vibe check

aaa a aaa back at it again, i don’t know what to say so yeah akcjsmfn

/ t w o. /

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john.

The best way to start off summer is getting cute boys number.

My mind raced, I sighed dreamily while walking to work; music playing through my ears as I hummed along to it.

It was the next day, however today was bright and early, I took the morning shift so I could hang out with Cameron again.

Cameron.

I felt my cheeks heat up, I scolded myself for finding such interest in a guy I just met yesterday.

Either way, once I made it to the diner, I began mopping the checkered floors.

A couple of customers entered and I served them until I recognized a familiar face. "Welcome to Nanc- Smitty?"

"Heh, the one and only! I decided I'd pay ya’ a visit," Jaren explained, I smiled and followed him to a table, sitting on the other side of the table. "How've you been, Johnny?"

"Pretty good, actually. I met this guy yesterday during work and I- he's- he's really cute."

"Hm, my gay senses are tingling. What's his name?"

"Cameron, Cam for short. He's like one of those cliche bad boys but not really that bad, ya know?"

"You gonna see him again soon?-" A loud cough from same guy in the kitchen interrupted our conversation, I sighed softly and stood up. "Yeah, seeing him later today. I'll be right back, 'kay?" I spoke and he nodded, I brought the other customers their orders as I finally gave Jaren his own order, a simple strawberry milkshake and a plate of waffles.

"Aye, thanks Johnny."

"How many times have I told you to stop calling me that," I groaned, pulling out my phone to see (2) two messages. "What? You think I'm not gonna call you that? Plus, it pisses you off, therefore anything you say is irrelevant.”

"Yeah, whatever, asshole," I complained, reading the messages on my phone:

Buttface McGee : 'Hey broski, I'm going out with my friends. See ya.'

'Whatever. Have fun:)'

I replied to my sister's text and went to a different message that I was happy to see.

Cameron:)) -

'good morning honey :-)'

'Morning, ass-wipe.'

'yikes, woke up on the wrong side of the bed?'

'Nah. I'm assuming you're still in bed?'

'hey, I'm not getting outta bed till you calldjeidi'

'You okay?'

'just dropped my phone 😎' He replied, I giggled and sighed, to which Jaren noticed. "You texting him?"

"Heh, yeah. I dunno, for a guy I just met yesterday, he's being too nice," I said, putting my phone back into my pocket.

"Well, at least he's being nice. If he's ever acting like an asshole, I swear, I'll beat the shit outta him," He said while eating his waffles.

"That isn't necessary, Jaren. I'm just scared, what if we become more than just friends?"

"Then be happy about it."

"It isn't that simple," I mumbled.

"John, I swear I'm gonna punch you," Jaren threatened, sipping at his milkshake. I sighed almost hopelessly, then my phone buzzed again.

"Who is it?"

"Cameron."

"See, it's pretty simple. Why else he be texting you or give you his phone number? You fucking dummy."

"Whatever," I spat, I could see Jaren's small grin from the corner of my eye as I looked at the message.

'hey honey, whatcha' doing today?'

'I'ma hang out w/ a friend, wanna come?'

'no it's okay, i don't wanna bother'

'You won't be, he wants to meet you.'

'you sure?'

'yea, why not?'

'aight, call me l8ter then:))'

'kay uwu’

"Hey, do you mind if Cam joins us?" I asked and Jaren's smile widened.

"Fuck yeah, let him come. I'm gonna make so much fun of you," He claimed, although I didn't doubt him. I stood up and picked up the leftover plates from different tables, walking into the kitchen and cleaning before heading back to Smitty, taking his plates as well, then changing back into my non-work clothes.

I stayed around chatting with Smitty until my shift ended.

I sighed and stood up from my seat. "Hey, you ready?"

"Yep," Smitty stood up, stretching with a pained groan. "Yo, my fucking ass hurts from sitting."

"Hah, loser. I'ma call Cam, hold up," I said, Smitty nodded and I clicked his number, sending it into a call.

"Hello, my honey," He spoke, making me flustered.

"Whatever, nerd. You still down to hang out?"

"Yeah, I'll wait for you."

"Alright, I'll be outside your place soon."

"Cool, see ya," Cam hung up, I motioned Smitty to follow me to Cameron's complex. I told him about how he called me honey, how he's so fucking tall (he's 6'7), how kind he is despite the fact he wears mostly all black, how he and I went on an adventure and spray painted on an abandoned apartment wall, and how sweet Cam is until he said:

"You have a crush on him, don't you?"

"What the fuck dude, no!" I exclaimed, crossing my arms.

"Shut the hell up, I know you do."

"Do not!"

Do I?

"Psh, whatever, you oblivious fuck."

"Shut up bitch. We're here," I replied, standing in front of the fence, texting Cam that we're here, I immediately saw him walk towards the gate door and opened it. "Cam, Jaren. Jaren, Cam."

"Nice to meet you, mate," Cam shook his hand as Jaren stared at him flabbergasted (most likely because of how fucking tall he is). "Sup dude. So, where are we going? John mentioned something about an adventure?"

"Oh, it's a surprise. Wouldn't want to ruin the fun for you, just follow me."

"Something tells me he's gonna murder us," Jaren whispered to me, I glared and him with a tiny giggle. "Anyways, Cameron. Can I speak to you privately?"

"Yeah? I guess."

"Just stay back here, Johnny," Jaren winked, walking up to Cameron whilst I mentally panicked; Jaren isn't afraid of telling anybody anything.

I couldn't hear them anyway, which made me more anxious. Cam shook his head 'no' twice and Jaren nodded, walking back to me.

"What the hell did you—"

"Okay so, I asked him if he could tell us where we're going, he said no. Then I asked if he was gonna murder us, then he said no."

"Really? Why should I believe you?"

"Because we're besties," Smitty fluttered his eyes seemingly innocent.

"Fine, whatever," I rolled my eyes, looking at the back of Cameron's head.

His hair looked brownish in the afternoon light but his hair was a pretty dirty blonde, his black leather jacket wrapped around his waist with a white shirt and black ripped jeans; which didn't at all fit his personality and I wish I could tell him that. Then I slowly realized where he was taking us.

"Hey, isn't this the way to the train tracks?"

"Bingo! Except we're taking a bit of a short cut," Cameron continued. "Because I don't want the cops chasing us again, decided on going this way."

"Wait, you guys were chased by the cops?" Smitty gasped.

"Yeah, you didn't tell your little friend about that? About how amazingly awesome and hot I am?"

"No, I didn't tell him about the cops," I said prior to Jaren shouting: “And I'm not that short!". After that was said, there was an awkward silence floating in the air, the tense rose, as we approached and entered the lush forest where we ended up close to the train tracks and soon enough, the apartments appeared. "See, now we're here!" Cameron exclaimed.

"Why didn't tell me about the short cut before? This was so much faster," I asked him while Jaren examened the apartments; Cameron's face suddenly tinted a light pink. "W-Well, I didn't know the shortcut existed until one of my sources told me."

"Do you even have a source?-"

"Anyways! Let's head inside," Cameron announced, walking towards the tall buildings. I followed him before replaying what he just said in my head. "Wait, we're going inside?"

"Yeah, don't you want to go to the top?" He inquired.

"Hell yeah!" Smitty shouted.

"Fuck no!" I belted. "No way in fucking hell am I going up there. No offense to the both of you but I am no fan of heights."

"C'mon, let's have some fun! Please, John," Smitty begged but I just shook my head. "Cameron! Help me convince him!"

"Here, I got you. You'll be okay," Cameron spoke sweetly, grabbing my hand. "You won't fall or anything."

I felt my cheeks heat up, I looked down at our intertwined fingers and back towards Cam. "You better fucking promise."

"Yeah, I fucking promise," Cameron smiled.

"And you told me that you didn't have a crush on him," Smitty whispered to me, I scolded him mentally as we entered the apartment. It was extremely vacant and quiet, grey walls are torn and the smell of cement lingered in the wind. We were all completely silent, anxiety started to pool inside my chest as I squeezed Cam's hand. "Hey, you'll be okay," He mumbled to me, I nodded again. The stairs creaked with each step as we got higher until we reached a hallway where a ladder awaited at the end of the hall. Cameron let go of my hand to climb the ladder, me and Smitty climbed after him.

There we stood at the top, I looked up to see the forest and behind all those trees was town. The sounds of the trees swaying sent a cool breeze, making my hairs rise. I walked to the edge of the building, looking down only to see the ground that felt miles away from where we stood, I stepped back with a yelp. "Hey hey, calm down, honey. I'm right here," Cameron's hand on my shoulder as I turned around, he offered his hand to me again and I took it hesitantly, holding him tightly. The sky was a beautiful light blue, orange and pink while the white clouds began turning into a light purple. "This is fucking amazing.”

"Yeah, it is," Cameron answered, his voice soft and calming.

"Hey, I'm glad you came along, Cameron," Smitty mentioned.

"Yeah, no problem-"

"WHO'S UP THERE?!" A deep voice shouted, making me jump and hold Cameron's hand stronger, Smitty looked back and turned around to Cam. "Shit, the hell are we supposed to do?" The Canadian whispered.

"You guys hide behind that," Cameron pointed to a vent block as Jaren ran except for me. "John-"

"Cam, what the fuck are you doing?" I whispered anxiously, the other man's footsteps getting closer. "John, please. I can do this, I don't want you getting hurt."

"You think I want the same for you?" I whisper shouted.

"John, go back there now," Cameron grabbed my shoulders. "Please."

I hesitated but moved backward to Jaren, my anxiety pumped as I watched the policeman walk towards Cameron. "Young man, what are you doing here? These parts are closed off."

"Yeah, I know," Cameron put his hands in his pocket. "Listen, I just wanted to see the view."

"Mhm, listen, let's just head on down and back into town. Deal?" The man asked, Cameron nodded and silently followed the policeman. I let out a small breath, Smitty looked up and sighed, standing up quietly. "You okay, John?"

I couldn’t answer.

I just wish I hadn't gotten attached so quickly to him.

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/ t h r e e. /

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cam.

I silently followed the man to his car, I was already familiar with stuff like this so I didn't worry too much.

I was mostly worried about John and Jaren.

It wasn't intentional to get us into trouble or leave a bad impression on Smitty, my guilt washed over me as I turned around to the apartment.

I saw two people standing and leaving the roof.

Their coming after me, at least I hope so. I turned back and kept walking. My mind thought about my "Dad" and how pissed he'd be to see me at the police station. Obviously, I expected nothing more from him. He used to be sweet and kind back then, something with his wife and daughter happened that turned him into what I have to deal with today.

"Hey! Quit spacing out on me," The officer claimed, snapping me out of my thoughts, I realized that we were already outside the forest. We walked into a parking lot where his car was. The officer fumbled with his keys and I looked around, I almost made a run for it but by that time, he was already pushing me into the back of the car. I glanced out the window, different colored lights were blurred due to how fast the cop was driving, I sighed, a headache forming in my head.

-

It’s the next day, last night my Dad picked me up from the station and cussed me out. I couldn't sleep, I stared at the ceiling until I passed out. I haven't heard from John since yesterday, which worried me so out of instinct, I dressed myself to go to the diner. I walked out of my bedroom, heading towards the door and grabbing the doorknob-

"Hey, where do you think you're going?" A voice behind me spoke, I turned around slowly as my Dad stood there with his arms crossed and tired brown eyes that glared right at me. "Going out, what's it matter to you?"

"You know why it matters, I don't want to see your dumbass in the police station again. I don't want to see you with that boy."

"Wait, what?" I inquired, letting go of the doorknob. He knew?

"You think I don't know where you're going? I know that you've been going around with somebody, you seem too happy lately."

"Oh great, take away my happiness too why don't you?" I spat as he walked closer to me, I stood my ground. "I know he's your happiness, you gay shit stain. He might end up leaving just as quick as your parents."

I shoved him away from me, clearly upset as I felt my anger boiling inside me. He laughed and punched me, I stepped back and held my eye. "Don't ever push me again, you weak shit," He threatened, I stood up straight and opened the door, listening to his shouts while I shut the door and walked to the diner.

I finally got at the diner, pushing the door open and listened to the jingle above my head, walking to the same booth where I first met John. I sat down and watched him exit from the kitchen, his multi-colored sweater draped on his shoulder with a yellow and black t-shirt with black jeans with a chain curving around his thigh. John's heterochromic eyes staring right into mine, he immediately ran toward me with open arms. "John I-" I was cut off by John's hug, I hesitated but wrapped my arms around him.

"Don't ever fucking do that again," The blonde muttered, his face in my chest.

"I won't, honey," I replied, my cheeks heating up slightly. "I didn't want you getting in trouble with the cops."

"I didn't want you to get in trouble either, that's why I tried to stop you, dummy," John pulled away. "Hey, what happened? You have a bruise," He mentioned, cupping my cheek with his hand as his thumb carefully rubbed my bruise underneath my eye. "W-Well, uh- it was my Dad?"

"Are you serious? I'll give him a bruise too if he does this shit again," John mumbled the last part but I heard him clearly, I didn't answer though. "Not to change the subject but wanna dip?" He inquired, bringing his hand away from my face.

"Yeah, sure," I answered, following him out the door. "Where should we go?"

"Hey, you're usually the one that decides, not me," John protested, but at this point, I couldn't really think of anywhere else to go. My mind mentally looked at a map of the town, trying to figure out where else we could go. "Uh, there's this like- arcade down the street, wanna go?"

"Sounds boring."

"They have bowling there-"

"What the fuck are you just standing there for, let's go!" John exclaimed, nudging my shoulder in the process. The walk there was silent, I could tell he was nervous about the whole thing, seeing as he began biting his nails. "Hey, you okay?"

"Hm? Yeah, just a nervous twitch thing."

"You know, that isn't good for you."

"Eh, I've been doing it for a while, I could care less."

"I have an idea, after the arcade, we're stopping by my place and painting your nails that way you don't bite them anymore," I stated, he rolled his eyes and moved his hands into his pockets.

"You're too kind, why is that?"

"It's a curse."

"Really? Wish I had that."

"Hey, you are kind!" I retorted, he scoffed without a response. I felt guilty about it so I grabbed his hand. "Honey, you are the kindest person I know so far."

"Yeah yeah, you’re the kinder-est person I’ve ever met," John looked down, his cheeks coated with a pink tint. I smiled softly and kept his hand in mine until we made it to the arcade.

We exchanged our cash for coins to use inside and played games while goofing around for a bit, almost getting kicked out at some point; afterwards, we went to the bowling section and messed around in there before actually playing, John apparently had more experience compared to myself so of course he beat me.

But out of everything, I concentrated on him the most. The way his smile grew wider every-time he won a game and beat me, his scream whenever he lost and wanted a rematch or the way his bleached hair shined brighter with the multicolor neon lights, the way his eyes sparkled with delight and happiness and whenever I playfully flirted with him, he became flustered in a snap.

Maybe I did grow attached to him, more than a friendly way.

"Hey, I'm beat. You down to leave?" John inquired.

"Yeah, I'm okay with that," I answered, John sighed and we both left, the cool breeze hitting me like a wave, the heat from inside slowly disappearing. "Don't think I forgot about painting your nails."

"Wait, you were serious about that?" The American giggled, making my heart leap.

"Yeah! C'mon, it'll be fun," I remarked. "Remember? Mister Adventure guy, painting your nails would be an adventure too!"

"Okay, okay! I'll let you paint my nails, only if I can take you on my own special little adventure."

"Hell yeah!" I spoke happily, looking down at him and chatting about our experiences inside the arcade.

We made it to the complex, I looked around and noticed my Dads car was nowhere to be found.

I took the chance for granted and helped John climb over the fence as I jumped after him, leading him to my apartment. I unlocked the door, the house reeked of alcohol and cigarettes, which made John sneeze. "Sorry about the smell."

"It's all good," John reassured, I smiled and motioned him to my room, where it didn't smell of alcohol and cigarettes. I shut my door and opened the window, letting some air inside. "Okay! Mi casa es tu casa!"

"Nice, now lets get to painting nails," John sat down on a spare chair as I sat on a similar one, grabbing my small container filled with variations of colors. "Uh, here I want these colors," John grabbed three colors: red, blue, and yellow.

"Ooh, nice choices," I acknowledged, setting my container down on the ground and began painting his nails.

"Cameron, remember the thing at the roof?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You know I care about you, you scared me. Smitty was worried too, but I was scared for you. I didn't know if you were gonna get hurt and-"

"Hey, hey, it's over now, honey. You don't have to worry, I'm here with you."

"I know I know, but I need you to know that I worry for you. So if that bullshit happens again, I'm not leaving your side," John spoke in a serious tone, I knew that tone anywhere which meant he was telling the truth. "Heh, okay honey."

"Why do you call me that?"

"What? Honey?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I don't have to if you don't want me to," I looked up at him as he was already staring at me. He immediately looked away and I chuckled. "No no, I don't mind. Just outta curiosity.”

"You reminded me of a song, so I began calling you that."

"Mhm, so if I called you 'sweetheart' would that be okay with you?"

"Yeah, that's fine with me," I replied, my chest filled with butterflies. I finished painting his right hand and moved onto the left. "Alright, sweetheart."

"Where are we gonna go exactly?"

"Oh, it's a surprise, wouldn't want to ruin the fun for you," John repeated what I had said yesterday, which left me surprised at how he remembered that exactly. "You'll just have to follow me."

"Alrighty then, new Mister Adventure man, you will lead the way," I said, a smile forming on the both of us. We stayed silent, enjoying each other's presence until I finished painting his nails. "Boom, done."

"Holy shit, you're good at this," John complimented. "Really, you are."

"Hah, thanks," I replied, an awkward silence came about. I opened my mouth as if to say something until the door clicked, my immediate instinct was to go for the window. "Cameron, are you in there?" My father asked loudly, I motioned John out the window, opening it for him as I tried making up an excuse for him to not open the door. "I'm jacking off! Don't open the door!" I shouted, John snickered as he made it outside, I grabbed the door and faced him.

"You weren't jerking off, what were you doing?"

"Writing."

"Ugh, of course you were writing," He mumbled, rubbing his head. "I don't wanna see your writings anywhere outside your room, got it?"

"Yeah," I answered, he glared at me before leaving, slamming the door in the process. I sighed, relieved that he didn't realize the boy I had inside my house; I silently fled through the window, finding John leaning against the wall, smiling when I look at him. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm feeling better now that you're here," I spoke dumbfounded, John rolled his eyes. "Whatever, c'mon sweetheart, we got a long walk ahead of us," The American began walking as I followed him downtown. Our walk to the surprise destination was quiet, listening to the cars driving by, street lights buzzing and small crickets chirping, the wind wasn't hot nor cold but just the right amount of warm. I thought about John, how lucky I am to have met him. How lucky I am to actually be able to walk with him.

How lucky I am to feel almost in love.

I knew I had some feelings here and there, but being with him, makes my day.

The only thing that haunted me was his rejection.

-

We made it to a small neighborhood that wasn't as far as John mentioned, we walked into a part of the neighborhood where there was a cul de sac, a street light in the middle of a small patch of grass. Houses were around the soft pavement, John stopped and pointed to a house. "There's my house, it isn't too much but it's where I live. I don't think anybody's home so we'll be fine."

"Oh, alright," I replied, continuing to walk towards the house, John turned to the side of the house where a wooden fence stood with another door and opening that door..

Stood a treehouse between two bigger trees.

"Woah," I whispered, looking at the house. It had a ladder dangling down from it and two windows that stood out as multiple cables fell from underneath and connected to Johns house. "So, how do you like it, sweetheart?"

"Like it? John, this is fucking amazing!"

"Have you ever been in a treehouse before?"

"Well, no, I've never been in one and let alone see one. I've only seen them in T.V, obviously."

"Get your ass up there," John shoved me to the ladder, I chuckled before climbing the ladder that wobbled with every step I took until I made it inside. There was a mini fridge and a small T.V while Christmas lights were strung around the walls, a blue rug on the ground, bean bags in the corner (with board games), and a couch in front of a coffee table. John soon came up after me so I walked to the couch and sat myself down, John crawling to a movie rack next to the T.V. "What do you wanna watch? We got uh, Shrek and-"

"Stop, put that shit on."

"Shrek? Seriously?"

"Put it on, pussy," I dared, John followed as told and put the movie into the DVD player. The other silently walked towards the couch, sitting beside me and laying down on my shoulder making my heart race. "Tired?"

"Yeah, I'm super fucking tired."

"Maybe we don't have to do anything tomorrow, we could just hang out."

"You really wanna do that?"

"Yeah, I'm down for that."

"Heh, alright," Those were John's last words as he concentrated on the movie before falling asleep on top of me. I smiled, playing with his frizzy bleached hair, his hair felt soft against my hands. I sighed contently, looking at how peaceful he was in my arms, still twirling his hair between my fingers.

Maybe I did fall in love with him.

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uhh this story is kinda old, so im sorry if it sucks; also kritz (kryoz nd fitz) is an underrated ship change my mind. i wanna upload more but im very slow with writing so im gonna upload an old story i wrote a while back lmao,,

anyways, hopefully it’s good! jus a reminder there’s some heavy subjects like, right off the bat so if your uncomfortable, then don’t read it! thank you, and have fun reading :•)

-

/ o n e. /

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cam.

The best way to start off the first night of summer vacation is when your Dad decides to kick you out of the house, again. "Fuck you, too," I muttered angrily to myself, kicking a rock that rolled onto the road beside me.

Usually, I don't come till he calls me, telling me about how pissed he is at me for staying out too late. I find it unfair, but I don't say much about it.

Anyway, I head down my favorite diner, my music blasting through my ears and my backpack slung around my left shoulder.

The night breeze hitting my face, the sky sprinkled with tiny stars while the lights from cars and stores passed by.

Once I finally approached the diner, I opened the door with a swing as the bell rang above me. I sat down at a booth next to the window, taking a peek through the menu in front of me.

"Hey, welcome to Nancy's finest wines and dines," The boy in front of me said, I took out one of my earbuds and smiled up at him.

He had blonde bleached hair with brown strips here and there with different moles scattered on his pale face; I took a glance at his name tag.

"Dahlia?" I asked, he chuckled awkwardly. "My name isn't actually Dahlia if your wondering, just covering a shift for a buddy. You can call me John," He replied, pausing as he looked down at the table. "Oh, uhm- you're looking through a kid's menu."

"Huh?" I looked down as well before realizing he was right. "Well, it's pretty late. Can't blame myself I guess."

"Alright, well, lemme fetch you a different menu. Unless you prefer your little kids' menu with crayons?"

"I'll keep the crayons," I grabbed the crayons and managed to make John laugh again. "Okay, I'll be right back."

I watched John walk behind the counter, reaching underneath to pull out a bigger menu and walking back to me. "Do you actually want something to eat?"

"Nah, in all honesty, I just wanted to order a coffee."

"Couldn't you have said that before?"

"Yeah but I'm an asshole like that," I stated, he rolled his eyes and smiled, leaving without a word. I had to admit though, he was pretty cute.

After a couple of minutes, he came back with a mug of coffee and a small bowl of coffee creamers. "Here ya go, uhm.."

"Cameron, Cam for short if you want."

"Here ya go, Cam," He restated, placing everything down before sitting down. "Since your my only customer tonight, tell me more about youself. I'm curious."

"So am I," I retorted, pouring creamer into the coffee.

"Ooh, very mysterious," He said intrigued.

"Maybe," I winked at him.

"Maybe?" He giggled, only making me laugh a bit too.

"You are beautiful," I muttered, slightly blown away at how this conversation is playing out.

"Really? I find that quite doubtful."

"Really? I find what you said quite doubtful," I repeated. "So, Dahlia-"

"It's John."

"What're you doing later?"

"Probably goin’ home, why?"

"Just wondering, gonna head down the train tracks tonight. A little adventure mind you," I explained, a small grin plastered on my face.

"Adventure?" John inquired. "Shouldn't you be going home? It's pretty late."

"Huh, never took you for goody-two-shoes. My dad kicked me out again and I ain't going back yet so might as well entertain myself," I added, taking a sip of my coffee.

"Hm, I'm interested, but what if I don't have any fun on your adventure?"

"That solely depends on you, doesn't it? Plus, I'm pretty good at having fun, maybe more than you if you're so worried about me staying out too late."

"Sounds like a challenge."

"If that's what you want it to be," I dared with a grin.

"Well, my shift ends in a couple of minutes. Mind waiting for a little?"

"I've got all the time in the world, honey," I reassured, John opened his mouth to say something but the man inside the kitchen coughed loudly, catching his attention as he stood up awkwardly.

"As you can see, I should be on my way. Before I go, do you not want anything else?"

"Nah, go ahead and do your job, Dahlia," I joked, John shot a non-threatening look while walking away. I smiled again, the hot rush of the coffee racing down my throat.

I popped my earbud back into my ear, spacing out with my coffee in my hands. After maybe, 20 minutes, I silently glanced behind me a while later, a pair of red doors opened and John walked out without his uniform. He wore a yellow, red and blue hoodie with white ripped jeans. "Hey, you ready?"

"Yeah, let's go," I replied, standing up from the table, turning off my music and putting my phone away inside my backpack, leaving the diner behind.

-

Silence filled the night air; the sound of leaves, sticks, and dirt crunching underneath us while walking through the forest. "Have you been here before?"

"No, I heard about there being abandoned apartments down nearby the train tracks, thought that I might as well check it out tonight," I answered, John nodded. "What about your backpack?"

"Eh, just full of spray paint."

"You know you could be arrested for that?"

"As long as I don't get caught."

"Good point," John answered. We chatted a bit more until finding the train tracks. "Finally, Jesus Christ."

"We still gotta walk more, you do realize that?"

"Yeah well, at least we found your dumbass train tracks," John grumbled.

"You know, you never told me why your Dad kicked you out. You don't gotta tell me but I'm just curious."

"He does that often, it's honestly a habit. He's technically my foster Dad," I continued, I chose not to go into detail. "I dunno, I love him but he can kiss my ass."

"Oh, sorry about that," John mumbled.

"Appreciate it," I answered, it wasn't anything uncomfortable for me to talk about. At some point, a building peered over the trees and as soon as we got closer, we were already there.

"Wow, it looks kinda beautiful."

"Yeah, it does," I agreed, stepping closer to the the apartments, admiring the art scribbled upon the grey walls as I opened up my backpack and pulled out my light pink spray paint, writing my signature (just the word Cam).

"Woah, can I try?" John asked, I nodded and he scrambled through my backpack, after a while, he finally pulled out a blue spray can. "You can do it, Dahlia!"

"Shut the fuck up, Cam," He sneered but I laughed in response, watching him try to write on the wall. "Here, lemme help you," I offered, I put my hand on his as I assisted him with the can, letting him write in his signature. "There you go, told you I'm obviously better at having more fun."

"I gotta admit, that was pretty sick."

"You sure you're up for this?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Because you said 'that was pretty sick' but I don't want you to end up getting sick," I teased, John fake-laughed in response.

"Whatever, douche," John insulted, painting more weird scribbles and I joined him. Our laughter was the only thing heard beside the sound of wind and crickets chirping. We painted all over the wall, covering other people's drawings in the process too.

John painted an extremely detailed penis, making the both of us laugh until a snap was heard in the distance.

"Cam?" John inquired, I was still laughing a bit before responding.

"Yeah? What's up?"

"Did you hear that?"

"Uhh, no. Why, what'd you hear?" I asked again, then a much harsher voice shouted.

"WHO'S THERE?!" It shouted, I knew that tone anywhere as I immediately grabbed John by his hand and my backpack, scurrying out as the policeman shouted at us.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck-" John repeated, his words laced with anxiety.

"We'll be fine, calm down," I spoke, still running until we lost the man in the forest.

We both took deep breaths, leaning against a tree. "I'm-I'm never going another adventure with you again."

"Trust me, you are," I raised my brow with a grin, he huffed and cupped his face. "Jesus fuck, that was terrifyingly delightful."

"Exactly why your gonna wanna go on another adventure one day."

"Fuck off," He spat, I felt a buzz run through my backpack as I grabbed my phone. "Hey, Dad," I sighed, rubbing my head. "Yeah, I'll get home soon- I know. No, I'm not with anybody. Okay, bye.," I hung up.

"What was that about?" John requested.

"Ah, just Dad yelling at me that I gotta go home," I spoke, looking down at my phone again. "It's 12:05 am."

"Oh fuck," John murmured, looking back at me anxiously, I could tell just by glancing at him that he wanted to leave. "C'mon, let's go," I began to walk again, John silently followed me as we reached the town. Almost nobody was outside, therefore most of the stores were completely off and the sound of two cars is heard in the silence; it felt like a ghost town.

We walked without saying a word, only appreciating our company until I broke the silence. "You know, out of the couple times I've gone to Nancy's, I've never seen you. Did you just start working there?"

"Yeah, Mom wanted me to get a job and that's the only place where they'd actually accept me, I guess," John answered. "Or at least, that's the only job that I applied for."

I laughed a little, my cheeks hurting from smiling.

Then we were silent again once we reached the small complex of apartments along the street, I could tell he's never been here before; we stopped in front of the entrance where a tall fence stood.

"Will I see you again? Back at the diner, I mean."

"Depends on when you want me there, honey," I said, winking at him as he silently smiled but I noticed the small tint of blush on his cheeks, however, I didn't mention it.

"Here, I have an idea," I remarked, pulling out a napkin and crayon from the diner. "Does it involve you giving me your number?"

"Yes it does, what I charmer I am. Right?" I said jokingly, handing him the napkin. "Whenever you wanna see me, when your shift is over or whatever, call me. Not like I'm busy."

"Hey, when your Dad called, why'd you tell him that you were alone?"

"Eh, just a habit. He assumes whenever I'm out with somebody, I end up doing drugs but I don't."

"Oh, well. I'll chat with you soon, Cam. Thanks for the adventure," John said as he stepped back.

"Au revoir," I spoke in French while bowing down fancily, listening to Johns giggle as he walked away.

I forgot the code to get inside the complex so I just hopped over the fence, my mind still thinking about John.

I just wish I hadn't gotten attached so quickly.

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just a little warmup because i haven’t been writing in a while. i know it’s all callmefitz but trust me i’ll write other shit when i get the chance :•)

☓☓☓

[Carson’s POV.]

This party sucked. It makes sense, it's a Misfit party so it reeked of weed and alcohol, so many people I knew including the Misfits and Goop, even Poki was here.

I think she left though, we spoke for a long ass time though. I didn't like her; no, I had somebody else on mind, unfortunately.

My friends were all high or drunk, but I'm a good twenty year old so I was slightly tipsy. I could handle it though, it was hard to concentrate and think. I was off to the side, sitting on the steps of a long staircase that lead upstairs where couples were. I had a drink in a red cup but I felt like if I drank it I'd throw up, so I'd rather not ruin the party. I set my cup to my side but purposely left it there as I left the staircase with a numb feeling, maybe because I'm alone.

I ran into Cooper, who was obviously high as fuck. "Yo, you good? You look like shit."

"Yeah? Look who's talking."

"Hey, I'll spin your fucking jaw, dude. Where's everybody else?"

"I dunno, I'm gonna sit outside," I replied, Cooper nodded and went around me, shouting about something I could care less about. I couldn't think in a place with so much noise yet I expected it to be louder outside. It was extremely mellow, some people were relaxing in the pool and I recognized Travis in a hammock far away from the party, smoke illuminated from where he sat. I smiled, knowing how he has a thing for getting high on hammocks.

I brushed my hair back slightly, looking at a metal table with a pink umbrella sticking out of it, I chose to sit there as I made my way. I sat down on the cold metal chair, looking up at the sky to see a full moon and clouds covering it every now and then. I sighed, it started getting cold but it's not like I had anywhere else to go. Eventually, I got warm with the light hoodie that I wore, until something else wrapped around me. I flinched at the touch of somebody tapping my shoulder, I looked the opposite side until I found the culprit who would do such a thing. "Hey, Carson.” “Hi, Fitz.”

"What?" Fitz spoke in an offended tone before chucking. "Please, if I were to host a party it'd be better than this. Ryan hosted this, not me."

"Oh, well. He's shit at hosting parties but hey, looks like people are having fun," I added and Fitz nodded except he looked rather unhappy every time I took a quick glance at him and every time I glanced I got butterflies in my stomach.

I hated this.

"What?" Fitz finally asked, realizing how quiet I was and possibly because I kept staring at him.

"I don't know, you look unhappy."

"I'm not, I'm just sitting here with you. That's good enough."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Hm, I'm not sure," Fitz lied, he wasn't the best liar out there. He refused to make eye contact with me, I fiddled with my fingers as silence filled the empty space around us.

"Can I talk to you? Not out here."

"Where else could we talk?"

"The upstairs rooms?" Fitz laughed at me, I smiled and decided to be gullible enough to follow the high man. He grabbed my hand and led me through the crowd to the stairs. I spotted my cup on the edge of one of the steps as he knocked it over and not realizing the mess he made or perhaps it was our mess.

Nobody said anything about it so there was no point in worrying.

Surprisingly, nobody was up here. Everybody was downstairs having fun and doing drugs or whatever.

"Come in," Fitz opened the door to a guest room. "I-I wanted to say something."

"Oh yeah? Tell me then," I encouraged, sitting on the bed as I watched Fitz sit down without saying anything. "Fitz? What do you wanna tell me?"

"I don't know, I'm not sure if I wanna tell you?"

"Even though you brought me up here to tell me something?" I countered to which he never responded; the moonlight was shining through the blinds, enough for me to see his face from the bed and from what I could tell, he looked flustered and upset. "Fitz, you gotta say something, you're upset right?"

"No."

"Are you sad?"

"No."

"Angry?"

"I don't think so," Fitz said slowly and hesitantly, shuffling in his chair a bit as he never made eye contact with me. Was he angry with me? I haven't spoken to him all night until now, did I say something?

"So, you're angry about something?"

"Maybe."

"I-uhm- Are you angry with me?"

"No no, of course not just- maybe a little bit," Fitz mumbled, staring at the door as if he was going to burst through it and book it.

"A little bit? Did I do something?"

"No I mean- I'm not angry just jealous!" Fitz exclaimed, he suddenly became redder than before and started to tap his foot. "You're jealous of what?"

"I don't know, would you believe me if I told you it was Poki?"

"Poki? Wait, what? Fitz, are you like pranking me or something because I know you're high-"

"Okay, look,” Fitz started, moving his hands all over the place as if it would contribute to his explanation. “I was jealous of her because I wanted to be in her place ya know? I wanted to be the one talking to you and laughing and all that stupid shit.”

“Then why didn’t you come up to me?”

“Easier said than done, Carson,” Fitz sighed.

“Why is it so hard?”

“I’ll tell you why,” Fitz spoke confediently prior I-I think I legitimately like you, as in like like you.

Oh.

"I- uh- I mean like-" I couldn't muster the words to tell him that I felt the same way which is weird. "I thought you liked girls and tits."

"You made me change my mind."

"Did I make you change your mind?"

"Yeah! Yeah, you did," Fitz laughed before sighing, finally making eye contact with me. Suddenly we switched roles, now I'm the flustered one but I refused to go down without a stupid fight. "Fitz, c'mere."

"What?"

"C'mon, get over here, Fitz."

"Fine," Fitz huffed, rolling himself over to me, I sat up on the bed and I smiled watching him roll up to me, seeing him up close was funny as his nose was scrunched from the pout on his face and his red cheeks. He looked cute. "You just gonna stare?"

"Nah," I answered quickly, grabbing his shirt and pulling him to me, pressing our lips together. It wasn't long but I wanted to be sure he really wanted me to kiss him. "What's the rush?"

"I don't know, just making sure it's okay," I shrugged, pulling him onto the bed as he sat in front of me, he looked down at me and smiled. Fitz slowly placed his hands behind my neck, pulling me into a kiss as I kissed back. His lips tasted weird and were chapped but felt soft, my stomach feeling funny and my heart racing and my hands felt tingly. Fitz slowly pulled away, catching his breath as I chuckled underneath my breath; he still had his hands behind my neck, playing with the ends of my hair. "Have I told you I like you a lot?"

"Oh no need, I can already tell."

"Oh c'mon, you egotistical fuck," I groaned, rolling my eyes but Fitz only laughed, his arms snaking around my waist to pull me closer than we were before. "You realize what this means?"

"I don't think so?"

"It means you're officially my little bitch."

"Oh yeah? Whatever, you're officially my little plaything. I have all the power, Cam,” I argued, looking him dead in the eyes but nothing was said after my statement. We just stared at each other, I chuckled a bit to break the awkward silence. Fitz smiled at my attempt to try and not be awkward, I opened my mouth to say something but Fitz started to lean in hesitantly. “You suck at this,” I muttered, containing my laughter as his smile turned into a pout. With nothing else to say, Fitz placed one hand on my cheek and lured me into another kiss.

Yeah, this party isn’t so bad.

ohoho this ones long, it’s the moment y’all have been waiting for. sorry it took long, i couldn’t muster any ideas so this what i came up with, hopefully it’s okay! uwuwu

/ carson. /

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無能な: insouciant.

showing a lack of worry, concern; indifferent.

eg: "He's acting like everything is fine as if he were insouciant. Maybe he is."

-

recap:

"That's exactly what I wanted to tell you, he's okay. But Swagger's keeping him busy for some reason, Swags still thinks Cam's apart of whatever Swagger has. Anyways, he misses you a lot, I'll help you talk to him again, don't worry. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

"Awesome, it was nice meeting you but I don't sit here so I gotta dip, bye!" Toby said quickly, she ran to the back of the room, her chair squeaked a bit as well. I sighed and let my brain process what was happening.

Who's Swagger?

-

I woke up today. That's about it.

The only difference is we still don't have any shampoo, even though Cooper works at a convenience store it never crosses his mind to get shampoo.

I feel like shit, to put it shortly.

What's a guy like me supposed to do when he's feeling like shit? Not go to school, so that's what I did. "Yeah, I got the cold last night," I lied over the phone, talking to one of the administrators. "Okay, thanks. Have a good day," I hung up before Cooper came inside. "Hey-Oh shit, you're awake?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Were you on the phone?"

"Yeah, I called in sick. I don't feel like going."

"What the hell? Why'd you call out, bro?"

"Because I don't feel like going, I just told you."

"Is it about Cameron? You don't have to avoid him like a disease, you can talk to him."

"No, I can't. So, I'm gonna spend time with Travis, it's been a while," I stood up as Cooper helped me from my bed to my cane and my glasses, I put my glasses on as I pulled on a sweater from the ground. I listened to my blankets rustle behind me, Cooper's making my bed for me. "Thanks for making the bed."

"No problem, I'll let it slide. Maybe you guys can buy shit from the store," Cooper mentioned.

"You work at a fucking store, I don't see why you can't get one from there?"

"Shut up. Plus Travis needs to get out so you're his only chance. I gotta dip so I'll talk later, okay?" Cooper said quickly, patting my shoulder and leaving the room, not giving me enough time to say goodbye as Travis yelled goodbye to Cooper, who was already gone by the time he said that. I walked out of my room to hear Travis gasp. "Carson, shouldn't you be at school?"

"I called sick, I don't feel like goin'," I stated, walking into my kitchen. "Oh, that sucks. Why not?"

"I don't know, too much shit is hitting the fan and that's never happened. Like, I've had a pretty chill high-school year and then I met Cameron."

"What about him?"

"Nothing, I think he's a nice guy," I spoke slowly, opening the pantry and digging my hand around, finding a box. I felt the packaging, it's a Clif bar. "Well, I don't know him that well but he's nice. He's mysterious, I guess."

"Hm, is that why you aren't at school?"

"Yeah, I guess. Listen, I just wanna not talk about school," I added, ripping the wrapper off and taking bites out of the bar, making my way to Travis and bumped into a chair, pulling it out and sitting down at the table with Travis. "Okay, tell me about Cammy."

"I just did, Travis, were you not listening?" I asked, biting into my bar as he spoke. "Yeah but tell me more!"

"I don't know more, Travis. I just like him."

"Oooh now you gotta tell me more," Travis said, his voice grew more intrigued with every word that came out of my mouth, I'm just giving him what he wants without me knowing. Now I know but might as well give him what he wants. "I-I don't know, just Cam's a nice guy but he's pushing me away over some guy, Cam gives that guy weed too. It sounded better in my head now that I say it out loud."

"Geez, you have a crush on a drug dealer? How."

"He isn't a drug dealer- just listen to me. He doesn't give me weed or anything, I would love to know him more and now I can't because he isn't letting me."

"Hm, this sounds more like a 'you problem, Carson."

"You're the one that wanted to know so badly," I spoke with a full mouth, swallowing and eating more cereal. "Shouldn't you have gone to school to talk to him then?"

"And what? Tell him I'm gay for him?"

"Yeah?"

"No, I refuse to. I'm a scared little boy, scared, Travis," I said, although talking to Cameron would've been a good idea but I don't think about my actions sometimes. "This whole conversation would've been avoided if you went to school and talked to him, dummy!"

"You're the worst," I groaned, throwing my granola bar on the table and tapping my leg on the ground, my knee bouncing up and down rapidly. "We need shampoo, Travis."

"Oh, we do? I forgot but we could go right now if you wanna. I gotta get outside anyway."

"Yeah yeah, let's just go," I decided with a sigh, standing up and pushing my chair in, listening to Travis' chair scratching against the wooden floor. Travis didn't have a car so we walked to the store which isn't that far - maybe about a block away from our place. It was chilly, the weather was nice today. Travis wasn't as chatty, he probably knew that I don't feel too hot today. I like it when Travis is talking but I don't blame Travis or Cam, especially Cam, I could just talk to Cameron but how do I? What do I tell him if he's the one avoiding me, I want to talk to him but like I mentioned prior, he pushed me away, not vice versa. I can't apologize for something he did but it's irony at its finest.

"Travis, did you tell Cooper you liked him or did he?" I inquired at of nowhere, he didn't answer for a minute and asked me to repeat my question, so I did and he paused again. "He did, I think? He probably said somethin' stupid, he was all like, 'Wanna go out or something stupid?'."

"Yeah, he would say that. Do you think I could say that?"

"No, you don't leech of Cooper. You think of your own words, it's better that way," Travis stated, I nodded and kept my arm intertwined with his as we walked, my other arm akimbo while I held my cane outward. I couldn't get my mind off of him, I hate this. I want to go back to Cameron's car and just talk but never stop. I want him to keep driving until I tell him I have a crush on him and he says he does too and we'll happily ever after. I want my happily ever after. "Carson? Are you okay, you spaced out," Travis blurted, I shivered at the goosebumps rolling across my arms, legs, and back. "Yeah, I'm okay. Are we there yet?"

"Yep, it's across the street," Travis reminded calmly, stopping in front of a crosswalk before walking again. I felt the soft concrete underneath my feet change into a harder, more bumpy road which meant we were walking in a parking lot. Then I listened to shopping carts rolling across the bumpy ground, people talking and babies crying, which meant we were probably getting closer to the store. I knew we were inside when I felt the cold wind blow on my face and the feeling of the ground shift from concrete to tiles.

"What do we need again?" Travis asked, stopping to grab a basket.

"Uh, we need shampoo, probably some other stuff too but I'm not sure."

"Hm, okay," Travis wrapped his arm around mine, I could feel people staring at me. I accidentally hit someone's feet with my cane, I moved my cane a bit but I hit something else. "Carson?"

That isn't Travis' voice.

"Oh, isn't that the guy you-" Travis started but I immediately elbowed him. "Aren't you supposed to be at school?"

"Yeah, but I got suspended for getting into a fight. It's okay though, I'm suspended for like, a day," Cameron said sweetly, walking closer to me and Travis. "Who's this?"

"Oh! Uh, Cam, this is Travis-"

"Hey! You wanna hang out with us today too?" Travis chirped although Cameron was slow to answer him.

"It's fine, you don't have too," I reassured, sort of hoping he'd say no but I want him to say yes. It's hard to put into words because I don't have any words for what's happening. "No no, I'll join later. I'm kinda busy right now."

"Aw nuts, well, you can come by anytime you wanna," Travis replied, I'm glad he said no, right now isn't a good time and I think he knows that, especially in a fucking grocery store. "Alright, you can have my number then, let me know when I can come by," Cameron mentioned.

"Here's my phone, type it in," Travis replied, letting Cameron type his number in before giving it back. Cameron said see you later and left. "Wow, he looks nice!"

"You're lucky I'm too tired to slap the shit outta you."

"What? What did I do?" Travis exclaimed in an offended tone, leading me around the store. "I acted perfectly fine."

"Mhm, sure. I'm just anxious, Travis, that's all," I explained and he never responded after that. We walked around the store quietly, some small talk was made but never a full-length conversation. It felt like we were in there for ages but we made it out, most likely under an hour or so. The walk home was quiet too, I liked listening to the cars and the wind. "Carson, do you wanna see Cam later?"

"Uh, I don't know, kinda?"

"M'kay, I'll tell him to come over then, maybe you guys can go out again or something?"

"I appreciate it, I don't want to argue so I'll just let you call him since you're right," I spoke nonchalantly although I felt embarrassed, at least I'll get to see Cameron.

-

It's been a while since we came back from the store, Travis mentioned Cameron coming but I'm waiting to see if he was right, I'm hoping he's right.

Then the doorbell rang shortly after.

"Carson, Cam's here!" Travis yelled, I sighed and stood up from the comfort of my couch, I guess my hope was enough this time. I grabbed my cane and made my way to the door. "You gonna be okay?" Travis inquired with his hand on my shoulder.

"Yes, Travis, I'll be okay."

"Hm, alright, have a good afternoon," Travis opened the door for me, a loud squeak came from the door.

"Hey, Carson, you ready?" Cameron said in his stupidly sweet voice and his stupidly cute accent was noticeable.

"Whatever, I'm ready," I answered, walking out the door and listened to it shut behind me. There was no going back.

"So, what exactly are we doing?"

"I'm not sure, we could just drive around if ya want."

"Yeah, yeah that sounds nice," I mumbled, my grip on my cane tightened as my cheeks began burning. "What was that?"

"You heard me, asshole."

"I don't think I did, you might have to speak up."

"I said it sounds nice, okay?" I said louder, Cameron chuckled and so did I.

God his laugh is adorable.

We took the elevator down which was extremely awkward because neither of us said anything until we made it to Cameron's car. "Okay, we're here," Cameron mentioned, unlocking his car and turning it on with the rev of his engine. I opened the door and sat down in the passenger seat, throwing my cane underneath my feet as I shut my door. I buckled my seatbelt as Cameron did the same thing.

"Can you turn on the radio?"

"Yeah, sure," Cameron replied, one click and music started playing, he turned it down a bit, a song I've never heard before played. "Oh shit, this is a good song," Cameron realized, turning the music up slightly.

"What song is this?" I asked, smiling and tapping my foot to the song, it sounded nice.

"Uhh, shit the name is my head, hold on," Cameron focused, snapping his fingers and I laughed at him, waiting for his answer. "Oh! Yeah, it's called Sweet To Me by uh- Summer salt. It's a pretty sweet song isn't it?"

"That wasn't even funny. I know what you tried doing and you failed, how sad," I laughed again, I couldn't stop laughing as I slammed my hand against my leg. This is the longest I've honestly laughed.

"Wh-why are you laughing so much? It wasn't even that good of a joke!" Cameron giggled, not laughing as much as I am. I sighed, refraining myself from cracking up again. "I-I don't know."

"You're a mystery, I like that," Cameron said, turning down the music again as a different song played.

"How can you like somebody like me? I mean, it's not like you like me, ya know?"

"And if I did?" Cameron questioned in a weird tone, I hesitated to answer because of the way he said it. If I said something wrong then it would ruin this night, if I said something right then how would I know I'm right? "I don't know, you don't have to answer my question."

"Heh, only because you told me not too," Cameron's tone changed into a softer tone, my heart skipped a beat but the conversation became silent.

"Where are we even going?" I changed the subject to keep the conversation going.

"I don't know, we could go to a park and fuck around or something?"

"I'm so down for that," I felt the adrenaline pumping due to excitement and anxiety. I'm considering telling Cam how I feel.

I don't know if I should.

So I'm going too.

I decided to keep my mouth shut for now and talk with Cameron about what we were going to do once we got to the park. We decided to just sit on the swings and figure it out from there. My heart is fucking racing I can't believe I'm about to do this. "Alright, we're here! C'mon, let's go," Cameron parked his car, I sighed shakily and grabbed my cane from underneath my feet, opening the car door and stepping out. I grabbed onto Cam's arm and let him lead me to the swings, I felt the woodchips underneath me crackle as we made it to the swings. I set my cane down on the woodchips, sitting down on the swing, I was too tall for the swing so I moved my legs forward and back, keeping my feet on the ground. The cold night breeze hit my face, I shivered but I love the cold, I could imagine the night sky right now. "It's pretty nice today, isn't it?"

"I guess so, it's better now that you're here though," Cameron said softly, the same way he did earlier.

I built up my courage and sighed, my heart is aching. "Cam, can I say something really quick?"

"Mhm, go for it," Cameron said so calmly, he's acting like everything is fine as if he were insouciant. Maybe he is and it's pissing me off enough to build up courage to tell him how I feel.

"Listen, you know how I asked you how could you like somebody like me and you asked what if you did?"

"Yeah, I remember that, what are you trying to say?"

"I-I have a crush on you, I have a stupid fucking crush on you because you're a sweet and nice guy and overall amazing, I don't know how but I have a crush on you and it's fine if-"

"Hey hey, relax," Cameron assured, his hand on mine as I slowly let go of the swing and held his hand, he squeezed my hand. "I uh- I like you too, as in I also have a stupid crush on you."

"Shit, what the fuck?" I laughed and then felt my eyes water. "This is so fucking cheesy I swear, I-I didn't think you were gonna like me back, ya know?"

"Yeah but I do, so I hope you don't mind if I do something right now," Cameron let go of my hand and his footsteps came toward me, I felt his hands hold my face and I flinched a bit, feeling his breath on my lips. "Can I kiss you?" Cameron's voice became low and husky, I nodded and his lips pressed against mine. The kiss was quick as he moved back, I smiled and moved my hands to his shoulders.

I felt my eyes water but I refused to cry as I giggled a bit. My heart began slowing down, I calmed down and moved away from the hug. "Can you kiss me again?" I asked with a smile, my cheeks hurt from all the stupid smiling and blushing.

"Yeah, I can," Cameron kissed me again but this time slower.

Fuck, what about Swagger? What about Toby and Schlatt? I haven't thought about them.

I'll wait until tomorrow, I'll be fine.

I'm happy right here.

man i’m really out here at 1am, it’s kinda quirky doe. i plan on writing different stories besides just this one; also if you have any requests just ask! i don’t bite, i can write bbs, gbg, and goopcast so yeah ajevhwebfdjjw hopefully y’all enjoy this chapter! :)

/ carson. /

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余韻: linger.

stay in a place longer than necessary, typically because of a reluctance to leave.

eg: "I wanted to linger in his presence longer than this."

(t.w - minor drug mention.)

-

recap:

"We should get off this roof," Carson added, rubbing his head.

"Yeah, let's go," I helped Carson up and grabbed his cane from the ground along with mine and his backpack. Leaving the same way we came.

I hope this doesn't change anything.

-

I got home later than usual, knocking on the door painfully slow because I knew what was waiting for me behind this door. It's not like I can avoid this, I live here. "Carson," Cooper greeted me with an angry tone.

"Cooper," I replied, walking inside as I felt him softly shut the door. "Where were you, dude? I waited out there for ten minutes, I looked like a parent picking up their fifteen-year-old kid waiting there."

"At least I'm back, right?"

"That isn't the point Carson, you blind fuck, you could've-"

"Listen, you're my best friend but not my parents. I don't want you on my back all the time," I spat, the room filled with silence. "I'll be fine."

"No, no you won't because there are fucking bandages on your face and you smell like weed! Explain, now," Cooper retorted, on my way home I forgot that the roof thing happened. I didn't say anything. "Carson."

"Coopie, calm down. Maybe he tripped or something?" Travis countered, his hand on my shoulder as if he knew what I did. "He'll be okay, he's home now."

"Yeah, fine. You better fess up soon because seeing you like this isn't fun, Carson," Cooper replied, probably walking to his room.

"Carson, you gonna tell him or me?" Travis asked as he moved his hand away, I fiddled with my cane. "Fine, I was hanging out with a friend of mine and some fucking assholes attacked us, happy?"

"Oh, did you do something?"

"No, Travis, I'm blind."

"Hm, be careful next time, for Coopie's sake?"

"Yeah yeah, I'm going to my room," I slowly walked to my room, throwing my cane down and put on my pajamas and falling onto my bed. I could see the fuzzy moonlight entering my room, taking off my glasses which didn't change my vision at all, I just got used to wearing them. I couldn't sleep, I keep wishing that we could’ve gone anywhere but the rooftop. Maybe things would've been better.

Earlier that day.

"Now what?" Cameron inquired as to if I knew how to respond. I just shook my head no, I didn't feel like talking. "Listen, I'm-"

"Don't apologize, it already happened," I interrupted him which led to a long pause.

"I still feel guilty, is there something I can do?" He offered, his tone was almost hopeful. I squeezed my long cane, it was going to be a long walk home. "Do you have a car?"

"Yeah but it's kinda old. Might smell like weed."

"You could drive me home," I answered, walking off the school grounds and suddenly felt freer. Maybe because I was pelted to the ground earlier. "You didn't have to ask. Do you mind if I patch you up? You look not so good."

"I bet you look not so good either," I chuckled, taking a deep breath afterward. Cameron led me to his car and opened the door for me as I sat down, mentally praying he's a genuinely nice guy and not a creep. "Okay so, I have a first aid kit in here. Is-is it okay if I touch your face?"

"How else are you gonna do this?"

"Hah, you got me there," He confessed, I listened to him fumble with the kit as a click ran through the car. The only sounds were us breathing and him looking for whatever in the kit. "This might burn," Cam mumbled, I nodded and closed my eyes tightly, a wipe touched my cheek. I hissed slightly but let him tap the scratch lightly and place a bandaid after. "Why do you have a first aid kit in your car?"

"Just for moments like these," Cameron declared, tapping the scratches away with a wet wipe that smelled of rubbing alcohol. "So this has happened before?"

"Yeah, I have a couple of scars I guess."

"I'm sorry, they're such assholes. If I could, I'd poke them very hard with my cane."

"I appreciate you saying that. You're quite the chatty guy, aren't you?" Cameron said in a sarcastic tone and I smiled. "Of course, I'm surprised at how quickly you found out."

"I have my ways," His tone became softer, placing a third bandaid but his hand still on my cheek. "C-Cameron?"

"Yeah, I finished by the way," Cameron blurted, putting away different things into the kit as he threw it in the back. "Thank you, you didn't have to do that either."

"You let me, how could I not help a guy like you?" Cameron added, his car keys jingled as the car started, the clicks of our seatbelts being put on while he drove out the parking lot. "If you don't mind me asking, what am I like?"

"I can't tell you exactly since I haven't known you that long but I can tell you're a cu-nice guy."

"What were you gonna say?"

"Nothing, just my tongue slipped is all," Cameron explained with a giggle at the end. "What do you think of me?"

"I think you're weird and different and I like that," I announced but realized what I said. "I-I mean like, I like that you're weird and different you know? I think you're cool and stuff but I didn't mean it like that, you know, right?"

"Calm down, Carson. I understand what you're saying. I enjoy how different you are as well."

"Are you repeating what I said but better? You jerk, burn in a deep frier," I stated threateningly. We laughed a little bit.

"I just realized I have no fucking clue where I'm going, do you know where you live?" Cameron advised and I told him my address. "Okay, thank you. As much as I'd love to drive around with you, it's probably past your bedtime."

"You're probably right, God, Cooper's gonna fucking send me to the slaughter machine," I forewarned myself, nervously laughing at the end.

"Cooper? Is that another one of your little goons?"

"Oh yeah, he's like one of my best friends. He and his boyfriend live with me, it's pretty great. Do you have any roommates?"

"Yep, me and my best friend, Toby. She's a very sweet person," Cameron affirmed, tapping against the steering wheel to the beat of the music from the radio. "That's good Cam. Are we there yet?"

"Uhh, you said you lived in a complex called Crossing Sunset?"

"Yep, that's it," I agreed, the car turned and the speeding bumps underneath shook the car as he parked in the parking lot. From what I knew, the complex isn't that big and it's very quiet except for the dog that barks every single hour. "Can I walk you home?" Cameron offered, I nodded and grabbed my backpack along with my cane. I told Cam my apartment number and we took our time walking there. I crossed arms with him so he could lead me to my apartment, in reality, I just wanted to wrap my arm around his, I wanted to linger in his presence longer than this. "Are we ever gonna talk again after this?" I asked seriously, which led to a long pause from Cameron, making my stomach churn. "I don't know, I'll try and talk to you as much as possible. If I don't, it's because I'm busy."

"Doing what?"

"You know what," He reminded, then I remember the smell of weed in his car. I probably smell like weed.

"Hm, okay," I replied shortly, our conversation was silent until we found my apartment. "You should probably go, I don't want Cooper to see you."

"What do you mean? Are you embarrassed by me?"

"What? Let's not jump to conclusions, you know I don't mean it like that."

"It's fine. I was just messing around," Cameron assured but his tone became more serious. He let go of my arm. "I'll see to you soon."

"Yeah, when do you wanna meet up?" I stalled but I could tell he knew that so I gave up trying to make him stay. "Nevermind, you wanna go, right? I'll talk to you later, Cameron."

"See ya later buddy," Cameron left. I stood outside listening to his departing footsteps before opening the door.

Two days later.

"Carson, wakey wakey, baby boy," Cooper shook me awake, I groaned and threw my pillow at him. "Ow, bastard," Cooper laughed and hit me with the pillow. "Seriously bro, get up."

"I will in a moment-"

"No, you won't, c'mon grumpy headass. I'll be waiting for you, okay?"

"Fine, I'll be out soon," I muttered, listening to Cooper chuckle and close the door. I sat up and cracked my back prior to standing up. It's been a while since the roof incident and Cameron still hasn't said anything. I want to talk to him but he said:

"I'll try and talk to you as much as possible. If I don't, it's because I'm busy."

And that sentence has been stuck in my head ever since. It's stopping me from talking to a guy I actually like. Do I like him? Do I really like him like that? Maybe.

I was too sad and lazy to shower so I just put on my clothes, walking out my room with my stuff as Cooper and Travis' laughter fills the living room. I walk into the kitchen, opening the cabinet and reaching for a Cliff bar. Once I retrieved the bar, I dragged myself to Cooper, tapping my cane impatiently. "Hey, lemme talk to my boyfriend, headass," Cooper demanded so I let them talk for a while until I asked Travis for the time. "Oh uhm- guys, it's 12:14."

"Cool, we were supposed to leave an hour ago," I said whilst eating my Cliff bar.

"What the fuck? Carson get your ass up, we gotta go," Cooper spoke rushed as I stood up calmly, saying goodbye to Travis as Cooper shoved me out the door and led me to the car. "I told you we should've left earlier."

"Shut the fuck up Carson or I spin your jaw," Cooper threatened, starting the car and driving off, the car screeching as Cooper spun out the parking lot. "Jesus Cooper, calm down."

"No."

"Listen, I think I have a crush, Coop."

"Huh? Seriously, what's his name?"

"Cameron, I don't know if he's gay or straight though."

"Sounds gay if you ask me. Is he gonna be like Racc?"

"Oh, awesome. I'm glad we're talking about Racc now," I pointed out, rolling my eyes.

"Hey, it's just a question. We both remember Racc."

"And I'd rather forget him, moving on," I sighed, leaning against the car door.

"Fine, I'll just leave it at that. We're here," Cooper mentioned, stopping the car. I squeezed my cane, I knew that once Cooper said Racc that he isn't leaving my mind. "Alright, I'll talk to you later."

"I'm sorry, okay? About him, just go to class."

"I will," I said as I hopped out the car and shut the door, walking away and listening to his car zoom away.

"Carson, sup dude," Jschlatt greeted me, he sounded happy.

"Hey, Schlatt. You remember Racc, right?"

"Oh, yeah. Do you really wanna talk about this? What about Cameron, how's shit going with him, eh?" Jason changed the subject, I expected him to do that. So I told him about Cameron as we walked to our second class since I missed the first one; I told him how calm and nice Cam is, how he's been involved in some heavy stuff but I knew he'd be fine, how sweet he is and how genuine this guy is. "I stopped talking with him though, it's been two days," I added, walking into my classroom with Schlatt.

"You are so gay, aren't you?"

"I am so gay it worries me sometimes," I laughed and so did he, leaving class to go to a different one. The school found he'd been ditching different classes so now if he doesn't show up to his actual classes, he's potentially screwed. So, I sat down and thought about Racc.

Racc was my first partner, he was a nice guy. We met last year and dated for almost two years until he became distant and broke up with me for seeing another guy behind my back. It's still hard for me to get over him, we broke up a couple of months ago and I could feel him telling me to move on. It's what he told me to do when he broke up with me. I could hear him whisper it just the way he told me.

"Please, move on. I want you to be happy but you won't be happy if you don't let go."

I still haven't let go. "Hey," A sweet tone whispered beside me, I looked around until they tapped my right shoulder. I look to my right and they giggled. "Hi, you're Carson, right?"

"Y-Yeah, why?"

"I'm Toby, I'm sure Cam's told you about me," She mentioned, I remember him telling me about her. "Yeah, he has. Is he okay?"

"That's exactly-" The teacher shushed us before continuing her lesson. "That's exactly what I wanted to tell you, he's okay. But Swagger's keeping him busy for some reason, Swags still thinks Cam's apart of whatever Swagger has. Anyways, he misses you a lot, I'll help you talk to him again, don't worry. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

"Awesome, it was nice meeting you but I don't sit here so I gotta dip, bye!" Toby said quickly, she ran to the back of the room, her chair squeaked a bit as well. I sighed and let my brain process what was happening.

Who's Swagger?

mm yes, it’s only the third chapter and i make angsty shit, this is fine uwu also this chapter long wjbfhsd sorry if it’s kinda weird, i wrote this at 2am

/ cameron. /

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不安: apprehension.

anxiety or fear that something bad or unpleasant will happen.

eg: "I felt sick with apprehension."

(t.w - blood, bullies, drug mention.)

-

recap:

"No no, it doesn't ruin it at all. I'm glad we both like that garden." "Wanna hang out there after this class? I'm down to skip my last class whenever." "Hm, I don't know. I'm really going to have to think about this. Man, I've never thought this hard before in my life, what should I say?"

"Probably yes."

"Then yes, I would love to hang out there."

-

"The first thing we need to do, is we need to talk to a friend of mine," Carson explained, a smile on his face as he placed his hand on my shoulder. I decided to skip my seventh class like any other junior student. I mean, I got nothing else better to do, might as well hang out with Carson. "Is it that one guy I saw when I gave back your ruler?"

"Uh yes! It's okay, I got it all under control. He usually comes out to ask where Connor's at."

"Oh, that's pretty cool-"

"Carson! Hey, Carson has Connor-" His face changed, a gasp escaped him and a surprised smile his face formed. "Oh my gosh, Carson. You're a fucking madman! You're braver than I thought."

"Schlatt, you're gonna get in trouble if you keep shouting. You're ditching your own class to hang out with your partner in crime."

"Yeah? And what about you two, where are you guys off too?" Schlatt walked closer, I hesitated to answer but Carson answered for me. "We're going to that garden I always go too. You know which one, right?"

"Yeah yeah, I'm gonna let you guys go so have a good time," Schlatt ran off, screaming his sentence down the hallway. Carson scoffed and kept walking, mumbling under his breath. "What'd you say?"

"He's going to get in trouble. Schlatt is a dumbass sometimes, he'd tell you the same thing about me," He chuckled, I kept looking down at him, he's a pretty attractive guy. "So, uhm, why are you blind? Sorry if that comes off as rude, just trying to start a conversation."

"I get asked that all the time, it's fine," Carson mentioned. "Uh basically, I started getting blinder when I was fourteen, long story short, we went to the hospital and they diagnosed me with Glaucoma. I don't wanna say it was life-changing but it kinda was? I don't really know how to tell you."

"That's fine, I already knew that I couldn't expect so much out of a blind person," I replied, which got a laugh out of him. "Oh, so you're a little asshole, aren't you?"

"Actually I'm very much taller than you."

"How tall? I'm 6'3."

"Puny, I am 6'6. Top that."

"Fucking hell, that's insane, you are legit the tallest person I know now. Congrats dude," Carson answered shocked, laughter escaped him again. I forgot where the garden was for half the time we were talking until I found specks of dirt on the yellow marble square ground, people like to ruin the shit out of this garden but I still like it, I try and help but apparently I'm "too cool" to help so that was bullshit. "Hey, we're here by the way," I tapped Carson's shoulder, he turned to me and back at the entrance of the garden. "Okay, there's like this bench somewhere, do you see it anywhere?" He asked hopeful sounding. I looked around and walked across the soft dirt ground, toward a broken bench, half of it gone and scribbled with messy graffiti. "Looks like half of your bench is gone, sorry," I spoke slowly, a wave of guilt washed over me as Carson walked toward the bench, hitting it and stumbling a little bit before his hand brushed the black rusted handle and light brown wood bench until he reached the missing half of the other side. "Huh, you're right."

"You didn't believe me?"

"No- Well, yeah but it's very easy to trick a blind guy, especially me."

"Good to know, that will definitely come in handy," I stated, trying to get a laugh out of him but Carson didn't say anything, he just looked unpleasant and sad. "I liked this bench a lot, I came here whenever I felt like shit and now it's gone. Whoever did this is just a lowlife, I mean, I'm not the only person that likes this bench and yet they decided to ruin a bench provided by our shit school?"

"You really liked this bench, didn't you?"

"Yes, yes I did. Now I have nowhere to sit."

"There's always the school rooftop or outside of school, surely you can find a different bench, can't you?"

"Yeah but- wait, the rooftop? How do you expect me to fucking climb the school roof?" Carson inquired, I could sense his patience getting smaller with every word the comes out of my mouth. "I could help you up, it's nice up there."

"Oh yeah? I bet it's gorgeous," Carson retorted, still looking down at what once was a bench. "Do you really wanna climb the school's roof? Is it going to be better than the bench?"

"I don't know, it depends on you if you want to climb the roof with me. It's not like we're gonna get caught, everybody's in class," I reassured, I wanted to make sure I wasn't pressuring him but from the looks of it, I probably was.

"You know what? Fine, I'll do it. I'm not a little bitch boy," Carson admitted, a smile forming on his face and I smiled a little bit too.

"Okay, if you say so," I added, taking his hand and walking him over to the corner of the garden, past all the lush bushes, flowers, and other assorted plants was a stack of boxes against the fence that surrounded the garden. Fortunately, the boxes are strong enough to support the weight of one person, so that way people were able to climb up onto the rooftop. "Shouldn't there be ladders for this kind of stuff, like, this school has ladders, right? Instead of boxes," Carson implied, poking the boxes with his cane.

"Geez Carson, you ask too many questions. Ladders sorta loud, we could get caught."

"I thought you said everybody was in class?"

"Fucks sake, Carson, just trust me on this. Either way, we're gonna end up on the roof," I rolled my eyes, stepping onto the first box while still holding Carson's hands. He didn't say anything afterward, his grip tightened with each step onto the boxes. "One more mate, then we're on the roof," I mention, the wind grew colder standing from the roof. Not much could be seen, tall trees blocked most of the view. "I've never stood on a roof before, I'm losing my shit."

"That's gross but at least I could help you experience your first time on a roof," I lead him to the middle of the roof, the ground scattered with leaves and more cigarette buds along with dry pieces of gum and a few beer bottles at the very corner of the roof

"I didn't mean that literally," Carson pointed out. I looked down at Carson and he was smiling, his pale blond hair moved with the wind and his cheeks tinted a light red, then I looked down at my hand to see mine still holding onto Carson's so I let go slowly but his hand immediately swiped away. "Sorry, I was just-"

"It's nice up here, I can tell why you like it up here. The wind feels good," Carson changed the subject, the smile still on his face.

"I'm glad," I announced, taking off my backpack and throwing it on the ground, shoving my hands into the warm pockets of my hoodie. We stood for a bit longer, nothing was said and the only thing you could hear were the trees, cars and the wind. "Wanna head down? Schools' about to end anyways."

"Yeah, promise me your gonna bring me here more often, it's a good hideaway spot," Carson's grin faded when he turned around, voices coming close to both of us. "There are people coming up here," He said prior to a group of three people climbing up the boxes and their voices became more clear to me. "Carson we have to go now," I gasped, trying to look for a ladder or more boxes leading down but nothing was found. I felt sick with apprehension.

We're screwed.

"Yeah, I know it's bullshit," The voice said and stopped in his tracks, stopping the two behind him from walking. "Is that you Fitz?"

"Don't call me that," I cautioned, taking a step back as Carson stood still behind me.

"C' mon, Fitz, don't be so rude. We're friends, aren't we?"

"No, we aren't. I used to buy your weed because you're too much of a pussy to do it," I spat, he snapped and the boys behind him hesitated, I could tell they didn't want this but it was either me or them. I took my chance to leave.

"Mason, Jay," His voice grew more demanding and snapped again. The two suddenly lunged toward me, knocking me down as I tried getting back up but He just kept kicking me and held me down. "E-Eric, you're better than this," I whispered, but he only looked down at me with his cold brown eyes. I watched as he bent down and moved my face to watch Carson as he dropped to the ground and the two others kept kicking but stopped shortly after.

"See what happens when you leave, Fitz? At least those two are smart enough to stay and listen to me," Eric's gravely voice whispered, my ears were ringing and I couldn't really see. I didn't even care about what Eric said, I blocked out every noise besides Carson. I listen to him cough and groan, he whispers something I can't hear and I see his blue eyes look at mine.

I could tell he wasn't happy about the situation happening and neither was I.

"Hey! Are you listening?" Eric shouted, I didn't answer and waited for him to leave so I could go to Carson. "Whatever, I don't ever want to see either of you up here or this situation is gonna become repetitive, I'm guessing you don't want that, right?"

I don't say anything. If I answer him, Swagger might hurt me or Carson. I keep my mouth shut.

"Alright, I see how it is. Just remember, I don't want to see either of you up here again," Swagger mentioned, chuckling and leaving us as the two other boys fled, sad looks on their faces. I waited until they completely left and stood up, my legs wobbled as I stumbled to Carson, who was still lying on the ground but awake. His nose was bleeding along with a few scratches on his face and hands. I was also bleeding but I didn't care. "Hey, Carson," I shook him and he looked up at me, his ice-blue eyes expressed fear. "Cam, where are you?" Carson held his arm up as his hand searched for me, so I grabbed it and pressed it against my face, letting him feel my face although it was sort of uncomfortable.

"Sorry if this isn't normal, but it's just to get to know you better," Carson admitted, moving his hand away from my face slowly. I didn't answer him though, I realized he didn't have his glasses on. I looked around us and found thin glasses on the ground, dusted from the dirt. I grabbed them and cleaned it with my shirt, although I didn't need too. "Here are your glasses, they were on the ground."

"Oh, thanks," Carson replied, taking them and placing it between his eyes, he sighed and sat up properly. "What just happened? Who were those people?"

"That was Swagger, Jay, and Mason. They're involved in a gang and I left it behind," I explained. "I couldn't be apart of it anymore. I didn't want to be in the first place, none of us did but we ended up in a rough place. Swagger dragged us all down with him, except for me and another good friend of mine, Toby."

"Did-did you buy weed for him?"

"Yeah, he likes to be unrecognized. I don't know what the others do for him now, I try and avoid them as much as possible because I knew something like this would happen. I wasn't thinking and I'm sorry," I covered my mouth with my hands, I didn't want any of this to happen. I let it happen.

"We should get off this roof," Carson added, rubbing his head.

"Yeah, let's go," I helped Carson up and grabbed his cane from the ground along with mine and his backpack. Leaving the same way we came.

I hope this doesn't change anything.

jschlatt is in this chapter, i wanna include him cus he deserves more appreciation and recognition so if you don't know him, i recommend watching him :)

/ carson. /

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サンクチュアリー: sanctuary.

a place of refuge or safety.

eg: "It's kind of like my sanctuary, I guess."

-

recap:

That's why I feel people's faces sometimes, just to know them.

I want to know the guy behind me.

-

"Carson, don't tell me your gonna end up being one of those guys who fall asleep during math class!" Sara whispers shout, poking my head to "wake" me up. I wasn't even asleep, just contemplating life. It's only my second class and I already feel like going home. Unfortunately, the guy that sounded nice isn't in this class, not that I know of. "I already feel like I'm sleeping. I'm actually blind, Sara, in case you forgot about that," I spoke sarcastically, Sara groaned and her footsteps became distant which made me chuckle under my breath. I sighed, listening to the teacher blabber on about math while I wrote in my journal. For some reason, out of every other day, I choose to act like an asshole today.

But when am I not an asshole?

"Carson, fuck dude, what's up," A familiar voice spoke beside me, I smiled and reached my hand out toward the voice, feeling their face. "Carson, get your greasy hand off me. You know who I am."

"Aw, you're no fun, Schlatt," I complained as my hand was smacked away.

"Yeah? Look who's talking."

"Oh, haha very funny, you jerk," I replied, getting back to writing. Schlatt, or Jason, has been my friend for a while. We just started talking randomly and ever since then, we got along, now we're good friends. I don't mind though, he's a nice guy. "Anyways, so I just sold out on my merch and holy shit, am I gonna be drowning in fucking green paper," He mentioned, laughing at the end, he's also a YouTuber so it doesn't surprise me that he has some cash in his pockets. I wanted to be a YouTuber before I was blind, I was hoping that it was something temporary and it wasn't. I've never had a real job before either. 

"Yeah? I bought a shirt."

"You did? You better not be lyin' to me or I'm gonna scream at you. Scream in your ears, Carson."

"Yeah? Maybe I'll keep touching your face with my greasy hands," I was joking but at the same time, I wasn't joking. Secretly in my mind, the guy from last class was still in my mind. Never have I been so curious about a dude that I've never fucking met, it's strange. "Schlatt, do me a favor?"

"Uh sure, what is it?"

"Can you tell me if there's like a... dude with blonde hair and blue eyes in this class?"

"I- uhm- well," I listen to him turn around and wait for a response. "Yeah, yeah there's some tall fucker all the way in the back with like two other people."

"Huh, okay. Good to know."

"How'd you know that?"

"I guessed, I like to imagine what people look like when I only hear their voice. It's kinda quirky," I muttered, getting back to writing. Jason didn't respond until he gasped, whispering to me. "Carson, they're pointing at us. Carson, why'd you make me do this?"

"Y-You're asking the wrong questions to a blind guy," I yelled at him quietly, I panicked and I felt my hands shake. Did I really embarrass him that badly? "Hey, you're going to be fine. That tall guy is gonna be okay and so are we. Plus, now you have a better chance to talk with him."

"What's his name?" I asked immediately, my tone was desperate and I knew that Jason knew as well. 

"I don't know, I'm sorry," He whispered, I let out a shaky sigh and kept writing. I swear I can feel him staring at me, I wonder what he's thinking about. Probably about why a computer engineer and a blind guy are talking about him. Maybe he wants to talk to me? It's hard to tell coming from a blind guy. This fucking sucks.

"Okay, I'm going to end our lesson here," The teacher sighed, letting us leave. It felt earlier than usual or maybe it was just me. "Hey Carson, I gotta go but I can help you to your next class if you want," Jason offered, I smiled a little and agreed. Slouching my backpack across my shoulder and placing my other hand on Jason's shoulder to walk out of class properly, pulling my long cane out while letting go of Jason. "Oh fuck, Carson, the tall dude from class is coming up to us," Schlatt spoke nervously, I listened to the running footsteps behind us.

"You've gotta be shitting me-"

"Hey, uhm-" The guy spoke beside me and I swear I almost started crying right then and there because he has a pretty nice voice and accent. "Can I get your name real quick?"

"C-Carson. What's your name?"

"Cameron, it's nice to meet you," He chuckled at the end and I stopped in my tracks. "Uh Carson, we're gonna be-"

"Why are you talking to me, Cameron?" I asked, ignoring Jason and tapping my cane anxiously.

"You forgot your ruler, I just wanted to give it back."

"Oh wow, thanks, dude. That ruler is very important to me."

"Yeah yeah, so uh- sorry I'm just gonna-" Cameron's hand grabbed mine and placed the ruler on the palm of my hand as I curled my fingers around it. His hand still holding mine until I moved it away, I wish I didn't do that because his hand felt nice too. "Sorry if that was weird."

"No no, I don't mind," I smiled, mentally getting ready to scream at myself for acting like a retard. "Oh well, I gotta go but I'll see you around later. Is that okay?"

"O-Oh yeah, no uh- go ahead and thank you for giving me back my r-ruler."

"Heh, anytime, Carson," Cameron answered, walking away leaving me extremely kiddish. I  almost dropped my long cane as I searched for Jason, my hands flailing all over the place. "Schlatt? Schlatt, where the fuck are you?"

"I'm right here buddy! You fucking did it, bro! That was amazing," Jason cheered, his arms wrapping around me. He let go shortly, shaking my shoulders excitedly. I never had such a good evening, it's absolutely fucking bonkers. "We really need to go to class, Carson," Schlatt said more worried than before, letting go of my shoulders in the process.

"You go to your own class. I'll get to mine alone, plus they can't say jack shit about a blind kid being late."

"Well, alright. I'll catch ya later, okay?"

"Yep, I'll see you soon," I answered and began making my way to class. Long story short, I'm gonna be thinking about Cameron a lot.

-

It's my sixth class right now and I've never been so fucking tired. I wanna go back to sleep, but I'm still thinking about Cameron and the stupid ruler. I hate sitting in the front row, sighing and rubbing my eyes while yawning, getting my materials out for my English class.

"Should I talk to him?" A voice is distant from where I'm at asking, it sounds familiar. "I don't know bro, just go talk to him. Don't be such a pussy, Cam," His friend replies, the voice sounds kind of similar to the other, almost feminine. "Shut up, asshole," He answers and stands up, footsteps coming towards...

me.

"Hey, Carson," Cameron greets, a chair dragging across the wood floor as he sits next to me. His pencil writing on his paper as it grinds against the desk. 

"Hello, Cameron. How are you doing so far?" I asked nonchalantly, or at least try too. 

"Been okay, I'm tired as fuck though. I hate my next fucking classes, not gonna lie."

"Oh, you have a seventh class? Sucks for you," I snorted, my cheeks in pain from smiling too much.

"Of course, the fucking blind guy only has six classes. What do you do the rest with your free time then?"

"There's this like weird garden at the back of the school that I found one day, it's kind of like my sanctuary, I guess. It's stupid."

"Oh, I think I know the garden you're talking about. Are there any cigar buds underneath the bench?" 

"Yeah, a few, I step on them sometimes. Why?"

"Well, those are from me. Sorry if that ruins the whole experience," Cameron laughed for a second, making me lose my mind. "No no, it doesn't ruin it at all. I'm glad we both like that garden."

"Wanna hang out there after this class? I'm down to skip my last class whenever."

"Hm, I don't know. I'm really going to have to think about this. Man, I've never thought this hard before in my life, what should I say?"

"Probably yes."

"Then yes, I would love to hang out there."

this is the first chapter of a story im currently writing, where carson is blind. you’ll figure out the rest of the story as you read it, so yeah uwu

@oldrises i don’t know if you're interested in this story but your art also inspired me to write this so yeah :) 

inspired by: cr*sh - michate (song

/ carson. /

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ためらい: hesitation.

the action of pausing or hesitating before saying or doing something.

eg: "i hesitated to open the door. "

-

I'm willing to admit right now, I'm a socially anxious guy. It's so easy for me to forget that I am and most of the times I'll deny the fact that I am not good at socializing. So, naturally, socially anxious or awkward people wouldn't like having crushes. I'm simply one of those people. But, however, there's something else:

I'm blind. 

"Carson! Wake the fuck up!" My friend Cooper, shouted. I groaned, throwing my covers over myself but were immediately pulled away from me. "I'm telling you to wake up, dude. So, get up retard."

"God Cooper, I bet you're uglier than I think you are."

"Actually, I'm very beautiful. It's why I have a boyfriend and you don't."

"Ohoho, you're a little monkey baby, aren't you?" I retorted, a dumb response on my part but without any response from Cooper, I knew it worked well. Here's the funny thing, I stand up and get out of bed, doing normal people things that any other person would do during the morning. I actually have a little bit of appreciation of myself because so many people think that blind people don't do normal people things, and they do. It's pretty cool I guess.

"Cooper! Where's the shampoo?" I shouted, midway a shower, touching the bathroom walls in search of the shampoo bottle. We try and keep organized so I know where shit is, but I guess today isn't one of those days. "Oh fuck oh shit," I heard Cooper shout panicked, meaning we most likely ran out and he forgot to buy some. I laughed softly and improvised, showering without shampoo again. 

"Carson, hurry up! I don't wanna be late again and neither do you!" Cooper shouted again, more impatiently than before. I was grabbing my sweater from off my bed along with my long cane, that I found on the ground. I stumbled out of my bedroom, my hand akimbo searching for Cooper. "I'm right here, now c'mon, you can't be late to you dumb baby high school again," He mentioned again, this time a laugh at the end.

"Travis! We're leaving, make sure to take the dishes out of the dishwasher, please!" Cooper yelled.

"Wait, wait! Don't leave!" Travis shouted back, his childish voice echoing through the hallways, I listened to his footsteps coming toward us as he spoke. "Lemme give you a goodbye kiss, Coopey."

"God, your a little cheesy bastard, aren't you?" Cooper laughed, the sound of them kissing made me want to vomit so I pulled my cane out and poked Cooper's side to get their attention. "Let's go please."

"Psh, yeah. Whatever, jealous headass," Cooper replied while Travis said goodbye. I dragged my long cane in front of me outside the door whilst Cooper lead me outside and to his car. We both got in the car, talking about random shit like we normally do; Cooper's a store clerk while I go to high-school - not a high-school for blind kids, though. A public high-school because I'm a reckless freak.

My parents wanted the "best" for me, although I never really got it due to my disability. And also because I'm gay, they didn’t really like that either. I chose to be reckless and it got me somewhere good, now I live with my friends and at least without them, I'm a little bit better. "Hey Carson, we're here," Cooper spoke, a yawn between his sentence as the car pulled to a stop. "You know the way inside, right? I don’t have to hold your grimy hands anymore? Oh, how my baby is growing up.”

"Yeah yeah, I'll be fine. Have fun at the store and if you get robbed, don't be the hero like last time," I chuckled, getting out of the car slowly. 

"Psh, okay Carson. I'll be back later," Cooper recalled, I shut the door and listened to him drive away. So, I walked using the handicap section instead of the stairs, listening to the click of my shoes underneath me. I know where everything is, at least I pretend too. I have a history for my first class, which is pretty boring and my least favorite class. I used my cane and my other hand to figure out which class I needed to go too. My fingers brushed across a small sign next to a door, reading underneath the number as my fingertips touched the dots against the said sign. I understood that this was my history class because of my smart brain and using my knowledge in braille. 

I hesitated to open the door and it slammed against the wall, making me flinch a bit, knowing that the entire class is staring at the blind guy in their class because they know I should be in a special class made for blind people like me and not a public class like the one I'm in and all their eyes are staring at me like needles going through my body and-

"Carson King? Is that you again?" I assumed the professor of this class asked, a rock was stuck in my throat, so I cleared my throat anxiously. "Y-Yeah, I'm glad you still know who the blind guy is and not the guy doing cocaine in the bathrooms."

"Okay well, I suggest you don't have to slam the door," She mentioned, a couple of students chuckled at my actions making my hands shake. 

"Yeah, uhm- sorry about that. I'm blind so I can't exactly help it," I answered, pushing my glasses up which earned more giggles from the class. However, I shut the door and walked to whatever seat wasn't taken in the front row. "No need for that kind of response, Carson. Now, as I was saying-" She continues the lesson I wasn't apart of, except another woman walks up to me and whispers. "Hey Carson, I'm here to help you. I have some materials that'll help you understand more lessons. My name is Sara," She greeted quietly, grabbing my hands and handing my different books that were written in braille. Sara also mentions that she's the one that'll grade all my papers for all seven classes I take; I guess the girl before Sara either got tired of me or she moved onto a different student, both of them mean the same thing. 

"Okay, fine, I'll leave you alone now. Just ask me if you need anything," Sara says while walking away from me, her voice becoming distant. I sigh and open my history journal, my fingers brushing against different shaped dots - basically what braille is. 

A guy behind me coughs and mutters a few curses between it, and he sounds like a cute guy. Maybe somebody blonde and probably blue eyes. That's what I imagine listening to people I don't recognize unless I feel their faces. That's why I feel people's faces sometimes, just to know them. I've probably heard this guy before several times but I never actually considered knowing him or taking up any interest in him until today.

I want to know the guy behind me.