evyn 🦢

Tonight was supposed to be simple. Rehearse, perform, talk to fans, that’s it. This was his first show in an arena. He couldn’t mess this up. He forces himself to ignore the way his body temperature lowers when he gets closer to the bottom of the stage.

Because right now, he’s got a show to put on. He masks any kind of hesitation or anxiety, for when he walks on that stage, coming face to face with thousands, he can’t be scared. There's no time for fear.

Jay adjusts his mic belt with a grunt–having more trouble with it than usual. He’s supposed to be on the stage lift in two minutes. The sound of the audience chanting his name only makes him feel even more rushed. 

A pump of anxiety flows through him. The raging pounding of his heart harasses his ears. He tugs the mic belt aggressively, groaning when it slips from the clasp yet again. 

A staff member offers to help but he refuses, claiming that he can handle it. With a shake of his head, he makes his way to the lift, still struggling before finally getting it on correctly.

As he slowly comes up from the bottom of the stage. The world just stops. Every sound around him faded into a soft muffle. The only noise he can clearly make out is his unsteady breathing. 

He takes a slow breath, closing his eyes to calm down. He clenches his fists as he opens his eyes. No time for fear he thinks to himself. 

Fans immediately pull out their phones to start recording as Jay confidently walks to the center of the stage. His black electric guitar rests in its stand, shining under the spotlight. He quickly adjusts the standing mic and grabs his guitar before he starts singing. 

For a moment, he looks into the crowd, remembering why all these people are here, in front of him. Here for him. The phone flashes in the audience look just like stars. Artificial stars, if you will. 

Being a well known singer has given him amazing opportunities; he’s won awards for his music, collaborated with other appreciated artists, and toured around the world.

But he also remembers why he absolutely hates it. The cameras that capture his every move. The fake smiles he has to wear even if he’s pissed. And the pressure of performing even if he feels like shit. 

None of it matters now though. There’s no time to sulk over his life, no use of wanting any pity–this is the life he willingly chose. He has a part to play. An image to uphold. 

And he will do just that. 

When your friends invited you to hang out, you didn’t expect it to be at the concert of your favorite idol. You didn’t even have the chance to reject (not that you would) because they showed up to your house with an extra ticket with your name on it. Yep. They already bought a ticket for you. 

You had just gotten home from work. The warmth of the sun was enough to nearly send you into a deep slumber. The sun was beaming through the windows and the soft sound of your ceiling fan could be heard. 

You worked at a cat café. When you were in college, you had to find somewhere to work, since your parents always found a way to meddle into your life and didn’t let you pay for anything of your own. It was overbearing sometimes. 

They paid for all of your bills, which you were incredibly grateful for, but this meant that you didn’t have any money to call your own. By the time you graduated, you finally gained more control over your life and rented your own apartment.

Your friends, Cassie and Haejin, claimed they had something exciting for you all to go to tonight. You didn’t exactly want to go, but when they mentioned that it was a concert to see Jay Park, you went into fright mode.

“It's going to be a blast! It’s not every day you get to see Jay in person you know.” Cassie rests her chin on her palms, sighing as she watches you move around your bedroom like a tornado. 

You were in a panic. Cassie had gotten the tickets just last night, she didn't even announce it to you until today. The concert is in four hours, which means you have approximately two hours to get ready, if you want to be there early. 

“It won’t be a blast if I can’t get ready in time!” You groan, pacing back and forth anxiously. Haejin glances at Cassie before looking at you. 

“You’ll be fine. There’s always people who buy tickets at the last minute, it’s not the end of the world Y/n,” Haejin calmly says. You look at her like she’s crazy. 

“Who on earth buys a last minute concert ticket for someone and doesn’t even tell them until the day of the concert?” You cry out, tripping over a pile of clothes that you pulled from your closet. 

Cassie rolls her eyes, helping you off the floor before gesturing for you to sit on the edge of your bed. You hesitantly do as she says, taking a seat next to Haejin. 

“We have a few hours. If we all work together, we can get you ready in no time!” She winks. You watch her look through your closet, finding pieces of clothing that you forgot you even owned. 

She pulls out a short black dress and throws it on your face. You flinch, slowly moving it from your face to glare at the back of her head. She giggles, repeating the action again except this time, she throws a light blue jean jacket on you. 

True to their words, you did in fact get to the venue on time…barely. 

—

The ride to the venue was excruciating. It was only supposed to take twenty minutes, but it turned into a forty minute long rodeo. Cassie thought it would be a good idea to take a ‘detour’ because she wanted to see the beach before it got dark, and Haejin suddenly declared that she needed to grab a coffee because she didn’t want to pay for one at the concert venue. 

“You’re insane. What could you possibly need a coffee for? We don’t have the time for this!” You hit the shoulder of Haejin’s front seat in frustration. “And you!” You point at Cassie. “There was no reason for that damn detour. We’re going to be late because of you guys!” 

When you all arrived at the venue you immediately got out of the car and started running. You didn’t get far though because you remembered that Cassie had your ticket. Turning around with a groan, you quickly run back to Cassie and Haejin before dragging them with you in a hurry.

“For the record, I blame the both of you.” You hiss as you run to the entry doors of the arena alongside Cassie and Haejin. The concert starts in exactly three minutes. 

None of you had any bags so thankfully going through security didn’t take long. Now, you all had to hurry to find your seats. The arena was already filled with so many people. Some had small signs and others had their phones ready to record. 

People around you start chanting the name Jay. You let out a quiet breath, adrenaline pulsing through your body from excitement and anticipation.

Cassie had secured the front row which was amazing, but the run there was not. You were wearing thigh-high boots. Usually, you weren’t the type to wear any sort of heels to a concert but Cassie had insisted. 

“Relax, we’re here aren’t we? Nothing to worry about," Haejin pants, sitting next to you in her seat. You scoff, glaring at her.

You were about to respond back, but the volume of the music got louder–the audience started screaming and so did you. 

White smoke slowly emerged from the sides of the stage. Lights brightly beamed in every direction. It was show time. 

You let out a gasp when you see Jay’s figure appear. He walks up to his guitar and begins singing. You don’t pull out your phone like the other people around you. All you do is let yourself be in the moment, like nothing else matters. Because to you, it didn't.

If there was one thing he wasn’t good at, it would be trust–all the times he’s allowed someone in his inner circle, they weren’t ever there for him. They only wanted to be friends with the man who signed autographs, walked on red carpets, and played a guitar until his fingers bled. 

After a while he accepted the fact that nobody would ever see him for who he really was or  even care to find out. Jay stopped looking for friends a long time ago–deciding to completely shut everyone out and focus on his career. 

Tonight felt different though–everything feels foreign, new, uncomfortable. It’s as if something wants to tear away his restraints, his focus, his being. Everything he’s sworn to never let slip from his grasp. 

It was now two hours into the concert, there was one hour left, he could do this. He has to do this–but everything becomes too much way too quickly. Jay stutters out the last few lyrics before walking off the stage. The audience doesn’t know any better, how could they? This could just be part of the performance. 

“Park. What are you doing? You’re still on!” Jay’s manager runs up to him with wide eyes. Jay doesn’t respond, in fact, he can’t even hear him. The similar feeling he had at the beginning of the concert comes back to him like a deja vu. His surroundings are blurry. The voices around him are muffled as if he’s drowning underwater. 

“I need some fresh air,” he mumbles. The staff members look at him in concern, it only makes him feel worse. He rushes exit door with a heaving breath, looking around before he moves to the back of the building. 

The night sky welcomes him like it knew he was coming. The stars make him feel at ease for once. No cameras, no screaming fans, just him existing. 

He finds himself sitting down on a curb near the parking lot. There’s nobody around, thankfully. The soothing sound of crickets calms him down just a little bit. It doesn’t take away his feeling of shame though. He’s never left his own concert before, and he’s certainly never let fear control him.

He rubs his hands together for a moment, aching to feel the friction of his own skin–a reminder that he’s still human, not just a prototype for everyone to stare and ogle at. 

Jay’s lips begin to tremble slightly, he takes a short breath before breaking out into an uncontrollable sob. His hands tightly grip his hair in frustration. He swears his heart will leap out of his chest from how hard it’s pounding. 

From this moment, Jay knew something was off–that he was off. It wasn’t normal for him to feel like the air around him was getting thinner the more he breathed. And the foreign feeling of his hands trembling even though the weather was perfectly warm. 

It was suffocating. Exhausting. Concerning. He was expected to carry himself with control. Without fear injecting itself into his mind. Because to him, there was no such thing as fear. He didn’t want anything to do with it. 

“Excuse me, Do you know where I can get a better wifi signal? It’s absolute shit over here.” Jay furrows his eyebrows, lifting his head towards the sound of heeled boots against the ground. 

Through his blurred vision, he can faintly make out the view of someone walking towards him with a phone held high in the air. 

It was you. The concert had just ended a few minutes ago. You had been separated from Cassie and Haejin due to the amount of people trying to exit the arena. So now, you were trying to contact them in order to get home but alas, there’s no good signal around for your phone to work. 

Jay meets your eyes. You gasp as you realize who you’re speaking to. You don’t know whether to walk away and pretend you never saw him in his current state or pretend you have no clue who he is and seek his help. 

Unfortunately, the wristband you’re wearing gives you away instantly. You notice the way he goes incredibly stiff. His mind is going overtime and you can’t believe what you’re seeing. 

The man whose songs have gotten you through the pits of hell is sitting on a curb, with wet eyes and shaky hands in front of you. 

You slowly bring your phone into your chest, like you’ve just now noticed the weight of what’s going on. 

“Are,” you quickly pause. Unsure if you should be talking to him or not, but you continue anyway. “You okay?” You continue quietly. 

Jay inhales sharply, rolling his eyes. “If you want an autograph, I’m not really in the mood.” You flinch at his words, softly shaking your head. 

“I don’t want anything from you. I just want to know if you’re okay. Everyone thought you leaving was just a skit,” you trail off. 

Jay scoffs. “Yeah, well. Everyone always thinks. It’s quite endless actually. Thinking but never knowing,” he raises his eyebrows at you. “Wonder what that’s like.” 

You avert your eyes to the ground for a moment. Embarrassment floods through you at his sarcastic words. It’s very clear that he’s upset, but it wasn't your fault that your phone couldn’t connect to wifi. And it certainly wasn’t your fault that you wanted to be a decent human being and ask if someone was alright, famous or not. 

But maybe it was your fault to continue speaking to him. 

You purse your lips, turning on your heels to walk back to the front of the building. Maybe your friends are waiting for you there. They did always tell you to stay in one spot if you got lost, but, of course you didn’t listen. 

Jay watches you walk away quietly, he observes the way you facepalm and the way you fix your hair subtly. He feels something clawing within him–an emotion, a feeling. Something real for once, raw and true. 

Desperation. An understanding. He knew you had pure intentions. He knew you just wanted to help him. You didn’t do anything wrong, but what did he do? He acted like a total ass to you. 

It’s been a long time since someone asked him–genuinely asked him what was wrong, or if he was okay. So, he acted upon instinct. Building his wall higher than it already was, guarding his feelings, and protecting his sanity. 

You were someone real. He knew it. And because of that, he doesn’t know what to do with it. 

Jay shuts his eyes tightly, before calling out to you, “Wait.” You freeze. Turning back to face him. “I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way, come back, please.” He could hear how his voice cracked at the end, he could care less though. 

You hesitantly approach him once again. Narrowing your eyes, you wonder what else he could possibly have to say to you after your interaction. An apology? An explanation? Who knows. You’re not sure if you want to find out either, but you come closer anyways. 

You think of how stupid this situation is. How crazy and random it is for you to come across the very person you admire from across the world. 

“I’m sorry.” he says when you’re only a few steps away. You fight the urge to roll your eyes. He notices, gesturing for you to sit next to him. 

“Why would you want me to sit next to you? I probably shouldn’t even be talking to you,” you mumbled. He looks hurt by your words. 

“Don’t,” he sighs. “Can we just forget my status? Just for now?” 

You sit next to him, leaving a bit of space between you. He asks for your name and you both go quiet after that. It’s just the two of you existing. Something Jay doesn’t get to do a lot. 

“Nothing about tonight was planned,” he breaks the silence. “I’ve been feeling off all day, it’s weird, I don’t like it.” You turn to him silently. Just listening. Just giving him the presence of someone who sees him as a person, not a prize. 

“Everything felt too chaotic. For the first time in years, it felt like I couldn’t handle it.” He runs a hand through his hair slowly. 

He’s trying to make sense of his own words, or maybe he’s trying to find the reason why he’s sitting next to a girl who idolizes him, or why he’s deciding to open up to someone random he just met. 

Maybe it’s the way he noticed you in the front row, maybe it’s because you were the only one not recording him, or maybe it’s the way you looked at him like he wasn’t a machine that can run nonstop. 

You were different. He could tell, he could see it, he could feel it. Jay doesn’t do trust, but with you, it seems like he wants to explore what it means to believe in somebody. 

“It’s not that easy, you know. People screaming in your face. Demanding you for an autograph. It isn’t all sunshines and rainbows.” He kicks a small rock near his foot. 

He goes quiet for a bit. You decide to say something. Although, you’re not sure if that’s what he wants right now, but of course, you do it anyway. 

“You do a lot, I know it must be hard. Moving away from your family to live your dreams isn’t easy. I’m sorry that tonight was rough, it’s okay to be scared, it’s normal,” you say softly. 

He stiffens at the word scared. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I wasn’t scared. I never get scared,” he says coldly. “You shouldn’t assume what someone is feeling Y/n.” 

“I know. That wasn’t my intention. I just thought,” he quickly cuts you off.

“Yeah, well. You thought nothing,” he clenches his fists tightly. 

“Jay,” you gently place a hand on his shoulder. “You don’t have to fake anything with me. It’s okay to be scared. You’re human. It’s normal,” you reason. 

“It isn’t normal. I showed,” he pauses. “Fear tonight.” He said bitterly. Like the word fear disgusted him. And honestly? It did. But it wasn’t his fault, he had been trained to feel that way. His mind was conditioned to see fear as a weakness. 

 “Fear is an emotion. It’s normal, I promise. Besides, whatever happened tonight, it’s in the past now.” You softly say, carefully holding his hand, in case he wasn’t okay with it or ready. 

“You’re more than what the audience or what the cameras see Jay. I see you for who you really are. Just by sitting here with you. By listening to you. And by being the person you let yourself be vulnerable with. ” He meets your eyes, letting out a shaky breath. 

“Yeah? And what exactly do you see? Who am I really?” He wanted you to say it. He needed you to. To prove that you were real, someone who actually did care. 

You smile softly. “I see a man who cares more than he thinks. You’re soft, kind, caring. And even though I walked away from you earlier, you still called me back. That says a lot about you, you know. You have a good heart, Jay. I see it and I think deep inside, you know that too.” 

Your words hit him hard. Too hard. So what does he do? He goes into defense mode. 

“You’ve only seen me from the other side of a camera. You don’t know anything. I’m nothing like that. I’m not who you think I am,” he says slowly, like he’s trying to make himself believe the words he’s saying.

“Jay,” you say his name and he freezes, like you had brought him back to reality. “You’re right. You aren’t who I thought you were.” He looks at the ground, but you guide his chin to meet eyes again. “You’re even better than what my thoughts could ever reach.” 

“Things happen. You shouldn’t beat yourself up because of how you feel. You’re your own person. There’s nothing wrong with that,” you frown. 

Jay slowly shakes his head. “Don’t do that,” he says so quietly that you barely heard him. 

“Do what?” You whisper back. He looks at your hand holding his so gently, like he would run any second. 

“Speaking with so much certainty. Like you know everything will be fine. Like I won’t have to face those cameras again and the pressuring questions about why I left mid-performance.” 

“Who cares? You’re a human being, Jay. It’s in the past now,” he softly interrupts. 

“No. You don’t get it,” he says sadly. “Nothing can ever stay in the past. If it reaches the media, if it gets big, it can surface everywhere until it haunts you. I don’t think I could take that,” he croaks. 

You move to cup his cheeks but you hesitate. Unsure if he would want that. He notices your hesitation and puts your hands on his cheeks himself. Heat rushes through your face instantly. 

“I’ll be there with you, every step of the way. If you want that,” you offer carefully. Jay looks at your conjoined hands before meeting your eyes. 

“I do.” 

tags: @mcwilla @justpassingdontworry

He places the cup back down, hoping the cold water would help him fall back asleep. Unfortunately, he hears the sound of feet walking in the hallway. He lifts his head just enough to see underneath the door–the hallway light isn’t on…what is your daughter doing?

Sunghoon huffs. He gets out of bed carefully before kissing your forehead softly. Walking towards the door, he slowly opens it–like he’ll come face to face with a monster if he opens it any quicker. 

He peeks his head out the door, looking left to right before fully stepping out. His hands find themselves in the pockets of his black sweatpants. 

When he makes it to the end of the hall, he notices the balcony light is on–which only turns on when someone is out there. He tilts his head in curiosity before walking to the balcony door. For a second, he doesn’t see anyone until he steps out, finding his seven year old daughter, Violetta, sitting on one of the couches. 

She’s reading a book. Cheese and grapes rest on a plate in front of her. It’s two in the morning. When did she do all of this? 

He scoffs in disbelief. "You're out here eating while I was fighting for my life just to fall back asleep.” She jumps at the sudden sound of his voice. 

Meeting his eyes, she smiles sheepishly. “Um,” she purses her lips, setting her book down before offering the plate to him. “Want some?” Silence comes between them for a moment. 

They both burst into a fit of laughter. Sunghoon rubs his eyes tiredly, taking a seat next to her before plopping a grape in his mouth. “What are you even doing up this early?” He asks. 

Violetta shrugs. “Couldn’t sleep, I guess.” He knits his eyebrows together in concern. 

“You feeling okay?” He touches her forehead, checking for a fever. She laughs, gently swatting his hand away. 

“I’m fine. I promise. It’s just,” she pauses, turning her body to fully face Sunghoon. “Have you ever felt like your mind is having a race with itself? It’s like, no matter what you try to do, you can’t seem to calm it down. That’s why I can’t sleep. My mind is having a petty race.” She rolls her eyes.

 Sunghoon furrows his eyebrows. “Has this happened to you before? Not being able to fall asleep?” Violetta shakes her head, grabbing a grape before eating it. 

“I think you might be experiencing insomnia, princess.” She frowns. 

“What’s insomnia? Is it a bad thing?” She asks nervously. Sunghoon shakes his head. 

“It’s a sleeping condition where some people have a hard time falling asleep. It can come from stress or other things,” he meets her eyes, noticing how tired she looks. “Have you felt stressed about anything lately?”

She thinks for a moment, grabbing a piece of cheese before eating it. “Well, school has been kind of rough recently. Everything’s just,” she trails off, avoiding his eyes. “Hard.” 

Sunghoon feels a pang in his chest. He gently holds her shoulders, telling her to look at him, she does. “Why didn’t you tell us?” He whispers. Violetta sighs, pushing a strand of hair that fell behind her ear. 

“I didn’t want to bother you. You’re both always so busy and I didn’t want to make anything worse,” she shrugs. 

His baby, his princess–thinks she’s a bother? Sunghoon feels like his world has come to a stop. Hearing those words leave her mouth makes him do something he absolutely hates. 

Thinking. 

He’s always been the guy who’s one, two–three steps ahead. How did he never catch this sooner? He feels like he’s missed a puzzle piece. Like if a puzzle was put together, but one piece was out of place, he needed to fix everything so it could feel like it belonged. 

Your daughter has felt pushed to the side. That’s the worst thing he could have ever known. 

He had to admit, you both were always busy. Your work schedules collided like swords. From early in the morning til noon, you were already at work. Sunghoon left the house as soon as you arrived home. 

The only time Violetta spent “quality time” with either of you was on the car ride home–which wasn’t very long. 

Times that Sunghoon worked from home was only when Violetta had breaks from school, and even then, he was in the home office working. 

None of this is an excuse. He’s simply reflecting on how easily he’s allowed work to swallow him whole, and how it has left his daughter alone in the dark. 

“Look at me,” he says softly. She slowly meets his eyes. “You’re never a bother. Not to me, your mom, or anyone else. You’re literally the best kid I could have ever asked for.” He tickles her side, making her giggle. 

He brings her closer to him, caressing her hair ever so gently. “I’m sorry that it’s been so hard to get our attention. It should never be like that. We’ll have a talk with mommy in the morning, yeah? We’ll do better, I promise.” She nods. 

He smiles softly. “Hug?” She nods again, throwing her arms around his neck, making him laugh quietly. “I love you, princess.” He gently presses his forehead against hers. 

Violetta grabs another grape, tossing it into her mouth. “I love you more, daddy!” She tries to say, but it comes out muffled. 

Sunghoon can’t help but grin, shaking his head in disbelief. Copying her actions except with a slice of cheese. “Maybe all of these grapes and cheese we’ve been eating will put you right to sleep,” he chuckles. 

Violetta curls up even closer to him. “Yeah, maybe they will.” She says as she plops yet another grape into her mouth. 

Once the clock hit seven am, they were both knocked out on the balcony under the warm summer sun. No worries, no stress, no burdens. Just a very rewarding resting sleep. 

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Today was the only day out of you and Jay’s schedule where you could do an activity during the afternoon, and since it was such great weather, heading to the beach seemed like a good choice.

You were sitting on a towel under a palm tree, watching as your boyfriend enjoyed himself in the cool water.

Un(fortunately) Jay called you over to come swim with him. You gesture to the shade hovering over your figure. 

He narrows his eyes–bringing himself out of the water before he sprints toward you. Your eyes widen, standing from your seated position, you run in the opposite direction. You don’t make it very far before he catches you by your waist.

“Not so fast, are we?” He chuckles. You roll your eyes in faux annoyance. 

“Shut up. How was I supposed to know you were about to chase me out of nowhere?” You shake your head in disbelief. 

Jay smirks–tickling your sides, making you yelp in surprise. 

“You were looking so lonely, I couldn’t help myself,” he admits. 

You dramatically sigh, making an attempt to pull out of his grasp, but he tightens his grip. 

“Where do you think you’re going? I’m not letting you go that easily.” He turns you around to face him, and before you can ask him what he’s doing, he lifts you over his shoulder and begins running to the water. 

“What the hell? Don’t you dare put me in the water!” He doesn’t listen to your complaints, he just laughs. 

“It’ll be fun, I swear!” You swear that you’re gonna make him sleep on the couch tonight.

You groan loudly as he puts you in the water–wrapping your legs around his waist and pulling you both further into the water. 

“I hate you,” you mutter. He laughs and pecks your lips cutely. 

“I love you more babe.”

♡ tags: @mcwilla

idol bf!anton who despite being in another timezone, he’ll always stay on the phone with you until you fall asleep. he wouldn’t complain about being tired; wouldn’t tease you about it being morning for him while it’s the middle of the night for you. if you need to hear his voice in order to sleep, he will never complain. 

idol bf!anton who invites you to a brunch with the other members if they’re visiting your city. the idea of that made you uneasy–anton reassured you that everyone would adore you and you’ll be safe as long as you stay close to him. 

idol bf!anton who brings you to the swimming pool in the hotel he’s staying at. claiming that he needs someone to time him, although you know he just wants you near because him–or his members could have done it. you don’t mind though. whatever works for him, works for you! 

idol bf!anton who lets you gawk over his outfits on facetime. it could be for a performance, photoshoot, or casual–you were always at the scene of anton trying on his outfits. 

idol bf!anton who promises he’s okay if there’s any hate comments being sent to him. he’s the type to laugh them off and improve on whatever the comment was saying about his technique, just to shut them up. 

idol bf!anton who cuddles with you in your room when he visits your house. there’s nobody pushing letters in his face, bright lights overheating his skin, and most importantly–there’s no cameras capturing his every move. the only thing he feels is your heartbeat against his forearm as he spoons you. he wishes that he didn’t have to leave tomorrow, but, you know, duty calls.

tags: @mcwilla

“It won’t be that bad, baby. I’ll be flying the plane along with an awesome crew, doesn’t that make you feel at least a bit better?” He had told you, yet, you were still hesitant.

Your fear of flying planes wasn't new. When you were a child you would scream, cry, or even throw up. You haven’t been on a plane since you were twelve.

You had met Jake through your older brother. They were both in an Aerospace Academy and he immediately introduced Jake to your family. 

Much to your surprise, the both of you hit it off immediately. You were known to be quite shy and timid around new people, but Jake made conversations feel like you didn’t need to prove something or impress–all you had to do was be in the moment.

Currently, you’re sitting in the bedroom on the brand new fluffy rug your mother bought for you, headphones covering your ears, and you’re glaring at the suitcase that lays open in front of you.

You should have finished packing by now, but each time you pick up an item to pack, you’re welcomed by a wave of anxiety.

You see movement in the corner of your eye–looking to your right you find your daughter scooting towards you from her toys. 

You give her a small, yet nervous smile. “Mommy’s a little nervous, I hope you’re braver than I am.” Picking her up once she gets close enough, you sit her in your lap towards you.

She looks up at you with big, gorgeous puppy eyes that always reminds you of Jake. Everything about her is a spitting copy of her father. She has his energetic personality, his kindness, and his manners.

Your daughter may be only three, but she is very smart for her age. She plays well with other kids and is always so willing to share one of her toys and comfort others.

One time, you and Jake were watching a movie about a dog finding its way back home, you had

shed a few tears and your daughter–who sat next to you, perked up at the sound of your sniffles and climbed on your lap, burying her face into your chest in an attempt to hug your tears away.

For a child so young, she is very emotionally intelligent. You’re so thankful of the person she’s grown into so far.

She giggles as you kiss her forehead before taking your headphones off–as you do so, you see Jake walk into the room. He’s wearing a black hoodie and grey sweatpants. He sighs, noticing that you’ve still not packed your suitcase yet.

The flight wasn’t until later tonight, but with Jake being one of the pilots, he’s required to be at the airport early to prepare for the flight, which means you have to be there early too.

He crouches down in front of your suitcase and points at the emptiness of it–watching as you hide your face behind your daughter.

He shakes his head in amusement. “I thought we talked about this. The deal was that I get the car ready and you’d pack Princess’ things along with your own,” he reminds. 

You play with the strands of your daughter’s hair, meeting his eyes nervously. “I’m just,” you pause, holding on to your daughter tighter. “Not sure what’s going to happen if I step on that plane.” Anxiety takes over your last sentence, Jake’s eyes soften and he moves the suitcase in front of you to get closer.

Of course Jake knows about your fear of planes, every time you see one in the sky you look at it in fear of it falling. He also knows about your past experiences on board, which is why he wants this flight to go as smoothly as possible for you and your daughter. 

He places his hands on your knees as his eyes meet your nervous ones.

“The only thing that’s going to happen is that you’ll hear me talk about some safety precautions. I promise that I’ll do everything in my power to keep you both safe, you know that baby,” he explains.

You sigh shakily, nodding to his words. 

“I know you’re scared, but I’m really happy that I get to have you two on my flight,” he softly ruffles your daughter’s hair, chuckling when she giggles and swats his hand away. “Everything will be okay,” he promises.

Jake begins helping you pack, every few minutes he reassures you or explains how planes work to keep you calm. 

Him talking you through your anxious thoughts started to work–until you got to the airport. 

------

Jake parted ways with you to complete his security screening process as he wasn’t required to go through passenger tsa. Luckily, he had informed you on what to expect from security, so it wasn’t as bad as you had thought it would be. 

Jake sends you a text saying that he finished his security check and is going to change into his uniform. You reply with where you’re located and he reacts with a thumbs up emoji.

Taking a deep inhale, you look up from your phone–you didn’t realise how confusing airports could be. The huge and obnoxious space doesn’t necessarily help. 

You subconsciously pull your daughter closer to your leg, it seems like she can feel your anxiety begin to rise. Her grip on your hand tightens as she pulls you into a direction where there aren’t many people.

The action would have made you laugh if you weren’t so overwhelmed by your surroundings. 

Your daughter brings you to a wall next to the restrooms. She tells you to sit on the floor and you listen. 

“Are you okay, mommy?” She asks quietly. You bite your lip in embarrassment. Weren’t you supposed to be the calm one here? 

You smile sadly. “I’m just a little scared, baby. That’s all,” you say truthfully, knowing she would be able to see through any of your lies.

She tilts her head to the side in confusion–her eyes widen as she turns her body towards the big windows across the airport.

“Are you scared of planes, mommy?” She points to the planes outside. Of course she figured it out. You wonder if the people walking past you two think you’re just as obvious as you feel.

You nod slowly, watching as she curls up next to you, gently grabbing your hand to put it on her cheek.

To anyone else, it could look like she’s just clingy, tired, or bored. But to you, it’s her telling you that you’re safe.

It’s her own way of speaking without words; a special gesture that gives you the confidence that left you. 

You don’t cry–no, not here, not now. But later on the plane, in the bathroom, in Australia–it doesn’t matter. You will remember the way your three year old calmed her mother down like it was just another day.

Giving her a quick kiss on her cheek as you bring yourselves to standing. “I love you, Princess. Thank you for helping me out. That was very brave of you,” you softly run your fingers through her hair as she hugs your stomach.

“Let’s go get on that plane, shall we?” The sentence left your mouth stronger than you thought it ever would. Your daughter gives you a soft smile and holds your hand.

Thanks to her, the walk to your gate number wasn’t dreadful at all. In fact, along the way she kept pointing out the stores and restaurants that she would like to visit with you and Jake one day. 

You’re just thankful that she was giving you distractions upon distractions.

—

It’s been fifteen minutes since you boarded the plane. When you entered, the flight attendants gave your daughter a stuffed, pink glittery mouse that looked awfully familiar to the one she has at home. 

“The co-pilot wanted us to ensure that the mouse was delivered to the right kiddo,” one of them says. Winking as your daughter gasps excitedly.

“Daddy brought my mouse! I totally forgot her at home!” You smile at her, gently guiding her to walk forward as you quietly thank the woman who handed over her mouse. 

You find your seats and get settled in. Neither of you had a carry-on so that made things easier–just two backpacks and a medium sized blanket, which you handed over to your daughter. 

“It’s a little chilly, get comfy.” You help her unfold it carefully. By the time you’re done you hear a voice crackle through the overhead speakers–it’s no other than your husband. 

“G’day, everyone–or g’night, I should say,” Jake chuckles. “Thank you for flying with us this evening, my name is Jake and I am happy to announce that I will be your co-pilot for tonight.”

Your daughter perks up at the sound of her father. Turning to you, she lightly shakes your arm in excitement. 

“Before we go over safety procedures, I’d like to give a quick shout out to two of my favorite people in the world who are joining us. My wife and my daughter are seated in row 7, seats A and B. It’s an absolute honor to fly them to Australia, I love you both.” He finishes. All the passengers are clapping their hands, amused by the announcement.

You blush in embarrassment. Of course Jake would publicly announce something like that. 

“I love you too, daddy!” Your daughter stands on her seat as she yells. Everyone around you coos at her and you quickly tug her down to sit.  You cover your face in embarrassment–but you couldn’t be any happier. 

The fears you had earlier weren’t fully gone, but it was manageable. 

You’re incredibly lucky to have an amazing family who loves you so much.