jolt. It was the first time they intentionally did that. “I think that’s wonderful.” He noticed her gulp. “I want to be in something that I feel sure of, that I don’t feel like I have to constantly ask to be reassured. I know some of that means I need to release a fear I'm going to be left in the dust.” She squeezed his hand. “You know, I usually would have spiraled if I saw you and Stassi run off together for a few hours, knowing she likes you, but I didn’t yesterday. I was surprised when you told me and I didn’t even feel an inkling of anxiety. It felt… good to not have that.”

“I’m glad. That’s the last thing I would want – for you to spiral.” He squeezed her hand back. “I can’t promise I’m perfect when I’m dating. I can’t say I’ll always get it right, but… I’m trying.” 

She nodded her head. “I’m trying too.” Then paused. A lightness reached her eyes. “Maybe we can both try being secure together.” 

***

They talked for hours. Conrad was surprised by how much his anxiety dissipated after they started talking. It was nearly 11 p.m. by the time they figured it’d be time to go home. She was meeting with the owner of a local yoga studio in the morning to pick up a teaching job, and he had to spend more time studying for his USMLE Step One exam. He paid the tab, and they started the drive back home. 

As they pulled into the driveway, he started to feel nervous again. He realized he hadn’t kissed her. He hadn’t even tried to yet. His hands were feeling jittery as he pulled the key out of the ignition.

“You ready to go back in?” he asked, jutting his chin toward the house. 

“Oh, yeah,” she said, nodding her head. It felt awkward to try to kiss her now. He knew he would be clumsy if he tried to lean over the center console and take all the romance away. So instead, he hopped out of the car and jogged over to her side to open the passenger door. He reached out his arm to help her out, but even after she exited his vehicle, she traced her fingers further down his arm and held onto his hand. Conrad hoped his hands weren’t sweaty from his nerves.

“I’m really glad I stopped being a wimp and we got to do this tonight,” he said. “It was nice to talk to you.” 

“Me too,” she said, smiling again. He was about to reach for the door handle, but stopped himself. Y/N stopped too. “You okay?” 

This was it. The time to try again. “I- Can I kiss you?” he stuttered out, turning to face her. Their hands were still intertwined. 

Y/N took a step closer to him, giggling and nodded her head. “Yeah, yeah, you can.”

He released their interlocked fingers to cup her face, and he leaned in to kiss her. Her lips were pillowy. He moved gently, but didn’t want to push things so far. So after a few seconds, he pulled back just to look at her and a smile curled up on her lips. Her eyes were glimmering under the outdoor light.

“Wait,” she said. This time, she was the one who propelled herself forward to kiss him. He kissed her back, moving his hands from around her face to rest instead on her hips. She rested her hands on his sides too, as they pressed toward each other. 

When they pulled away, he briefly fixed one of her strands of hair. “I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t try to kiss you.” He spoke softly. He had this feeling that the moment was fragile, and if he was too loud, he might break it. 

“I was hoping you’d do it,” she said. 

They walked back into the house, still holding hands. Conrad didn’t even care if his housemates saw it. All he cared about was this feeling that existed in between him and Y/N. 

The house, though, was quiet when they walked in. Most of the lights were off. They heard the sound of giggling down the hall, which Conrad suspected was Tess’s laughter, but that was the only hint of a presence. Y/N and Conrad walked up the stairs, only breaking their hold once they reached her bedroom door.

“Well, goodnight,” she said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Good luck with the chat tomorrow with that yoga studio,” he said. “Let me know how it goes.” 

She gave him a quick peck again on his lips, before she opened her door and disappeared inside. Conrad was walking toward his room when the door at the end of hall cracked open, revealing Margot. She lifted her thumb up, then down, and Conrad knew she was asking how the date went.

He immediately gave her a thumbs up.

***

The next week moved slowly. He was burying himself in studying again — only taking breaks to go for a swim or chat with some of housemates over meals.

Y/N had started subbing for some yoga studios, and she was applying for some barista and bartending jobs in the area for the summer. Sometimes, she would join him out on the patio or at the dining table while he was studying. She’d quietly work on her applications or whatever other task required her attention.

They tried at first to keep their relationship discreet, but there was no point. Conrad had told Tess and Teddy, who then told Margot. Margot told Lexi. Lexi told Hale, who told Emory. Emory told Stassi. They were subject to teasing, even more than Lexi and Hale. On one of their first weekends out after, Emory got them bottle service and had the billboard say, “Congratulations Y/N and Conrad!” like they were engaged. 

Weeks started flying by in a familiar rhythm. Y/N got a barista job in addition to teaching yoga classes. He spent most of his days studying. When she got home from work, they’d sometimes lay out in the lounge chairs by the pool or go out on a date in town. On the weekends, the group of housemates would eat meals together and head over to the beach. Sometimes, they’d follow up with rounds of bars or drinks at home. 

He’d noticed that Stassi had started withdrawing more in the house. When they were out as a group, she was acting completely normal, but he still had this sense it was a performance. He wasn’t sure if she ever talked to Hale directly or decided against it all together. He tried his best to check in on her, but she was often absent from the house all together. 

Amid all of that, he had still not spent the night with Y/N – not even after a drunk night out, a date, or anything. He wasn’t sure how to approach asking if that was something she wanted to do. They’d made out in her room or his room a few times, but more often than not, one of their roommates would make too loud of a noise that would disrupt the mood.

About a week before July 4th, Emory made a big pitch for the house. He asked for the house to throw a July 4th party, complete with grilling, swimming and fireworks. Some people in the house had started making friends around town, and the group from the D.C.-area knew plenty of people who spent their summers in North Carolina. 

A few hours after the house made the decision to do it, Margot approached Y/N and Conrad while they were swimming in the pool. 

“I have a favor to ask you guys,” she said, as she crouched right by the edge of the pool. 

“Okay,” Y/N replied, swimming over to her. “What’s up?” 

“So, my boyfriend, Austin, wants to come for the week of July 4th for a few days. The problem is, I’m sharing a room with Lexi,” she said. “She doesn’t think she could handle sleeping in Hale’s room because it’s still casual and she doesn’t want to stir up any more tension with Stassi. So, I was wondering if either of you would be willing to share a room with Lexi, or if you two would be willing to share a room with each other so Lexi can crash in one of your rooms?” 

They both glanced at each other. It’d be a big step for both of them. In a way, it’d feel like solidifying they were a couple in the house, but he wasn’t sure how open Y/N would be to that. He couldn’t read her reaction, and he didn’t want to put her in a weird spot in front of Margot. 

“Could you give us a minute to talk about it?” he asked. 

Margot nodded her head. “Take all the time you need. Well, actually, please let me know today, if you could, so Austin can buy tickets.” Conrad and Y/N giggled as Margot back into the house.

“What are you thinking?” he asked Y/N. 

“I’d be okay with it, if you are,” she said. “But I don’t mind sharing a room with Lexi either, so it’s up to you.” 

“I don’t mind sharing a room,” Conrad said. He then realized how that sounded. “Let me fix that, I want to share a room.” 

She grinned. “Okay, then deal.” 

***

On July 3rd, Y/N started moving some of her clothes and toiletries into Conrad’s room. He cleared some room in the closet and the dresser for her. And to be extra safe, he deep cleaned his bathroom and put on a fresh pair of sheets. 

He’d never gotten to properly share a room with a girl before. He and Belly were both too young to get an apartment together when they dated, and since then, there hadn’t been anyone else.

But he quickly realized he liked seeing his toothbrush next to hers in his bathroom. He liked that there were strands of her hair already lingering on his floor. But he knew by far that his favorite part was going to be sleeping next to her.

They hosted a welcome dinner for Margot’s boyfriend, Austin. He was a bit standoffish, but Conrad figured it was likely nerves from meeting so many people at once.

They all had to be up early in the morning to help set up for the party, and Y/N was planning on teaching a yoga class at 9 a.m. So, by about 10 p.m., Conrad and Y/N decided to call it a night. 

He was nervous as he followed her up the stairs. What if she hated sleeping next to him? What if he snored and didn’t know it? Or maybe he accidentally kicked in his sleep? He hadn’t shared a bed or room with another person in years. 

When he pushed his bedroom door open, Y/N flung herself on the bed. “M’exhausted,” she murmured. He laughed as he walked next to her, looming over her sprawled out form. He started pulling her shoes off and setting them in the closet. When he turned around to face her again, she propped herself up on her elbows to look at him. 

“I’m going to brush my teeth,” he said. “Do you need anything?” 

She stood up. “No, I’ll join you.” 

They both walked into his bathroom and picked up their respective toothbrushes. Conrad squeezed some of the toothpaste on her brush, then his. It made him feel giddy to be able to do such small domestic things with her like this. He was trying not to giggle as he looked at the two of them in the mirror. They took turns rinsing out their mouths. And then, took turns washing their faces. She flicked water at him while he was waiting for her to wrap up. 

When they were back in his bedroom, he felt his anxiety begin to stir up again. Y/N started shuffling in one of her drawers and pulled out a nightslip. Conrad gulped. 

“You don’t mind if I change here? Do you?” she asked. There was a mischievous glint in her eye. 

“Not at all,” he said, probably more breathily than he intended to. He cleared his throat. “Do you care if I do?” She shook her head. 

Y/N peeled off her shirt, revealing a lacy black bra underneath. Conrad did the same, and the two kept eye contact as they peeled off each layer of clothing. When they were both standing in their underwear, there was a pause as they both looked over. Suddenly, Y/N strode up to him and kissed him. 

She wrapped her arms around his neck, and his hands went to her thighs, immediately scooping her up. He began carrying her toward his bed as they continued to kiss. He gently set her down and hoisted himself on top of her. His lips immediately pressed against hers again, as he ran his fingers along her side. 

“I want you,” she whispered as they broke apart briefly for air. 

“I want you too,” he said. “You look so pretty underneath me right now.” 

She smiled and tugged him closer to her to kiss him again. As they kissed, Conrad cupped one of her breasts in his hand and she whimpered. The sounds she was making were just so pretty, so perfect. 

His hands traced down her back until he found her bra clasp. “Can I?” he asked. She nodded her head. 

He unclasped her bra and slowly pulled it off her. He studied her in the dim lighting for a second. It was different to see her chest lift with every inhale like this. He cupped the other breast – the one on her left side – and slowly moved his hand up to her heart. He could feel her heart beating rapidly, and he smirked to himself knowing he was the one giving her that reaction.

He leaned down to kiss her again, as one of his hands slipped underneath her underwear. He heard her let out a small gasp as his finger  lightly touched her clit. He let two of his fingers move up and down her folds, as she writhed underneath him. He forgot what it was like to be so close to someone – to have that yearning take over the senses completely. 

She moaned again as he inserted one finger inside her and began to slowly pump it in and out. 

“You have to be a little quiet,” he reminded her. “We can’t have Margot and Austin hearing us.” 

“I’m sure they’re up to the same thing,” Y/N replied, as she kissed his lips again. 

He started to kiss along her jawline, then gently kissed one of her ear lobes. He moved back down her neck, all while he stroked her with his fingers. He noticed that her skin smelled like flowers. 

He swirled his tongue around one of her nipples, as he switched his fingers attention back to her clit and began rubbing her there. Her hips slightly bucked up, and he chuckled. 

“You’re so reactive,” he said. 

“Is that a problem?” 

He shook his head. “No, it’s… ridiculously hot.” He focused again on her breasts, taking the other nipple gently into his mouth. He sat up briefly, just to pull her underwear off her legs and throw that off to the side too. She looked so angelic laying on his bed, with her hair splayed out around her head. He kissed her lips again before shifting his attention to her core. He lifted her legs over his shoulders, as he leaned down to kiss right at her center. He inserted a finger back inside her, as his tongue began to lick her up, savoring every taste of her.

She tasted mostly sweet, with just a hint of a saltiness. He was obsessed with it as his tongue worked her clit. While his fingers pumped inside her, his other hand held her down so he could focus on making sure she kept making all those pretty moans. He was growing harder in his boxers by the minute just listening to her and watching her squirm. 

“Conrad,” she breathed. “I’m close.”

He tried not to let his smile disrupt the rhythm he’d started as he flicked his tongue on her clit. She twitched up slightly and her breath started picking up, until suddenly she was slowing down. Conrad knew he’d gotten her off, and he was trying not to let his smugness show as he sat up. 

“Want to taste yourself?” he asked. She nodded her head. He removed her legs from his shoulders and leaned over her again so he could kiss her on the lips. He was going to pull away after a brief peck or two, but her arms circled around his neck and he kissed her deeply. 

“I want you inside me,” she said. “Like desperately. I’ve been thinking about it all day.” 

“All day? Really?” he asked, grinning. 

“Well, maybe even longer than all day. Maybe since Margot asked us if we’d want to share a room.”

“I have too,” he said as he pulled down his boxers. He watched as her eyes flickered down to his cock. 

He didn’t want to make it too intense the first time. There’d be other occasions when he could try all the things he wanted to do with her. So, he nestled himself in between her legs and lined up his cock with her entrance. He gently pushed inside her, and this time, he was the one who let out a moan. 

He propped himself up with his hands as he thrust into her. He couldn’t stop looking into her eyes. Her hands reached up to cup his face, and he kissed her wrist. If this was her altar, he wanted to worship at it every day. 

“You feel so perfect,” he told her. “So perfect for me.” 

“I could have you inside of me forever,” she said back. Conrad grinned and leaned down to kiss her. 

He started quickening his pace, and he could hear himself slapping against her. He didn’t care at this point if his roommates heard. All he cared about was Y/N. He felt a knock inside of his stomach and he knew he was getting close. 

“Do you want me to pull out?” he asked. She shook his head.

“You’re okay,” she murmured. “Are you close?” 

“Yeah baby.” He kept up his quickened pace, until he felt himself snap. He practically collapsed on top of her, but managed to keep himself slightly propped up by his forearms and kissed the side of her face. He was panting as he sat up and pulled outside of her, before laying on his back next to her.

He grabbed two tissues, passing one to her to clean up. They both kissed again.  He heard Y/N giggle, and his eyes flickered over to her. 

“What?” he asked. 

She shook her head, still smiling. “Nothing, I’m just so happy that I can’t stop giggling.” Her words made him grin. 

Conrad stood up and grabbed both of their tissues before tossing them in the trash. He pulled his boxers back on, then offered Y/N her underwear. She slipped on her panties and asked Conrad to hand her the nightslip she never got to put on. As she slipped the dress over her head, he pulled down the covers and helped her shuffle underneath the sheets. He slipped in next to her and wrapped her in his arms. 

He pressed a kiss on her forehead and ran his hand along her back. He could feel her heart beating again, as her head rested on his chest. 

“You know, the Romans had this odd idea about the heart,” he started. “They believed there was a vein that ran from your heart to your fourth finger. They called it vena amoris, which means vein of love. Before physicians had a greater understanding of the human body, they believed placing a ring on that finger would cure any ailments. Or even just pinching that finger would do the job.” 

She looked up at him. “You’re telling me about the cardiovascular system just right after having great sex with me?” 

He blushed. “I– Uh- Sorry, I just thought-” 

“No, it’s really hot.” 

***

The next morning, Y/N was the first one up. She slipped out early to go teach a yoga class. Conrad was struggling to convince himself to get up for a run, but after staring at the ceiling for 15 minutes, he eventually got up. 

It was already sweltering, even though it wasn’t even 9 a.m. yet. Conrad didn’t last as long as he normally would on his runs just because of how intense the heat felt. He booked it straight to the kitchen and chugged water as soon as he walked back in, then headed to his room to shower. 

By the time he was out, Y/N was walking into the bedroom. “Jeez, it’s so hot outside today. I felt like my car’s AC couldn’t keep up,” she said. She was flinging off her yoga pants and sports bra, and throwing it into Conrad’s hamper. He liked how comfortable she felt around him. 

“I didn’t even finish my full run,” he admitted. “It was too hot.” 

“I’m going to be in the pool for most of this July 4th function.” She gave him a quick peck on the lips, then walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

As she got ready, Conrad headed downstairs to see if Emory needed any help setting up. Emory had gone all out for the event, ordering tons of alcohol and even a mechanical bull. It would be one of the most extravagant July 4th parties Conrad ever attended. 

His heart ached as he thought of his previous Independence Days in Cousins Beach with his mom, Jeremiah, Belly, Steven and Laurel. He yearned for his mom’s cake. Hell, he even missed the pomegranate margaritas that Belly’s dad’s girlfriend taught them one year. 

Jeremiah still hadn’t responded to any of his texts since the wedding, but that didn’t stop Conrad from trying. He found a photo in his camera roll from 10 years ago, when they were still awkward teenagers. They had posed for a photo with their mom out by the pool. Everyone was smiling brightly, and he could even see his dad grilling in the background.

He sent the photo to Jeremiah with a text that read: Happy 4th. Miss you Jer. Hope you’re having a good time in Cousins. Wish we could be there with mom. 

Conrad sighed as he shut his phone. It was always odd trying to contact Jeremiah. He tried to see his brother at Christmas, but he bailed at the last minute. On the anniversary of their mother’s passing, Conrad only saw his father and Laurel. He chatted with Steven on the phone for a bit, and even though Steven felt like a brother, it never replaced the grief he knew that Jeremiah understood the most. 

Conrad had harbored this deep-seated sense of isolation for years. Sometimes, he swore it clung to his bones – it was as much a part of his DNA as all of the nucleotides. 

He was about to text Laurel, too, but then he heard a, “YEAHHHHH BUDDYYYYY!” and remembered his original intent of walking downstairs.

Emory was standing in front of the front door, which was cracked open. There were cases of beer, seltzers and some liquor outside. Hale was on his left, also grinning. 

“Holy shit,” Hale said. 

“This is for today?” Conrad asked, finishing his walk down the stairs. 

“Yup,” Emory replied, glancing over at him. “We need to put it in the coolers in that bar in the back. I got some ice back there already. Then, Conrad, I’m gonna need you and Teddy on breakfast duty while Hale and I work on getting everyone to help set up.” 

“Aye, aye, captain,” Hale said. 

Conrad laughed to himself, thinking of the time Y/N called Emory the CEO of their trips. He’d never seen Emory so functional. They moved like cogs in a well-oiled machine, as they hauled the cases of alcohol toward the backyard. They each cracked open the cases and placed the cans into the bar one at a time. They set up the liquor on shelves behind the bar, so the bartenders Emory hired would have an easy time grabbing drinks.

From there, Conrad knocked on Teddy and Tess’s door, and explained that he and Teddy were responsible for cooking breakfast. The rest of the house was in the backyard, helping blow up pool floaties and balloons. Some of the girls were coordinating decorations around the pool house, and Emory was on the phone with the people he hired to bring a mechanical bull. Conrad was chuckling to himself as he observed the group and flipped bacon.

“Crazy to think we barely knew these guys a few weeks ago,” Teddy said. “Remember when we were talking in this kitchen and you were telling me about how the only girl you really talked to was Y/N?” 

Conrad chuckled. “Remember when I said it was too early to say if I was into someone and Tess immediately picked up that I had a crush on Y/N later that day?” They both laughed. 

Conrad looked out the window to see where Y/N was. She was sitting criss-cross on a lounge chair and working on blowing up a hot dog pool floatie. He reminisced on what it was like to hold her as they fell asleep last night. 

When they finished cooking breakfast, Teddy and Conrad brought dishes full of food out to set on their big outdoor table. Conrad placed a jug of orange juice and pitcher full of iced coffee out. 

Emory was the first one to get to the table. He was thrilled the mechanical bull was on its way. The rest of the group trickled in, and it was unspoken among all of them that Y/N would sit next to Conrad. As they ate breakfast together, Conrad occasionally squeezed Y/N’s leg under the table.

“God, if this is how hot it’s going to be for most of the party, I don’t know how long I’m gonna last,” Stassi remarked. 

“Aw, come on, that’s what the pool is for,” Emory replied. 

“I was just telling Conrad this morning I’ll be in the pool for most of this party,” Y/N said. “We might have to get some sprinklers out too, just because of how bad the heat is gonna be.” 

“I agree,” Teddy said, as he turned his phone toward the group. The weather app was pulled up. “It’s gonna be in the upper 90s in the afternoon. We’ll have to make sure people are drinking water and coming inside to cool down.” 

“Okay, Dr. Patton,” Tess teased, nudging him slightly. Teddy grinned at his girlfriend. 

“Guys, I kind of scheduled another surprise for us too,” Hale said slyly, leaning back in his chair. “Emory, you’re going to love it.” Emory raised an eyebrow. “I got us a dunk tank that’s on the way.” 

Emory beamed, and Lexi laughed. “What even is the budget for this party?” she asked. “Like how much did you have to pay for that?” 

“It’s only $250 for eight hours,” Hale said. “I just have to be the one to fill it, but it should get here right before our party starts.” He looked over at Emory. “How much was the bull?” 

“Like, over $1,000,” Emory said. “But I got my parents to pitch in.” 

“Your parents are going to help us pay off our mid-20s July 4th party?” Margot asked. Austin sat on her right side, and his arm was slung around her shoulders. 

“Yeah,” Emory said, shrugging. “We gotta have a good July 4th.”

Stassi shook her head, mostly to herself, as she took another bite of her hashbrowns. Conrad glanced over at Y/N. She was already looking at him. They both smiled at each other and turned back to their food. 

***

After breakfast, Conrad focused on washing the plates and utensils with Teddy while the rest of the group finished decorating. They heard Emory holler and watched him dap up Hale as the mechanical bull came in. 

About an hour before the party was supposed to start, some of the girls went upstairs to get ready. Teddy and Conrad started placing some of their snacks in bowls and on platters. They both joked with each other that they were the unofficial chefs of the day. (Though Hale and Emory pledged they’d take on grilling to kick off the party.) 

Y/N walked downstairs in one of Conrad’s linen button downs. It was completely open, revealing a white bikini with printed cherries all over it. She was wearing cut off denim shorts, presumably over her bikini bottoms. Conrad couldn’t stop looking at her. He walked over to her and grabbed her by her hips. 

“You look amazing,” he said, eyeing the way his shirt hung off her shoulders. He gave her a quick peck on the lips. 

“Thank you baby,” she said. 

Tess had come down the stairs shortly after, similarly hugging and kissing Teddy. “We got the rest of this,” she said. “Why don’t you guys go upstairs to change so everyone’s ready once people start showing up?” 

Conrad went up to his room to change. He slipped on a pair of navy swim shorts and a white t-shirt. He put on one of his old pairs of beach loafers that his mom used to insist he wear for July 4th instead of flip-flops. 

When he got back downstairs, Emory was hauling a large speaker outside. Apparently, a DJ would come later in the evening, but for now, they were going to rely on a playlist curated by the house. Conrad had added “Boys of Summer” by Don Henley, since his mom and Laurel used to play it every July 4th while they were grilling. He remembered how he used to jump around with Belly, Jeremiah and Steven when they were all in elementary school. Sometimes, his mom would run over and twirl him around. 

“Chocolate” by The 1975 came on, and the sound of the guitar opening up the song snapped him back to the present. Hale was trying to convince Emory to be the first one to go into the dunk tank, while Stassi was egging it on. Y/N was sitting by the edge of the pool with Margot, Lexi and Tess, while Teddy and Austin were in a deep conversation.

So, he grabbed a few water bottles and walked over to the edge of the pool. He handed each of the girls one. 

“Wow, thanks Conrad,” Margot said as she twisted the cap off. 

“He and Teddy will be like this for the rest of the party,” Tess said. “They turn into a pair of dads, especially if we’re having a darty.” 

He rolled his eyes playfully. “I just worry about you guys, okay.” 

“At least someone is,” Margot remarked, as she took a sip of her water. Conrad could detect the slight huff in her tone, and he raised an eyebrow. 

“Did something happen?” Conrad asked.

“Austin has just been acting a little weird since he showed up,” Lexi explained, glancing over at Margot’s boyfriend. “He’s not normally so… withdrawn.”

Conrad looked over at Austin, recollecting how quiet he had been over the past 24 hours. “You don’t think it’s just nerves? It’s a big house and he’s meeting a lot of people at once.” 

Margot shook her head. “Something just feels off about it.” She cocked her head as she studied her boyfriend from afar. “I feel like he’s avoiding looking at me, and I don’t know why. I don’t like this insecurity I’m feeling.” 

Conrad wasn’t sure if he should pry more, but before he could put much more thought into it, Emory had started welcoming people into the house. 

After about an hour, the party was in full-swing. Hale ended up being the first one to go in the dunk tank, and he eventually flew into the water after Stassi made a good hit. The two of them were giggling as he walked out of the tank. Austin, Teddy, Emory and Lexi were all gathered by the grill. Conrad chose to hang out with Tess, Margot and Y/N in the pool. He noticed Lexi glance over at Stassi and Hale laughing together.

“Ugh, I feel like I need to apply more sunscreen every five minutes,” Y/N remarked. “I cannot believe how hot it is today.” 

“Yeah, I’m surprised our A/C is even remotely able to keep up,” Margot said. “I keep feeling so parched, even though we’re in the water.” 

“It’s probably because you need electrolytes,” Conrad said. 

“Okay, Dr. Fisher,” she said. “I’ll go get some Gatorade.” 

“I think I could use a break from swimming to get some water,” Y/N said, as she started moving toward the ladder to climb out.

They all decided to get out to take a break. Conrad walked toward his towel. He heard his phone chime with a text and picked it up. He froze when he saw it was from Belly. It was atypical for her to reach out to him. Happy Fourth of July, it read. Missed you in Cousins this year. 

It was the most she’d said to him in about a year. He almost couldn’t believe it was on his phone. He quickly replied. Thanks Belly. Hope you’re having a good holiday with Jer and your family. 

He let out a long breath. He realized there was a chance his brother may have texted him while he was in the pool and scrolled through his notifications to see. Still, there was nothing. But Conrad remained optimistic – if Belly was feeling comfortable enough to talk to him again, maybe Jeremiah felt that way too. 

“You okay?” Y/N asked, walking up to his side and squeezing his arm. She had a large water bottle in her hand. 

“Oh, hey, yeah,” he said. He set his phone back down. 

“Are you sure? You just looked a little… out of it,” she said. 

He shook his head. “No, no, it’s okay,” he insisted. “Don’t worry about me. I’m okay.” He knew she didn’t believe him based off of the way she was searching his eyes. “Hey, why don’t we take a spin at the mechanical bull? We haven’t gone over there yet today. Then maybe eat after?” 

“Okay, okay,” she agreed. “Let’s go do that.” 

***

After a few more hours of partying, Conrad walked back into the house to grab him and Y/N a beer. He spotted Hale and Stassi talking on the couch. Her eyes were bright as she giggled at something he said. Margot briskly walked in and went upstairs, likely to her own bedroom. Conrad was about to walk back toward the pool when he heard his phone ring. 

Jeremiah was calling him. 

He set down the two beers and moved toward the front of the house. He swung open the front door and stepped into their driveway, grinning as he picked up the phone. 

“Hey man, happy fourth, it’s good to hear from you,” Conrad said. “What have you guys been up to today?” 

“Well, Con, let me tell ya about it,” his brother replied. His words were more drawn out than usual. “I thought I was going to hang out with my wife all day today, but last night, right before we even left for Cousins, she tells me that she doesn’t think we should be together anymore.”

Conrad was taken aback. He froze up. 

“I-I’m sorry Jer,” Conrad stammered out. “I can’t imagine.” 

“Well you know what the worst part is? She mentioned she’s been thinking about the stuff that happened last year with you. Apparently, on her bachelorette night, she started freaking out thinking about how the only person she pictured marrying was you. Taylor witnessed it, and on our wedding day, Taylor tried to convince Belly to call off the wedding. All because of you.” 

Conrad’s heart was hammering in his chest. He didn’t know Belly had any doubts about the wedding. She’d been so adamant about marrying Jeremiah, even kicking Conrad out of the event to appease her now-husband. 

“Jer, look, I will apologize every day for the rest of my life if you need me to,” Conrad said. “I feel awful. I’ve always wanted to protect you and make sure you’re happy. Look, I’m sorry that things are over between you guys now, but … I don’t think this is entirely on me either.” 

“Oh fuck off,” Jeremiah said. “You were waiting all of last summer for just the right time to sneak your way back in. You chose that over caring about your brother.” 

“Jeremiah, that’s not fair and you know that.” 

“You are one of the most selfish people I know,” Jeremiah said. Then, he promptly hung up. 

Conrad stood there for a second, feeling dumbfounded. He had somehow managed to ruin everything – again. His phone was shaking in his hand. His mind was consumed by thoughts that he was just as selfish as his brother said he was. Suddenly, the heat felt too much. He was trying to breathe deeply, but he couldn’t get enough oxygen while inhaling.

He saw as the first firework went off, flashing a bright burst that illuminated the whole driveway. He watched as an array of colors lit up the sky. He could vaguely hear people from the party cheering as they watched the show, and he struggled to steady his breath. 

“Conrad!” he heard Y/N call out. She grabbed his arm. He could barely register her face as he kept hyperventilating. All he could focus on was the way her hand felt as it pressed on his chest. Her other hand rested on his right shoulder. “Breathe with me,” she said. “We’ll start with inhaling.” 

She started exaggerating long inhales and exhales, all while looking directly into his eyes. He reached one hand out to cover her own heart, as he tried to even the pace of his breath with hers. He kept focusing on the way her soft hands felt on him, and how her warmth felt inviting rather than suffocating. 

Eventually, his breath steadied out. Y/N immediately moved in to hug him, and he felt himself collapse against her. He watched as streaks of light burst in the sky, and he breathed into Y/N’s neck. 

“What do you need?” she asked him. 

“Nothing, I’m- I’m fine,” he said. He stepped out, taking a deep breath in again. “Sorry, I think I need to go inside for a minute, and just relax.” 

“Okay,” she said, nodding her head. “Do you want me to come with you?” 

He shook his head. “I’ll be fine. I just need a second.” 

He crept up the stairs. As soon as he stepped into his room, he collapsed on his bed. He stared up at his ceiling, watching as the fireworks briefly lit up his bedroom. He didn’t know how long he laid there – if it was 10 minutes or an hour – but he didn’t get out of his funk until he heard people thundering up the stairs. He sat up. 

“You need to leave right now!” It sounded like Margot. “I don’t ever want to see you in this house ever again! Don’t talk to me ever again!” Conrad flew to his door. He peered out from beyond the doorframe, only to see Margot throw her bedroom door open and grab a bag that had been on the ground. She threw the bag at Austin, who was chasing after her. 

“Margot, I’m sorry! It didn’t even mean anything!” he said. She had been pulling cords out from the walls and throwing some of his shirts at him. 

“No, fuck you. Fuck off. Go home,” she growled out. 

“Margot-” Austin started. Conrad stepped out fully into the hallway and cleared his throat. Austin spun his head around. 

“Hey, she asked you to leave,” Conrad said. “So I think you gotta go.”

Austin looked back over at Margot, whose lips were pressed tightly together. She simply shook her head at him. Austin let out a deep sigh. “All right, I’ll go,” he said. “I’ll- I’ll call you tomorrow.” He picked up some of the charging cables and clothes that had been thrown at him, and he shoved the items in his bag. He lifted the bag up his shoulders and walked down the stairs. When he was out of sight, Conrad spun around to look at Margot. 

She was still standing in front of her bedroom. Her face was completely flat, but he could tell she was angry based on how heavy her breaths were. 

“What happened?” Conrad asked. 

She opened her mouth, then promptly closed it after letting out an exhale. She threw her hand over her face and just said, “He is such a motherfucker.” 

Lexi flew up to the top of the stairs. Her eyes were wide as she took in Margot. “Stassi told me that you looked pissed. What happened?” she asked. 

Margot shook her head. “Austin fucking cheated on me. I got a DM from a girl after I posted a photo of the two of us on Instagram together. Apparently, he hooked up with one of her friends four weeks ago, and they’ve been seeing each other while he’s been in California.” 

“What the fuck?!” Lexi exclaimed. 

“Shit, Margot, I’m so sorry,” Conrad said. He shoved all thoughts of Belly and Jeremiah aside, as he moved toward Margot. He and Lexi wrapped their arms around her. Margot cracked immediately, and she started crying. She was practically dry-heaving as she wracked out her sobs. 

After a few minutes of them holding her up, her tears slowed down. She stepped away from both of them, then wiped underneath her eyelids, slightly smiling. “Now that’s the last time I’ll let myself cry over him or think about him,” she said. She threw her hands out. “Fuck him forever.” 

“Are you sure?” Lexi asked. “It’s okay if you want to cry about it again.” 

Margot shook her head. “No, it’s July 4th. I’m going to focus on having a good rest of the night.” 

“Okay,” Lexi said, nodding her head and shooting Conrad a look.

They both walked down the stairs with Margot. When they reached the living room, Margot beelined to go get another drink at the bar. 

“I got this,” Lexi said to Conrad, then followed after Margot.

He stood still in the hallway and took a minute to get readjusted to his surroundings. He could hear the bass drop as some Kesha song played in the backyard. He watched as the DJ bounced in the makeshift booth Emory assembled, and a crowd danced around him. Emory was deep in a conversation with a girl on their patio. He glanced further to Emory’s left, and he could make out Y/N near a lounge chair talking to Tess and Teddy. 

A door opened down the hall and he glanced to his left. Stassi was walking out of Hale’s room. She gave him a small smile, before going upstairs. He noticed she was wiping tears. 

It seemed like everyone was having a bad night. 

All of the events from the summer hit him at once. He thought of telling Stassi to talk to Hale about how she felt, and how it motivated him to finally make a move on Y/N. He reminisced on how hopeful he got after his first date with Y/N. But then he would hear Jeremiah’s voice in his mind telling him, “You are one of the most selfish people I know!”

Maybe it wasn’t a permanent feeling of isolation that was interwoven in his DNA. Maybe he had been the problem all along. His grief rendered him into a person he didn’t even know anymore. 

He started instinctively cleaning up the empty cans and cups in the backyard. At least the cleanliest of the house was something he could control. 

***

At about 1 a.m., the last batch of people were clearing out of the house. Conrad had stopped drinking, and he was instead focusing on making sure the backyard was clear of any food items that would attract racoons or other animals. 

Y/N walked up behind him and gave him a hug, but he felt numb to it. He simply gave her a smile, before finding another piece of trash to toss away. 

“Hey, Lexi is going to stay in Margot’s room tonight, so my room is open again,” she said. She seemed slightly nervous as she was talking to him. “Do you still want me to stay in your room tonight? Or should I go back to my room?” 

Conrad let out a long breath. It felt like too much to be around her at that moment. “I- I think you should stay in your room,” he said. 

Her face fell. “Oh, okay,” she said. 

“I’m sorry, I just- I think I’m gonna need some space for a while,” he said. “It’s- It’s nothing to do with you, I’m just gonna need a break.” He noticed there were tears glimmering in her eyes. 

“It’s okay, I get it.” She promptly went back inside. 

“Y/N,” he called out. It was too late. Conrad watched as she trudged up the stairs. 

They didn’t say goodnight to each other that night. As Conrad climbed into his bed that night, he noticed the pillow on the left side of his bed smelled like Y/N. 

***

The next morning, Conrad was one of the first ones awake. He was in the kitchen making coffee when Emory’s door swung open. The girl Emory was talking to last night stumbled out, and she gave Conrad a polite smile as she walked out of the house. Conrad laughed to himself, then flipped some of the French toast he was cooking. As he cooked, Jeremiah’s call replayed over and over again in his mind. 

He just finished plating a whole stack of French toast for the house when Margot walked into the kitchen. She looked composed, though her eyes were puffy, likely from crying last night. She greeted him as she opened the fridge to grab some orange juice. 

“Hey, I’m making some French toast, if you want some.” Her eyes brightened and she walked over to the stove to grab two pieces. “Feeling any better today?” he asked. 

“Out of sight, out of mind,” she replied, as she walked over to a stool by the kitchen island. “At least, that’s what I’m going to keep telling myself.”

“Did you block him on social media?” 

Margot shook her head. “Nope, I’m going to let him see what he fumbled.” He looked back at her, and she was grinning. “I’m determined to pull myself together. If not today, maybe tomorrow.” 

“You don’t have to push yourself to be okay.” 

“I know, but… I don’t want to spend the rest of our summer here groveling over a man who did me dirty like that,” she replied. 

Conrad and Margot moved over to the couches to watch “Practical Magic,” Margot’s comfort movie, while the rest of the house slowly started waking up. He watched as his summer roommates stumbled into the kitchen. They were all quiet, especially Hale and Lexi. He noticed Lexi sharply inhale once Stassi walked into the room.

He glanced over at Margot, who was eyeing the interaction out of the corner of her eye. She made eye contact with Conrad and mouthed, “I’ll tell you later.” 

He avoided looking at Y/N as she walked downstairs. He couldn’t bear to see the pain in her eyes. Margot was rambling about how she should never have dated a man. 

He wasn’t paying attention when Stassi first started opening the bottle of the prosecco. At least, not until he heard a loud pop and Lexi yelp. Both he and Margot spun around, and saw Lexi clutching her side. The bottle of prosecco was fizzing onto the tile. Everyone had their mouths agape. Hale’s eyes were wide. 

“Holy shit, are you okay?” Stassi asked, setting down the bottle and running over to Lexi. 

“Did you do that on purpose?” Lexi demanded. 

“No, no, I would never-” 

“I’ve had it up to here with your shit, Stassi,” Lexi said, jutting her hand up. “And now you fucking bruise me?” 

“That’s not-” 

“You are such a fucking-” 

By then, it was nearly impossible to discern what either of them were saying. They were yelling over each other, and it didn’t help that their voices sounded so similar. 

“Whoa, whoa, WHOA. ENOUGH!” Emory called out, stepping in between them. The whole house was silent. No one had ever heard Emory raise his voice like that before. Conrad didn’t even think he’d ever heard Emory sound that serious before. They all stared at Emory as he clenched his fists and squeezed his eyes shut. He let out an exhale, then slowly opened his eyes. “House meeting, living room, everyone.” 

They all quietly shuffled to sit with Margot and Conrad on the couches. Lexi plopped next to Margot, but Y/N sat on the opposite couch – right next to Tess and Stassi. 

Once everyone was settled, Emory cleared his throat. “Everyone in this house has been weird and tense this morning. There’s whatever is going on between you three.” He gestured toward Lexi, Hale and Stassi. “Margot’s grumpy – and I get why. And Conrad and Y/N haven’t looked each other in the eye once all morning. This is not what I wanted this summer to be for any of us. This summer should be fun. It’s going to be one of the only summers we get to do this. Conrad and Teddy are going to be buried in their clinical rotations next year. Y/N is going to Brown. And who knows when we’ll be able to see Stassi again, since she’s always traveling the world?” He stood up and walked over to pick up a light up cowboy hat that had been on one of the bookshelves. “So, here’s the rule. Whoever has the cowboy hat gets to speak. Everyone is going to listen, and we’re not going to come for each other. Because, whether you like it or not, for this summer, we’re a family.” He lifted up the hat. “So, who wants to take it first?” 

There was a beat of silence. Everyone stared at each other. Then, Margot lifted her hand. 

“Okay, fuck it, why not, go ahead Margot,” Emory said, passing the hat over to her. 

She placed it on her head. “I regret encouraging Lexi to pursue Hale, because the fight between Stassi and Lexi feels ridiculous. I’m sorry to my friend, but the problem is clearly Hale,” Margot immediately said. All three of them spun their heads around to face Margot.

“How am I the problem?” Hale scoffed. 

“Hey,” Emory called out. “Only the person with the hat is allowed to speak.”

“Because you’re playing these two girls. I saw you at the party yesterday,” Margot continued. “You barely talked to Lexi, and the whole time, you were flirting with Stassi like you didn’t just toy with her heart a few months ago. And I get it, they are beautiful girls. I would want to be around both of them as much as possible, but it’s creating this divide in the house that’s so pointless.” 

Stassi shook her head and raised her hand. Emory reached his hand out for the cowboy hat, and then handed it to Stassi. She cleared her throat. “I think that I messed everything up.” Lexi snorted and rolled her eyes. “Oh you know what, actually fuck off because-” 

“OKAY!” Emory called out, plucking the hat off of Stassi’s head. “We’re going to come back to Stassi, Hale and Lexi.” He held out the hat toward Conrad and then Y/N. Neither of them leaned forward to grab it. “C’mon, it’s gotta be one of you. Everyone can tell something is off.” 

Conrad still kept his mouth shut. He wasn’t sure where to even begin talking about what happened last night, and how it impacted his relationship with Y/N. 

“Okay, I’ll go ahead and do it,” Y/N said, reaching out her hand. Emory passed her the cowboy hat. After it was on, Y/N said, “Conrad told me he wanted to go on a break last night. So, I don’t know, we decided we’re taking a pause on seeing each other. I don’t know if it means that we’re over.” 

Conrad was surprised. He didn’t think of their encounter as a break up. He shook his head. “No, no. That’s not what I-” 

Margot scrunched her eyebrows together, then looked over at Conrad. “Why did you do that?” 

“I didn’t-” he started again. 

“Okay, HAT! HAT ONLY,” Emory exclaimed again. The room was silent again. He waved to Y/N. “You may continue now.” 

She shrugged. “That’s really all. I understand either way, and I just want him to be happy.” She took off the cowboy hat and passed it back over to Emory. 

Emory held it out to Conrad. Conrad gulped. He looked over at Y/N. She appeared defeated as she curled up in her chair, staring at the hat. 

“Conrad, c’mon, you know we wouldn’t judge you,” Margot said. His eyes snapped to her. She was lightly nudging him. “For some reason, you act like we’re all going to pull away at any moment, and none of us are. You can tell us what’s going on.” Teddy gave Conrad a quick nod. 

So, he took a big inhale in, and he put on the hat. He started telling the group everything. He talked about his breakup with Belly, and how after watching Jeremiah and Belly kiss, he decided to pull away from his family. He told them about how he found out his dad cheated on his mom, and his brother continued that cycle. All the words he wanted to say over the past few years seemed to pour out of him, and his roommates sat there, listening attentively. 

He started building the narrative of last night – seeing the text from Belly, and the subsequent phone call from Jeremiah. When it was time to talk about his panic attack, he was stuttering the words out. He tried to meet Y/N’s eyes, but she was looking at the ground. 

“Y/N, when I saw you last night, I wasn’t trying to break up with you,” he said. “I’m sorry. I was overwhelmed and I needed to be alone. That was it. I wasn’t trying to end things at all. I don’t want to end things.” 

Once he was done, he felt his shoulders sag. Margot was staring at him, frowning. It was different to be able to share everything he felt, without having someone yelling at him or berating him immediately after. 

When he set the hat back down on the coffee table, Margot picked it up and placed it on her head. 

“I don’t think you’re the selfish one, Conrad,” she said. “I think if anything, the problem is that you’re too selfless. You’re taking on too much of your brother’s pain to let yourself be happy. I think it’s your brother’s fault his relationship failed, because he literally cheated on her. Yeah, maybe you shouldn’t have told her you loved her right before the wedding, but I think she still would have left him anyway.” She glanced over at Y/N. “I don’t think because of any of that you should have shut Y/N out. This relationship is something new that has nothing to do with your brother or your ex, and you have to think of it that way. It’s not fair to you or to her to let your past have such a hold on what’s going on with you now.” 

Conrad nodded his head, digesting Margot’s words. He knew she was right. His therapist had told him as much over the years – that he needed to do a better job of opening up rather than quickly putting his guard up. He glanced back over at Y/N, who was now looking directly at him. 

“Do you need the hat back, Y/N?” Emory asked. Y/N shook her head. He glanced back over at the trio that had already started arguing this morning. Lexi was still glaring at Stassi. “Okay, not getting to that one yet. Teddy, I’m gonna give you the hat.” 

Teddy chuckled as the cowboy hat was placed on his head. “I don’t really know what to say. I want everyone to figure their stuff out. I truly think Conrad is into Y/N but he’s a really reserved person. I don’t know what’s going on with Lexi, Hale and Stassi at all, but I don’t think Stassi was intentionally trying to hurt you this morning, Lexi. Someone was fucking around with that bottle yesterday at the party. Uh, other than that, I love my girlfriend and I think she’s beautiful. I’ve had fun with you guys so far this summer, and I hope like Emory said, we can all keep having fun.” He handed the cowboy hat back to Emory. 

“Okay, I-” He let out an exhale. “I think we’re ready to try one of you three again, but let’s like, try to talk to each other this time.” 

“Remember what I said,” Margot said. Emory shot her a look as he offered the hat up. 

Hale was the one to grab it. “I don’t actually think that this is all my fault. I tried to pursue Stassi years ago, and she rejected me and moved away. So, suddenly she tells me she has feelings for me and we hook up, but I’ve never known Stassi to stay and truly date someone. I didn’t think that was anything that would change anytime soon, and I don’t think I can take having my heart broken by Stassi again. Okay? Does that please everyone?” He practically flung the hat back toward Emory. 

There was not one mention of Lexi. Conrad tried not to audibly wince. 

Stassi reached for the hat. She glanced over at Lexi. “I wasn’t trying to sabotage your relationship.” Lexi scoffed. “No, Lexi, I swear. I have liked Hale for such a long time. It had nothing to do with you, and all of this started before we even got here.” She sighed. “To catch everyone up, last night, I told Hale that I was in love with him. I was talking to Conrad a few weeks ago, and he was talking to me about how he learned how important it is to say how you feel. I’ve been thinking about how I feel about Hale, and yesterday, after we started talking at the party, it really hit me that I don’t want to be away from him. I’m sorry. I should have talked to you, though, privately, or at least tried to form some bond with you. I get why you don’t like me.” 

She took off the hat and handed it to Lexi, who already had her hand out expectantly. 

“Look, I want to like you,” Lexi started. “I just have felt like you’ve been coming for me in some way or another all summer. First, I hear from Margot that on the night I kissed Hale, you were talking about how upset you were about it. You and I never talk about it once. Instead, it’s like talking to a brick wall every single time we even try to have a conversation. And then, last night happened. If I would’ve known you guys have such this intense crazy history, which evidently, doesn’t seem to be done either, then I wouldn’t have gotten myself involved in it in the first place. I don’t want to be some backburner choice, and honestly Hale, with what you just said, that’s kind of how you’re making me feel.” She took off the hat. 

Tess cleared her throat and reached for the hat. “I think we’re starting to phase into the part where everyone has their own private conversation, rather than us all talking about it as a group. I think Y/N and Conrad should talk in private. And then the three of you guys have some stuff to figure out.” She pointed to Lexi, Hale and Stassi. “But I think Emory’s right that we should all get this hashed out, so we can move forward this summer and have some peace in the house.” She looked around the group. “Does everyone feel okay with that?” 

“I definitely do,” Hale muttered, already standing up. 

Margot nudged Conrad and jutted her chin toward Y/N. She was heading upstairs, likely to her room. So he stood up and started following her. 

Her bedroom door was wide open. He knocked on the frame, but noticed she was sitting out on the balcony attached to her room. He mulled over whether he should walk out there, given he’d have to walk through her space to get the balcony. But he reflected on the advice he’d given Stassi earlier this summer – that it was always better to just say how you felt – and now, he’d witnessed through her situation the outcome of withholding those feelings. It gave him the courage to walk out to the balcony. 

He opened up the door. Y/N was curled up on one of the outdoor couches. Her head quickly turned to look at him. 

“Hey,” he said, giving her a small smile. She greeted him back, and he took it as permission to approach her cautiously. “I, uh, wanted to talk to you a little bit more about yesterday.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Listen, I meant what I said out there. I really wasn’t trying to end things with you.” 

She nodded her head. “I- I know. I’m sorry. I think I just got freaked that you were leaving and I was a little drunk. After you said all that stuff today, I was going over our conversation again, and I realized that wasn’t what you were trying to say.” She sighed.  “But I don’t know. Sometimes, my brain gets into this anxious state and I started writing this narrative in my head that we were over. I know I shouldn’t have assumed that. I should’ve tried talking to you. I think it was tougher, because after we had sex, I really felt like I was certain we were going to move toward being girlfriend and boyfriend officially. And then, after you said we needed a break, not even 24 hours after that, I kind of got scared.” 

“Can I- Can I sit next to you?” he asked. She nodded her head, and he plopped down. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made you question any of that. That night with you meant a lot to me, and I still want to be with you.” He cleared his throat. “I want to be really clear about this with you, because I don’t want you to guess what I’m thinking. And I tend to do that a lot – put people in positions where they’re guessing how I’m feeling. I really, really like you, Y/N, and not just in some summer fling way. I don’t want to let any of the stuff from my past compromise me from being happy anymore. And when I’m with you, I’m truly happy.” 

She smiled. “I really like you too, and not just in a summer fling way either.” 

He leaned back and started playing with his fingers. “Would you still want to be my girlfriend?”

She nudged him. “Is that your way of trying to ask me?” 

He shook his head. “No, no. Sorry. Let me try that again.” He shifted his body slightly so he could face her. “Y/N, would you be my girlfriend?” 

She smiled. And then, she leaned forward and kissed him. He took the kiss as a yes.

***

They were giggling as they walked down the stairs later that day, hand in hand. Teddy raised his eyebrow as they entered the living room. 

“You guys are good?” he asked. They both looked at each other and nodded their heads. 

Both Stassi and Lexi walked out of Hale’s room. They were both beaming and joking with each other. It was such a shift from their behavior this morning. They also stopped in the living room. 

“So, it looks like everyone figured their stuff out,” Conrad said, smiling at the two of them. 

Emory popped out of his bedroom. “Wait, really? I can’t believe that worked. What happened?” 

Lexi and Stassi looked at each other. “Well… we’re a throuple now!” Stassi said. Conrad’s jaw dropped, then he quickly shut it. 

“Wait, what? What did you just say?” Emory asked. The two girls were giggling.

Lexi eventually shook her head. “We were kidding,” she said. “We all kind of decided to put things on pause and focus on being friends for a bit. It’s the best thing for everyone, at least until we all move out of the house.” 

“So… should we have drinks tonight to celebrate?” Emory asked. “Like everyone being good?” 

Half of the group groaned. “Emory, we’re still hungover,” Teddy said. 

Emory shrugged. “So? It’s the best way to get over it.” 

After enough convincing, they all agreed. So, later that night, the nine of them sat out in the lounge chairs in their backyard, clad in their swimsuits and with spritzes in hands. Emory grabbed the speaker again and started playing “She’s a Rainbow” by The Rolling Stones as a way of referencing the first time the group all hung out together. 

Y/N was sharing one of the lounge chairs with Conrad. She was curled up on his chest while the group all chatted and joked with each other. He looked down at her, reminiscing on how taken aback he was when he first saw her. He pressed a light kiss to her forehead and held her tightly. 

.

.

.

Jack was tired.

He got shot. No, wait. Shot at. There’s a difference. A clear difference that he would highlight in your eventual fight over it. 

Whatever, he was irritated as fuck. 

And now he had all the new gen residents bitching to him about going analogue.

He entered a trauma room, followed by Dr. Santos, Dr. Langdon, student doctors Ogilvie and Joy and senior resident Ellis. 

“Okay, Ms. Richards, can you tell us what happened?” He asked, frowning as he gazed over her chart. 

Right, a woman was currently crowning the ER. Not the best situation, but it is what it is.

The woman cleared her throat, sweaty and crying as she held her bump. “My…my water broke while I was taking a hike. I had to go all the way back down before calling 911. I passed out and here I am.” She wheezed out. 

Jack nodded, looking around. “Joy, what are we looking for?” He called out, gloving and gowning up.

“Uhm-”

“Chorioamnionitis. Her uterus may be infected.” Ogilvie cut her, looking over at Jack for approval.

The older man paused, dumbfounded at the cause. Great, Robby assigned him a Gunner.

Santos snorted from where she was getting the epidural ready. 

“We’re looking for horses, not zebras.”

The familiar voice made Jack’s muscles relax. 

The familiar pink scrubs appeared in the room. 

Everybody paused, before Ellis chuckled. 

“Thank God Dr. Abbot’s here, no offence Jack.” She snorted, already walking over to you instinctively. 

You breathed out a smile, pulling your hair off your face. “Thanks, Doctor Ellis.” 

You walked over to Jack’s side, giving him a teasing smile. “Dr. Abbot, what’s up with the patient?”

He cleared his throat. God, he’s whipped when you use that authoritative tone. 

“Well, she’s two weeks premature, and was having strenuous activity before the birth so that is the most likely cause.” You nodded, turning over to Ogilvie.

“She would be over 100 degrees if it were chorioamnionitis.” You explained dryly, checking the patient’s vitals.

“Dr. Abbot’s the expert here, dear future doctors. She's the head of OBGYN down here. She could probably birth triplets with her eyes closed.” Jack stated, trying to maintain an air of professionalism in front of them.

“I have. Remember Snowmageddon?” You said, nudging his side with your hip.

Langdon and Ellis, already used to all of this, were moving in tandem, while Santos, Ogilvie and Joy were nothing but flabbergasted. 

“Okay, Ms. Richards. I’m afraid we’ll have to give birth to your baby girl right here. You are much too fragile to go up to L&D.” With a sigh, you sat on the chair and rolled over between her legs, pushing your glasses up.

Santos, ever the chaotic good that she was, cleared her throat. “Doctor Abbot?” She called out.

Both you and Jack looked over to her, eyebrows raised. She paused, looking between the two.

“Mama Bear, epidural’s ready.” Langdon called out. You nodded, going over to ask the patient if she wanted an epidural.

She nodded, gripping the railing of the gurney.

“Okay, Dr. Santos, epidural.” You ordered, adjusting the lady’s legs on the stirrups.

“Are you two married?” Joy finally blurted out, looking between you two. 

You paused, turning over to Jack for his answer.

He paused before nodding, crossing his arms. “Yeah, yeah we are. She’s senior here though. She has about two years on me experience wise. But, yeah, we’re both doctor Abbot-”

“Honey?” You cut off his nervous rambling, looking up at him with those deep eyes of yours. 

He mumbled out a sorry, turning back to the patient as she pushed. “You guys can just call me Bear. That’s the nickname around here.” You mumbled, busy checking the dilation.

10 centimeters. Time to go.

“Uh, no. You guys call her Dr. Abbot. Just call me Jack.” Your husband protested, gulping at your cautious glance. 

Santos raised her eyebrows, surprised at the attending’s insistence on keeping your doctor title. 

“That’s some feminist shit.” She said under her breath, earning a “I know that’s right” from Ellis.

“One last push, Ms. Richards.” You assured, hands ready to catch the babe while everybody else gossiped.

Jack watched you, eyes observing reverently as you entered flow state.

That’s what he loved the most about you, how focused you were when you were working. 

The contrast of his beautiful and serious colleague from his caring and passionate wife always made his heart do a little twirl. 

At one point, Langdon and Santos started bickering before a sharp cry cut them off.

You cooed gently, wiping the baby’s eyes. “Langdon, 9:30.” You called out the time of birth, carefully cutting the umbilical birth while Ellis grabbed the baby, bringing her to her mama.

You turned to Jack, grinning. “Think we don’t need you here, Dr. Abbot.” You teased, waiting for the placenta.

He smiled, walking over to your side. “You sure, Dr. Abbot?”

“Yes, go help Robby. Poor man’s last day is already as bad as it can get.” You ordered, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips.

He blushed, nodding. “Yes ma’am.” He said with a small salute, leaving.

Trinity snorted, looking down at your expert hands. “That was so weird.”

“What? You’ve never seen Abbot act like a puppy?” Ellis snorted, holding the metal tray under the woman as her placenta spilled out. 

You always loved seeing the residents’ reaction to you and your husband. Nothing could replace the dumbfoundedness on their faces. 

Trinity nodded.

You sighed, sitting up with a backstretch. “He knows how to abandon authority when I’m around.”

Joy held back a grin. “That’s some Alpha/Beta shit, Doc.” She hummed, bursting out into laughter at Ogilvie’s reaction.

“I don’t even know what that is.” He grimaced. 

You shrugged, throwing your gloves out. “What can I say? A man who yearns is a man who earns, girls.” You said, walking out to go page L&D.

Trinity and Joy followed your figure, sighing. 

“I don’t know if I want to be with her or be her.” Joy frowned.

“Both. Definitely both.” Trinity agreed.

Conrad woke up from feeling the empty side of your bed. His blurry eyes looked around the room, hoping that you were just standing in front of the crib, which wouldn’t be the first time.

His friend Agnes introduced you to him; she thought the two of you would make a cute couple, plus it would get him to move on from his brother's girlfriend. You and Agnes met at the coffee shop, and she noticed a pin on your backpack was from a show she also enjoyed. So the two of them clicked and became best friends.

Towards the end of the fall semester, Agnes was hosting a Christmas party. She practically dragged the two of you to come. She pushed you into a conversation and would tackle anyone who tried to get one of your attention. You guys have been talking and taking it slow, and now you’ve been dating for two years.

Well, except for your first anniversary in January, when you told Conrad you were pregnant. You were so scared to tell him, not knowing how he’d react. He smiled and assured you that it was going to be okay because you’re in this together.

Conrad noticed you weren’t in the room. He was trying to keep his anxious thoughts at bay, but it was hard. What if you fell and you both got hurt? How could he be so careless? He should’ve noticed you weren’t gone and waited up for you.

He bolted out of the bedroom, about to scream your name, but he saw the kitchen light on. Conrad walked into the kitchen, and his heart relaxed at what he saw.

You are sitting at the kitchen island, wearing a short lounge set, which had your showing off your five-month bump proudly. From what Conrad could see, you were eating a bowl of Cookies and Cream ice cream with whipped cream, chocolate drizzle, and… jalapeños? Not the weirdest craving you’ve had, but maybe top three.

“You scared me, love,” Conrad smiled, towering behind you, “I’m sorry, bub. I was going to come back from the bathroom, but she wanted this.” You smiled before taking a big bite of your snack. Conrad chuckled before pressing a kiss on the top of your head.

Conrad moved next to you, his brows furrowed when he saw the abundance of jalapeños you had in your bowl. Now Conrad didn’t want to say anything because he never wants you to be insecure about your pregnancy, but the need to protect you overrides him. “Just be careful with the jalapeños, love. I don’t want you getting heartburn,” Conrad's voice softened, rubbing your back. You gave him your best puppy dog eyes. “More?” You threw in a pout.

The power you had over Conrad was insane. You could ask him to rob a bank, and he would ask which one. Conrad never minded about your power until you used it for evil, like now.

Conrad shook his head, sighing, but his small smile gave him away. “Fine. But only one,” Conrad agreed. You smiled brightly before littering his face with kisses. To this day, Conrad had no idea how he survived life without your kisses.

Conrad opened the jalapeño jar with ease, “You’re going to make me spill the jar.” Conrad smiled, trying to keep his hands steady. You pulled away and looked at him like he had committed a war crime. “Do not drop my jalapeño, Conrad!” You sassed, Conrad, knowing the consequences if he did. Conrad hated when you called him by his real name. It's always his way of knowing when you’re mad at him. Which would make Conrad's chest physically hurt; he never wants to hurt you. He wants to be with you forever, to pick you up when you’re feeling down, and he wants to protect you and his baby girl, Susannah.

You never met Susannah, but from the stories Conrad told you, it feels like you do. You could tell how much Conrad loved his mom, so when you found out you were having a baby girl, it was a no-brainer what her name was going to be. As a way to honor his mom and a thank you for raising such a wonderful guy.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, love,” Conrad smiled, pulling out a big and juicy one. Hoping that this was his ticket to earn back his status as your bub. Conrad dug the jalapeño deep into your snack to make sure it was covered in every sweet treat.

Sometimes, Conrad would look across the table and see his mother smiling at him.

It didn’t matter that she had been gone for years now, her absence a quiet ache that threaded through every season since. It didn’t matter that this was her memorial, that the soft clink of cutlery was muted by the weight of grief, or that candles flickered gently in her name while bouquets of her favorite flowers filled the room with the ghost of summer. It didn’t matter that every chair was occupied by someone who had known her laugh, her warmth, and her boundless way of loving and who carried that loss like a stone in their chest.

It didn’t matter that the person really sitting across from him was his father, rigid in his collared shirt.

Because for him, Susannah was always there.

She was in the light. In the sun pouring through the restaurant window and catching the glint of the ocean just beyond the dunes. In the quiet way Laurel had wrapped her arms around him earlier, holding him like a second mother, so tight and grounding, as if she could hold him together just long enough to get through the day. She was in the sound of Steven’s easy laugh, in the way Belly rolled her eyes fondly at her brother’s joke, and in how Jeremiah nudged his shoulder like they hadn’t lost entire years between them.

Being with them again, after everything and despite everything, felt like slipping into a worn hoodie from his childhood. Frayed at the sleeves, thinned in places, but still warm. Still his.

And then there was you.

Maybe most of all, she was in you.

You, who had crashed into his life quietly and all at once, like the tide.

He’d met you just weeks before his mother died. A moment in time he sometimes thought about like a scene in a movie, too perfectly timed to be real. Like fate, or maybe something softer. Kinder. Maybe she had sent you. Maybe Susannah, with all her light and knowing and mother’s heart, had looked at her boy, being a splintered, grieving, impossibly young and already so tired, and thought: he’s going to need someone like her.

Someone patient. Someone with a voice like a lullaby and laughter that filled the cracks in his chest. Someone who ate ice cream even on rainy days and sang along, very badly, to the radio with him, who learned his silences and never tried to fix them, only sat beside him until he could breathe again.

You had been her parting gift. The last bright ribbon on a life wrapped too tightly around loss.

And sometimes, when you smiled at him from across the room like he was the only thing you saw, or when you pressed your hand flat against his chest like you could feel the places where it still hurt, Conrad would close his eyes, swallow the knot in his throat, and think:

Thank you, Mom.

He was still lost in thought about you when Laurel’s voice rose above the soft clink of glasses and low hum of conversation. Her tone was warm, filled with that quiet maternal pride that always wrapped around him like a knit blanket, one he never asked for but always accepted. She was raising a toast to her children, to their futures, her eyes glinting with unshed emotion beneath the dim restaurant lighting. The flicker of candlelight played across her face as she turned her gaze toward him, and the warmth in her voice softened further.

She spoke of him next.

Of all he’d done, all he’d built, far from home. Her words weren’t just kind, they were reverent and admiring. She spoke of his discipline, his strength, and the way he’d carried the weight of grief and still managed to chase down a future through lecture halls and exam rooms. Each sentence felt like a gentle pat on the shoulder, a reminder that he wasn’t invisible in his efforts. That someone, even from afar, had seen him.

Conrad stared down at the glass in front of him, the golden liquid inside catching the light just enough to blur his reflection. He felt the burn behind his eyes, low and steady, and swallowed it down like the rest of the things he never said.

But before the silence of her words could settle, before he could let the swell of emotion crest and fall, Steven’s voice cut in. Playful. Sharp. Curious. A disruption of that fragile stillness.

“So do you have a girl there?” He asked, his voice slicing through the quiet hum of reverence like a pebble skipped across still water.

Conrad blinked slowly, his gaze lifting from the golden ripple of his drink, catching the soft light that danced along the glass’s edge. For a moment, he hesitated, not because he didn’t know the answer, but because saying it aloud felt fragile and intimate, like unfolding a delicate secret in a room still steeped in memories and silence.

Around the table, Laurel smiled warmly, gently nudging Belly with an elbow as if sharing a quiet joke. Jeremiah tilted his head, curiosity flickering across his features. Even his father looked up from his plate, brows arched with a quiet but unmistakable interest.

The attention turned toward him like a slow tide.

Conrad didn’t rush. He never did. He rubbed a thumb against the condensation on his glass, lips twitching just slightly.

“Yeah,” he said, voice low but sure. “Yeah, I do.”

Steven leaned forward, eyes bright and wide with boyish enthusiasm. “Wait, seriously? You’re seeing someone?”

His dad chuckled softly, a sound rich with both surprise and amusement. “And you didn’t bring her? Why not?”

Conrad looked up then, eyes calm but glittering with something warmer, deeper. “It’s her family’s day, too,” he said quietly. “Didn’t feel right to take her away.”

A thoughtful pause followed, the kind that hangs heavy yet respectful in the air. Laurel’s voice broke it gently, honeyed with fondness. “What’s she like?”

And there it was, the question that mattered most.

Conrad didn’t answer immediately. Instead, he reached for his wallet, slow and deliberate, like he wasn’t just flipping through receipts and cards but handling something precious. He slid a small, worn photo from the back sleeve, the one he kept tucked there like a secret, like a prayer.

It was you, standing on the beach last fall, hair wild from the wind, the hem of your jeans wet with saltwater. You weren’t even looking at the camera. You were laughing at something he’d said, eyes half-shut from smiling, your hand lifted in a blurry motion like you’d just tossed a shell back into the waves.

He laid the photo on the table.

A soft collective breath escaped the group, somewhere between a sigh and a quiet ‘oh.’ Laurel’s hand fluttered to her chest, her eyes shining with unspoken emotion. Belly’s head tilted, brows knitting together in a thoughtful frown.

“Wait…that’s this beach,” she murmured.

“That’s our house behind,” Jeremiah added, glancing at his brother. “You brought her here? When?”

“Almost a year ago,” Conrad said softly.

For a moment, no one spoke. The room seemed to pause, the usual clatter of the restaurant fading beneath the weight of his quiet vulnerability. This raw, unguarded glimpse into his life was rare, almost sacred.

Even his father nodded slowly, a silent approval etched into the lines of his weathered face.

“Well,” Laurel said softly, eyes shimmering, “she must be pretty special.”

Conrad’s lips curved into a small, genuine smile, the corners lifting with a quiet certainty. “She is,” he murmured. “She really is.”

A minute later, Conrad quietly excused himself from the table, slipping away from the low hum of conversation and the soft clinking of glasses. He didn’t really need the bathroom, he just needed a moment to breathe, to catch the sharp edges of his thoughts before they cut too deep.

His throat felt tight and heavy, the strange ache that comes when grief and love collide pressing against his chest like a weight he couldn’t set down.

Leaning against the cool, smooth tile wall, he pulled out his phone. Your name was already glowing softly on the screen, as if waiting for him, an anchor in the swirling storm.

He tapped it gently and held the phone to his ear, heart pounding a quiet rhythm.

You answered on the second ring, your voice soft and warm, wrapping around him like a familiar melody that made the noisy restaurant fade into a distant murmur.

“Hey, love. Everything alright?” you asked, your tone tender, filled with a soothing kind of care that made his tight chest ease a little.

He swallowed hard, the ache tightening as he pressed his forehead against the cold wall, eyes closing for a brief moment. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just needed a little break.”

A pause stretched between them, your steady breathing a quiet comfort over the line.

“You sound a little shaken,” you said gently. “Talk to me.”

He let out a shaky breath, fingers curling around the edge of the sink. “It’s just…today. Being with them, remembering her. And now…hearing your voice.”

You didn’t rush to fill the silence. Instead, you let it hold him like a soft, protective cloak, an unspoken invitation to unravel the tight knot inside his chest.

“I told them I have a girlfriend,” he said, a shy, almost bashful smile touching his lips. “Showed them a picture of you.”

Your laughter was gentle and bright through the phone. “Oh? You really did?”

He nodded, though you couldn’t see the movement. “Yeah. Wanted them to know you’re not just a voice in my ear.”

There was a tenderness in your voice that made his heart skip, a soft anchor in the tumult. “I’m very real.”

He brushed a trembling hand over his face, trying to chase away the rawness threatening to spill through his words. “I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too,” you whispered, your voice barely more than a breath. “But at least we’re just a call away.”

His lips curved into a genuine, quiet smile. The heavy weight pressing on his chest lifted ever so slightly. “I’m lucky.”

“No,” you said softly, voice steady and sure. “I’m the lucky one.”

He closed his eyes, breathing deeply, letting the warmth of your voice fill the hollow spaces inside him, the steady pulse of your love a balm to his weary heart. For a fragile, fleeting moment, everything felt like it might be alright.

He lingered in the silence, the phone pressed gently to his ear, as if holding onto you through the line could stop the world from spinning too fast.

“I wish you were here,” he finally murmured, his voice barely above a whisper, heavy with longing.

There was a quiet pause, full of everything that words couldn’t say.

“I know,” you answered softly. “I wish I was, too.”

He swallowed the lump in his throat, feeling the chill of the tiles seep through his skin, grounding him even as his heart soared.

“Soon,” you promised gently, “I’ll be with you for real. No more phone calls.”

A small, hopeful smile broke through the tension coiled inside him.