✦.── SVT LIBRARY

“There’s five days left til Christmas and we haven’t even decorated the house,” you shot back. Your voice had a little bite, but he knew you were just playing.

“We still have time. Christmas isn’t going anywhere,” he said.

“And you shouldn’t be doing too much when you’re nine months pregnant. You’ll get tired and hurt” he then added, giving your belly a pointed look.

You rolled your eyes, even if he was right. “Fine. Just decorate the house already. It looks so dull and miserable.”

You turned and waddled to the sofa, one hand on your lower back and the other supporting your belly. Seokmin smiled as he watched you settle down.

“Don’t worry. I got it. You just relax” he said. He opened the box and started unpacking everything while you sank into the cushions and let him take over.

But even after a few minutes went by, Seokmin was still nowhere near finished. To be fair, he decided to start outside, which slowed everything down. Right now he was wrestling with a strand of Christmas lights, trying to get them lined up before moving on to the tree.

“Not there! Hang it on that side,” you sharply called out from the sofa.

Your husband let out a dramatic sigh. “Jeez woman, I’m trying. Okay fine, that side then” he gave you quick look before he climbed down from the chair and shuffled to the other end of the wall.

“Good. Keep it up. I’m going to go and make some popcorn,” you said, bracing your hands on the sofa as you tried to stand.

But just as you did, a sudden sharp pain cut through your abdomen like you were being stabbed. “Ahh,” you winced, loud enough for Seokmin to whip around.

He dropped the lights as soon as he saw your face tighten and your hands flying to your belly. “Hey, you okay babe?” he asked, already moving towards you.

“I— I don’t know Seokmin. It hurts a lot.”

You tried to breathe through it, rubbing your bump as the pain spread. Seokmin sat beside you with one arm around your waist and the other resting on your belly.

“Contractions?”

“I don’t know,” you said, inhaling in a slow breath. And then you felt a sudden, warm rush of wetness you definitely weren’t expecting.

You looked down and froze. There was a small pool of pinkish fluid on the grey hardwood floor.

“B-Babe,” you said, gripping your husband’s arm hard, “I think my water broke.”

Seokmin followed your gaze, and his eyes went wide just as yours did. “But why is it red? Didn’t the doctor say it should be clear?” he asked, panicked.

“I don’t know Seokmin. Just take me to the hospital— AAGH!” you screamed so loud that you were sure your next door neighbours were wide awake. But you couldn’t help it. The pain was too much.

Your scream and you doubling over was all it took for Seokmin to lose every scrap of calm he had left.

He started pacing in place, looking around like the right answer would pop out of nowhere. “Okay, okay, um…just breathe babe, just—”

“SHUT UP AND HURRY! GO GET THE HOSPITAL BAG!”

He jumped like you aimlessly fired a gun. “Right! Bag! Yes!” Then he bolted up the stairs so fast he nearly slipped on the landing. You could hear drawers slamming, a loud thud, a curse, then rapid footsteps pounding back down.

“I got it, I got it!” he skidded to a stop in front of you with the bag clutched in both hands. “Let me call—”

“Damnit Seokmin!” you snapped, gripping the arm of the couch as another contraction hit. “We don’t have time to call anyone. The baby is coming now!”

His eyes went wide again, even wider than when he saw the floor earlier. For a second he just stood there frozen with the bag before shaking himself back to reality.

“Okay. Hospital. Now. I’m on it.”

He quickly left to grab his car keys, and when he returned to you, he scooped you up without even thinking about the hospital bag he’d just sprinted to get.

You held onto him tighter as another sharp pain twisted your insides. He carried you to the car, opened the door, and gently sat you into the seat. The moment he shut it, he took off back into the house in a full sprint.

You watched him through the window as he nearly tripped over a rock in the driveway. “Why is he so clumsy,” you muttered to yourself while clutching your belly.

He came charging back with the bag in hand, locked up the house, and jumped into the driver’s seat with the kind of frantic energy that only a panicking soon-to-be dad could have.

“You okay babe? Are you timing the contractions?” he asked, breathless.

“I am. Just start driving, please. I can’t take this pain” you said as you shifted in your seat, trying to find any position that didn’t feel like your insides were being squeezed in a vice.

He nodded fast and threw the car into gear. The tires crunched over the pavement as he took off, a little too hard, making the car jerk before he corrected himself.

The drive was only fifteen minutes, but for you it felt like forever. Every few minutes another contraction would hit, sharper and more painful than the last. You gripped the handle above the door and cried out.

Seokmin’s knuckles were white on the steering wheel. Every time you screamed, he flinched and his eyes would dart between you and the road.

“We’re almost there honey. Just hang on,” he reassured.

“I’m t-trying,” you panted, fighting through the next wave of pain, “b-but it hurts so much.”

He pressed harder on the accelerator while his eyes were fixed ahead, heart racing almost as fast as the car.

It was your first baby with Seokmin, and somehow he was even more nervous than you because the overall idea of you going through childbirth terrified him. He had no idea what the process would actually be like, only that he wanted you safe and the baby healthy.

From the moment you told him you were pregnant, he stepped into the role of the dream husband without hesitation. He carried anything heavier than a feather, insisted on doing all the chores you used to handle, and always hovered nearby in case you needed help. Even with his long, tiring hours at work, he came home every night with enough energy to sit beside you and talk to your growing bump like the baby could already understand him.

Sometimes he rambled. Sometimes he tripped over absolutely nothing. Sometimes he worried so much he exhausted himself. But all of it only made you love him more. He cared with his whole heart, even when he was clumsy about it.

But to you, he was still the perfect man of your dreams. And there was no version of life where you would ever trade him for anything.

Finally, the car rolled up to the hospital entrance and Seokmin slammed it into park like his life depended on it. He jumped out, snatched the hospital bag, and ran around to your side.

“Okay, I got you, I got you,” he said as he helped you out of the seat with his hands shaking more than yours.

You leaned against him while another contraction squeezed through your abdomen. He wrapped an arm around your waist and guided you through the sliding doors, practically dragging you towards the maternity ward.

The moment he spotted the call bell at the desk, he hit it. Then he hit it again. And again. And again.

“Seokmin,” you hissed, “you’re going to break it.”

But he kept pressing like it was a life or death game show buzzer. When a nurse finally appeared, her face was already showing a hint of annoyance.

Before she could even speak, he burst out. “My wife is having a baby and she’s leaking red fluid, please hurry!”

The nurse blinked, taken aback by the volume and the panic. Then she placed a hand on his arm. “Okay, calm down sir. We’re here to help. Take a breath.”

He did the opposite of that, but at least he stopped pressing the bell.

Two nurses flanked you and gently steered you down the hall. The room they brought you into was bright, clean, and definitely meant for delivery. “Let’s get you changed into a gown sweetheart,” one of the nurses said, handing you the folded fabric.

Seokmin lingered behind you while clutching the hospital bag, eyes wide and terrified. The nurses gave him a reassuring nod before helping you settle in and preparing for what was clearly going to be a very intense night.

The contractions were hitting faster and sharper now, giving you barely any room to breathe between them. Every time it did, your legs wobbled and your vision blurred. Changing into the gown suddenly felt like an impossible task.

You gripped Seokmin’s arm so hard he winced, but he didn’t pull away. “Help me change into the gown, please. Ahh, it hurts,” you said, eyes squeezing shut as another wave hit.

“I got you. I’m right here,” he said immediately.

He took the gown from your hands and helped you out of your clothes, moving carefully, almost too carefully. The nurses stepped back to give you both space.

You leaned against him as he slipped the gown over your shoulders. His hands were fumbling a little but they steadied each time he reminded himself to breathe.

“Okay, almost done,” he muttered, brushing your hair away from your damp forehead.

When the contraction eased, you rested your cheek against his shoulder, clutching the fabric of his shirt. His arm wrapped around your waist, holding you up. You were hurting, scared, and overwhelmed, but he was right there, close enough that you could feel every quivering breath he took as he helped you into the gown.

A few moments later, you were in full tears. The pain had sharpened, the pressure got heavier, and lying in the bed made everything worse. Moving helped a little, so you paced in slow, shaky circles around the room, stopping to lean on the wall, then the bed, then Seokmin. He stayed glued to your side, following every step you took.

Another contraction hit hard, and you doubled over with a cry and grabbed onto your husband. Seokmin caught you instantly. “Just breathe honey. Deep breaths. You’re really strong,” he whispered. He pressed soft kisses across your temple, your cheek, anywhere he could reach without getting in your way.

“It hurts,” you sobbed, voice cracking. “I just want her out.”

“I know honey. I’m sorry” his voice trembled as his hand moved in slow circles over your bump. “I wish I could take it all away.”

Your forehead pressed into his chest, damp with sweat and tears. “Hug me please,” you managed, barely louder than a breath.

Seokmin didn’t hesitate. His arms protectively wrapped around you immediately, pulling you close without trapping you. He rocked the two of you gently, side to side.

“You’re doing amazing,” he murmured, lowering his chin to rest on the top of your head. “I’m right here. Keep holding on.”

You closed your eyes and focused on your breathing, counting in your head and trying to ride out each wave of pain. With your cheek pressed against Seokmin’s broad chest, you could hear his heart beating loud. It was comforting. It made you feel less like you were drowning in the pain completely.

But the next contraction didn’t give you any warning, dragging a sharp cry out of your throat. You held Seokmin’s grey shirt with both hands, twisting the fabric as you tried to stay upright. He held you tighter, whispering your name into your ear.

The door opened and two nurses walked in just as the contractions peaked. One of them pulled on sterile gloves while the other checked the monitor.

“Mrs Lee, how are the contractions?” the first nurse asked.

“Strong and painful,” you managed between heavy breaths.

“Alright, let’s get you onto the bed so we can check,” she said. “We need to see how much you have dilated, okay?”

You nodded, too exhausted to give a full answer. Seokmin guided you towards the bed with his arm firmly around your waist. Climbing onto it felt like climbing a mountain, but he helped you settle against the pillows, brushing your hair back.

“It’s okay, I’m right here” he whispered.

You nodded and gave the nurse permission to do whatever she needed to do. At this point all you cared about was making sure your baby was safe. Seokmin stood right beside the bed, gripping the rail so tightly his knuckles turned pale white. When he heard the nurse explain what she needed to check, his eyes were filled with worry.

“Nothing will happen to our baby, right? Please tell me everything’s going to be okay,” his voice cracked.

The nurse gave him a gentle smile. “Don’t worry, we’re here to take care of your wife and your baby. You’re all in good hands.”

You let out a tired laugh. “Sorry nurse. It’s our first baby. He’s just really nervous.”

“That’s alright,” she giggled. “It’s completely normal to be nervous. Both of you are doing great.”

Seokmin scratched the back of his neck and gave an awkward little laugh, glancing between you and the nurse like he wasn’t sure where to look or how to stand.

“So, shall we begin?” the nurse asked.

She walked you both through the steps, explaining everything calmly so you knew what to expect. Seokmin listened extra carefully. The nurse then helped you lie back a bit more, adjusting the bed so you were almost flat. Once you were settled, she let you know she was going to check your cervix. You took a deep breath and nodded.

“Alright sweetheart,” she said softly. “I’m just going to examine you now.”

She worked carefully and professionally, keeping her touch gentle as she checked how far along you were. Seokmin hovered near your shoulder as he held your hand while brushing his thumb over your knuckles.

You squirmed as the nurse examined you. It wasn’t exactly painful, but the discomfort made your whole body tense.

“You’re doing very well,” she kept reassuring. “I can definitely feel the baby’s head.”

Seokmin felt his breath get stuck in his throat. He looked like he might pass out right there as he gripped the bed rail with one hand while holding yours with the other. His eyes bounced between your face and the nurse, desperate for more reassurance.

You groaned at the pressure and the strange, stretching sensation. Seokmin leaned closer, brushing your hair back with shaking fingers.

“You’re okay,” he whispered. “I’ve got you. You’re okay.”

Then, you felt a sudden, heavy pressure deep in your pelvis, strong enough to steal your breath away. The urge to push surged through you and it was impossible to fight it.

“I think the baby is coming,” you gasped.

“I feel like pushing— agh!” you were cut off by pain ripping through your insides, and you cried out while desperately clutching Seokmin’s hand.

“The baby is descending,” the nurse confirmed, already reaching for supplies.

“Seokmin!” you cried out for your husband.

“It hurts, it hurts!” you sobbed, squeezing his hand so hard he winced, but he didn’t pull away. The pain was way more agonising than before, like your whole body was being squeezed from the inside out.

Seokmin grew frantic, his chest rising and falling too fast. Seeing you cry out like that shattered him more than anything. He looked torn between wanting to help and not knowing how, and his emotions were written all over his face.

“I’m here honey,” he said, voice unsteady. “I’m right here. Just breathe. Please breathe for me.” It was easier said than done, but it was all he could offer. He didn’t know how else to help you.

The nurse took one look at Seokmin’s panicked expression and gently patted his back. “Just stay by her side, hold her hand, and keep comforting her. Don’t panic. She’s going to be okay.”

He swallowed hard and nodded, squeezing your hand. The nurse then raised the bed a bit, adjusting the angle so pushing would be easier.

“Alright Y/n,” she said, turning back to you. “I want you to bring your knees up towards your chest. When I tell you to push, push with everything you’ve got, okay?”

You nodded, chest heaving. “I just— I just want to get her out,” you said through a mix of pain and fear.

“And you will,” the nurse assured you. “Just listen to us, and we’ll get your baby here safely.”

Seokmin brushed a shaky hand over your forehead, “you can do this. I’m right here” he whispered.

“Okay,” the nurse said. “Take a deep breath. And…push. Push as hard as you can.”

You curled forward and pushed with all the strength you had in you. The pain tore through you fiercely, but you held onto Seokmin’s hand.

“That’s it,” the nurse encouraged. “Just a bit more. You’re doing great.”

Seokmin was right beside you, his other hand on your back as he whispered words of encouragement. “Come on honey. You’re amazing. You’ve got this.”

You gritted your teeth, took another breath, and pushed again, feeling your whole body strain with the effort.

Your face flushed red and every muscle in your body strained as you held your breath and pushed. The sight of you fighting through that much pain brought tears to Seokmin’s eyes. He didn’t know what was normal or what was dangerous. All he knew was that you were hurting, and he couldn’t take that hurt away.

Even so, he stayed right beside you with his fingers laced with yours, refusing to let go. “You’re doing great,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

You cried out and let yourself fall back against the pillows, completely drained. “I c-can’t,” you sobbed. “I can’t do it anymore. I can’t.”

“Yes, you can,” the nurse said gently but firmly. “You’re stronger than you think. Just push when you feel a contraction, alright? Let your body lead. Don’t fight it.”

You shook your head, tears streaking down your face. The pain was overwhelming, like a wave crashing over you again and again without giving you a chance to come up for air.

“I…I feel it coming,” you forced out, clutching Seokmin’s hand even tighter.

“Okay,” the nurse said as she got ready. “Take a deep breath in. When it peaks, push with everything you’ve got.”

You sucked in a breath and braced yourself as another contraction ripped through your body. Your back curled forward instinctively, then you pushed. Hard.

A loud scream tore out of you, bouncing off the walls of the room. Seokmin’s eyes filled again, but he stayed solid, repeatedly whispering your name, telling you he loved you, telling you you could do it as you gave the push everything you had left.

“Well done,” the nurse said as her voice lifted with excitement. “I can see the baby’s head. Keep going, you’re doing beautifully.”

Seokmin leaned closer, his forehead almost touching yours. “You can do it, babe, you can do it,” he mumbled over and over as his voice broke with every word. He sounded like he was coaching himself too, trying not to fall apart.

You pushed again, letting out a high pitched squeal as a sudden, strange pop of pressure released. It wasn’t painful like the contractions, it just felt intense and foreign.

“The baby’s head just came out,” the nurse said quickly. “I want you to stop pushing for a few seconds, okay? We need to let the baby turn on her own.”

You nodded weakly, chest heaving and trembling from the effort. Seokmin’s hands cupped your face as he kissed your damp forehead, “she’s almost here. You’re doing great honey.”

Seokmin watched as the baby’s head slowly appeared, and for a second everything around him went quiet. As he saw a thin line of blood slip down your skin, his stomach churned. He swallowed hard and felt the room tilt a little. It wasn’t that he was grossed out, it was the shock of understanding what your body was being put through for your child.

He had read the books, watched a few videos, nodded along whenever someone tried to give advice, but nothing prepared him for the sight in front of him. The pressure in the air, your laboured breathing, the way your fingers curled around his hand. Hearing you scream and cry was one thing, but seeing everything happen at all at once, seeing you fight through the pain, it hit him straight in the chest with a brutal force.

He wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. He wanted to be strong, but his legs felt unstable. The moment was messy and intense, and he knew it would stay burned into his memory for the rest of his life. Not because it frightened him, but because it made him understand how much strength it took for you to bring his child into the world.

And as overwhelming as it was, he stayed right there, holding on to you, breathing through the chaos, waiting for the moment he would hear his daughter cry for the first time.

You were down to the last few pushes. The room felt tense with focus as the nurses moved around you to prepare themselves. One of them asked Seokmin if he wanted to cut the cord, but he didn’t even get a chance to answer. His vision had already started to fade around the edges.

You felt his grip loosen before you saw anything. A second later his hand slipped from yours, and then came the loud crash. You flinched and turned your head just enough to see him on the floor, arms sprawled with metal trays beside him tipped over.

“Oh my god, he just fainted!” you gasped, half in shock and half in disbelief. Of course he would pass out now, right when the baby was almost here.

The senior nurse didn’t even blink. “Nurse Kang, call the ward boy and get Mr Lee moved to the sofa.”

Nurse Kang nodded fast and rushed out the door while another nurse checked on Seokmin. You were caught between a contraction and the urge to laugh at how ridiculous and sweet it all felt. You were about to push out a whole human, and your husband had tapped out before the final round.

“Y/n, I need you to keep pushing now. Don’t worry about him, he’s fine. This happens more often than you’d think. First time fathers drop like flies,” the nurse said with a small laugh.

You nodded, even though your whole body was shaking. Focusing on Seokmin wasn’t an option right now. You dug your nails into the sheets, braced yourself, and pushed with everything you had left. The room blurred, your ears rang, and then, with one final scream, your body felt a sense of relief. The baby slipped free.

A high pitched cry filled the room, so loud and so alive that it knocked the breath right out of you. Tears spilled down your face before you even realised you were crying. The nurse lifted the tiny, wriggling body and brought her to your chest, and the world narrowed to just that moment.

“Oh my god. My baby, oh my god,” you sobbed, voice shaking with relief and joy.

Another nurse helped pull your gown aside so your daughter could rest skin to skin. Her warmth, her weight, the way she fit against you, all of it hit you so hard you could barely speak. You held her close, crying and laughing at the same time, lost in the shock of finally meeting her.

Somewhere behind you, two people were lifting Seokmin onto the sofa and trying to wake him up, but you barely registered any of it. For the first time in hours, maybe the first time in your life, everything else faded. You had your baby in your arms, and that was all that mattered.

A few minutes passed before Seokmin finally stirred. His fingers twitched first, then his eyes cracked open. “Mr Lee, are you okay?” the nurse asked as she leaned over him.

He blinked a few times and squinted like the lights were too bright. He pushed himself upright with a hand on his forehead. “Shit. Did I really pass out?” he muttered, still trying to piece together what happened.

“Yes, you fainted,” the nurse responded, unable to hide her giggle. “Are you feeling alright now?”

He let out a slow breath. “Yeah…yeah, I’m okay. I’m so sorry for all the trouble. I just— I couldn’t handle it” his cheeks flushed, and he looked like he wanted to sink into the sofa to hide his embarrassment.

“You don’t need to apologise,” she said with another small laugh. “It happens all the time. First time dads pass out more often than you’d think. Nothing to be embarrassed about.”

He gave an awkward chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck. The embarrassment was still written all over him, but her reassurance helped him relax a little.

Then his gaze drifted across the room, and everything in his face changed. He froze. You were propped up against the pillows, tired and glowing and holding a tiny, squirming baby against your chest.

Seokmin stared, eyes going soft and wide, like the whole world had just snapped back into focus. He pushed himself to his feet, still a little unsteady but drawn towards you like nothing else mattered. You felt him come closer and snapped out of your haze, remembering everything.

“Oh god, honey are you okay? You took a pretty bad fall,” you asked worriedly.

But Seokmin barely seemed to hear the question. His eyes were locked on the tiny bundle resting on your chest. His lips parted, his breath hitched, and his watered almost instantly.

“Is that…” he swallowed hard.

“Our baby girl,” you said, smiling through your exhaustion.

“Hana. Lee Hana.”

The name alone made his knees look weak again.

The nurse stepped closer with a proud smile. “Congratulations Mr Lee, she’s a healthy baby. We’ll give you two some privacy before we carry out some checks on her. Ring the bell if you need anything.”

You nodded, and one by one the nurses slipped out of the room. The sudden quiet afterwards made everything feel even more real. It was just the three of you now. Seokmin stood beside the bed, eyes fixed on the tiny bundle that was resting on your chest. It was like he had been handed the entire world and still didn’t know how to hold it.

He watched every small movement, every twitch of a finger and every little stretch. You could see the way she was biting the inside of her cheek, trying hard not to let the tears spill.

“Want to hold her?” you asked softly.

His eyes shot to yours, wide and worried. “I promise you won’t drop her,” you said with a small laugh.

Seokmin exhaled shakily and bit his lip as you slowly shifted the baby towards him. “Just support her head,” you reminded him.

He nodded, repeating the instruction under his breath like a prayer. With both hands, he slowly and carefully slipped his arms under the baby and lifted her.

“There we go,” you said, smiling. “All yours.”

Seokmin stared down at his daughter, cradled safely in his arms. You watched his face, and waited for him to say something.

“How are you feeling?” you asked. But he didn’t answer.

Instead, his breath hitched. His shoulders began to tremble, and the dam finally broke free. Tears began streaming down his cheeks as he held the baby close. All the fear, shock, relief, and love was hitting him at once. He didn’t try to hide it this time though. He just cried, feeling overwhelmed in the best way.

“H-Hey Princess,” Seokmin whispered, rocking the baby gently in his arms. “You don’t know how long daddy has been waiting for you.”

He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her warm little forehead. His tears kept falling, but he didn’t bother wiping them away.

“I love you so much,” he said, voice cracking again.

“I promise I’ll take care of you. I’ll dress you in the prettiest clothes, buy you every toy you reach for, take you anywhere you want to go. I’ll give you the whole world if you ask. Anything for my baby, my whole world.”

His daughter, Hana, scrunched up her tiny face. Her lips wobbled, and then she let out the smallest, saddest cry.

“Oh no, no, baby don’t cry,” he quickly tried to soothe as he bounced her a little. “Daddy’s here. No one’s going to hurt you. Daddy’s right here, I promise. Daddy will protect you. I love you so, so much, my little universe.”

His words were soft and a little broken, overflowing with a love so pure it filled the room. If anyone else had been there, they would have definitely cried. You already were. Tears were falling down your cheeks as you watched your husband talk to his firstborn like she was the most precious thing he had ever held.

The bond was instant, so deep and real you felt it in your chest. Just a few minutes ago he passed out on the floor, and now he was holding Hana like she was the reason he even existed.

Seokmin had always been true to his words, and that was exactly why your eyes began watering again. Everything you were seeing now had been building for months.

Through your entire pregnancy, he talked to your growing bump. He’d crouch down, press soft kisses all over your stomach, and whisper things like, “Daddy’s here,” or “Wait till you see the world Princess.” Sometimes he rambled about the places he wanted to take her. Other times he promised to teach her to sing like him, and every other little thing he knew, even the silly stuff.

He was more excited than you were, and somehow more nervous too. Every time you winced, he jumped. Every time you stood up too fast, he hovered behind you. He carried your bags, held your hand everywhere, and scolded himself if he even thought he wasn’t doing enough. His protectiveness kicked in long before Hana even grew fingers.

You used to wonder if all first time fathers were like this. If other men built such a strong bond with a baby when it was still the size of a pea. Maybe some did, maybe some didn’t. But what you knew for sure was that the connection Seokmin had with his child was something rare. A bond that would stay special in every way, no matter how big Hana grew.

When Seokmin finally looked at you again, his eyes brimmed all over. He shifted Hana carefully in one arm and leaned down to kiss you on the lips.

“You did so well my love,” he whispered, his breath warm on your cheek. “Thank you. Thank you for giving me her. I love you.”

You were tired and drained in every possible way, but the smile came easily. “I love you more,” you whispered back.

He brushed a thumb over your cheek, still blinking through tears. “We’re a family of three now. I promise I’ll protect both of you with everything I have. I won’t disappoint either of you, ever.”

You didn’t have the strength for a long answer, but he didn’t need one. You simply gave him a soft smile. “I trust you,” you said quietly.

Seokmin’s face lit up, and a slow grin spread across his features. He looked at you, then down at Hana. He couldn’t describe the relief he felt in his heart, like his whole world had fallen perfectly into place.

“Get some rest, hm? I know you’re exhausted. Don’t worry, I’ll look after Hana,” Seokmin said. You let out a tiny hum in response. Your eyes fluttered shut, and within seconds, you dozed off.

Seokmin leaned in again and brushed a kiss across your forehead. “Rest well my love. You did so well. I’m proud of you. Thank you, and I love you so much,” he whispered to you.

He stood there for a moment, just watching you breathe. Then, he walked over to the sofa with Hana, who was bundled up in a white blanket, securely in his arms. He sat down and held her close to his chest. The room was quiet again, all he could hear was the soft sounds of his daughter’s breathing.

His eyes stayed on Hana the whole time. He held her like she was made out of glass, yet so light as a feather, and the longer he looked, the more his face softened. He still seemed a little stunned that this tiny person was his child, his own blood, finally here in his arms.

He studied her features the way someone studies a photo they want to memorise. Hana definitely favoured you, and he noticed it right away, but he kept finding bits of himself too. Her little pointed nose matched his perfectly, and when her mouth twitched in her sleep, those faint dimples showed up, the same ones you’ve had since you were a child. He smiled at that.

“You’re so much like you’re mumma. I’m sad” he pouted playfully.

But besides that, Seokmin felt the weight slide off his shoulders. He was happy in a way he hadn’t been able to imagine before this moment. Your pregnancy had gone smoothly, the birth had been safe, and every worry he had carried for months had finally settled all well.

You were okay. Hana was okay. That was all he ever wanted.

Now he had both of you, just like he pictured on the nights he couldn’t sleep because he was too busy imagining this future. He looked at you, then at his daughter. And it was at that moment he knew that he was already in it for life.

He promised he would protect Hana with everything he had, and he meant it. No one would lay a hand on his little Princess. He wasn’t dramatic about it, but a promise was a promise, and Seokmin never broke the ones that counted.

⟡ main masterlist

It was more of an event than a tantrum. Even your cat Marshmallow would retreat upstairs in your shared bedroom and hide under the bed when he would hear the first series of your daughter’s high-pitched cries. Even he knew better than to get involved.

But today’s meltdown deserved its own category, because it was a whole new level. He was talking about full-volume wailing, fists pounding and legs kicking.

Joshua held Byeol tight against his chest as she screamed like her world was ending. Her tiny face was blotchy and soaked with tears, her legs thrashing and arms flailing like she was fighting for her life. Every kick hit with surprising force for someone barely three feet tall. Her cries bounced off the aisles and echoed down the rows of cereal and canned soup.

People were definitely staring. Some gave that ‘I’ve been there’ look of sympathy, while others pretended not to look while clearly listening. A few just sighed or whispered to each other, probably judging his parenting skills from a safe distance.

Joshua could feel some heat rising in his face, but he didn’t let go. He survived public tantrums before, but this one could probably be heard in the parking lot.

You walked a few steps ahead with both hands on the shopping trolley, trying to look calm and collected. Your face was the picture of neutrality, no frustration or embarrassment. But Joshua knew you too well. The tightness around your mouth and the way your shoulders tensed every time someone turned to stare, it all gave you away of how it was getting to you.

You let out a slow breath and looked back at him, “she’s really going for it today” you said, almost in disbelief.

“Oh, you think?” Joshua muttered, tightening his hold as Byeol twisted like a tiny hurricane which nearly smacked his baseball cap clean off. “She wanted the chocolate chip cookies. I said no. And apparently that was the worst mistake of my life.”

You gave a small, weary laugh that didn’t quite reach your eyes, then reached out to grab a box of cereal. Any cereal really, just something to make it look like you were still focused on shopping and not the human siren wailing behind you.

“People are staring,” you mumbled loud enough for your husband to hear you.

Joshua didn’t even need to look up to know people were staring. He could feel the burn of every side-eye and judgmental looks shooting the back of his neck. The sound of Byeol’s cries was basically filling every quiet gap in the store.

An older woman pushed her cart past while shaking her head with that tight-lipped expression only grandparents seemed to have mastered. The ‘in my day, kids knew how to behave’ look. While a man by the dairy section paused mid–milk grab and shot Joshua the ‘control your kid’ kind of look.

Joshua bit back a sigh. He wasn’t oblivious. He knew it was chaos. But what did they expect him to do? Negotiate with a two-year-old terrorist in aisle seven? He strengthened his grip on Byeol as she kicked again as her sobs turned hiccupy and wild. He tried to focus on breathing instead of bolting for the exit.

Joshua adjusted his grip again and started bouncing Byeol gently, trying to soothe her even as she squirmed and kicked against his chest. “Bubba, please,” he murmured to her. His voice was soft, but fraying around the edges.

As he brushed a few damp curls off her forehead, he could see how her little face was hot and streaked with tears. “I know you’re upset baby, but we can’t get cookies right now. We’ll have a snack when we get home, okay?”

But Byeol wasn’t having it. She arched her back and threw her head back with a shriek that could’ve shattered glass. Joshua flinched, and his patience was starting to hang by a thread. He was usually good at staying calm, but this was draining the life out of him. He shot you a look that said ‘please save me’ before actually saying it out loud.

“Any ideas?”

You pursed your lips and thought. Then, you reached into the trolley and pulled out a bag of baby carrots. You crouched a little so you were eye level with your daughter, “Byeol, look,” you said as you held the bag up like it was a treasure. “Want some carrots?”

For a moment, there was hope. Byeol hiccuped and sniffled as her teary eyes flicked towards the bag. Then, with all the fury a two-year-old could muster, she slapped it away, “NO!” she screamed.

You exhaled through your nose and straightened up before dropping the bag back in the trolley. “Well,” you said dryly, “it was worth a shot.”

Joshua let out a long, exhausted sigh. His shirt was sticking to his back, his arms ached from holding a squirming toddler, and he could practically feel every judgmental look burning into him from all directions. He was done — mentally, physically and emotionally.

But then an idea popped up in his mind. Desperate times, desperate parenting. Maybe it wouldn’t work, but at this point, he was ready to try anything.

He shifted Byeol in his arms so she was facing him. “Hey, Bubba,” he said softly with a little playfulness in his tone. “Can you take a deep breath with Daddy?” he asked as he brushed her curls away again.

Byeol hiccupped, her tiny chest jerking as she sniffled. She looked at him through her wet lashes, then shook her head with a stubborn little scowl.

Joshua smiled anyway. He was still surprisingly patient, but clearly running on fumes. “That’s okay,” he said, still rocking her gently. “Daddy’s going to do it anyway.”

Joshua drew in a loud, exaggerated breath, puffing out his cheeks until they looked ready to pop. “Biiiiig breath in—” he said, drawing out the words like it was part of a magic spell. Then he leaned forward and blew a gentle whoooosh of air right into Byeol’s face.

She blinked, clearly startled. Her little chest still heaved from all the crying, but something about the goofy sound, or maybe the puff of air, caught her attention for just a second. Her brow furrowed in curiosity in spite of herself.

Joshua caught that sparkle of calm and ran with it. “And another one!” he said, doing it again. This time it was even sillier, and with a cartoonish puff of his cheeks. “Whoooosh!”

Byeol hiccupped, then let out a small, shaky giggle. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to make your heart unclench. Joshua grinned in victory. “One more?” he asked softly.

She hesitated, still sniffling, then took in a tiny, uneven breath. With her best attempt at copying her father, she blew it out with a quiet pfff.

And just like that, the grocery store went quiet again. The screaming had stopped and the air felt lighter than ever.

“See how easy that was?” Joshua said softly, tapping Byeol’s nose with his finger. “Screaming and kicking like that won’t get you anywhere Bubba,” he added gently, tone more loving than scolding.

You stepped closer and pulled a tissue from your bag to wipe her tear-streaked cheeks. “You’ve had plenty of sugar this week sweetheart,” you said.

“But Mummy promises she’ll make you a yummy snack when we get home, okay? Something special just for you.”

Byeol had clearly run out of steam. Her little shoulders sagged and her sniffles faded into quieter hiccups. Whatever energy she had left from her earlier tantrum was gone and replaced by tiredness. With a few gentle words from you, she was convinced, nodding and resting her head against Joshua’s chest.

“That’s my good girl,” Joshua murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of her head and running a soothing hand through her hair.

The rest of the shopping trip was blessedly calm. No more tears, no more ‘I want that one’. And by the time you both reached the car to put the shopping away, she was completely out, fast asleep in her father’s arms.

Joshua let out a quiet laugh as he buckled her into her car seat. “All that over chocolate chip cookies,” he said, shaking his head.

“But she has to learn that no means no. She can’t always get what she wants.”

You shut the boot door and leaned against the car for a second. “True,” you admitted, though your heart softened as you looked at her peaceful face. “But my poor baby. I hate seeing her cry like that.”

Joshua looked up at you with a small smile. “Me too. But if we give in once, she’ll think it works every time. Some days we just have to ride it out.”

You sighed, brushing a stray curl from Byeol’s cheek. “Parenting is so hard.”

“Yeah,” he said with a quiet laugh, sliding an arm around your waist. “But I think we’re doing alright as a first time parents, you know?”

You rested your head against his arm as he closed the car door. As Joshua sat in the driver’s seat and you next to him, you saw Byeol stir slightly and mumble something about cookies in her sleep. You both couldn’t help but laugh softly.

“Guess she’s still dreaming about them,” you said.

Joshua smiled. “She’s definitely your daughter.”

He ran a towel through his damp hair and sighed as he prepared himself for what he hoped would be a quiet evening. But then he heard a loud, high-pitched wail resonating through the house.

Aera’s tiny yet somehow powerful cry was enough to make his heart stop completely. The exhaustion? It was gone at this point. It was replaced instantly by a mix of panic and dad instinct that he had grown familiar with these days.

Mingyu didn’t think twice, and dropped the towel before hurried toward the nursery.

The moment he stepped into the room, the world seemed to shrink to the sound of his daughter’s cries. They were loud and desperate as her tiny lungs worked with all their might. You on the other hand was sitting in the nursing chair, holding the newborn close while your body rocked gently even though your face said you were running on empty.

Your hair was a little messy and stuck to your temples, your shoulders were slumped, and your eyes shimmered with tears that hadn’t quite fallen yet. And when you glanced up to him with a defeated look, Mingyu swore his heart broke.

“I don’t know what’s wrong” you whispered over the frantic cries. “She won’t latch, and she won’t stop crying.”

Mingyu’s heart sank watching you struggle. He knew how much this mattered to you. He knew how hard you were trying to make breastfeeding work and how every failed attempt was eating away your confidence.

But your daughter, barely two weeks old, was inconsolable as her tiny fists flailed, refusing to settle.

Mingyu stepped forward and held out his arms. “Hey,” he said softly, “let me take her for a bit.”

You looked at your husband and hesitated for a second. He just came home from a long day at work and looked visibly drained, and the last thing you wanted to do was burden him.

But your body sagged. You nodded and carefully handed Aera over. And the second she was in his arms, Mingyu felt that same mix of awe and terror wash over him when he first held her in the hospital. She was so small, so ridiculously small that she barely filled the space between his forearms.

“Shhh. Hey, it’s okay baby-girl,” he cooed softly enough to barely rise over Aera’s cries. “Daddy’s got you. You're okay”

His words came out calm even though her wailing was anything but. Her little face was scrunched up tight, red and wet with tears. Her fists flailed against his chest, but Mingyu didn’t flinch.

He adjusted his grip and tucked her close, skin to skin, letting her tiny body rest against his bare chest. One big hand supported her fragile back while the other cupped the back of her head, fingers brushing through the fine wisps of her hair.

He started to sway slowly and rhythmically while pacing across the nursery. The room was quite dim except for the soft nightlight he specifically fixed in the room for days like these to help calm your daughter. He hummed a low and tuneless noise under his breath, but it seemed to be working.

Little by little, Aera’s cries began to tone down. Her loud wails turned into softer hiccups, and then quiet whimpers. Her fists unclenched as her tiny body melted into him. Feeling her body slowly relax, Mingyu exhaled a breath he didn’t realise he was holding.

“There we go,” he murmured. He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head, inhaling the faint scent of baby lotion. “That’s my baby-girl.” He kept rocking her, slower now, as her breathing synced with his.

You sat there in the nursing chair, watching through blurry eyes as tears rolled down your cheeks. Aside from being absolutely exhausted, you were relieved. The sound of Aera’s cries had finally eased, replaced by tiny, sleepy sighs against Mingyu’s chest.

“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” you whispered, voice breaking halfway through the sentence.

Mingyu looked up from where he was slowly rocking Aera with a gentle expression. “Hey,” he said lightly. “You’re not doing anything wrong my love.”

Your chin trembled. “She wouldn’t stop crying, she wouldn’t eat…I just don’t know what to do.”

He walked over and crouched down beside you while still cradling Aera against him. “She probably just needed the both of us together with her to feel safer,” he murmured, brushing his thumb over your knee.

“And don’t beat yourself too much, okay? She’ll eat when she’s ready.”

You nodded weakly and wiped your face with the back of your hand. Everything in you felt like it was stretched thin. Your body, your patience, your heart.

Mingyu leaned closer and pressed a soft lingering kiss against your lips. “You’re doing amazing,” he mumbled against your lips.

“Aera is our first baby, so things aren’t going to be easy. But you have no idea how strong you are and how lucky she is to have you.”

Aera let out a tiny sigh, her little fingers curling against his chest as she drifted fully to sleep. Mingyu looked down at her, then back at you. He gave you a small smile, his eyes tender. He felt his heart swell to the brim. He was overwhelmed by love for the little family you and he had created.

Exhaustion didn’t even matter at that point, neither did work. All that mattered right now was this, him holding his daughter close, keeping her safe, and making sure you knew you weren’t alone in this.

He would always be here. For both of you.

𐚁₊⊹

▎11 JULY 2025

09:34 p.m.

The echo of the front door slamming against the wall rattled through the house. You stormed inside and without a second thought, you threw your black Chanel clutch across the entryway, and the bag skidded until it thudded against the baseboard.

Your chest was heaving as anger and humiliation boiled within you, so hot it felt like your skin was on fire. There were fast and heavy footsteps pounding behind you. You tried to block them out, but before you could make it to the living room, a strong hand clamped around your arm.

The sudden grip yanked you backward and spun you around so hard you almost stumbled. Mingyu stood inches from you with his jaw clenched, and his dark eyes blazed like he was holding back a raging storm.

“What the fuck is your problem Y/n? What the hell was that back there? Huh?” he spat out.

Your own rage flared. “My problem? Are you seriously asking me that right now Mingyu?” you snapped back, jerking your arm free from his grasp.

“YES!” he shouted like thunder. You didn’t flinch, at least not outwardly, but your heart was hammering inside your chest.

“Because not only did you ruin what was supposed to be a nice get-together dinner party,” he continued, his voice rising with every word, “you made a complete spectacle. You embarrassed Gaeul in front of everyone. Do you even realise what you did?”

Gaeul.

Of course it had to be her. Gaeul was Mingyu’s ex-girlfriend. They were the duo everyone thought he would end up marrying. The two had been together for almost two years, but knew each other long before you were ever in the picture. And even after they broke up, she never really disappeared. She stayed close because she was still Mingyu’s friend, and he still cared about her.

You hated how much that bothered you. Mingyu told you over and over again that he didn’t love her anymore, and that the past was the past. And maybe you believed him most days. But every time Gaeul showed up, that pit of insecurity cracked open again.

How were you supposed to compete with someone who knew him inside out, someone who shared years of memories that you were never a part of?

Tonight was the final straw. You watched Gaeul lean in too close to your boyfriend. You watched her hand brush his arm. You watched her laugh like she still had a claim to him, and it tore every fragile stitch of your restraint completely.

Part of you knew Mingyu’s anger made sense, because you just caused a scene and humiliated someone he still cared about. But the burning jealousy and pride overpowered any rational part of you. You refused to look small.

“She was all over you Mingyu!” you snapped.

“How the fuck was I meant to sit there and let her be all touchy with you?!” you argued back.

Mingyu’s eyes narrowed, and his jaw worked as if he was physically biting back words. “What are you even talking about? She wasn’t all over me Y/n. You’re blowing this way out of proportion!”

You let out a sharp laugh, but it didn’t sound like humor, it sounded like disbelief. “Out of proportion? She had her hands on you the whole damn night Mingyu. Everyone saw it. And you just sat there and let it happen!”

He stepped closer as frustration radiated off him. “What did you want me to do? Push her away in front of everyone? Cause a bigger scene and embarrass her than you already did?”

“Oh, so this is my fault now?” you shot back. “I’m the crazy one because I don’t like your ex-girlfriend being all over you?”

“She’s my friend, Y/n” Mingyu snapped, his voice growing louder this time. “That’s all she is. Why can’t you trust me on that?”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you Mingyu, I don’t trust her!” your voice cracked as you yelled. “And the fact that you’re just sitting there and letting her be all over you, that’s what’s fucking pissing me off!”

Your throat burned. Your eyes began to glisten with tears no matter how hard you tried to blink them away. You hated showing weakness, especially in the middle of a fight, but the hurt was too much to overcome.

Mingyu’s face softened for a split second when he saw your eyes shine, but the absurdity of your accusation riled him up more. He ran a hand through his hair, pacing a short step away before spinning back around to face you.

“Do you even hear yourself right now? Do you know how ridiculous you sound?” he questioned.

“You didn’t even give anyone a chance to explain. You jumped straight to conclusions because you were too fucking insecure to see anything past what you already decided in your head” he stepped towards you with dark eyes.

“Let me tell you something Y/n,” he said, breathing heavy.

“I don’t love Gaeul anymore, and neither does she love me. We’re friends, only friends, and that’s all it’s ever going to be. Everyone in that room knew it. You know why?” he paused, waiting for you to look at him.

“Because Gaeul already has a girlfriend.”

The words felt like it knocked the air out of you.

Mingyu let out a shaky breath as he rubbed a hand over his face. “We didn’t just break up because we drifted apart. She realised she was into women, not men. That’s the truth. And honestly? It’s not even my story to share, but you pushed me here” his voice cracked a little as his shoulders dropped.

“If you actually understood how friendships really work, you’d see she wasn’t being ‘all over’ me. That’s not who she is. Gaeul knows her boundaries. She’s not the villain you’re making her out to be” his tone softened at the end, but his words left you stunned and speechless.

Your mouth went dry. For a second, you just stared at him, completely blindsided. “She— she has a girlfriend?” you managed to say with your voice smaller than you wanted it to be.

Mingyu sighed, running both hands through his hair before letting them fall uselessly to his sides. “Yeah. And she’s happy, really happy. That’s why she was laughing so much tonight, because she was telling me about her. But you didn’t even give yourself the chance to hear it. You were too busy glaring holes through her like she was some homewrecker.”

To say you were ashamed would be an understatement. You were embarrassed. The tears you were holding back finally slipped, and you turned your face away, hating how exposed you felt.

“I— I didn’t know,” you whispered as you hugged your arms around yourself.

“Of course you didn’t know,” Mingyu shot back, though his tone had softened. “You didn’t even want to know. You just assumed the worst, like always.”

“Do you have any idea how exhausting it is Y/n? Constantly having to prove that I chose you?” his voice broke, and it hurt more than his anger.

You turned back to face him, and the sight broke you. The hurt in his eyes and the exhaustion etched into his expression felt like a punch straight to the chest.

“If you can’t get past your insecurities, then how are we supposed to move forward? How many more times do I have to prove to you that you’re the one I want? That you’re the person I want to spend the rest of my life with?” Mingyu’s voice trembled, like he was begging you to understand.

When you saw a single tear slipping down his cheek, your heart dropped into your stomach. You panicked, “baby—” you desperately reached out for him.

But Mingyu stepped back. His jaw clenched as he wiped his face quickly, like he didn’t want you to see him break. You flinched in hurt, watching him create more distance between you.

“I need some time,” he muttered with a rough voice. Without waiting for your reply, he turned and walked out the door, leaving you frozen in the silence and your hand still hanging in the air where he pulled away.

You closed your eyes as your shoulders sagged in defeat. The strength left your body all at once, and your hands fell limply to your sides.

A shaky, broken sob escaped your throat before you could stop it. The shame pressing down on your chest was so heavy that it almost hurt you to breathe.

You couldn’t believe it. You couldn’t believe yourself.

Things with Mingyu had been rocky lately. The two of you were fighting more than you ever had before. The arguments that started were small, but they always seemed to escalate into something bigger. And almost every single time, the root of it came back to the same person. Gaeul.

You hated that she was even part of the picture, even if it was “just as a friend.” No matter how many times Mingyu reassured you, it felt strange and uncomfortable to watch your boyfriend stay so close to someone he used to love.

It didn’t matter that they had history, or that they claimed it was all in the past, you just couldn’t wrap your head around it. The idea of your boyfriend laughing with, texting, or leaning on his ex like nothing ever happened made your stomach twist in knots.

To you, it wasn’t about jealousy in the simple sense. It was the awkwardness and the uneasiness of knowing that there was a part of his life you’d never be able to compete with. She had been there first. She knew sides of him you were still learning.

As much as you hated to admit it, you were insecure. You tried to act like you had it all together, and that things from the past didn’t bother you anymore, but deep down, they did.

Your love life before Mingyu hadn’t exactly been a fairytale. The two guys you dated before him each left their mark in the worst ways.

One made you feel invisible, like nothing you did was ever enough to keep his attention. The other didn’t even bother to hide it. He flat out left you for someone else. Both relationships ended the same way, with you questioning what you lacked and why you weren’t worth staying for.

And that kind of hurt doesn’t just disappear, no matter how much you want it to. It still lingers around. It makes you second-guess yourself in moments you should feel secure. It makes you wonder if maybe there really is always going to be someone better, someone prettier, someone smarter, someone easier to love.

So even with Mingyu, who had never once made you feel unwanted, those old wounds had a way of creeping back in and whispering that maybe you still weren’t enough.

Maybe you were still stuck in the past. Maybe a part of you was still carrying all that fear of not being enough, of being replaced the way you had been before.

It wasn’t Mingyu you doubted, never for a second. You knew he loved you. You knew he was loyal, and you never truly believed he would betray you. The problem was you. You were the one second-guessing yourself at every turn. Even after three years of being together, even after all the ways he had shown you that he loved you, that old voice in your head never fully shut up.

You kept wondering if you were enough for him. If one day he’d wake up and realise he deserved better. And every time that fear bubbled up, it always led to frequent arguments. It led to jealous comments and moments that didn’t need to turn into fights but always did.

Deep down, you knew it wasn’t fair. Mingyu wasn’t the problem. Your insecurities were. They were the reason why your relationship was close to crumbling. And no matter how much you hated it, you could see it clearly now. More often than not, the fights weren’t because of what Mingyu did. They were because of what you couldn’t let go of inside yourself.

And today, you could see that Mingyu had finally hit his breaking point. The way he looked at you and the way his voice cracked when he said he needed space, it told you everything. He was done carrying the burden of your doubts. And honestly? You couldn’t even blame him for it.

Because you knew this wasn’t on him. It was on you. You were the one letting your insecurities run the show. You were the one picking fights you didn’t need to start. You were the one who kept pushing even when he tried to reassure you. It wasn’t fair to him, and you knew it.

For the first time, it really sank in. Maybe you weren’t just hurting yourself with all this doubt. Maybe you were slowly tearing down the person who did nothing but love you. And that thought hit harder than anything else.

You weren’t just the problem. You might have been the reason things were falling apart.

▎12 JULY 2025

08:07 a.m.

You didn’t even realise you cried yourself to sleep waiting for Mingyu until the next morning, when you woke up on the sofa. The brightness of the sunlight streaming through the window hit your eyes instantly, making you groan as you scrunched your nose and lifted a hand to block it. Your body felt heavy and stiff from spending the whole night in one position.

When you pushed yourself upright slowly, that was when it hit you. The house was quiet, too quiet. Where was the same hollow silence that settled in after Mingyu walked out last night. And just like that, the ache you’d tried to sleep off came rushing back.

You wondered if he was even home. You stood up and dragged your feet across the floor as you made your way upstairs. Maybe he came back late and went straight to bed, sleeping it off like nothing happened.

You held onto that hope, even as your hand hovered on the doorknob. Taking a shaky breath, you pushed the door open, only to find the bedroom empty. The bed was still untouched and perfectly made, just before you two left.

Your heart sank.

Maybe he left you a message, at least, telling you he was crashing at Wonwoo’s place, or that he just needed space for the night. Clinging to that thought, you hurried back downstairs and grabbed your phone off the coffee table.

But there was nothing. The only notification lighting up your phone was from your friend Minghao telling you that you needed to apologise to Gaeul. Minghao was not the one to sugarcoat anything, his message was just a blunt reminder of how badly you messed up last night.

You weren’t surprised that people were upset with you. Honestly, you would’ve been shocked if they weren’t. The way you acted last night was out of line, and you knew it. “Embarrassing” or “shameful” didn’t even come close to describing how you felt right now. The guilt was eating you alive.

You had to apologise.

Chewing nervously on your lip, you unlocked your phone and opened Instagram. It felt a little pathetic, but it was the only way you could think of. You and Gaeul didn’t follow each other, because you never had any reason to, and you didn’t have her number either. So this was there only way to reach her.

Your fingers hesitated over the search bar. Part of you wanted to slam your phone shut and pretend none of this happened. But you knew better. You made the mess, and now you had to face it.

You sat there staring at the screen, fingers hovering above the keyboard. Your chest felt tight, because honestly, you didn’t even know where to start. What were you supposed to say? “Sorry for causing a scene”? Or “Sorry for being insecure”?

None of it felt like enough. But hiding behind silence wasn’t going to fix anything. If you were going to apologise, it had to be face to face.

So, swallowing down your nerves, you finally typed out a message.

[jeon.yn08] : hey, it’s Y/n. Can we please talk?

⇥ [kgaeul_] : sure

[jeon.yn08] : in person would be better

⇥ [kgaeul_] : okay, where?

[jeon.yn08] : Moonbird Coffee, in 30 minutes?

⇥ [kgaeul_] : 👍

You switched off your phone and set it back down on the coffee table.

A long, shaky sigh slipped out of you as you let yourself sink deeper into the sofa cushions, face buried in your hands.

Every part of you, especially the introverted and stubborn part that hated confrontation, was begging you not to do this. Normally, you’d rather keep quiet and wait for things to blow over than reach out first. But this time, you knew you didn’t have a choice. If you wanted things to get better, you had to swallow your pride, face the discomfort, and actually do the right thing.

The guilt sitting in your chest was hard to ignore, eating at you more with every second that passed. You couldn’t just sit there pretending nothing happened while knowing how much you had hurt someone. Seeing Mingyu so exhausted and hurt last night kept flashing in your mind. If you couldn’t do this for yourself, then you had to do it for him.

╴╴╴╴╴

08:36 a.m.

After forcing yourself through a quick shower, brushing your teeth and changing into something presentable, you grabbed the house keys and stepped out the door. Mingyu had taken the car, so the subway was your only option. Not that you minded much, it gave you a little time to think.

You slid into a corner seat once the train doors closed and, out of instinct, unlocked your phone. Part of you hoped you’d see his name light up your screen, but there was nothing.

Good thing you had your mask on and your hair down. Otherwise, it would’ve been way too obvious that you were biting the inside of your cheek, fighting to keep yourself together from breaking down in public.

Your fingers itched to type out something, but you stopped yourself. He needed space, and you had to give him that. So, swallowing the lump in your throat, you shut the screen off and shoved your phone into your jacket pocket while holding back the tears threatening to fall.

A few stops later, you finally got out of the station and headed towards the café you told Gaeul to meet you at. Your steps slowed the closer you got, and you felt your nerves tightening. By the time you reached the door, your palms were clammy, and you could feel your heart beating a little too hard.

The café was quiet inside, with only three other customers scattered around. It should’ve been comforting, but the calm atmosphere only made your nerves stand out more.

And soon enough, you spotted Gaeul sitting in the corner. Her cherry-coloured hair stood out, so it was easy not to miss. She was leaning back against the cushioned chair with her phone in her hand, looking somewhat bored, like she had been waiting for a while.

You were nervous, still too embarrassed to face her after what you did last night. Nevertheless, you opened the door and made your way straight towards her with hesitation.

As your footsteps drew closer, Gaeul’s attention snapped away from her phone and finally lifted her head. The moment her eyes met yours, you froze for half a second and felt your nerves spiking all over again.

You forced a small, wary smile. “Hey,” almost too quietly. For a second, you weren’t sure she even heard you.

“Hi,” she answered, her lips curving into a polite, almost tired smile. It wasn’t warm, but it also wasn’t cold, and somehow that was enough to make you loosen up just a little. At least she wasn’t glaring at you, or throwing knives at you with her eyes. Honestly, you wouldn’t have blamed her if she had.

You pulled out the chair across from her and sat down, sliding yourself closer to the table. Your hands instantly needed something to do. You slipped your mask off, cleared your throat, tucked your hair behind your ear. You looked at the floor, the table, the window, anywhere but at her face.

Eye contact felt impossible, at least just for a moment.

Of course, Gaeul noticed. She let out a soft sigh, not harsh but enough to tell you she wasn’t here for small talk. “So…you wanted to talk?” she said finally, breaking the silence.

You swallowed and forced yourself to look up. When her eyes met yours, you could see how drained she looked, like she hadn’t slept much. But there was still hurt in those brown orbs, the hurt you caused.

“Y-Yeah,” you stammered.

Closing your eyes briefly, you exhaled. There was no use dragging this out. You had to be honest.

You fiddled with your fingers under the table, feeling your throat tighten. For a second, no words came out. But eventually, you forced yourself to speak.

“I— I’m sorry,” you blurted out.

You chewed on the inside of your cheek, and forced yourself to keep going. “I’m sorry for last night. I’m sorry for everything I said and the way I acted. I know I crossed a line, and I know I made things way harder than they needed to be. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

Gaeul didn’t say anything right away, she just sat there watching you. Her silence made your chest ache even more, but somehow you pushed through it.

“I was insecure, and jealous, and honestly? Just scared,” you admitted.

“I was scared that Mingyu might look at you and realise that you’ve always been better than me. And instead of dealing with it like a normal person, I lashed out at you. That wasn’t fair. I let my insecurities get the better of me, and I hurt you in the process.”

You sighed. You felt tears building up in your eyes, but you kept them locked on hers this time. “I don’t expect you to forgive me right away, or even at all. I just…I couldn’t let things stay like this without at least apologising to your face. You deserve that much.”

Your palms were sweaty against your jeans, and your heart was beating like a drum. For the first time, you felt like you laid everything bare. There were no excuses, no defenses, just honesty. Now all you could do was wait for her response.

You were ready for her response, whatever it could be. She could laugh at your face or spit harsh words she had for you, you were ready to take it all in.

But you got nothing.

Instead, Gaeul leaned back in her chair and let out a long breath like she’d been holding it in since you walked through the door. Her expression stayed unreadable as her eyes flicked down to the table and then back up to you.

“You know…” she finally started, calmly, though sounding tired at the same time.

“When you implied I was being a ‘homewrecker,’ I can’t even tell you how much that hurt. I was furious, hurt and embarrassed all at once. I wanted to snap back and prove you wrong to defend myself right there. But I didn’t, I just froze. It was one of those moments where you’re so shocked, you don’t even know what to say, you know?”

Your heart dropped to your stomach as her words sank in. Your bottom lip trembled and you lowered your head in shame. God, you felt awful. So damn awful. If the situation had been reversed, you knew you would’ve lashed out too. Anyone would, to protect their dignity. You couldn’t even blame her for being angry because it made perfect sense.

“But,” she continued, “I get where you’re coming from. I mean, I would feel weird too, considering the history Mingyu and I have. So I can’t really pretend that it doesn’t make things complicated sometimes.”

Gaeul’s tone then softened a little. “But Y/n, that doesn’t mean I’m trying to take him away from you. I moved on, and I have an amazing girlfriend who I love more than anything. Mingyu is your boyfriend now, and I respect that. I would never try to mess with what you two have” she said.

She paused to choose her next words carefully.

“You have to understand that Mingyu and I were good friends way before we ever dated. He’s been one of my friends for a long time, and that bond didn’t just vanish after we broke up. We don’t love each other in that way anymore, but we still care about each other. We still laugh, we still tease, we still share that old comfort. That’s just the kind of friendship we have. And I need you to know, that’s all it is now, friendship. Nothing more.”

It had been pretty obvious to everyone, well, at least to their close friends, that Gaeul was into women by the time she and Mingyu broke up. Still, when it first came out, it threw everyone for a loop. Nobody saw it coming, because Gaeul had always dated guys, and she and Mingyu seemed solid for a long time. So when she finally told them, there were definitely a few dropped jaws and awkward silences.

Perhaps it was the fact that she hid it all so well in fear of being judged, or at least, to figure out her sexuality.

But over time, it started to make sense. The way she talked about love and the way she carried herself, it all just fell into place. She seemed lighter and more like herself than she’d ever been when she was with Mingyu. And her friends noticed that too. The same girl who used to second-guess everything was suddenly glowing, laughing more and completely at ease in her own skin.

So, what started out as a shock quickly turned into one of those “ah, okay, that actually makes perfect sense now” moments.

The only person who hadn’t caught on, or maybe just didn’t want to, was you. Everyone else seemed to have accepted it ages ago, but you were stuck in your own head, replaying the same thought over and over, that Gaeul and Mingyu used to date.

That was it. That was the line your mind refused to cross. No matter how many times Mingyu reassured you, or how harmless Gaeul’s actions actually were, your insecurities kept twisting everything into something ugly.

And now, sitting there with everything laid bare right in front of you, it all hit you so hard. Gaeul wasn’t the problem, she never was. You were just too caught up in your own worries to see what was obvious to everyone else. You couldn’t help but feel incredibly stupid, and honestly, a little ashamed of how much you let your insecurities take over.

You couldn’t stop yourself as your hands flew up to cover your face, the tears finally breaking free. All the guilt, the embarrassment and the exhaustion from holding everything in just crashed at once. You felt miserable, really. You didn’t even know what to do with yourself anymore.

“I’m so, so sorry, Gaeul,” you said, voice trembling as you tried to steady your breathing. “I shouldn’t have shouted at you like that, especially in front of everyone.”

You forced yourself to uncover your face, even though your cheeks were still wet and your eyes bloodshot and puffy. You wanted her to see how much you meant it, and that it wasn’t just some quick apology to ease your conscience.

Gaeul could see right through you. She could see every bit of guilt, regret, and exhaustion written all over your face. There wasn’t a single trace of defensiveness left in you, just sincerity. And that alone was enough to soften her expression. She let out a quiet sigh, then gave you a small, almost tired smile.

She reached across the table and gently placed her hand over yours, and the simple gesture nearly made you tear up again.

“Hey,” she said gently, “it’s okay Y/n. I forgive you. I’m honestly glad you came to talk about it face-to-face instead of just texting. It means a lot. I hope we can move past it and maybe…be friends?”

You gave her a small nod as your lips curled into a faint, broken smile. It wasn’t much, but it was all you could manage without crying again. And you felt the tension in your chest loosen a little.

You didn’t really know what came next. Things between you and Gaeul weren’t magically fixed, and it would probably take some time before things felt normal again — if they ever really could. But for now, that didn’t matter.

What mattered was that she didn’t hate you. She didn’t resent you or hold that moment against you. She forgave you, genuinely and wholeheartedly.

Taking a quiet breath, you wiped the corner of your eye and looked at her with a bit more steadiness this time. “Thank you,” you whispered.

Gaeul smiled softly in return. “So…” she started, dragging the word out just a little as she leaned back against her chair.

“I’m guessing you and Mingyu got into an argument?”

You let out a soft, awkward laugh as you tucked a few strands of hair behind your ear. “Is it that obvious?” you asked, though you already knew it was.

She raised an eyebrow and gave a little snort. “Uh, yeah. Considering how pissed off Mingyu looked and how he basically dragged you out of the restaurant, I’d say it was pretty obvious. The whole table went dead silent after that.”

“Also, you looked absolutely shit the moment you walked in,” she added, jokingly.

You couldn’t help but laugh this time. “Wow, thanks,” you said sarcastically, using both palms to wipe at your still-wet and puffy eyes.

“God,” you muttered, shaking your head as another laugh slipped out.

After a brief pause, your smile began to fade, replaced by worry as last night replayed in your mind. “Hey..do you perhaps know where Mingyu is?” you asked, breaking the silence.

Her expression shifted immediately as her brows pulled together in concern. You took a shaky breath, “I haven’t heard from him since he left the house last night” you added.

Gaeul leaned back and frowned. “After dinner ended, we all went home. He came by my place to apologise for what happened, but I’m not sure where he went after that,” she said honestly.

“I just assumed he went back home.”

Your heart sank at her words. He didn’t come home. You struggled to breathe for a second as your mind raced through all the possibilities. Was he really that angry? Was he avoiding you?

Or worse, was he regretting everything?

Gaeul noticed your face pale and quickly leaned forward to hold your hands. “Hey,” she said softly, trying to pull you back to reality.

“He’s probably okay wherever he is. Maybe he just needs more time to cool off?” she reassured you with a small, hopeful smile.

You let out a tired sigh, resting your elbows on the table and rubbing your temples. “Yeah, that’s what he said before walking out,” you murmured.

“It’s just…it’s so hard right now,” you admitted.

“We’ve been arguing so much lately, way more than we should. And it’s gotten to a point where it doesn’t even feel healthy anymore. And after yesterday…” you swallowed hard, fighting the lump in your throat. “I’m scared I might’ve pushed him too far.”

Your voice cracked on the last word, and you quickly dropped your gaze to the table, hoping she wouldn’t see the tears already forming in your eyes.

“I don’t even know how to fix this anymore,” you whispered. “I just hope I don’t lose him. God, I’ll fall apart if I do.” A tear slipped down your cheek before you could stop it.

You didn’t mean to start crying again, but it just hurt. You were scared, because you didn’t know how you were going to reconcile with him. What if this time apart wasn’t just him cooling off? What if it was him realising he didn’t want to come back at all?

The idea alone made your stomach agitate. Losing Mingyu was more than just a nightmare, it felt like it would be the end of everything you both built together.

You pressed the heel of your hand to your eyes, trying to pull yourself together, but the ache in your chest stayed. All you could think about was how badly you wanted to rewind and do things differently, before it was too late.

“Hey, hey,” Gaeul cut in quickly.

“You’re not going to lose him, alright? Trust me, I know Mingyu. When that man loves someone, he loves hard. He’s stubborn about it too. He’d rather get hurt himself than let go of the person he cares about. That’s just who he is” she said.

You looked up at her with your glossy eyes, but her words slowly started to sink in.

Gaeul smiled softly. “He loves you so much, Y/n. Seriously. More than he ever loved me, and I say that with full confidence.”

She gave a small laugh, shaking her head like she still couldn’t believe it herself. “I’ve never seen him so gone over anyone before. You have no idea how obvious it is. Everyone sees it. He’s completely whipped for you.”

She leaned back in her chair. “So, please don’t start thinking the worst. I promise you, Mingyu’s not the type to walk away just because things get hard. If anything, he’ll fight even harder for you. That’s how much you mean to him.”

Your heart fluttered. And somehow, hearing that from her, the one person who used to know him best, made it all feel a little more real.

╴╴╴╴╴

12:25 p.m.

After saying goodbye to Gaeul, you let out a long breath you didn’t even realise you had been holding. It felt like a weight had finally been lifted off your chest. Though not completely gone, you felt lighter, like you could finally breathe again. Things between you and her had been tense for so long that just clearing the air felt like a small victory.

At least that part was over. At least she didn’t hate you. But then your thoughts drifted right back to Mingyu, the one thing was still weighing heavy in your heart.

You didn’t know what you were supposed to say to him when you finally saw him again. Would he even want to see you? Would he still be angry, or just done?

Though with Gaeul’s reassurance, you still felt a little uncertain.

But at the same time, you were determined. No matter how hard it would be, you were ready to do whatever it took to make things right.

So, after stopping by the supermarket and grabbing everything you needed for beef bulgogi and kimchi fried rice, you headed straight home with your arms full of shopping and your head full of nerves.

But when you stepped into the house, your heart immediately sank. Mingyu still wasn’t home. The place felt weirdly empty without him because you weren’t used to this kind of silence. Usually you would hear him humming from the kitchen as he cooked, yelling your name from the living room, or just rambling about whatever random thing popped into his head.

Normally, he would always greet you by the door and wrap you in a warm, tight hug. Then he’d press a soft kiss to your lips and say something stupidly sweet that would make you forget about the terrible days you’d had.

It felt weirdly gloomy without him around. The slice was almost unsettling, and you couldn’t shake off how strange it felt not to hear his voice, or any noise that indicated that he was home.

Still, you wanted to do something. Maybe cooking his favourite food as an apology would help. That was always your thing, after all. If you messed up, you’d make his go-to comfort meals, like beef bulgogi or kimchi fried rice. If he was in the wrong, he’d show up with your favourite soup or spicy stir fried noodles.

With the little hope you had left in you, you sighed. You didn’t even bother to change out of your outfit. You simply took your shoes and jacket off before dumping the bags on the counter and getting to work.

╴╴╴╴╴

03:10 p.m.

As much as you wanted to text Mingyu, you forced yourself not to. You told yourself over and over that he needed space, and you had to respect that. And for a while, you tried, you really did. But the longer the silence stretched, the more you started to feel suffocated. It was becoming unbearable to just sit there in the empty house without the sound of his presence.

The food, which you haven’t dished up yet, was still sitting on the stove, and it had long gone cold now. You hoped that Mingyu would walk through the door in time for lunch, but noon turned into afternoon, and there was still no sign of him.

Eventually, you couldn’t wait any longer, so you texted a few of his friends and asked if they had seen or heard from him. The replies came quickly, but none of them helped. None of them knew where he was.

You stared at your phone, and felt that familiar knot tighten in your throat. He wasn’t answering anyone, not even you, and that was what scared you most. You tried to tell yourself to relax, but it was getting hard to breathe in this silence.

Finally, you exhaled shakily and picked up your phone again. Enough waiting — you were going to call him directly.

After three rings, you were hit with the sound of the automated voice telling you the number you were trying to reach was unavailable. And just like that, whatever little bit of strength you had left completely snapped.

Your chest tightened so painfully, and it felt like the air was sucked right out of the room. That stupid robotic voice kept echoing in your head, and suddenly everything around you blurred. The knot in your throat grew until it felt like you couldn’t swallow, couldn’t speak, couldn’t even think straight.

Your breathing turned sharp and even, like you were gasping for air through a straw. Tears started welling up so fast that your vision went foggy, and you could barely see your phone screen anymore. You pressed a hand to your chest to try and calm yourself down, but your heartbeat was wild and erratic. It was like your body was stuck in fight-or-flight mode.

You wanted to cry, to scream, or do something to release the ache choking you, but you couldn’t. The sobs stayed trapped in your throat, and it was burning their way up but never escaping. Your whole body was trembling hard, uncontrollable shakes that made it impossible to even sit still.

Your fingers went numb, and your phone slipped from your grasp and fell onto the floor. You curled in on yourself and clutched your chest, desperately trying to breathe.

You were in the middle of a full-blown panic attack, and it was worse than any you ever had before.

Was this really the end? Was Gaeul wrong about everything she had told you? What if Mingyu had finally made up his mind? What if he was done with you for good? The thought alone sent you spiraling even more.

Your mind went completely blank afterwards, except for one thought, your mother.

“M-Mum,” you choked out with your trembling voice as your hands shakily reached for your phone.

Everything felt blurry, like you were underwater. Your fingers could barely move properly as you scrolled through your contacts. It took what felt like forever to find her name, while your legs were barely keeping you upright. When you finally pressed call, you could hear your heart pounding in your ears.

Your mother was your best friend. You told her everything, your highs, your lows, your plans and your stupid little worries. She was your safe place, and hearing her voice was all you needed right now.

So when she picked up and that warm, familiar voice greeted you with, “hey darling,” you just broke.

“M-Mum,” you managed to croak out between choked breaths.

Instantly, she picked up on it, and her calm tone turned into panic. “Y/n? Honey, what’s wrong? Talk to me, what happened?”

“H-He doesn’t w-want m-me anymore,” you stammered. “H-He d-doesn’t want t-to c-come b-back home M-Mum.”

Your voice cracked completely, breaking into sobs. You could hear her calling your name, trying to calm you down, but her words sounded so far away and muffled, like they were coming from another room.

“I-I can’t…b-breathe,” you gasped out, clutching your chest as your vision began to tunnel. The phone slipped slightly in your hand, and you heard your mother’s voice grow louder and panicked now as she yelled your name through the speaker.

But it was too late. Your knees buckled and the phone fell from your grip. The last thing you heard was your mother’s desperate shouting before everything faded to black.

╴╴╴╴╴

Meanwhile, Mingyu was sprawled out on his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling of his old bedroom.

He didn’t really plan to end up at his parents’ house. After storming out and stopping by Gaeul’s place to apologise to her for what happened, he realised he had nowhere else to go. His parents’ place seemed like the safest option. It was more comforting and quiet where he could breathe for a bit.

The moment he walked through the door, though, his parents bombarded him with questions asking him what happened and why he looked so down. He didn’t have the energy to explain, so he brushed it off with a vague answer that you both fought and that he needed some time to cool off. It was enough to make them drop it, well, at least for the night.

But by the time the sun rose the next morning, his mother had clearly noticed his phone buzzing every few minutes on the nightstand. She was beginning to get annoyed at her son’s lack of attention. And hearing the constant vibration and seeing the unread notifications piling up on his phone, she smacked his chest, saying, “stop being childish Mingyu. If she’s calling this much, you should answer her.”

He didn’t respond though. He just stared at the screen lighting up again with your name. He knew you were trying to reach him, and he knew exactly how worried you must’ve been. But as much as it hurt to ignore you, he didn’t want to reply. He was still angry, yes, but more than that, he was exhausted, both emotionally and mentally.

So instead of replying, he switched his phone off completely and left it on the bedside table like it didn’t even exist. Out of sight and out of mind, at least, that’s what he tried to tell himself.

Mingyu knew he was being ridiculous at this point, but he couldn’t help it. It just felt like no one really got what was going on in his head, not even you. He loved you, god, he loved you so bad. He loved you so much it almost scared him sometimes.

No matter how insecure you got, he always tried to make sure you felt seen, safe, and loved. He would go out of his way just to remind you how much you meant to him, whether through small text messages, giving you forehead kisses, or staying up late at night to talk things through when you were overthinking again.

To put it simply, you were everything to him. His entire world.

And yet, it felt like you couldn’t see it. Like no matter how hard he tried to show you that there would never, ever be another woman he could love the way he loved you, it wasn’t enough. Every time there were misunderstandings, every argument that circled back to the same insecurities, it chipped away at him little by little.

He was tired. He wasn’t tired of you, rather, he was tired of the fighting. He was tired of the endless reassurance he’d give you, and the feeling that love alone wasn’t fixing things anymore.

And after what happened last night, when things went a little too far, it pushed him over the edge. It broke something inside him, and now as he laid staring at the ceiling, he wasn’t even sure how to start putting those pieces back together. He just didn’t know how else to prove to you.

Mingyu let out a long sigh and rolled onto his side, eyes drifting toward the window where the sunlight was spilling through the curtains. The sky was clear with not a single cloud in sight, and the breeze that slipped through the slightly open window carried that midday freshness. It was perfect beach weather.

And instantly, his mind went to you, because you loved this kind of day. You loved the sound of the waves, the feel of sand between your toes, the excuse to pack a basket full of snacks and just lie there for hours talking about nothing.

Mingyu could almost picture it, of you laughing as you laid your head against his bare chest. And walking hand in hand down the beach, admiring the sunset.

He would drive the four hours down to Busan without a second thought if it meant seeing that smile again. That was how much he loved you. Even now, when things between you were such a mess, that love was still sitting strong in his chest, refusing to fade.

It wasn’t long before Mingyu heard quick footsteps storming down the hallway, followed by his bedroom door bursting open.

“Kim Mingyu!”

He quickly rolled onto his other side at the sound of his mother’s sharp and panicked voice. She stood in the doorway with her phone in her hand. “Where in God’s name did you put your phone?” she snapped as she took a few quick steps towards him.

He blinked, caught off guard. “Why? What happened?” he asked.

His mother stopped beside the bed, taking a shaky breath before speaking. “I just got a call from Y/n’s mum,” she began. “She was looking for you, and said Y/n called her while having a panic attack. A really bad one.”

For a split second, everything froze. His heartbeat, his breathing, even his mind. And when the words finally hit him like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over his head, his heart started racing with dread.

“She— she what?” he almost stuttered as he shot upright, fumbling for his phone on the nightstand. His hands were getting clammy, shaking so badly he almost dropped it as he pressed the button to turn it on.

“Her mum said she was struggling to breathe,” his mother said in a worried tone. “The last thing she heard before the call was cut off was Y/n saying she couldn’t breathe.”

Mingyu’s stomach contorted agonisingly, but before he could even react, his mother went on to say something that made his whole world tilt.

“When she rushed over to your place, she found Y/n collapsed in the living room.”

His heart shot straight to his throat, eyes widening in alarm. “C–Collapsed?” he stammered, quickly standing up to his feet.

“What do you mean collapsed? Where is she now?!” his voice rose slightly in fear as he walked towards his mother.

“Yes Mingyu! Collapsed!” his mother snapped. “She’s at the hospital right now. Her mum said she wasn’t responding, and they’ve all been trying to reach you for the past thirty minutes! Why haven’t you been answering your phone?”

Mingyu barely heard the rest of what his mother was saying. Her voice, the ticking clock, even the sound of his own breathing, everything around him blurred into static. The air suddenly felt too thin to breath, and his chest felt like all the oxygen had been sucked out of his lungs.

He couldn’t think straight. His head was spinning, and his heartbeat was too loud in his ears.

“Hospital,” he mumbled, almost to himself,

And without wasting another second, he bolted out of his bedroom. Mingyu practically flew down the stairs. He nearly tripped trying to shove his feet into his shoes, and he didn’t even bother to tie the laces properly. His hands were shaking so badly that he fumbled with the keys on the counter before finally grabbing them.

“Mingyu!” his mother called after him, shouting the name of the hospital. He barely heard it over the rush of blood in his ears.

“I got it!” he yelled back, though his voice cracked halfway.

He yanked open the door, ran outside as fast as he could, and jumped into his car. Turning on the engine, he hurriedly reversed out of the driveway.

Mingyu knew better than anyone how dangerous, and stupid, it was to drive recklessly, no matter how desperate the situation was. You’d drilled that into him numerous times.

Every time he’d grab his keys to leave, you’d give him that little reminder, “drive safe, okay? No speeding.”

It became your thing. And the irony was, you didn’t even have a driver’s licence, but you still lectured him like you were the highway authority itself.

And Mingyu, being the confident driver he was, sometimes got a little too bold behind the wheel. He’d often take turns too fast or tailgate when he was late, and you would always call him out for it later with that disappointed look he hated seeing.

Even now, when all he wanted to do was slam his foot on the accelerator and break every speed limit in the book just to get to you faster, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. The thought of going against your words was enough to keep him in check.

Don’t speed Mingyu.

Still, it was torture. Every time he got caught at a red light, his hands tightened around the steering wheel til his knuckles turned white.

He couldn’t stop muttering curses under his breath while bouncing his leg anxiously. And when a car in front of him moved at the speed of a snail, he’d slam his hand on the honk button.

He was, really, trying so damn hard to stay calm.

By the time Mingyu finally pulled up to the hospital, he didn’t even care how he parked. The car was barely in the lines, maybe even sideways, but that didn’t matter to him. He just threw the door open, slammed it shut behind him, and sprinted straight through the sliding doors.

The receptionist was startled a little when he rushed up to the desk. But more so by his dishevelled appearance — hair messy, chest heaving and sweat beading down his temple. He looked completely frantic, like he ran a marathon.

“Jeon Y/N, where is she?” he asked, leaning forward on the counter, barely able to catch his breath.

The receptionist blinked at him. “I’m sorry, sir, but we can’t give out any information about patients unless you’re a family member,” she told him.

“She’s my girlfriend. Please, just tell me where I can find her” he pleaded, trying not to lose his cool.

Before the receptionist could speak up, Mingyu heard your mother’s voice call out his name from somewhere behind him. “Mingyu?”

His heart leaped at the sound, spinning around instantly. “Mrs Jeon!” he exclaimed in relief as he rushed toward her.

Mingyu reached your mother in seconds, almost stumbling to a stop in front of her. “Where is she? How is she? What happened?” he blurted out, voice breaking halfway through the sentence. His breathing was uneven as his eyes darted around the hallway like he was searching for you.

“Hey, slow down,” your mother said softly.

“The doctor said her body was under a lot of stress. The panic attack made it worse which caused her to faint. But she’s okay. They said she just needs a lot of rest” she explained.

Mingyu felt a lump form in his throat, and eyes sting with tears. “Is she awake right now? Or is she sleeping?” he asked.

Your mother’s expression softened, and let out a small sigh, “she’s awake, but she doesn’t really want to talk to anyone right now. She just keeps asking for you.”

It was like the final string that snapped. Mingyu’s bottom quivered as he fought to hold himself together. But involuntarily, a small whimper escaped from his lips.

“Which room is she in?” he whispered.

“Room twenty-six,” she said, pointing down the corridor.

But she didn’t even finish before Mingyu’s feet were already on the move. His shoes squeaked against the hospital floor as he ran, and he didn’t care about the people staring or the nurses telling him to slow down. All he could think about was getting to you, and seeing you with his own eyes.

When Mingyu finally reached your room, he stopped dead in his tracks right outside the door. His hand hovered over the handle, but he couldn’t bring himself to push it open just yet. His heart was pounding, so hard it felt like it might burst out of his chest.

All that adrenaline that had carried him here suddenly turned into nerves. He was so desperate to see you, but now that he was here, he didn’t know what to do.

He swallowed hard, running a shaky hand through his hair as he stared at the small window on the door. Through it, he could see you sitting on the bed with your knees pulled up to your chest and your face buried in your arms.

The thin hospital blanket was draped around you, but you still looked so small, so fragile. The lump in Mingyu’s throat began to suffocate him. His hand reached up to clutch his chest, trying to steady the rapid thump of his heart.

His vision blurred as he tried to fight back the tears threatening to spill. Then, he let out a shaky exhale, “God, what have I done?” he whispered to himself, You looked completely broken, and knowing he was part of the reason you ended up like this made him want to tear himself apart.

Mingyu dragged in a shaky breath, roughly wiping his eyes before finally pushing the door open.

The sudden sound made you flinch, but the second your eyes landed on the man you had been dying to see, your whole body seemed to let go of the tension it had been holding.

“Mingyu…” you breathed out with a trembling voice as you threw the blanket aside and got to your feet.

The sight of your red and puffy eyes completely broke him.

Whatever strength he had left just shattered right there. A strangled sob tore out of his chest as he rushed to you, closing the distance in seconds before wrapping you up in his arms in a tight, desperate hug.

You melted into him immediately, and your hands gripped at the back of his shirt. “Where were you?” you choked out as you buried your face against him. “I thought you left me.”

“I thought you weren’t coming back,” you continued, your sobs growing harder. “I was so scared.”

“I’m sorry Mingyu. I’m so, so sorry. I never wanted to make things harder for you. I didn’t mean to make you feel like you had to prove anything to me. I just—” you broke off, gasping through another wave of tears.

“Please don’t leave me. I’ll do better. I’ll be better.”

“Hey, hey, hey—” he stammered as he pulled back to cup your face in his large, shaking hands. His thumbs brushed over your damp cheeks, and his heart shattered with every sob that left your lips.

“Look at me baby” he said.

When your eyes flicked up, that was all it took for his composure to crumble all over again. “Shh, calm down baby. It’s okay,” he reassured you, almost desperately.

“I’m right here, okay? I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to leave you, I swear” he said, blinking back his own tears.

You tried to say something, but the words dissolved into another sob, and that broke him to the core. “Fuck,” he choked, shaking his head.

“Fuck, I didn’t mean for things to go this far. I didn’t mean to hurt you like this. I’m so fucking sorry my love.”

He leaned forward until his forehead pressed against yours, eyes shut tight as he breathed you in.

“God, I’m so fucking stupid,” he croaked as he leaned in and pressed a shaky kiss to your lips.

When he pulled back, his forehead stayed pressed against yours, and you could feel his hot and uneven breath fan over your lips. “But I’m here now,” he whispered.

“I’m right here with you baby girl. I’m not going anywhere again, I swear. I’m never leaving you.”

He kissed you again, slower and longer this time, and you could practically feel him trembling against you. “I’m so sorry” he whimpered against your lips.

“I’m so sorry I left you like that, baby. I shouldn’t have walked away at all. I shouldn’t have ignored you. God, I hate myself for it.” His tears mixed with yours, tasting the salty warmth spreading between your lips as he kissed you again and again.

“Hey,” you whispered softly, voice still hoarse from crying.

“At least you’re here now,” you said softly, giving him a small, tired smile as you reached up to brush the messy strands of hair away from his eyes. “That’s all that matters.”

Mingyu let out a low hum, almost like a sigh of relief, before he cupped your cheek and pulled you in for another long, deep kiss.

When he finally pulled back, he rested his forehead against yours once again. His eyes were still glassy, but they were much calmer now.

“I love you baby,” he said as his thumb traced lazy circles against your jaw.

“Always remember that, okay? No matter how angry I get, no matter how bad we fight, that anger’s never going to be stronger than how much I love you. Ever.”

You blinked at him, your heart squeezing at his words. You saw him swallow hard, “I love you too much to ever let you go. You have no idea how much it scares me at the thought of not having you around. I swear, I’d rather take all the pain in the world than ever lose you.”

His words hit so deep that your eyes started welling up with tears all over again. You didn’t have to doubt that he meant every one of them. The sincerity in his eyes, the way he kissed you and held you, it gave you the security you desperately needed at this moment.

You smiled through your tears, “I know” you responded. “I know you do. And I love you too.”

Mingyu cracked a small smile and leaned in again, kissing the corner of your lips gently before enveloping you into a hug.

“We’ll be okay.”

╴╴╴╴╴

10:20 p.m.

After you got discharged, Mingyu drove straight home, one hand on the wheel and the other holding yours the entire way. He was quieter than usual, but the way his thumb kept brushing over your knuckles said enough.

Not long after you got settled in, his mother dropped by with a pot of warm rice porridge. Of course, a few minutes later, Mingyu was the one with the bowl in his hands, devouring it like he hadn’t eaten in days.

You just sat there and watched him shovel spoon after spoon into his mouth. “You do realise that was supposed to be my porridge, right?” you tried not to laugh.

Mingyu glanced up, a bit of rice stuck to his lip, and gave you a sheepish grin. “You love me too much to stop me.”

You rolled your eyes but didn’t argue. He did love that porridge way too much, and honestly, you weren’t even that hungry anymore. Just the sight of him looking so happy enjoying it made your heart feel full.

After that, the two of you hopped into the shower together, mostly because Mingyu didn’t trust you to stand for too long on your own. You complained, but you didn’t really mean it. The way he was so gentle when washing the shampoo out of your hair and kissing your temple every few minutes, it made your chest ache in the best way possible.

Dinner was whatever leftovers you had cooked in the afternoon. And then, predictably, you both migrated to the sofa. Mingyu grabbed the thickest blanket he could find and wrapped the two of you up like a burrito before putting on a random rom-com movie.

Now, halfway through your second film, your eyelids were starting to grow heavy. The rhythmic movement of Mingyu’s fingers tracing soft circles over your bare stomach wasn’t helping at all.

You tried to fight the sleep, whether it was by blinking hard, shifting your position, or even pretending to be interested in the plot. But his warm and his quiet breathing beside your ear, and that comforting hand on your bare belly were all working against you.

Mingyu noticed, of course. He glanced down at you with a small grin. “You can sleep, you know” he told you.

“I’m fine,” you mumbled, eyes already half-shut.

He chuckled softly, leaning down to kiss your forehead. “Sure you are,” he responded, still drawing lazy patterns on your skin.

You stayed quiet for a while, eyes still closed, somewhere between awake and asleep.

“I talked to Gaeul today,” you mumbled sleepily, breaking the silence.

Mingyu blinked and took his eyes off the television, glancing down at you. If he was surprised, he made sure to make it seem less obvious. “Yeah?” he asked softly.

“Mhm,” you hummed, finally blinking your eyes open to look up at him. “We met at this little cafe and just…talked it out. I apologised to her for last night and everything, really” you said.

“After learning everything, I just felt incredibly stupid for everything I’ve said to her. I felt so crap” you continued, shifting a little to adjust yourself in his arms.

“So I messaged her to meet me at a cafe. And honestly? I didn’t know what kind of reaction to expect, but I just wanted to put it out there and let her know how sorry I was.”

Mingyu tilted his head slightly, “and how did that go?” he asked as his fingers brushed through your hair. Though he could already guess how it went, he wanted to hear it from you.

“Better than I thought it would, honestly. I cried a lot, and God it was so embarrassing now that I think back to it. I was such a mess” you gave a small laugh, shaking your head at yourself.

“But she was really kind about it. She said she appreciated me reaching out and talking to her in person. She said it meant a lot” your voice softened a little.

“Most importantly, she forgave me” you added.

Mingyu’s expression melted into one of quiet pride. “That’s good,” he said, brushing his thumb over your cheekbone. “I’m proud of you baby.”

You let out another soft laugh, almost sleepy. “I just felt so stupid, you know? The things I said to her were just…ugh!” you groaned and buried your face against his chest again.

“I don’t even know what came over me.”

Your body relaxed again, and you let out an airy hum as Mingyu’s fingers continued to move through your hair. “I’m glad I talked to her though,” you whispered, half-drifting back into sleep.

“I am too,” Mingyu said quietly, resting his chin on your head. “Means you can finally stop carrying everything around like a burden.”

You hummed in agreement, your words slurring slightly as you mumbled, “maybe now I can actually sleep without crying.”

You felt Mingyu’s chest vibrating under your cheek as he let out a small laugh. “Good,” he whispered, holding you a little tighter. “You deserve that.”

You could feel sleep creeping up on you again, and your eyelids grew heavier and heavier with every lazy stroke of Mingyu’s hand on your back. You didn’t bother fighting it this time, and just let yourself sink into his warmth.

“I love you, Kim Mingyu,” your words slurred together as sleep started to win.

Then, in a voice so soft it almost broke his heart, you whispered, “please don’t ever leave me.”

The room fell quiet after that, and Mingyu’s smile faltered just a little. It wasn’t the first time you said something like that half-asleep, especially when you two made up after an argument, but it still hit him the same every time. He hated that there was even a part of you that worried he’d go anywhere.

Your body grew heavier in his arms as you finally drifted off completely. Mingyu adjusted his position and sat up a little straighter so you could rest more comfortably against him. He tugged the blanket higher and tucked it snugly around your shoulders, before wrapping both arms securely around you.

He looked down at your sleeping face, your lashes resting softly against your cheeks, lips slightly parted, breathing slow and steady. His chest ached in the best and worst way.

Leaning down, he pressed a long, gentle kiss to your forehead. “I love you too princess,” he murmured against your skin. “And I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

You didn’t stir. You were already deep in sleep with your small breaths fanning over his chest. Mingyu smiled faintly as he brushed a thumb over your cheek.

“I don’t even wanna think about what I’d do without you” he said, almost to himself.

a/n; sorry it took so long! my iPad broke and I needed a way to edit the fonts. and also sorry if you commented on my post to join the tag-list and aren’t listed on here, for some reason I can’t find your username under the @ search.

𐚁₊⊹

▎27 NOVEMBER 2021

You were known to have the patience of a saint. It was an almost uncanny ability you had to stay calm in situations that would push most people past their limits. Some admired you for it, even envied you.

“I could never hold my tongue like that,” or “I’d have snapped ages ago” they’d say.

But others didn’t see it as a strength though. They said you were too lenient, or too soft. They’d say how it allowed people to walk all over you and mistake your tolerance for weakness.

And maybe, sometimes, they were right.

There were moments when you looked back on situations and questioned your silence. You would wonder if your refusal to speak out had cost you something. Respect, peace of mind or justice. You would pride yourself on not reacting impulsively and staying level-headed when emotions ran high. You told yourself that staying silent was strength and not cowardice.

But deep down, there were times you wished you had the confidence to just say what you were thinking. Perhaps not out of anger, but out of self-respect. You weren’t looking to lash out, you just wanted to be heard.

There was never really a middle ground in how people saw you. But the truth is, you lived in that gray area. You tried to be kind without being small, and tolerant without being invisible.

And today was your breaking point.

Angry tears welled in your eyes as you stared at your phone for what felt like the hundredth time. Still nothing from your boyfriend. There were no messages or any missed calls, let alone an excuse as to why he still didn’t show up yet. Just the same empty lock screen that mocked your patience.

Hansol promised to take you out for a fancy dinner at the Lotte Tower, a proper date you were both too busy to have for weeks. You even made the effort of dressing up for it. You did your hair just right, applied light make-up and sprayed the perfume he once said he liked. But now, an hour passed, and you were still sitting alone at the table he claimed to have reserved.

You felt so ridiculous.

The waiters approached your table several times and each gentle interruption only deepened the pit in your stomach. They asked politely if you’d like something to drink, perhaps a small starter while you waited. But you would smile tightly each time and shake your head while repeating the same line, “I’ll wait until my boyfriend arrives.”

That was only if he came.

It felt more like a lie each time you said it. A part of you held on to the hope that he’d walk in, flustered and apologetic. But with every minute that passed by, that hope thinned into bitterness.

The staff tried to hide their sympathy, but you saw it anyway. The last thing you wanted was anyone’s pity.

Not only were you overwhelmed with embarrassment, but the sting hurt deeper knowing it was your own boyfriend who left you hanging. While other couples around you enjoyed their meals together and how happily they laughed amongst themselves, you couldn’t help but feel like a complete fool who still waited for someone that wasn’t even going to come.

And if the night didn’t humiliate you enough, you opened Instagram. Just to distract yourself. And that was when you clicked on Hailey’s story, Hansol’s best friend. It was posted five minutes ago.

It was a photo of your boyfriend who was fast asleep on Hailey’s unmistakable pink sofa, body curled slightly and one arm wrapped around a purple whale plushie. His hair was a mess and his mouth was slightly open, completely at peace.

But what really hit you wasn’t the image itself. It was the caption. “Supposed to be looking after me but I’m looking after him instead,” followed by a deadpan, unamused emoji. Like it was some kind of joke. Like you weren’t sitting in a restaurant across town, checking the door every five minutes, still half-believing he might walk in with an excuse.

Instead, he was passed out at her house. It wasn’t even the lack of decency from him to let you know he couldn’t make it that stung the most. It was how casual it all seemed to them.

To say you were absolutely livid would be a gross understatement.

You weren’t just angry, you were shaking with it. It was a white-hot rage bubbling just beneath your skin that was ready to explode within you.

Your jaw was clenched so tightly it hurt, and your heart pounded against your ribs like it was trying to escape. Every breath you took felt shallow, that made your chest tight with disbelief. You were boiling down to the core, like a volcano seconds from erupting.

It blurred your vision and made your ears ring.

Your hand gripped your phone with so much force, it was a miracle the screen didn’t shatter right there in your palm. You swore you heard a small crack, but perhaps it was the plastic or glass protesting under the pressure of your clenched fingers. But you didn’t loosen your grip. You couldn’t. Because letting go felt too much like surrender, and right now, you were clinging to any scrap of control you had left.

The tears that were brimming in your eyes finally came flooding down. You tried to blink them away, but it was no use. They kept spilling over, trailing down your cheeks in silence. And you didn’t even bother wiping them. You didn’t care at this point. You just let them fall. You just let the whole damn restaurant see. What did it matter now?

Your eyes were still stuck on the photo. And her caption…the smug nonchalance of it was enough to make your blood run colder than the North Pole. She knew. She had to know. And if she didn’t, then maybe that made it worse.

Your body was trembling. Every limb of yours was buzzing with energy that had nowhere to go. You felt like you could scream, throw the table across the room, or smash your phone right into the tiled floor.

But you didn’t. You just sat there, paralysed, like a statue made of nothing but anger and heartbreak.

Everything around you became a blur. It all faded into background noise, meaningless against the storm inside you. You were breaking, right there in public, and yet the world just kept turning.

You were furious. But more than that, you were hurt. Deeply and irreparably hurt.

So what do you do now? Honestly, you had no idea.

Your brain was still catching up to everything your heart had just been dragged through. But your body moved on its own, like it was acting on instinct. There was no plan, no thought. Just motion.

You reached into your purse with shaky fingers, pulled out a few bills, and placed them on the table beside your untouched mocktail.

It wasn’t much, but it felt like the least you could do. It was a silent gesture to thank and apologise to the staff for the time you’d taken up sitting there alone waiting for someone who never came.

Without a word, you pushed the chair back and stood. Your legs felt numb and heavy, but you forced them to move. You didn’t look at anyone. You didn’t owe anyone an explanation. All you could do was storm out, heart thudding in your chest like a war drum.

The atmosphere in the elevator felt suffocating as it descended, and the mirrors reflected the tear-streaked version of you that you didn’t want to see. You simply stared straight ahead, refusing to blink.

Then, as the doors slid open and you stepped into the lobby, your phone buzzed with a notification. The sound shot through you like a jolt. Part of you hoped that it was Hansol, but it wasn’t, it was your older brother Joshua.

[JOSH]:

Are you done with your little date? Mum’s bugging me to get her tangerines but I’m too lazy to go out now😴

The message lit up your screen as you walked through the quiet lobby. You stared at the notification for a few seconds, and the absurdity of it made your lips twitch. Despite the ache sitting heavy in your chest, you broke into a small, crooked smile through the tears still clinging to your lashes.

Your mother and her eternal obsession with tangerines. No matter the season, no matter the day, she somehow always needed more. It was ridiculous. But comforting in her sense.

[YOU]:

Got stood up. But I’ll pick some up on my way👍tell mum to tolerate her cravings for a bit lol.

You hit send before you could think twice about how blunt it sounded. And the reply from your brother came almost instantly.

[Josh]:

???

[Josh]:

What do you mean you got stood up?

You stared at the screen. The question felt like salt in a raw wound. Reading his name again hurt more than you expected. You could practically hear the disbelief in Joshua’s voice, like he couldn’t even begin to process the idea.

And honestly? You couldn’t either.

Your thumb hovered over the keyboard. You thought about explaining. But it all was too much. You didn’t want to relive it, not right now. You didn’t want to see the pity, or the anger, or the judgment — not even from your brother.

So instead, you just turned off your phone and shoved it deep into your coat pocket. Maybe silence felt easier than trying to explain heartbreak.

╴╴╴╴╴

You regretted not bringing your car. Deeply. At the time, it seemed like the better option. You thought you’d have Hansol to drop you home. But now, walking alone in the cold with swollen eyes and a heart that felt like it had been wrung out, it was painfully clear that you miscalculated.

It wasn’t that you didn’t have options. You could’ve taken the bus, hopped on the subway, or even called a taxi. But the idea of crying in a crowded space full of strangers while your eyes burned and your chest ached? You couldn't do it. You didn’t want sympathetic looks or awkward glances. You didn’t want to be seen at all.

You didn’t trust yourself to hold it together. Not when every second of silence from Hansol felt like another shove deeper into the hollow pit growing in your stomach.

There was still not a single message. Not one missed call. Not even a lame excuse.

You stood outside a brightly lit convenience store as you held the weight of a full bag of tangerines which was dragging at your arm. Your fingers were freezing around the plastic handles, but you didn’t care.

With a sigh, you fumbled for your phone again and dialed Joshua’s number. You knew he didn’t want to come out.

He’d said as much earlier, “too lazy” and too comfortable, typical Joshua. But you were going to make him come anyway. He didn’t get a choice. Not tonight.

After a few rings, he finally answered.

“Can you pick me up?” you asked tiredly and almost bluntly, not even giving him a chance to greet you first.

There was a beat of silence on the other end before your brother spoke up.

“Hey, are you okay?”

You could hear the worry in his voice, and it cracked something in you.

You bit down on your lip, hard, before answering. “Yeah, I just…I don’t know Joshua,” you said, your voice starting to waver despite your efforts to stay composed.

There was another pause. You could practically hear the gears turning in his head, and him grabbing his keys already.

“Can you please come and get me?” you whispered, softer this time. Less demand, more desperation.

“I’m coming,” he said firmly. “Where are you right now?” he then asked.

You shared your live location with him and he muttered a hum before ending the call. And for the first time that night, you let out a breath you hadn’t realised you were holding.

You knew he didn’t want to come out, and on normal days you wouldn’t have bothered him. But right now, there was no one else in the world you needed more than your brother.

Growing up, you and Joshua had always been close. Closer than most siblings, even. Even as kids, you stuck to each other like glue. While other siblings grew apart or bickered over everything all the time, the two of you built your own little world. He was your best friend, and above all, he was your safe place.

Joshua always knew how sensitive you were. He knew despite how tolerant you were, you’d easily get hurt and how deeply you felt things. And while some people might have dismissed that as weakness, he never did. If anything, it made him more protective of you. He knew the world wasn’t kind to people with soft hearts. So he became your shield.

He became some sort of your silent, stubborn bodyguard who would take on the world if it meant keeping you from crying.

You used to tease him about it. Told him he was too overbearing, that he needed to chill out and stop treating you like you were five. He’d just smirk and say, “You’ll thank me one day.” And truthfully, you always did.

Even when he annoyed you, when he pushed your buttons just for fun or gave you dumb nicknames you swore you hated, you never once doubted that he’d be there when it mattered. No matter how big or small the problem was, you could always run to him. He never made you feel like a burden.

And in this moment, with your heart aching and your hands full of tangerines, you were more grateful than ever to have a brother like him in your life.

╴╴╴╴╴

You hadn’t even realised Joshua had arrived until he was suddenly in front of you, gently shaking your shoulder. Not only had the cold numbed your senses, but your mind was too fogged to register anything clearly. You jolted slightly at the contact, eyes wide with confusion until they finally focused and landed on your brother.

“Hi,” he said softly, a little breathless. But the small smile he attempted didn’t last as his face fell. He took in the sight of you and his brows knitted together.

Your eyes were red-rimmed and glossy, cheeks streaked with dried tears, but what stood out the most too him was the lack of spark that usually lived in your eyes. They were simply hollow.

Joshua’s chest tightened as panic crept in. Your breathing was shallow and too quick. Your eyes were wide and glassy, brimming with fresh tears that threatened to spill over.

You looked like a balloon stretched too tight and ready to burst.

“Bubba, what’s wrong?” he asked as his hands moved up to cradle your face gently. His thumbs hovered under your eyes like he could stop the tears before they fell, but it was already too late.

Just the sound of that nickname that only he called you hit you like a wrecking ball. And it was just enough to break you completely.

A choked sob tore from your throat as you collapsed into his chest. His arms were open before you even reached him, wrapping around you and catching everything you couldn’t hold together anymore.

Joshua’s heart pounded hard beneath your cheek as he pulled you close, his hand rubbing circles on your back. You gripped his hoodie like your life depended on it as tears soaked into the fabric almost instantly.

“Hey, hey hey,” he murmured, rocking you gently.

“It’s okay. I’ve got you, okay?”

But your cries only grew louder and heavier.

“Is this about Hansol?” he asked. Though his voice was still soft, the way his jaw was tightening ever so slightly spoke another story.

You didn’t answer him. You just cried harder as your sobs violently shook your whole body.

“I just want to go home,” you choked out between sobs.

Joshua pulled you into a tighter hug and held you like he could somehow absorb the pain radiating from your body. He rested his chin lightly on top of your head and gently rocked you side to side.

“Shh, it’s okay. We’re going home now,” he murmured into your hair low and soothingly, almost fatherly. His hand rubbed slow circles on your back, like he used to do when you were a kid waking up from the nightmares you had.

Though he didn’t need the full story, at least not yet, he knew enough.

The past few days didn’t feel right. You hadn’t been yourself. You smiled less and conversations were shorter. Joshua noticed how you started spacing out more often, zoning out during family dinners or giving half-hearted responses when he cracked jokes.

You were still there, but the dimmed version of yourself, like a light on low battery.

He had a gut feeling Hansol had something to do with it, but he didn’t want to jump to conclusions. Now, standing here with you crying your eyes out in his arms, he wished he had trusted that instinct sooner.

He felt guilty. He wished he had asked more questions, pressed you harder when you told him everything was “fine.” He should’ve protected you before you reached this point. Because seeing you like this right now lit something violent inside him.

╴╴╴╴╴

When Joshua finally pulled into the driveway, the sky had long since darkened. He looked to his right and found you fast asleep in the passenger seat with your head tilted awkwardly against the window. The position looked anything but comfortable, yet you didn’t stir.

Joshua’s heart ached as he took in the dried streaks of tears on your cheeks, clear that you cried yourself to sleep in silence.

He didn’t miss the way you’d shut down during the drive home and how you gave no responses, not even small nods or mumbled agreements. He tried to talk, or at least distract you with light conversation with jokes that usually earned at least a small smile. But you gave him nothing this time.

He knew you didn’t mean it. You just wanted to be left alone, and so he did. But not really, because he was still there, watching every tremble in your breath and every clench of your fingers. He was still there as he silently stayed present even when you needed distance.

With a soft sigh, Joshua parked the car and turned off the engine. The sudden quiet that followed was too loud. He sat there for a moment, just looking at you. Then, without a word, he unbuckled his seatbelt before stepping out and walking around to your side.

He opened the door and carefully unbuckled your seatbelt before sliding his arms under your knees and back. Unironically, he felt like his seven-year-old self again holding you in his arms for the first time when you were born. He lifted you and held you gently as if you were made of glass. Your body relaxed into his hold, head resting against his shoulder.

He shut the car door with a soft kick before heading to the house. And as if timed perfectly, the front door opened.

Your mother stood there with her expression instantly shifting to concern at the sight of you in Joshua’s arms. “Is she okay?” she asked, eyes locked on your sleeping face.

Joshua let out another sigh. “I don’t think so. She had a long night” he answered tiredly.

He didn’t elaborate. He didn’t want to dump everything on her, especially when you weren’t awake to speak for yourself. All she needed to know was that you were safe, and he had you.

“I’m just going to let her rest for now,” he added, stepping past her and making his way upstairs.

He brought you into your room and gently lowered you onto the bed, careful not to jostle you. But barely moved regardless. He took off your shoes, then your coat which he folded neatly to the side.

He crouched down beside the bed and reached out, brushing your hair from your face. His thumb lingered at your temple for a moment. Then, with a tenderness that said more than words ever could, he leaned forward and placed a light kiss on your forehead.

As he straightened up, he looked at you for a long moment. You looked peaceful, but the mark that was left by the pain you carried was still there.

“If Hansol did something,” he thought, jaw tightening, “I swear I’m going to rip his head off” he silently promised.

After making sure you were tucked in comfortably, Joshua gently pulled your blanket up to your shoulders. He stood there for a second longer, just watching you sleep.

With a quiet exhale, he turned and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him with care. As it clicked softly, he sighed, again.

Heading back downstairs, he slipped his shoes back on and stripped outside again. The cold outside nipped at his skin, but he ignored it as he made his way back to the car. He opened the door and grabbed your small shoulder bag, along with the now slightly squashed plastic bag filled with tangerines you got for your mother.

There were a series of vibrations coming from your bag that made Joshua freeze, then frown. One vibration. Then another. And another. The sharp buzzing continued almost nonstop.

He unzipped the bag and pulled the phone out. Joshua cursed under his breath for remembering your phone’s password to unlock it, but he promised himself it wasn’t snooping. He had to make sure nothing was wrong.

The screen lit up with message after message from one name only.

Hansol.

His frown deepened. There were fifteen missed calls and tons of messages, some that were still coming through as he watched.

[Hansol]:

Baby!

[Hansol]:

Please answer me

[Hansol]:

Fuck, I’m so sorry I completely forgot. I know how bad that sounds, but please let me explain

[Hansol]:

Hailey sprained her ankle at work. She called me crying, saying she couldn’t walk or get a ride, and she didn’t know who else to call. So I left to go get her

[Hansol]:

She was in a lot of pain, and I couldn’t just leave her there so I took her to the doctors. I had to get her meds and ice packs and whatnot before helping her get back to her apartment

[Hansol]:

I know I should’ve messaged you. I should’ve called you right away. I just got caught up making sure she was okay and I didn’t check the time until it was already too late

[Hansol]:

Baby, I know what this looks like. I know how it feels. And I know I’ve let you down before, but I didn’t do this on purpose. I didn’t forget about you because I didn’t care. I was just trying to help my best friend in pain

[Hansol]:

But I swear to you, I wasn’t ignoring you

[Hansol]:

I know I told you this time would be different. That I would make more time for. And I wanted to, I swear I did

Joshua saw another incoming call flash across the screen with Hansol’s name lighting up yet again. He stared at it for a moment with his jaw clenched as his thumb hovering over the answer button. He really fought to answer it and curse him out, but he didn’t want to act out of instinct. So, instead, he pressed decline.

But that only led to more messages to flood in. One after another. Clearly Hansol wasn’t letting up. He was frantic at this point.

[Hansol]:

Shit, baby, listen. I know you saw Hailey’s Instagram story, but I promise it’s not what you think

[Hansol]:

It’s nothing like what you’re probably imagining right now. Please don’t overthink it

[Hansol]:

I swear

Joshua’s frown deepened. A low breath escaped his nose. What the hell is he talking about now? He hadn’t seen any story. But the way Hansol rushed to mention it, defend it even, somehow made him rile up even more.

Curious, and now increasingly irritated, Joshua unlocked your phone again and opened your Instagram. And a few taps later, he clicked on Hailey’s story.

Joshua stared at the screen as he tried to process what he was seeing. His lips curled into a slow, humorless scoff. He shook his head in absolute disbelief.

The audacity.

You were sitting in a restaurant, alone, trying not to cry in front of strangers. Meanwhile, your boyfriend was passed out at another woman’s place like he couldn’t be bothered to show up for you.

Before he could even react further, more messages came in.

[Hansol]:

I don’t know when I fell asleep. I didn’t mean to forget, I swear

[Hansol]:

Are you still at the restaurant? Just tell me and I’ll come right now. I’ll be there in ten minutes. Five if I speed. Please

[Hansol]:

Or if you already went home, just text me so I know you’re safe. I’m begging you baby

[Hansol]:

I’m so fucking sorry

[Hansol]:

Please pick up the phone baby. Just talk to me

Joshua watched as the screen lit up again with another incoming call. But he didn’t answer. He just stared at it with a dark expression. His thumb hovered for half a second before he declined it once more, and put the phone back in your bag.

The sheer nerve. The desperation wasn’t what got to him, it was the timing. The panic only came after the damage was done. After you’d already shut down. After your brother had to come find you and carry you home.

Joshua slammed his car door shut and made his way back inside the house. With his jaw locked so tight, he could feel his pulse thumping in his neck.

Joshua knew, deep down, that this was a personal matter between you and your boyfriend. Something that should be handled between the two of you. He didn’t want to cross boundaries or get too involved in something he didn’t fully understand. That simply wasn’t his style, and he certainly wasn’t overbearing. He respected your independence.

But after today, especially after the way you completely broke down in his arms, Joshua couldn’t keep pretending like everything was fine when it wasn’t.

It was damn near impossible to hold himself back. He didn’t want to sit on the sidelines anymore. He needed answers. He needed to know what the hell was happening to you and why the sister he knew was suddenly closing herself up.

╴╴╴╴╴

The moment Hansol blinked awake from what he thought would be a ‘short nap’, his eyes drifted lazily to the clock. Until the time hit him like a punch to the chest. His eyes widened in shock, practically bulging from their sockets as the time sank in.

It was the realisation that it was two hours past the time he was supposed to meet you which made his heart stop.

His body reacted before his brain could even catch up. He bolted upright so fast that the plushie in his arms fell to the floor. His mind scrambled in complete chaos as he reached for his phone, which he nearly dropped in his haste.

The screen lit up with five unread messages and two missed calls, all from you, two hours ago.

“Fuck,” he cursed, as guilt hit him like a truck.

He remembered. Of course he did. He remembered every word of the argument, the conversation afterwards where he promised he wouldn’t mess this one up this time.

But somehow he had.

And now he didn’t know how to fix it this time.

▎25 NOVEMBER 2021 — two days ago

“What could have been so important this time that you had to cancel on me again, Hansol?” you snapped.

You weren’t usually the one to raise your voice or start fights. You were patient and understanding. Maybe a little too understanding.

This was the fifth broken promise in two weeks. The times you got ready for something he planned, you’d sit and wait until your phone lit up with another last-minute excuse.

And this time, you were done pretending it didn’t rile you up.

Hansol blinked, already on the defensive. “Babe, you know I’m not doing this on purpose. It’s just that Hailey—”

You cut him off instantly with a scoff, head shaking like you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. But deep down, you did. You expected it. Of course it was Hailey.

“Hailey this, Hailey that,” you snarled as your eyes narrowed. “It’s always her.”

Hansol flinched a little at your tone, but you kept going. The anger that had been simmering under the surface was breaking through.

“When does she ever not need you? It’s comical how she always seems to need something when you’re with me. Does she not have any other fucking friends besides you? Huh?”

You took a breath, but it didn’t cool the fire.

“Why do you always jump to her side over every little thing? Is she really that helpless? Is she that dumb and incapable of doing anything on her own, Hansol?”

You couldn’t believe the words coming out of your mouth. This wasn’t you, because you weren’t the type to talk about people like that.

You didn’t even realise how harsh the words were until they already came out. They sounded bitter and personal. And maybe they were. Because you weren’t just angry at Hailey. You were angry at your own boyfriend for putting her before you. Again.

Hansol didn’t respond right away, but when he did, his voice was just as sharp as yours.

“She’s my best friend, Y/n,” he snapped back. “I’ve known her for years. Of course I’m going to be there for her if she needs me.”

“I know that!” you couldn’t help but raise your voice as the frustration boiled over.

“And I’ve always respected the fact that you guys are close. I know you’ve known her longer than me. I know she’s important to you.”

Hansol opened his mouth to speak, but you kept going.

“And trust me, the last thing I’ve ever wanted to do is come between you and your friendship with her” you said.

“But what about me?” The question itself was small, but held so much weight.

“What about me, Hansol?” you repeated, quieter this time as your voice trembled. The sting behind your eyes was impossible to ignore now as tears threatened to fall.

You hated arguing with him, but it had been weeks since you were being sidelined or brushed off. All over someone who you could guarantee could take care of herself without needing your boyfriend all the time.

“What if I need you just as much as she does?” you asked, your voice cracking as the tears finally escaped.

“Why is it that her needs always come before mine? Why can’t you choose me just once instead of her?”

Hansol stood there, frozen. He looked at you with a mix of confusion and worry, but he didn’t speak. His silence only hurt more.

You took a shaky breath and tried to compose yourself even as everything inside you wanted to scream. He looked at you like he didn’t understand, and that made your heart sink.

“Y/n…” he finally said, hesitantly stepping towards you.

“Where is this coming from?” he asked with a calm but cautious tone, like he was trying not to set you off further.

You broke eye contact and looked down. You didn’t even know where to begin. How do you explain the slow burn of feeling like a second choice? How do you measure all the little moments where you smiled and swallowed your disappointment just to keep the peace?

“I just…” you trailed off.

“I just want to feel like I matter to you the way she does.”

“But you do matter to me baby” he tried to assure you.

You looked back up at him, with a mocking smile. The ache in your chest was too big to hide.

“I know I do. But I’m getting tired Hansol” you whispered. “I’m tired of being treated like I’m always second place.”

“Call me jealous. Call me insecure. I don’t care anymore,” you continued, blinking back the rest of your tears.

“But I’m your girlfriend for god’s sake. I should feel like your girlfriend” your voice broke completely then.

“I get that she’s your best friend. I get it. And I get that you care about her. But there’s a line, Hansol. There has to be a line, right?”

You then let out a shaky breath.

“And when I have to fight for your attention, when I have to constantly wonder if I’m even a priority to you, that’s not a relationship. That’s loneliness with a title.”

Hansol’s heart dropped. It was like the floor beneath him gave way and he was free-falling. Your words replayed in his head on a loop, and the more they sank in, the heavier the guilt became.

He realised that he didn’t just hurt you by accident, he neglected you without even thinking. And that realisation alone made his stomach turn.

He couldn’t believe this was all brewing inside you. That you felt so alone and pushed aside for so long. And he didn’t notice. Or worse, he already noticed little things but brushed them off thinking you’d be fine.

He thought your love was unshakable enough to withstand being constantly sidelined. But how stupidly and utterly wrong he was.

He exhaled a shaky breath, his chest rising and falling too fast as he took a step forward and gently took your hands in his. Your fingers were cold and shaking slightly in his grasp.

He hated that. He hated that he made you feel this way.

He pulled you closer until your chest rested lightly against his. You didn’t resist, but you didn’t lean in either. You just stood there quietly sniffling while your eyes cast to the floor.

His hands moved slowly, almost hesitantly, up to cup your face. His thumbs brushed along your cheeks, catching the fresh tears rolling down your skin. Your lips were quivering and your jaw was tight, like you were still trying to hold back everything that wanted to break free.

“Baby,” he whispered, voice cracking. “Please look at me.”

You sniffled again, and your eyes flickered up to meet his.

“I didn’t know,” he said softly, barely above a whisper.

“I didn’t know you felt this way. And I hate that I had to hear it like this, for it to reach this point and for me to finally listen.”

He paused and drew in a breath to steady himself, but it didn’t help. “I thought I was being good to you. I thought you knew how much I loved you. But love isn’t just words, is it? It’s what I do. And I haven’t been showing it. Not in the way you deserve.”

You closed your eyes, biting down hard on your lip.

“I kept running to Hailey because I told myself she needed help. Because I thought you’d understand. And every time I did, I told myself you were okay and that you’d wait. That you knew how important you were to me. But I wasn’t showing you. I was showing you the opposite.”

His voice wavered. “I made you feel second. And that’s the last thing you ever should’ve felt.”

You opened your mouth to say something, but no words came out. Your throat felt constricted.

“I’m so sorry baby” Hansol whispered as his forehead lowered until it touched yours.

“I’m sorry I made you feel small. I’m sorry I made you feel like your feelings didn’t matter. I’m sorry I made you feel like you weren’t my priority. Because trust me baby, you are. You always have been, and I was just too blind to prove it.”

A tear rolled down his cheek now, but he didn’t care.

“I’ll do better, I promise” he said, and pulled you just a little closer.

“I love you.”

Hansol stared at his phone and the endless row of his unanswered messages and ignored calls. He stared down at it like it might suddenly light up with your name. The dozen attempts to reach out to you were simply left up in the air.

There was not a single read receipt. Not even the little “typing…” bubble that always gave him a sliver of hope when you both argued in the past.

And that was what scared him the most.

He ran a hand through his hair, tugging it back in frustration before gripping the back of his neck. His skin was clammy and his heartbeat was a deafening thud in his ears. The anxiety gripping his chest was unlike anything he ever felt before. It wasn’t stress. It wasn’t him being overdramatic.

This was fear. Total, haunting fear.

Because this wasn’t like you. You weren’t the type to shut him out. Sure, you’d argue and get upset. But you were never the type to just disappear into silence without at least letting him know you needed time.

You’d always give him some sort of a signal or reassurance that as angry or hurt as you might be, you hadn't walked away completely.

But this time, there was nothing. Not a single word.

And this complete void scared the hell out of him.

What if something had happened? What if you were too hurt to want anything to do with him anymore?

He couldn’t sit still as these thoughts ran wild in his head.

Hansol shot up from the couch and grabbed his jacket off the back of a chair with more force than necessary. His movements were quick and clumsy as he tried to hurry. He barely even noticed Hailey watching him from the living room with confusion written all over her face.

She furrowed her brows. “Hansol? Where are you going? Why are you so— what’s going on?”

“I don’t have time to explain. I have to go,” he said firmly, not even sparing her a glance as he shoved his feet into his shoes.

“Is this about—” she started again, but he cut her off.

“Just— take care, okay?” he said over his shoulder while already halfway to the front door.

He grabbed his car keys off the counter and flung the door open before dashing out.

He didn’t mean to be cold or dismissive, really, but at that moment, there was only one thing, one person, on his mind.

You.

Everything else blurred into background noise. Because if there was even the slightest chance that you were hurting alone, especially because of him, he wasn’t going to waste another second standing still.

He just hoped he wasn’t already too late.

╴╴╴╴╴

Hansol didn’t know if he parked the car straight, if it was even on the driveway, or if he left the engine running. He didn’t care. None of it mattered compared to the mess in his head. What mattered was finding you and fixing things somehow.

He already knew you wouldn’t be at your shared apartment. That would’ve been too easy, because you never stayed there when you were upset, especially not after a blow-up. He knew your patterns too well, when things went south, you always ran to your brother. Joshua was your safe place. Hansol had banked on that instinct.

He slammed the car door shut hard enough to rattle the windows and jogged across the dark, quiet street to your house. All the lights were off, but it didn’t stop him. His fingers hovered over his phone, itching to text you again, but instead, he rang the doorbell.

Once. Nothing.

Twice. Still nothing.

On the third ring, a hallway light turned on. Hansol felt his stomach tighten. The front door swung open with force, revealing Joshua, shirt rumpled, hair a mess and eyes blazing with fury.

“What the fuck do you want Hansol?” he growled. Hansol’s mouth went dry, and swallowed the thick lump in his throat.

“Is Y/n here? I need to see her,” he said quickly, his voice cracking at the end.

Joshua’s expression didn’t change. If anything, it grew colder. His body stiffened like he was preparing for a fight, but instead of throwing a punch out of instinct, he let out a humorless laugh.

“If she is, what makes you think I’ll let you meet her?” he said, every word laced with venom.

Hansol opened his mouth but nothing came out. If Joshua knew even half of what happened, he was screwed. Completely screwed. Seeing you would be next to impossible with your brother standing in the way like a wall of fire.

“Go home Hansol,” Joshua snapped, stepping forward.

“Before I break your fucking nose. After the shit you pulled? You think I’ll let you anywhere near my sister? You’re not even gonna breathe in her direction.”

Hansol stood frozen. His heart was thundering, while guilt ate him alive. He had no plan nor backup. Only one truth, that he needed to see you. But Joshua already made it clear.

He wasn’t getting through that door.

At this point, all Hansol could do was beg. He looked like a mess with his hair disheveled, eyes red and guilt sitting heavy in his chest like bricks. He dropped his head, fists clenched at his sides and jaw tight with frustration. Whatever pride he had shattered the moment he saw Joshua’s face.

He wasn’t here to win a fight, he was here to fight for you.

“I didn’t do it on purpose, okay?” he said almost urgently, finally lifting his eyes to meet Joshua’s glare.

“I’m already beating myself up over this. I know I couldn’t keep my promise to her, and yeah, that wrecks me. But I didn’t flake on her just to hurt her. I was helping my friend out. And I…I lost track of the time. That’s it,” Hansol explained while his voice cracked slightly.

He then paused with his chest heaving.

He took a shaky breath and added, “you know how much I love her—”

Joshua didn’t let him finish. “Yeah, clearly,” he snapped, voice dripping with sarcasm.

The words stung more than they should have, but Hansol bit down his anger and cursed under his breath. Getting defensive wouldn’t help now. Not when he was already on thin ice.

“I just…I just want her to know I didn’t mean to keep her waiting,” he said, his voice growing smaller with every word.

“I want to apologise. She deserves that. She deserves the truth, not this tension and silence between us. I hate that I hurt her, even by accident.”

He looked at Joshua again, but this time there was no fire in his eyes. Just defeat.

“I won’t be able to sleep tonight knowing she probably hates me. I need to explain, even if she doesn’t forgive me,” he whispered. “I need to talk to her. I need her to know she still means everything to me.”

His voice cracked as he finished, barely able to breathe through the tight knot in his throat. “I don’t want to lose her, Joshua. Please. I don’t want to lose her.”

Joshua stood in silence. His anger wasn’t completely gone, but it was slowly simmering down into something else. He stared at Hansol, who looked like he was unraveling at the seams.

Joshua hated how familiar it felt. He hated that he could see the sincerity in Hansol’s misery. The guy looked wrecked. And as much as Joshua wanted to keep holding on to the fury, to slam the door in his face and make him pay, something in him hesitated. Because it was clear now, Hansol wasn’t here to make excuses. He was here to bleed if that’s what it took to make things right.

Joshua let out a long breath. His hand gripped the edge of the door tighter as he stared at the ground. And when he finally looked up again, his eyes met Hansol’s, and for a moment neither of them spoke.

Then Joshua huffed, eyes narrowing. “She’s sleeping right now, come back tomorrow” he said firmly.

Hansol opened his mouth, but Joshua held up his hand. “Don’t push it,” he warned.

He took a step back to leave just enough space to breathe. The tension didn’t disappear, just changed shape.

“But I’m telling you this now. I can’t promise anything, Hansol,” Joshua said. “You showing up, saying sorry, hoping to fix things, that’s not up to me. Whatever happens next, it’s Y/n’s call. Hundred percent. If she tells me she never wants to see you again, then that’s it. You’ll have to live with that.”

He paused as his voice dropped lower.

“And I’ll stand by her no matter what she decides. Because she has every right to be upset. Every right to not forgive you. You hurt her.”

Joshua took one last glance at Hansol, at the guilt and desperation, before gently closing the door between them.

▎28 NOVEMBER 2021

It was nine in the morning, and Hansol barely managed three hours of restless and broken sleep. The rest of the night was a torture as he tossed and turned in his bed that he normally shared with you, mind plagued with guilt.

He tried to come up with something, anything, that might fix the damage he caused. But every option felt futile. He knew words alone weren’t going to cut it this time. There was no perfect apology, and no grand gesture could undo what he did.

Hansol knew he fucked up badly, and there was no right way to fix things other than to fall at your feet and cry for forgiveness. Because losing you would be the end of his world, and didn’t want that.

Reaching over to check his phone again, Hansol stared at the screen for the millionth time, hoping that somehow this time he’d see a new notification, or at least a sign that you read his messages.

But every single text he sent sat unopened.

He let out a sharp breath and tossed the phone onto the mattress beside him, before burying his face in his hands. His palms dragged down over his face, then up into his hair, gripping the roots in frustration. His jaw clenched as he cursed under his breath. He didn’t know what to do. He never felt this lost before.

Suddenly, his phone lit up and began ringing. His heart leapt into his throat as he scrambled to get it thinking you had finally responded.

But to his disappointment, the screen read Hailey’s name instead. And he deflated instantly.

Nevertheless, he swiped to answer as he exhaled a long sigh while dragging a tired hand across his face.

“Hey,” he croaked out, voice rough from the lack of sleep. He pressed two fingers to his temple as he tried to ease the tension building in his skull.

“Hey, are you okay? You didn’t seem alright last night when you left,” Hailey’s worried voice came through the line.

Even though Hailey had been his best friend for years, Hansol wasn’t in the right headspace to talk to her about his relationship issues. Not when his thoughts were consumed by you. Maybe he was embarrassed to tell her that he messed up again. Maybe he didn’t want to tell her that she was part of the reason why this was happening. Or maybe he just didn’t want her to know every detail of his relationship with you.

He knew she meant well, and that she was only calling because she cared. But her voice, her questions, even her concern, it all just felt like noise to him. All he could focus on was the silence from your end. It was too loud. And the longer the silence stretched, the more it chipped away at him.

All Hansol needed was a sign from you. Even a simple “okay” would’ve been enough to give some sort of relief.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Something urgent came up. Sorry I left you like that,” Hansol apologised as he rubbed the back of his neck. He didn’t mean to be so abrupt last night, but his heart was pounding too hard, and his thoughts were spiraling too fast to explain anything clearly.

“Is your ankle okay now?” he asked.

“It’s swollen and bruised pretty badly now compared to yesterday. But I’ve been keeping it elevated and putting on an ice pack,” Hailey replied with a subtle tinge of frustration in her voice.

“I see,” he mumbled. His mind was clearly elsewhere with the way his tone sounded so distant. There was a beat of silence before Hailey hummed in response, perhaps she sensed that his attention wasn’t fully with her.

“You think you can come over later on or when you’re free? I still need a bit of help getting around. Plus I’m really bored,” she added.

Hansol paused. Any other time, he might’ve said yes without hesitation. But not right now. He just wasn’t in the mood to meet anyone besides you. “I can’t today Hailey,” he told her, which caught her a little off guard.

“Oh. Do you have plans with Y/n or something?” she asked, sounding curious, but not surprised.

Hansol hesitated.

How could he explain that it wasn’t exactly “plans” he had with you, but rather a desperate and half-formed mission to salvage what was left of your relationship? That he was losing sleep trying to figure out how to fix what he broke? That your silence was driving him insane?

“Well…kind of,” he finally said.

There was another pause. Hailey didn’t press any further because maybe she sensed the shift in his tone, or maybe she understood more than he realised.

“I’m sorry,” Hansol muttered quietly, almost ashamed to say it out loud.

He swallowed hard before continuing. “Your parents are in town, right? I’m sure they can help out if you really need them. I just…” he trailed off.

He clenched his eyes shut as he inhaled deeply. “I messed up really badly, Hailey. And I’m trying to fix it.”

Hansol didn’t offer more. He couldn’t. He didn’t want to lie, but he also didn’t have the strength to dig through the mess he made just to explain it all over again. This was all he could manage, and he hoped it would be enough.

Hailey, thankfully, seemed to understand. “It’s okay,” she said, not pressing further. “I hope it works out.”

“I hope so too” he whispered to himself.

They both exchanged brief goodbyes, and Hansol ended the call before letting out a shaky breath. He tossed the phone onto the bed and sat there in silence.

His eyes lifted towards the mirror across the room, and grimaced at the sight of himself. His hair was disheveled, eyes were sunken from the lack of sleep, and he was still in the same wrinkled clothes from yesterday. He looked as wrecked as he felt.

A bitter laugh escaped him.

And no matter how pathetic he looked, he was going to make it right.

Somehow.

▎2 DECEMBER 2021

The first day or two without hearing from you, Hansol tried to stay calm. He told himself you just needed space and time to breathe. And he wanted to respect that, he truly did, but silence didn’t mean his heart wasn’t screaming in regret. It didn’t mean he wasn’t fighting the urge to show up at your door and fall to his knees.

So, instead, he did what he could from the distance. He texted. He called. Even knowing full well you were likely with your family, he still desperately hoped that you would answer.

But every time he tried to call, his calls would go straight to voicemail. Every time he texted, his messages remained unread. It was killing him. Every time his phone buzzed from notifications that weren't from you, it added another brick to the weight on his chest.

Still, Hansol held onto hope that you were seeing them. Maybe you were reading them from your notification center. Unless, of course, you had muted him. And the thought itself made him nauseous.

By the third day, he was falling apart.

The apartment was a mess. Takeaway boxes were littered on the counter, his clothes were still in a heap from three nights ago, and the lights stayed dim because he couldn’t find the energy to turn them on. He hadn’t left the apartment since. He barely ate and barely slept. His eyes were puffy from crying. It was something he hadn’t done in years, but now did in quiet gasps as he stared blankly at his phone screen, waiting and hoping.

Joshua wasn’t being much of a good help either. He couldn’t even offer him a sliver of peace. Every time Hansol asked about you, whether it was how you were doing or even something as simple as “Did she eat today?”, Joshua would deflect.

“She’s fine.” “She’s resting.” “I don’t know, man.” Every vague excuse was like a slap in the face. Hansol knew Joshua was doing it on purpose and that he was trying to shield you from more hurt. And to be fair, part of him didn’t blame him. But it didn’t make it any less painful.

The longer he went without hearing your voice, seeing your face, or knowing whether or not you were okay, the more it drove him toward the edge. His sanity felt like it was hanging by a single fraying thread. And that thread was you.

He couldn’t keep doing this. Not another day. Not another hour. He was going to see you one way or another.

He didn’t care if he had to wait outside your house for hours, in the rain or during the night. He didn’t care if your brother tried to shut the door in his face or if you refused to say a word. He just needed to see you. He needed to know you were still there and that you hadn’t walked away from him forever.

Because if you had, he didn’t know what he’d do.

All Hansol knew was that he wasn’t going to spend another night pacing around his apartment like a ghost and haunted by what-ifs and regrets. He was going to find you, and he wasn’t leaving until he did.

╴╴╴╴╴

“Y/n, you can’t keep silent and lock yourself away like this forever. It’s getting ridiculous now,” Joshua said with a firm voice as he stormed into your bedroom without knocking. His frustration was evident in the way his footsteps seemed heavy.

“Get your ass up and talk it out with him. I’m getting tired of all this.”

You flinched under the blanket at his tone, not because it was harsh, but because it awakened the very thing you were trying to avoid, and that was facing Hansol. Joshua stood at the foot of your bed with his arms crossed and eyes narrowed. He wasn’t angry at you, he was exhausted from watching his baby sister spiral day after day.

Joshua wasn’t just irritated. He was heartbroken for you. For Hansol, too, though he never said it aloud. He was pissed at Hansol for making you cry, rightfully, but the truth was, the silence stretched on too long. You and Hansol were both barely functioning, and Joshua had enough.

He saw how Hansol had been trying, really trying. He could see the effort he was putting to get a hold of you though he physically kept his distance to give you space. And every time Joshua gave him a vague answer, he could somehow sense Hansol’s anguish from the other. It was almost too much to bear.

Joshua let out a sigh and ran a hand through his hair.

“I get that you’re hurt. But you can’t stay like this, Y/n. This zombie version of you? It’s not you. And it’s not helping at all, and you know it” he said.

“I’m not ready to,” you whispered, voice muffled as you tugged your blanket up to your eyes.

Joshua had no patience left for that. He strode over and yanked the blanket clean off you, forcing you to curl up tighter into yourself. You didn’t look at him, you couldn’t. The tears were already pricking the corners of your eyes.

“Then when?” he asked with a voice much sharper this time. “Seriously, when? Next week? Next month? Never?”

You stayed quiet.

His voice softened, but his next words hit you harder. “You know, if you’re this affected by what happened that night, why don’t you just spare yourself and break up with him?”

Your breath hitched as you shot your head up, shocked. The suggestion felt like a smack in the face. “What?”

“I’m serious,” Joshua continued.

“You love him, right? But this silence and shutting down, it’s hurting both of you. You’re not healing. You’re just avoiding it which doesn’t help with anything.”

You stared at him as pain swirled in your chest. “It’s not that simple,” you looked away from him.

“I know,” he said much gentler now. “But neither is loving someone. Neither is fighting for a relationship that clearly means everything to you.”

He sat down on the edge of your bed and looked at you with soft eyes. “I’m not saying forgive him right now, nor to forget what happened. But you need to face it. Talk to him. Scream at him if you need to. Just stop letting this eat you alive.”

Silence settled between you both for a long moment. You inhaled shakily, finally allowing your tears to trail silently down your cheeks.

“I don’t know what to say to him,” you admitted.

“Then start with that,” Joshua said simply. “Start with ‘I don’t know what to say.’ That’s something.”

And maybe it was.

Just then, a series of loud, abrupt knocks pounded against the front door, sharp and jarring enough to make you flinch. You shot up from your bed as your heart began to race, eyes wide as they darted toward your bedroom door. Nobody ever knocked like that, not even your angry mother when you wouldn’t open the door while having your headphones in. Given the door bell, people would’ve pressed it.

But this sounded urgent and desperate. And there was only one person you could think of who’d knock like that.

The thought of alone made your pulse quicken. Your stomach twisted as conflicting emotions battled inside you. No matter how hurt and furious you were, your heart still ached for him. Even now, after everything, it still yearned to hear his voice.

“I’ll see who that is,” Joshua said. You barely nodded as he was already moving toward the hallway.

Joshua hadn’t even fully opened the door when Hansol barged past him without a word. The younger’s breathing was heavy. His eyes were red and swollen, the bags under them were visibly dark with exhaustion. His lips were chapped, and he looked like he didn’t sleep in days. Because he didn’t.

Joshua blinked. He was stunned for half a second, before he sighed and stepped aside. He didn’t ask questions, nor did he try to stop him. It wasn’t his place anymore. He already tried everything, from comforting you to yelling at you. Even playing messenger between two people who were clearly miserable without each other. But this was out of his hands now.

With a quiet grunt, Joshua shut the door and walked away, heading to the living room and flipping on the television. He didn’t even check what channel was playing. He just needed the noise as a distraction.

This was something the two of you needed to deal with alone like grown adults. Face to face with no interruptions, and no more hiding.

And so, Joshua left the hallway silent behind him, leaving Hansol standing just a few steps away from your door with heart in his throat.

When he finally reached your bedroom, the door was wide open, thanks to Joshua who didn’t even bother closing it behind him. But either way, it left nothing between you and the person you’d been avoiding for days.

When he was suddenly in front of you, you froze completely. Your heart slammed hard against your ribs as your eyes landed on him. You didn’t know what to expect when this moment came, but it sure wasn’t this.

He stood there, his breathing ragged, fists clenched by his side and jaw locked in a way that made the muscles ripple beneath his skin. His shoulders were stiff, like he was struggling holding himself together.

Hansol looked absolutely beaten. His clothes were the same ones from that night, wrinkled and worn. His lips were trembling despite how hard he was trying to stay strong.

And you? You could barely breathe.

Seeing him like that shattered something in you. Because this wasn’t the Hansol you knew. The Hansol you knew never shattered, he was the anchor when storms hit. But now, he looked like he was barely hanging on. He looked like he was seconds away from falling apart.

Your throat constricted as the tears welling up in your eyes blurred your vision. You wanted to say something, but your lips parted and nothing came out.

“Hansol” you finally whispered as you slowly rose to your feet.

But you didn’t get to say more. In an instant, Hansol leaped forward, catching you off guard. He cupped your face roughly and before you could process it, his lips crashed into yours.

The kiss was intense that left you breathless. It wasn’t soft like how he’d always kiss you, but rather blunt and frantic. It was like he had been drowning and you were the air he needed to breathe again. He kissed you like he was starving of your touch and love. It was messy and heated, but so full of love.

You stumbled backward, but his arm shot out and wrapped around your waist to steady you. He didn’t let go, not even for a second. You stood frozen for a moment, feeling overwhelmed.

And then, your eyes fluttered shut as you kissed him back. Hard.

Your hands grasped his shirt tightly. You could feel his tears trailing down his cheeks, mixing with your own. His soft whimper against your lips shattered your heart all over again. He was crying.

Choi Hansol was actually crying.

You never saw him like this, not once. And now that you did, you wished you never pushed him to the edge like this. But more than that, you hated that he was suffering alone without you hearing him out.

You felt the way he poured everything into that kiss. The fear, the guilt, the longing, the love. It was all there, right between the quivering of his lips and the way his body pressed desperately against yours.

Without a word, you reached up to cradle his face in your hands and brushed his tear-streaked cheeks with your thumbs. He broke the kiss for a split second, and rested his forehead against yours as he tried to catch his breath.

“I’m sorry,” Hansol whimpered.

“I’m so sorry baby” he kissed you again, but this time it was slower and more fragile. You felt the kiss grow more saltier the more tears streamed down his face, and your heart couldn’t take much more.

“I’m such a fucking idiot, I know,” he mumbled breathlessly against your lips.

“I don’t even know what the hell I was thinking all those times I left you hanging. I don’t know what was going through my head when I chose to be there for someone else, when you were the one who needed me the most.”

He let out a sob that vibrated against your chest as he buried his face against your shoulder. You didn’t speak. All you could do was hold him closer with your fingers curling in the fabric of his shirt as his guilt poured out of him.

Hansol pulled away slightly, just enough to cup your face again. His thumbs gently stroked the apples of your cheeks as his red and glossy eyes locked with yours.

“You’re right,” he said. “You’re my girlfriend, for fuck’s sake. And you should feel like you are. You shouldn’t ever have to fight for my attention, or feel like you’re competing with anyone else.”

You watched the torment ripple through his expression. Every word looked like it cost him to say, but he meant them all. He needed you to know he was owning it.

“You didn’t deserve to feel like you were second,” he continued with his shaky voice. “You didn’t deserve to sit there wondering why I couldn’t show up for you the way I always did for someone else. And I hate that I made you feel that way. I hate that I didn’t see it sooner.”

You slowly brought your hands to his face, brushing your thumbs over the trails of tears on his cheeks. He leaned into your touch like it was the only thing keeping him from falling apart completely.

“I— I know I try to be a good friend to Hailey,” he admitted, “but I should’ve set boundaries. Because you were right. She does have other people around her, people she can turn to besides me. I just— I guess I kept telling myself I was helping, not realising how much I was hurting you in the process.”

He shook his head. “Maybe that’s a talk I need to have with her too.”

He took another breath, but it got caught in his throat. “I just—” he paused, swallowing hard.

“I’m so sorry I made you feel like this. Even though it was never my intention, I still made you feel like a second choice. And I fucking hate myself for it.”

He dropped his hands from your face, only to wrap them around yours, the ones still resting on his cheeks. He squeezed them tightly.

“You know I love you, right?” he whispered, his voice breaking again. “That I never, ever meant to hurt you? Not on purpose. I love you more than I know how to say. So please, please give me a chance to make it right. I can’t keep going through this silence. It’s killing me baby. I swear it’s fucking killing me.”

And this time, his knees buckled as he sank to the floor, pulling you down with him.

You felt like your heart had been ripped out of your chest and crushed right in front of you. The sight of Hansol sobbing this much into your embrace was something you never thought you would witness.

You instinctively held onto him tightly like a mother cradling a child through a nightmare as the two of you slowly sank to the floor. In all the years you had known Hansol, this raw display of vulnerability was something completely foreign to you. He was always the strong one, and the rock for everyone else. Especially for you.

So to see him fall apart like this scared you.

“H-Hey, shhh,” you whispered, gently rubbing his back in slow and soothing circles. You pressed a kiss to the top of his head, another, then another.

“It’s okay, I forgive you, honey. Please stop crying,” you murmured as you were desperate to calm him down.

You tried to gently pull back to coax him into lifting his head and looking at you, but he only buried himself deeper into your chest. He kept his face hidden like he was ashamed to even be seen by you.

“Can you look at me?” you whispered, your voice cracking. But Hansol shook his head against you.

“Hansol-ie, baby, please look at me,” you said again more tenderly as you pulled out the name only his mother and you ever called him so endearingly.

And that finally did it. His body shifted as he slowly pulled himself up. He looked at you, tiredly yet with so much love and intensity.

Without a word, your hands found their way to his face. You cupped his cheeks as you brushed your thumbs gently over the wet trails. He leaned into your palms, closing his eyes and letting out a long, shaky breath.

“I’m sorry too,” you said.

Hansol opened his eyes slowly, brows furrowing in confusion. “Why are you sorry?” he asked, reaching out to hold your hands in his.

You offered him a small, halfhearted smile. “I guess I was being childish with how I acted. I shut down instead of talking to you. I pushed you away instead of letting you in.”

Hansol immediately shook his head. “No. You had every right to be upset. I was the one who broke my promise,” he said firmly, his thumb gently rubbing the back of your hand.

“It was all on me, not on you my love.”

He reached up to tuck a few stray strands of hair behind your ear. “Don’t blame yourself for reacting to the pain I caused.”

You swallowed hard, leaning into his touch. “But I should’ve at least told you I needed time. I shouldn’t have left you guessing like that.”

“Maybe,” he replied softly. “But I should’ve never put you in a position where you had to choose between silence or feeling like a second choice. You deserve so much better than that.”

Your eyes welled again, but this time from the overwhelming tenderness between you both.

But then you giggled softly. “I guess we’re both childish in our own ways,” you said, brushing a tear from your cheek with the back of your hand.

“Me, a stubborn and sensitive girl who shuts down instead of talking. And you, a loser, lovesick boy who’ll chase his girl no matter what.”

Hansol let out a soft laugh and he tilted his head. “And I love that beautiful, stubborn, and sensitive girl so much,” he whispered, “that I promised myself I’d chase her for her in every lifetime. No matter where, no matter when.”

Then, leaning in, he placed a gentle peck on your lips. Your smile paused, lips quivering as you tried to fight off another wave of tears. You stared into his eyes, “God, I really don’t deserve you” you whispered.

The words tumbled out of your mouth from the guilt and ache that still lingered in your chest. You pressed your lips against his again, hoping he could feel everything you didn’t know how to say.

But Hansol shook his head gently, pulling back just far enough to look you in the eyes. “No,” he said with conviction.

“It’s me who doesn’t deserve you.”

He reached up to cradle your face in both hands, his thumbs brushing away the tears that slipped free. “If it were anyone else, they would’ve kicked my ass to the curb already and never looked back. But you?” he paused, his voice cracking, “You still gave me a chance. Even after everything. And I swear, I’m never taking that for granted again.”

“I promise, and I truly mean it this time,” he whispered, resting his forehead against yours, “I will never make you feel like that again.”

You let out a shaky breath. You’d never been so vulnerable like this with each other. It was so messy and so emotional.

“I hate that we hurt each other,” you whispered.

“I do too,” he said. “But if we’re going to hurt, I’d rather hurt with you than be without you.”

You rested your forehead against his, eyes closed and hands tangled in the fabric of his shirt. “We’re such a mess, aren’t we?” you chuckled through your tears.

“Yeah,” Hansol breathed, “but we’re our mess.”

You smiled softly and slowly wrapped your arms around his neck. The moment your body met his, a deep sigh left your lips as you buried your face in the crook of his neck.

Your voice came out muffled, “I love you,” you whispered against his hot skin, your lips brushing his collarbone.

Hansol let out a shaky exhale. He immediately snaked his arms around your waist and pulled you closer. He closed his eyes as you breathed you in.

“I love you too baby. More than I can ever express,” he murmured into your ear, before tenderly kissing the top of your head.

“I’ll never hurt you again,” he whispered as he pressed his forehead against yours. “God, I’d rather die before I ever do.”

“I don’t care what it takes. I’ll spend every day proving to you.”