Cactus Boone

A lot of the time when people give advice intended to relieve anxiety, they suggest doing “relaxing” things like drawing, painting, knitting, taking a bubble bath, coloring in one of those zen coloring books, or watching glitter settle to the bottom of a jar.

This advice is always well-intentioned, and I’m not here to diss people who either give it or who benefit from it. But it has never, ever done shit for me, and this is because it goes about resolving anxiety in the completely wrong way.  

THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO when suffering from anxiety is to do a “relaxing” thing that just enables your mind to dwell and obsess more on the thing that’s bothering you. You need to ESCAPE from the dwelling and the obsession in order to experience relief.

You can drive to a quiet farm, drive to the beach, drive to a park, or anywhere else, but as someone who has tried it all many, many times, trust me–it’s a waste of gas. You will just end up still sad and stressed, only with sand on your butt. You can’t physically escape your sadness. Your sadness is inside of you. To escape, you need to give your brain something to play with for a while until you can approach the issue with a healthier frame of mind. 

People who have anxiety do not need more time to contemplate, because we will use it to contemplate how much we suck.

In fact, you could say that’s what anxiety is–hyper-contemplating. When we let our minds run free, they run straight into the thorn bushes. Our minds are already running, and they need to be controlled. They need to be given something to do, or they’ll destroy everything, just like an overactive husky dog ripping up all the furniture. 

Therefore, I present to you: 

THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO WHEN ANXIOUS

–Go on a walk

–Watch a sunset, watch fish in an aquarium, watch glitter, etc.

–Go anywhere where the main activity is sitting and watching

–Draw, color, do anything that occupies the hands and not the mind

–Do yoga, jog, go fishing, or anything that lets you mentally drift 

–Do literally ANYTHING that gives you great amounts of mental space to obsess and dwell on things.

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO WHEN ANXIOUS:

–Do a crossword puzzle, Sudoku, or any other mind teaser game. Crosswords are the best.

–Write something. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. Write the Top 10 Best Restaurants in My City. Rank celebrities according to Best Smile. Write some dumb Legolas fanfiction and rip it up when you’re done. It’s not for publication, it’s a relief exercise that only you will see. 

–Read something, watch TV, or watch a movie–as long as it’s engrossing. Don’t watch anything which you can run as background noise (like, off the top of my head, Say Yes to The Dress.) As weird as it seems, American Horror Story actually helps me a lot, because it sucks me in. 

–Masturbate. Yes, I’m serious. Your mind has to concentrate on the mini-movie it’s running. It can’t run Sexy Titillating Things and All The Things That are Bothering Me at the same time. (…I hope. If it can, then…ignore this one.) 

–Do math problems—literally, google “algebra problems worksheet” and solve them. If you haven’t done math since 7th grade this will really help you. I don’t mean with math, I mean with the anxiety. 

–Play a game or a sport with someone that requires great mental concentration. Working with 5 people to get a ball over a net is a challenge which will require your brain to turn off the Sadness Channel. 

–Play a video game, as long as it’s not something like candy crush or Tetris that’s mindless. 

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO DURING PANIC ATTACKS ESPECIALLY:

–List the capitals of all the U.S. states

–List the capitals of all the European countries

–List all the shapes you can see. Or all the colors. 

–List all the blonde celebrities you can think of.

–Pull up a random block of text and count all the As in it, or Es or whatever.  

Now obviously, I am not a doctor. I am just an anxious person who has tried almost everything to help myself.  I’ve finally realized that the stuff people recommend never works because this is a disorder that thrives on free time and free mental space. When I do the stuff I listed above, I can breathe again. And I hope it helps someone here too. 

Blank DA:I scrolls for reports, letters, etc. Feel free to use as you wish.

If theres one thing I crave whenever I play New vegas it’s.. horses.. So i MADE MY OWN 

They’re called sleipnir for pretty self explanatory reasons, plus I thought being named after something mythological fits pretty well with some of the other mutant animals in the wastes. The run cycle is mostly rotoscoped

+some bonus babies ft. my big ol courier gal

College band class pranks director with Mii Channel theme

List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on. 

Thank you @machatnoir and @jonogueira for thinking of me!

Got three things at the moment:

1) My original fic - just gone out for beta reading *squeals* Thank you @jonogueira

2) Next chapter in Cullen X Annabel epilogue Happily Ever After - pretty exciting one folks!

3) Bryan X Kelandris prompt - Caught in a storm - Short one shot which has quickly become NSFW @inner-muse will be glad to hear.

She’s horrified & saddened when you find out what has happened to the Tranquil Mages

If the Inquisitor & Dorian enter a relationship, no matter if she’s not friends with the Inquisitor, she will defend their relationship from assholes putting the relationship down

She’s the only one to approve of you saving everyone during Haven’s attack

If you blame yourself for Haven, she offers kind & comforting words

When Cassandra blames herself for not being present at the Conclave & trying to save the Divine, Vivienne reminds her she did all she could & to not blame herself

After completing Cole’s companion quest, Cole reads her mind & discovers a part of her cares for him despite all her vocal vitriol toward him

She’s distraught over the violence between mages (those who want to rebel & those who don’t) & the innocent lives caught in the crossfire

She’s just as adamant that the right outfit will make people respect you regardless of your race–when most people in the Orlesian Court find an elf, qunari, or dwarf in formal dress laughable at best.

Iron Bull basically adopts her as a mother figure, and she tuts over him like one.

She accepts Dalish mage training as just as valid as Circle training.

She consults both Solas and Dorian on magical matters, even though she doesn’t get along with either.

For all her ambition, she joins the Inquisition at the very beginning, when doing so is more likely to make her a social pariah than gain her any favors.

Her biggest problem with dissolving the Circle is that there is no viable alternative in place to protect and teach mages.

So last night, I had a major wtf moment in Crestwood, post-breakup. It was a series of soul-crushing coincidences, and I needed to share…

It hasn’t been that long since Solas removed my Lavellan’s vallaslin and then made everything terrible. I’ve been killing a lot of time as Lavellan licks her wounds, and somehow, last night as I’m playing, everybody (Quiz, Sera, Cole, and, yes, Solas) just ends up back in Crestwood, on a mission to kill a wyvern for a nice lady named Judith. The quest itself is easy. But the moment the wyvern is dead, Lavellan looks up and sees this:

Cue first moment of major surprise. I must have missed this on my last Lavellan, as I really had no idea you could return to the exact place where Solas plays out his cowardice. It then felt somehow extra shitty and ironic that the title of the quest that brings her here is “Wyrm Hole.” Could that title possibly be a coincidence? Is this just Weekes again, fucking with us? Wyrm Hole? Because that’s exactly what it felt like to me: time travel, diving through a worm hole and waking up in the past.

Anyway. That’s only the beginning.

At this point, Lavellan is feeling stung, surprised, hurt all over again, awkward (because Solas is there), and frankly, a little sweaty. She is brash and hates to wallow, and so she’s ready to go. But one of those creepy murals catches her eye, over behind the waterfall–and like, I personally can’t resist that. So she goes to check it out, and as she’s walking over to the waterfall, Cole just…starts talking. This happens (I apologize for the quality–I’ve never actually used any of my game footage before on youtube and kind of suck):

Notice how she just stops like, dead in her tracks. That’s me, dying a little inside. I was never able to trigger this banter with my first Lavellan at all, but here it is, now, as Cole recounts their break-up in the exact same spot the break-up occurred. This was just one of those scary perfect storytelling moments for me. Of course Cole would feel it here, the pain, all that’s happened. And of course Solas would be replaying the scene in his mind, in this very moment, this exact place, and Cole would feel his hurt, attempt to deconstruct it and to heal. I mean, I lost my breath a little bit I lost all my breath. The banter triggering was completely random (right?), but it didn’t feel that way. This was one of the coolest, most heartbreaking moments I’ve ever experienced playing any game, ever. That it was a coincidence–how we ended up here, the title of the quest, and the banter itself…that’s something else.

Also, I have heard this banter before on youtube, but the version I’ve heard has always had a different Solas line, which is–

Solas: You cannot heal this, Cole. Please, let it go.

But my Lavellan was hurt and angry in Crestwood (I’ve written more about this here). She shoved him around, dared him to tell her he doesn’t care. And so–

Solas: You cannot heal this, Cole. Let her carry her anger in peace.

Ugh. This line just felt really…strong. It was careful, attentive. It’s totally keyed into her emotional state, post-breakup, and the fact that Solas is weirdly mindful (and respectful) of her anger makes it just all the more hurtful, especially given the setting, and everything else. “Let her be angry, Cole. It is her anger to bear. And I deserve it all.”

I just…