thea’s dump

My LMP was last January 8, 2025 but I knew in myself that Theodore was conceived on January 16, 2025. EDD will be on October 17, 2025.

While I am typing right now, I am fooling myself as if I do not know why I can't keep the line going on. Truth is I don't like the feeling of being ignored, being taken for granted or being treated poorly. So, what I do is I stop at the point where the conversation is about to run out of a topic instead of also trying to open another interesting topics to talk about. I know in myself that it should be give-and-take but fck I always take without giving back. I am still not fully healed and hell my last relationship really broke me and turned me into a totally different person -- worse than my younger years. My last relationship turned me into someone who's very hard to love, untrusting and pessimistic. I always think ahead of situations but in a negative fashion, unfortunately. I am taking my time for now trying to find what's more to being single, unconsciously healing and just simply discovering something new about myself. I don't really know what's there to share here that's why it took me some time to write again. I will be back in the days to come and I hope to have a solid content for posting, not like this -- messy and dragging.

because aside from the age gap, it was a long distance relationship. It was really hard to work it out especially that I was in my first year in Medicine having so much to study on and exams to take. But your friend here, really turned a blind eye because reallyyyy whenever I see him before all my anxieties and stresses disappear only to know after that it was like the high of cocaine - first thing you know you're screaming on top of your lungs because you feel so good then when it wears off, it depresses you like you're about to be swallowed alive passively. And it was not healthy. That was what I realized after months of questioning where I fell short. But this time, I will build my walls high enough to protect the peace I have right now that only the worthy can persevere in climbing and get through it. And when the moment is perfect where things fall perfectly into place, I will give my heart but I'm keeping my brain with me.

Thank you for the strength oh God. Without you, I wouldn't have reached this point where I have my peace of mind as I go on day by day. Thank You for making me realize that I am the prize and I am my own's longest commitment. I will always protect the peace I am blessed with and use the wisdom you have granted me. As I welcome this New Year, I will be the best version of myself and will strive for much greater heights. Thank you, Jesus! You make my heart so full and contented. 💫

Cold afternoon at the quarry with family having Christmas party with Kuya's laborers 🥰 Had a wonderful time with family. We played cards and parents were playing mahjong 😅💗

Taken during Christmas Eve of 2022. My heart is so full during this time. I appreciate the people around me - the gift of family, friends and good career. We went to church before this photo and waited 'till midnight welcome Christmas with the family 🎄🌟

22:20 Lord, these past few days had been very difficult for me. Please guide my heart as it is breaking every single day. I miss him so much but I know it's not going to work anymore. Lord, I have failed my relationship and I cannot point out what part I got it all fucked up. We were so okay when we're together and this LDR is very difficult for us. Lord, please guide us to the right ways we should go. If we are destined to last please help us find our way towards each other. I cannot explain the pain and grief I am feeling inside. I am okay for a second and comes crashing down again after another. Lord, I miss his smile, his humor, his care towards me and everything about him. I feel like my insides are dying Lord sometimes I cannot breathe.

0010 and i'm still awake. I hate that I whine about something I feel like I really deserve to get but end up not being given with. I love him so much that sometimes I turn a blind eye to all the red flags. I know it also hurts him to hear and see me complaining but idk sometimes I just feel everything. Idk how long I can still put up with this madness. I just hope when things hit rock bottom I will not get hurt so much. I hope when the times comes, when everything is both favorable for the both of us and given the perfect circumstances, he will still choose to love me hard. Because I cannot go on pouring my everything to an empty cup. I might end up emptying myself. Lord, please guide our relationship. Lord, if I must stop, please give me a sign. If I must wait, let me know how long...

and today I said it was over. it hurts soooo bad but i’ve got to accept what is not meant to be. No regrets. For 5 months, I poured everything I could. All my love, time and hopes. God! I guess he also had a point that we could be happier without each other. To Carlo, I'm sorry if I fell short understanding you most of the time. I just hope you find someone who can and will understand every inch of you and love you as much as i love you. Thank you for the memories. I will always keep you dear to my heart. Live a happy life, babe! See you around! 🫀

Sunday - Red Rock Hotspring 🪨

Review: Today is the best 7th day of everything!!!! From 80kg, I now weigh 74kggggg! 🤩 Guys trust the process! Still, no rice. In my diet, I included eggs, chicken, fish, vegetables esp squash because it’s good for the eyes, hair and skin. A few minutes of mild home workout, just no fruitdrinks and pork. Oh, I forgot about the dizziness, until now it comes and goes. But not really dizzy, just the lightheadedness. Also, most of the time I feel sleepy and it’s good for me so I could forget about eating and just sleep instead 😋 For everyone, you can make your own chips made out of vegies so you dont have to eat the unhealthy ones. In the picture, I had squash chips for my snacks.