Hi all. I originally made this account hoping I’d get worse. I wanted to sink deeper into everything I was feeling , I didn’t think things would ever change.
But this summer I decided I don’t want that anymore
This is going to be my second year attempting public school, and I want to document what happens from here.
Last year, I spent most of the school year keeping to myself. I didn’t make many friends, I was moody, and I let embarrassment control the way I interacted with people. By the end of the year, I only had 2 TRUE friends.
This year is going to be different.
I’m not going to go out of my way to find the negative in everything. If someone gives me attention or talks to me, I’m going to smile instead of getting embarrassed, shutting down, or convincing myself they secretly don’t like me.
This summer I slipped back into some of my old habits for a while, but I’ve found that making it a point to leave the house every week has helped a lot. Every Tuesday I go to the library, and it’s become something I actually look forward to. I also discovered that I love shōjo manga, and I’ve been getting into Bleach, which has been a lot of fun.
I’ll also be back in math tutoring this year, so I’ll have a lot more opportunities to socialize instead of isolating myself.
I also learned that starving myself wasn’t the answer. I tried eating one meal a day, and all it did was make me exhausted, slow me down, and make me feel miserable. Now I work out for an hour doing Tae Bo, and I feel stronger than I have in a long time Instead of feeling weak and out of shape, I’ve actually built some abs, and I feel proud of the work I’ve put in.
School starts in 14 days.
I want this to be my best year yet
I’ve also realized that not everyone who treated me badly did it because there was something wrong with me. Sometimes people are insecure or jealous, and I don’t need to internalize every negative interaction. At the same time, I’m going to be smarter about the friends I choose. I won’t ignore red flags, and I won’t let people play in my face just because I’m afraid of being alone. But i also won’t think i’m better than them when in reality im embarrassed by everything and they don’t feel the same.
I’m going to put more effort into how I present myself. Better hair, better outfits
This account is going to document all of it the good days, the bad days and hopefully the person I become by the end of this school year.
also i’ve had to come with terms of some of my issues, my ego my attitude and my mindset, you can’t get anywhere when you don’t actually want to.
also i have 2 weeks to lose 10-8 more pounds, do i got this 😭
