We'll be young forever

Ya Allah please grant me & my family strength to go through this the second time. Please keep us in your straight path and don’t let us stray. Ujian yang besar kau bagi and sometimes, I feel like I’m not strong enough to bear this. People say ‘you’re so strong’ and I feel like such a fraud… I’m only able to put a brave front and be strong because I cry my sorrow, mourning, feelings into the quiet of the night. I let myself cry when I drive around in the car as I remember I always supir Mama and Babah before… to look at the passenger seats where they always sat now – empty. Empty like the hollowed feeling in my chest… when people say they feel a piece of them was gone along and hollowed when a loved one passed away, I understand now. Well, have been since Mama. 

I got my finger tekapit arah kerita today and it hurts like a beach. It saddens me that I cant complain this kind of detail to mama babah anymore… they’d fuss over me & mama would probably tiupkan and bacakan my hand and giving suggestion on how to make it heal as fast. I miss being called sayang by them and being dotted on. No more parents to baby me and give kasih sayang. Rasa rindu dan sedih yang teramat sangat.