Inside the mind of a nobody

Yep. It's happening. Everyone looses interest in me. I'm just no one really important. It's always happens. Why do I think anything will change.

Just fuck everything. No one cares. I'm too goddamn poor for life. I'm giving up makeup forever. I fucking sick at it and I'm too poor for it. Why do I try at anything anymore. I'm just a fuck up and bitty mom. Why. Do. I. Fucking. Try. It's pointless. It really is.

I don't want to me...I want to be someone else so much. I want to be someone who is Beautiful, smart, skinny and able to talk to people with ease. I want to feel love for my husband again...but I can't. I can't be someone else. I'm stuck as me. I don't want that anymore. I'm so sick of me.

you know what? FUCK IT. No one gives a shit about me? I’m the one everyone fucking replaces. The only reason why I’m still married is that he doesn’t want to look for anyone else. I really have to one to talk to because they will not care. I don’t know why I just don’t go away.  No one would really miss me. 

To be honest. I hate my body. I want to skinny. I’ve been fat all of my life. I want to change that. I want to change that so much but I never seem to be able to...I don’t have the money to get healthy good..and I live with people who do not give a shit about being healthy.It doesn't help we are poor as fuck right now.. It's really no wonder why I cut...

I just feel...down as shit right now..I don’t really know why.  I just do. I want to talk to someone that isn’t my husbend. I know I have some people that said I can talk to them but I can’t get myself to message them..It’s not fair for me to bitch and bring them down too...

Fuck it all. I hate this. I hate all the fighting and I hate not having that “in love” feeling anymore. I hate having to fake it. I’m just ready to run..the only thing keeping me here is my son...I love him...