Route To Healing

When you don’t understand what is happening in your life, just close your eyes .. take a deep breath and say “ YA ALLAH, I know this is your plan.. please help me through it” ✨

Self reminder to Sabr’

- Pure, halal rizq’ that Allah’s gives you, the sadaqah and your du’a are accepted

-Contentment: You’re pleased with what Allah has given you

- To experience the sweetness of Allah’s workship

-General Bliss, overall contentment

People who lives a good life also suffers. These sufferings will make us stronger and these suffers comes with meaning. 

Suffering has meaning, value and purpose! It expiates toxic sins that you needed to leave your back. Ultimately, it will end with Jannah. Insha Allah... SuhanAllah! Have iman! 

Seperately, MINDFULNESS!

Salam. It’s been awhile. 6 months has past from the last I documented my thoughts on marriage and moving forward to next phase of life with significant other. Sadly, it did not happen….

Sigh…. Astaufirullah…

But Alhamdullilah cos I’m always thankFul for Allah swt.

Indeed, Allah is the best of all planners and I trust His plans. Alhamdullilah that Allah has opened my eyes to the clear signs/red flags. Before going further into marriage Allah stopped me from entering the next phase of life. I’m grateful for Allah.

There’s always part of me feels uneasy and uncomfortable. Most of the time it’s accurate. Sometimes I ignored these instincts because I do not want to let it get into me so much which could lead to my own saboteur. Apart of me, is in denial that everything happens so fast.

Everything’s over between us. Now back to strangers… I redha and accept my destiny. I believe Allah have arranged better plans for me. Insha Allah!

I pray that Allah will always protect me. My continuous du’a to his family and him as they find the happiness they deserve.

It hurts. Hurts so bad. It’s not easy to go through the heart aches with other issues from home, school and work. Again, I have to be strong and move on with life. I admit that I’m weak. Human is weak. I have my breakdowns from time to time. I will just turn to Allah for guidance and Hidayah. I have great support system they are my family and friends! Alhamdullilah

Also, time will heal. I’m sure there’s hikmah behind these hardships. Keep trusting Him!

Constant reminder:

Never lower your expectations

Respectful and mature at making decisions

Family oriented, family blessings, decent/pleasant family background

Clear intentions and goals

It’s true enough, high expectations leads to disappointment. I believed i have met my jodoh who i want to be with, insha Allah. I’ve opened up to ‘route to halal’ and leave it to Allah swt. Maybe everything seems too good to be true and my only worry is that i will change my mind or my heart will distant away from good intentions. 

I have trust issues. I have concerns. I have insecurities. I understand that this is a test. And more to come. I redha! Oh Allah, please grant me Sabr. 

I genuinely like this guy, he have the whole package. He have acheived my expectations such as spiritually and wise in making decisions, Alhamdullilah.

Of course, all positive in the beginning. I have no problem with himself. The only problem is his family. He have met my family and all about him were positive. But then, i don’t feel comfortable to not meet his side of the family after we discussed on our intentions and on ‘route to halal’. 

It feel so wrong at all levels  to engage with wedding enquiries and planning without meeting his family. Without knowing his side of the family whether they will like me or dislike etc. I have doubts. Do they have doubts? If they do, they will arrange to meet me soonest. In order to clarify and meet me. Also to think of your son’s happiness. Sadly, that’s not the case. 

What i have to do now is to stop! Just be patient to allow his family to take their time to open up to meet me. Then i’m sure Allah will ease our affairs, Insha Allah. It is super important to me to have family blessings from both parties. It will feel one sided if one disagrees. ‘You marry my family, i marry with your family too’. 

I don’t mind waiting  if need to be longer, so be it. No rush! I rather meet  his whole family altogether. For now we should stop enquiring till i meet his family. Meanwhile, just focus on building the relationship with our parents. Prioritise what’s important and for the sake of Allah swt.  

I’m i happy with life? Yes alhamdullilah. Appreciate every little things. Do not want to expect so much from something that’s not guaranteed. Trust the process and move along.

Complacent? Right now I am being tested. My Iman is up and down. My Quran recitation was bad for the past 2 weeks. I know I can do it but the complacency just get into me. God is really testing me in many ways. Allahuakbar! Oh Allah please ease this heart to be closer to you and be at constant :(

My thoughts are everywhere now. I will express it anywhere-anyhow that come across my mind now.

22.11.2019

When a close friend unexpectedly leaves us, a piece of our heart is forever broken.

An untimely death of a dear friend.

Never it is possible to forget a life long friendship that expected but death took away the life. Still memories of the best moments parted with the departed friend ever it is an asset for a future life. Which the death couldn’t take away.

Never it came across in my mind that I will be losing you too soon! It saddest me to the point I felt I’ve lost everything. It will definitely be hard for me to go through everyday at work without u around anymore. Especially during lunch time, snacking and our daily conversations about work life and family.

We’ve seen each other grew in our career progression! Working hard towards it. Gave your all everytime! You’ve seen me at my worse and be there during good times too! Now I have no classroom to go to. No shoulders to cry on. To hug with. To share my sorrows😔

The day before you passed on, you hugged me even tighter than usual. Waited for me to finish work so we can always go home together. Always reminded me to stay positive.

Allah took you away from me and your loved ones. The most precious one is your cute young son! You are pregnant with your second child too that was named Aura Medina. The saddest part of all and most heartbreaking.