Since I've been working on that MD post, listening to my sad little liminal tunes as one does while drawing, I thought about what/how much N means to Uzi, and what it means to Be Someone.
What does it mean to be an individual. Sapient and with traits. What even are traits, how can one define their self. Through stereotypes? Through such superficial things as what we like, how we dress?
Uzi likes her hot topic stuff. She presents herself as a goth through clothes, and she seems to associate this with an edgy sort of personality. But that's such a damn mask. We can see it right in the first episode - *this* bitey angry girl is a shield, because goddamnit if she doesn't have it drawn then that's just asking to be hurt, isn't it?
She *is* angry deep down, at injustice, but she's also a confused distraught kid with nobody to lean on. No place, no one to find safety in - no home despite having a place to lie her head down.
And then N shows up and he's hurt too, but doesn't have it in him to successfully mask who he really is (boy's shit at lying + too nice). His inherent vulnerability to the world that stings him over and over again with others, unintentionally peels off Uzi's mask.
And who is she without it?
She's a reassuring gentle smile. Worried searching eyes. A goofy jokester. A little bit shy, flustered, giddy mess. She's a kind, loving, listening idiot that's ready to throw herself into hell for someone dear to her.
She is all this normally. Buried deep as a survival tactic. (And she is so damn strong too, because despite being a kind person deep in there, she doesn't allow anyone to break her.) But she finally could experience herself free thanks to someone finally being genuine and warm, giving her the invintation to find a home in him. Through her interactions with her home, N, we get to slowly meet the true Uzi Doorman.
We are defined by reactions and reactions within relationships, and he was a key for both us and her.
I feel that a lot of people miss this in Uzi's characterization. Yeah she's the bitey, angry and spiteful little menace at times...
But they forget that at her core, she's actually kind.
She had every right to leave N dying at the doors after J stabbed him. For all she knew this was the guy that killed her mom. The reason her dad neglected her for all these years. Hell, he's the reason her dad left her just a few minutes ago.
But she stayed.
She saw the wounded and hurt boy who was just doing as he was programmed to, who had the wool pulled over his eyes and got a reality check in the worst way possible by someone he looked up to. She looked at him, saw herself...and she wasn't sure if she liked that or not. So she took the higher road (while still passing it off as a 'fiiiine I'll help...but only because we'll be even then'.) and helped him.
There's far too many stories and comics and other things out there with her being this absolutely horrible person to N...to everyone. Because "well, she's an angry and bitey teenager so she gets to be horrible!" but that's not the truth like, at all.
Yeah, she's got a bit of a god complex...but when she realizes she f*cked up, she goes to fix what she's done. Which is a lot more to say about her than some other people I know...
This teenage girl had the world turn its back on her. So she threw up walls to keep herself and that little spark of hope she still had kindled, that hope of someone caring about her and treating her like she mattered. That she wasn't something to throw away...like she'd been treated most of her life. I know this is rich coming from me since I'm one of Khan's greatest defenders but like...yeah, he f*cked up. Intentionally or unintentionally, there's no skirting around that. He neglected her...whether that was out of grief from losing Nori and being unable to look at Uzi due to their similarities or devotion to protect his and Nori's Greatest Work it doesn't matter. (though he gets better at trying to make it up to his baby girl, I'll fight people on that bite me.)
And then. And THEN. Here comes this golden retriever wolf boy. Who shattered every barrier just because he is who he is. Who gently hopped over the walls she threw up and sat next to her to tend that little spark of hope until it became a blaze. A blaze that eventually was strong enough to stand up against the devil itself.
Then the camp happened and she just...broke. Everything went upside down again. She was losing control of her body, gaining new powers she didn't understand...hell there was flesh growing out of her when there really should not be!! She was scared and hurting and confused so she lashed tf out. Which was kinda natural.
Her fear wasn't that N was going to think she was a monster. Her fear was that he, this source of light in her world that had been so dark for so long...was going to abandon her. Like everyone else in her life, her mom...her dad...her classmates...everyone had done to her before. And that scared her more than anything.
Uzi's a very complex character. People just look surface level and see "Oh god a scene kid with god complex and god powers ew." But that's just who she is. She's soft where no one can see, but hard and sharp edges that refuse to be sanded down everywhere else.
Because she had to learn to be that way.
And that actually breaks my heart a little bit.
While reading both of these beautifully crafted essays, I realized I couldn't stop thinking of V. Every time I read about masking, my mind jumped to V. I dug around my head and I think I have the answer as to why.
V and Uzi are similar, but different. Yes, both of them are mentally unstable women that N (and fandom) had a crush on at some point. However, there is much more than that. Here is my funny-killer-robots analysis.
Uzi had her family split when she was a baby; she never knew the warmth of a home and a family. On the other hand, V had a decent semblance of it, until Cyn took it. (Whether it is better to know & loose or to never know - is a question I will leave for philosophers.) And Cyn would replace N anytime he learned something he shouldn't.
Thankfully, Cyn and V have made a deal that could salvage this mess. V just needed to do a single job and she did it well. In fact, work has turned into a hobby. A mindless habit even! Too bad that, it consisted of murdering everybody. This is the source for a very twisted spark of hope or maybe even delusion she had. V has masked so much for so long that, it became part of her. Even Uzi avoids killing roaches and reassembles them, while V just eats them.
And after of years of doing a good job, this purple thing waltzes in and defeats V? A fluke, she had N on her side. Then this red creep defeats V with the same power Cyn used? That could be a problem... that Uzi resolves with the power of "teamwork". This "teamwork" thing seems a bit better than Cyn's deal.
...Then it turns out that, Uzi also has Cyn's powers and symbols. Uzi must be Cyn then, right? So, V decided to provoke the wolf-in-sheep's-clothing until it reveals itself. It worked; the monster ate the classmates and it asks where N is to eat him as well.
...And another plot twist, Uzi is not Cyn after all. N just talks Uzi out of it and she just stops. So, that's how this "teamwork" works. At this point, V finally "gets" how to not rely on murder for everything and the value of being honest & friendly for a change.
V, unlike Uzi, has roughed out the soft parts as well. That is how V has managed to ignore N for years despite all his attempts to open her up. She is a hardened professional. Fortunately, even professionals have limits and her limit is an adventure with Uzi and N to save the world.
(On a related note, the relatively drastic change is likely the reason why V's arc is so noticeable. For example, N's arc is less extreme, so a sizable amount of people think N doesn't have an arc at all! But that's a different can of worms someone else can open.)
Update / Correction:
I have made an oopsie and missed that, in episode 4 V says "We do our jobs, and that THING leaves us alone". Another thing I have updated is my theory about her change of heart. This fact and this theory change quite a few things, so an update is in order to avoid misinformation. This affects everything I wrote after the sentence "(...)with the power of "teamwork"." and before "V, unlike Uzi(...)".
Turns out that V was still skeptical of the idea of "teamwork" working out in episode 4. As such, she still held out hope to convince N to continue their job, which involved killing every WD including Uzi. Unfortunately for V, N and Uzi were friends.
So, V had an idea to separate N & Uzi as much as possible and undermine their relationship. She started with a comment about N's occupation as a pilot to attract classmates. Then, she followed up next scene by devaluing Uzi's friendship, while sprinkling in threats.
However, when V saw Uzi turn an arrow into flesh, she instantly realised that Cyn had influence over Uzi. V decided that the best course of action is to immediately kill Cyn's new experiment to protect N. Keep in mind, V also tries to convince N to do the job Cyn gave them. (BTW, this is when she says the "do our jobs" line.)
I now think that, V understood that Uzi wasn't under Cyn's direct control. She probably thought that, Uzi has been turned into a mostly-mindless murder machine. Just like how maid V was a mostly-mindless weapon in episode 5. Also, fleshy wings make the similarities even clearer and these similarities could be the reason behind the "New body, same horrors" line. (Though, this line could be alternatively interpreted as V thinking that, Cyn took over Uzi's body to kill people. Which is what I previously thought, but not anymore.)
Now about that change of heart. After N stops the V-Uzi fight and Uzi calms down with him, V is still tense about her. Lizzy comes around and wordlessly complains about N & Uzi, which V interprets as patronization. Lizzy dismisses it. V takes a moment to think and seems to be content about something.
I am now guessing that, V's content reaction was entirely directed at Lizzy's snark. After all, they are friends for a reason. As for Uzi, V seemed like she needed more time to think about her, but seeing Uzi not eat N definitely helped.
V seems thoughtful in the bus. Then, Teacher asks about the missing classmates. V takes a glance at Lizzy, N and Uzi before thinking for a bit and deciding to take the blame. She is then upset by Teacher's apathy. This scene ends with her settling down with the tiniest soft smile, while looking at nowhere in particular. (BTW, it is so tiny that it's hard to see. You might need a PC for this.)
Now I interpret this scene as V realising that, Uzi is N's close friend. Just like how Lizzy is V's bestie. Also, V realising that Uzi wouldn't harm N, despite turning into a monster similar to what maid V was in episode 5. With this realisation she develops a soft spot for Uzi, finally decides to proceed with the teamwork and takes blame for Uzi's outburst.
Everything else I didn't mention still stands.
