everything is fine

unrestrained summer fun

"all you ever do is complain" that's not true. I also resent.

id lie right to willy wonkas face. “did you drink fizzy lifting drinks” of course not. And then id hit him

This is why you won't inherit the factory.

i dont want the factory. I want to see fear in his eyes

repeat after me: people don’t notice the little details. i’m going to get away with it. people don’t notice the little details. i’m going to get away with it.

if someone gets killed by a grizzly bear or a polar bear it’s like “Damn, that’s unfortunate. Luck of the draw.” but if someone gets killed by a black bear you’re like “What did they do to that bear to make it that angry?”

Divorced dads will date varieties of women you had no idea existed, new breeds of people you have not encountered in your entire life. My mom’s boyfriends? Norm McNormalson. Sitcom caricatures of stepdads. A nerdy high school English teacher, the quintessential Appalachian farmboy, an anesthesiologist who was way more into her than she was into him. My dad’s girlfriends were the type of people you could only fathom existing as sitcom side characters. I’m not sure if it’s because the only women who would be interested in pursuing a relationship with him had to be profoundly psychologically disturbed beforehand or if he was the force that pushed these poor ladies over the edge but I never knew the energy of the house I would be walking into during my summer visitation. He had one girlfriend I liked. One single girlfriend who was cool and chill and he broke up with her because she was older than him and smarter than him and he didn’t like that.

im swimming at the lake and accidentally kicked a fish. this has never happened in my many years of swimming. sorry man

restrained summer fun. tied up summer fun. bound and gagged summer fun.

it’s never a normal temperature anymore it’s always some fucking bullshit

everyone wants masc carpenter trade until his rough calloused handjob sands your thing down small and smooth as a river stone

sometimes I think the world is ending and then I remember people have thought the world is going to end within their lifetime for at least 1,500 years and they were all wrong and had to live through this bullshit anyway