You look at the man, his sharp cat-like eyes boring into you. His hair was a faded silver color. Combed back into a perfect mullet. He looks at you with raised eyebrows. You notice he is wearing a security uniform, flashlight in hand. Luckily he kept it pointing at the ground and not in your eyes.

It hadn't been your first encounter with overnight security. A handful of times, you were fortunate enough to go unnoticed. Usually, this meant staying in the darker back corners, but that could be risky.

Unfortunately, tonight was not one of those nights. Instead, you would most likely get kicked out, and have to waste gas, aimlessly driving around.

"Sorry, but where exactly do you expect me to go?"

He looks taken aback. His gaze falls on the backseat at your sprawled-out bundle of pillows and blankets. A feeling of shame sinks to your stomach as the realization sets in. You can see the pity in his eyes.

This normally would annoy you. You hated sympathy. Although, in situations like these, you always hoped it would work in your favor.

He scans you up and down. Pushing his feelings aside, he holds onto the stern voice he had put on before.

"How old are you anyway? Your parents are probably worried."

You scoff.

"Not that it's any of your business, but I am twenty-two."

He clears his throat.

"Okay. Well, you still can't sleep here. Is there anyone you could stay with? Parents? Friends? Get a hotel, maybe?"

There it was. The responses were always the same. You felt yourself getting frustrated, but you try to keep your cool.

"Don't you think if I had the money for a hotel, I wouldn't be sleeping in my car in a mall parking lot?"

The man had no response to this. He only gave a slight shrug.

"Maybe no one taught you this, but not everyone has friends and family that are there for them. I don't know what kind of privilege you might have grown up with, but it's different for me."

You shake your head, feeling the hot anger rise within you as you start your car's engine.

"Have a good night."

You reply coldly, shifting the car into drive.

"Okay, okay. Wait a minute,"

He gives a defeated sigh. His eyes scan the parking lot, searching for what to say next.

"Alright, listen. I'm sorry for making assumptions. I'm not supposed to do this, but I'll let you off the hook for tonight. I only patrol until seven, so you have until then. After that, you'll have to find somewhere else to go. Got it?"

He takes you by surprise, but you nod your head, gratefully accepting.

"Th-thank you."

"Seven."

He repeats, pointing at you.

"Yes. Yes, I promise."

He beams his flashlight up at your back window, which is covered in various colors of duct tape.

"You should get that fixed. It's dangerous for one. And it makes you stick out like a sore thumb."

You only nod in return.

He pats the hood of your car and walks back to his own.

"Thank you!"

You shout after him. He waves it off with his hand, not turning back. Your eyes follow him, still shocked. You have never had a security guard allow you to stay before.

He drives off, and you roll the window back up. You replace your window covers and crawl back into "bed". You might actually get a full night of sleep tonight.

7 a.m. came fast. Faster than you would have liked. You continue lying down, letting yourself wake up a bit before getting up. Looking at your phone, you notice the battery is about to die. You sit up and let out a frustrated sigh as you begin pulling down all the window covers.

After rolling them all up and folding the blankets, you pull down the center seat in the back, exposing the trunk. You toss everything inside and pull yourself back into the driver's seat. You notice the parking lot is already starting to fill up with cars.

You were pulling down the visor mirror to fix your hair when there was a knock on your window. Glancing over, you see the same security guard from last night. You roll down your window and go back to adjusting your ponytail.

"Don't worry. I'm already heading out."

"That's not why I am here, actually,"

He replies.

Surprised, you snap the visor back into place, giving him your full attention.

"Could I take you out for breakfast? My treat."

Why in the world would he want to do that? You thought to yourself. What was he getting at? He could see the confusion on your face.

"I want to apologize for how I acted last night. I was a jerk. I know how things can be, and I shouldn't have been so quick to jump to conclusions."

He smiles at you attempting to give you some reassurance. You stay silent. His apology seemed genuine enough, but why not leave it at that?

"I'm sure you're hungry, and I just want to help out. Please."

You put on a fake smile. In most interactions, you were the vulnerable one, so it was nice to be on an equal human level with someone for a change. But that still didn't change the weird feeling his offer had given you. You weren't used to this kind of generosity from people, especially total strangers.

You couldn't deny that you were hungry, and it would be nice to have some company for once. You figured it couldn't hurt anything to give the guy a chance.

"Okay, sure. Thank you."

His shoulders relaxed, relieved that you had seemingly forgiven his actions. His smile grew wider, causing his eyes to squint together. This warmed your heart. His happiness was almost contagious.

You met up at a nearby diner. The security guard stands outside waiting for you. You had just now noticed he was out of his uniform. It comforted you to see him in a casual setting.

He looked down at his scuffed boots, adjusting the olive-colored cardigan lying loosely on his shoulders. This made you feel better about your plain sweatpants and a hoodie. He hadn't noticed you getting out of your car and making your way over to him until you spoke.

"You look nice."

You compliment him with a soft smile. He smiles back.

"Thank you. Are you ready?"

He gestures to the door. You nod. A bell chimes as he pulls open the door. He holds the door for you with his foot.

"Ladies first."

You walk inside, and he follows close behind. A hostess greets you, and he asks her for a table. You both stand there in silence while the hostess steps away to grab a pair of menus.

"I'm Namjoon, by the way."

He says, taking one hand out of his pocket and extending it to you. You give it a shake. It surprised you that it took this long to introduce yourselves.

"I'm (Y/N)."

"Well, it is nice to meet you."

He says, giving a slight bow and returning his hand to his pocket.

You watch the stranger from the corner of your eye curiously. He looks relaxed but confident. You envy the way he carries himself, so calm and sure.

The hostess returns and leads you to a booth. You sit against the window overlooking the main road and watch the cars pass. A few moments pass in silence. Until Namjoon breaks it by clearing his throat.

"Any ideas of what you want?"

Namjoon asks.

You shake your head, turning back to face him and opening the menu. All the options intimidate you. This was your first proper meal in a while, and you wanted to make the most of it. You worried you would order something you'd end up disliking.

"Take your time and order anything you want. Don't worry about the price."

Namjoon says, trying to reassure you.

You finally settled for the safest option, a coffee and a plate of strawberry french toast with eggs. Namjoon ordered the breakfast platter with a coke. He leans forward on the table while you wait for your food.

"So, (Y/N). Tell me about yourself."

"Well, what do you want to know?"

You ask as you start loading your cup of coffee with creamer and sugar packets. Namjoon shrugs.

"Are you from around here?"

He pauses to sip his drink, giving you a moment to answer.

"Yeah, I grew up in the area. I was born and raised here, actually."

Namjoon sits back.

"My family and I moved here when I was 14."

You nod to acknowledge that you're listening as Namjoon asks another question.

"Well, are you working? Or in school right now?"

You expected questions like this, but they didn't sting any less.

"Uh, no. I'm kind of in-between jobs right now, and as for college, I had to drop out after my first semester… for obvious reasons."

Your voice gets softer.

Although he was still curious, Namjoon could tell he had struck a chord. So, he takes the hint and changes the subject.

The rest of the morning was pleasant. You both learned a lot about each other. Mostly silly things like your favorite color or TV show. Namjoon is a funny guy. The last few months felt so serious. So, it was nice to have someone to joke around with. The light-hearted conversation paired with a delicious meal was refreshing.

"This was fun, thank you. It was one of the best mornings I've had in a long time."

You say as Namjoon holds the door for you once again.

"It was my pleasure. I had a good time hanging out with you."

You blushed at this.

"Hey, I know this might be a little forward, but would you like to exchange numbers?"

He asks. Looking around to avoid your eyes.

"Yeah, of course!"

You smile, pulling the little black phone from your pocket.

"Oh… it's dead,"

You sigh.

"Honestly, I don't have service anyways. I'm sorry."

Namjoon holds up a finger and opens the passenger door of what you could only assume to be his car. Then, you realize he doesn't have the patrol vehicle anymore. He must have gone home before coming to invite you for breakfast.

"Here you go. I know it may not be super useful right now, but I want you to keep this. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to call."

He hands you the receipt he had been holding. On the back is his phone number, with his name written underneath.

"Well, I'd better get going. Are you sure you'll be okay?"

You nod.

"I've got a few errands to run today anyways."

Namjoon gives a half-hearted smile.

"Well, good luck. And if it's okay with you, I'd like to hang out again sometime."

You smile and look at the phone number before looking back at him.

"Sure, I'd like that."

You could see his eyes light up with excitement.

"Great! I'll see you around then. Goodbye (Y/N)."

He gives a quick wave and walks around, getting into his car.

"See ya!"

You turn around doing the same. You sit in the driver's seat, smiling to yourself. You shove the receipt in the glove box.

Today turned out to be a pretty good day.

_______. ⟭⟬ ._______._______

AN** I have been ✨S T R U G G L I N G ✨ with writers block for months now, but writing this came so naturally. Like someone turned on the creative faucet in my brain or something, lol. So, I will run with that for as long as it lasts. Anyways, let me know your thoughts I look forward to it! Hope you enjoy.

Well, he tried to. His visible nervousness over your question, however, had betrayed him.

Telling you he had talked about you with Jaehyun and he had not been able to forget your name since, was not an option. Let alone letting you know the rest of his friends knew about you, too, as Jaehyun had made sure to fill them in on his accidental encounter with you that one day.

In a desperate attempt to have you not ask any further questions, he looked at his friend next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “This is Eunwoo, he’s in Astro” he introduced him. “I’m Jeongguk”.

You couldn’t help but let out a light laugh at that. It was nice of him to introduce himself when you very clearly already knew who he was. When it came to his friend, however, you had appreciated the introduction, for you did not really know about the many k-pop groups and idols around here, as ironic as it was.

“Hello,” you smiled at Eunwoo. Jeongguk seemed to already know your name anyway. “I’m Y/N. I work for SM Entertainment”.

Eunwoo gave you a polite bow, smiling at you and then sneaking a glance to his friend. He knew where you worked at. “Nice to meet you, Y/N”.

Your smile grew bigger, reciprocating the sentiment.

“You’re going in?” Jeongguk asked, receiving a small shake of head as your answer.

“No foreigners allowed” you let him know, throwing a quick glance towards the entrance for them to understand what you meant.

Both idols found themselves knitting their eyebrows together in disapproval.

“I didn’t know about that rule” Eunwoo commented, receiving a nod from Jeongguk.

“You guys come here often?” you couldn’t help but ask.

“Kind of?” Jeongguk tilted his head. “We don’t get to go out very often, but we do come here whenever we get to. It’s kind of exclusive, I guess. No fans, media and all that”.

“I see…”

Now it made sense why your coworkers had been so adamant on coming to this particular place.

“Well, I should get going now…” you mumbled, eyes travelling from Eunwoo to Jeongguk as you smiled politely. “Have a nice night”.

“You could come in with us,” Eunwoo offered before you could walk away, almost out of reflex after having taken a look at his friend’s disappointed expression over you being about to leave. “I mean, not to pull the idol privilege card, but…”

You chuckled. “Thank you, but don’t worry about me. I’ll just go back home and order some tteokbokki to comfort myself”.

“Are you going back by taxi?” Jeongguk asked, not being able to ignore how dark the streets were.

“Bus” you corrected.

“We’ll walk you to the bus stop” he offered — though it came out as more of a statement.

“There’s no need to” you kindly declined. “I don’t want to keep you guys from going in already”.

“We still have to wait for Jaehyun-ie, though” he pointed out.

To be fair, he knew very well that they could always wait for him inside. Plus, Mingyu and Yungyeom were already waiting for them — the buzzing phone in his pocket letting him know so, as they bombarded the group chat for them to hurry up. But it was an excuse to get to know you a little bit more before he most probably stopped seeing you for a good couple of months, and he was taking it.

Well aware of his friend’s interest in you, Eunwoo took his phone out and opened the group chat. Ignoring the incoming texts from the two 97 liners already inside, he smiled to himself when he read Jaehyun’s single text in it.

“Jaehyun’s about to arrive anyway,” he informed both of you, shoving his phone back inside his pocket. “His taxi is dropping him off on the main street, we could meet him there”.

Jeongguk tried his best to conceal his smile, nevertheless, all his efforts were helpless the moment you nodded. If they were going that way anyway, there was no reason for you not to accept their offer, right?

Saying nothing else, the three of you started walking down the few streets leading to the bus stop.

You couldn’t help but steal a few glances at Jeongguk as the three of you walked in silence, eyes instinctively going from his round chocolate eyes to the piercing on his bottom lip — having to actively remind yourself to stop thinking about how handsome he was and to keep it professional.

Sure, you were not at work right then, nor did he belong to the company you worked for, but he was still an idol, and a worldwide figure at that. You had to keep your cool. Which, being absolutely honest, was a hard as hell thing to do, considering he was only centimeters away from you and the breeze of the night allowed you to smell that particular scent of his that would drive anyone crazy.

Forcing yourself to look ahead of you and remain like that, you failed to notice the way Jeongguk had stolen a glance at you just the same — a shy smile curving up his lips at how beautiful he thought you looked that night. If seeing you at work, when you had put little to no effort to stand out, had been enough to catch his attention, tonight you sure as hell had managed to take over his entire mind.

“So… how long have you been here?” Jeongguk tried to make small talk, enjoying the way your eyes had immediately locked with his.

“In Seoul?” you asked, internally beating yourself over that particular stupid question. Oblivious to that, he nodded. “Um… a little over two months now”.

“And have you liked it so far?”

“I have, yes” you nodded. “I mean, I’ve mostly been either at work or running errands, so I haven’t had time to tour around… but I’m in love with the food so far, and it feels like a very safe place, too”.

“That’s good to hear” he smiled. “The food here is amazing, and I’m not just saying it because I’m Korean,” his words earned a light laugh from you that was soon followed by him. “You should really try and go out more”.

“I will once I settle down completely” you reassured him.

“Why’d you come here tonight?” Eunwoo was the one to ask this time, drawing both your attention to him. “There are places like Itaewon which are far more interesting when it comes to partying”.

You let out a breathy laugh. “So I’ve heard. I just came here because it was supposed to be a coworkers get together”.

“So your coworkers are inside the pub right now?”

“Mhm…” you nodded, suddenly feeling embarrassed. “Guess they weren’t willing to give that exclusive place up over only one person who couldn’t make it inside”.

“They sound lovely” Eunwoo joked, earning a laugh from you and Jeongguk.

Just as your mouth had opened to add another sarcastic remark to Eunwoo’s one, your eyes caught Jaehyun’s figure half a street away. Catching up on that, the two men next to you waved their hands to their friend, who wasted no time on speeding up his pace to make it next to you in a matter of seconds.

“Sorry I’m late, something went down at the dorms” he shamefully apologized, eyes then taking in your presence. “Y/N!”

“Hey” you smiled.

“You’re joining us tonight?”

You shook your head no. “Wouldn’t be too professional of me to hang out with an idol from the company I work for now, would it?”

Although all three of them had laughed at your lighthearted comment, Jeongguk couldn’t help but wonder if you would think the same about hanging out with an idol from another company. Was that the reason you had refused to go inside with them? God, he hoped not.

“They don’t have to know” Jaehyun mischievously raised an eyebrow.

It was not like the two of you had not interacted more than once back at the company anyway, mainly when you would run into each other at the cafeteria. Being a 97 liner as well, you had found yourselves getting along rather well.

“The place is filled with SM staff, bro” Eunwoo let him know.

“It is?”

“Yeah, Y/N was supposed to be there, too”.

“And what happened?” Jae asked you this time.

“Um… the bodyguard at the entrance wouldn’t let me in and they all went inside anyway”.

“Wait, they ditched you?!” his voice came out louder than he had intended. “Why wouldn’t they let you in to begin with?”

You shrugged, looking down to your feet as you did not want to repeat what you had already told Jeongguk and Eunwoo. They would most probably fill him in on the details once you left either way.

It was only then you realised how much the whole situation had actually affected you. Call it damaged ego, embarrassment, hurt… whatever it was, it upset you. And you would avoid the topic as much as you could.

Thankfully, all three of them had seemed to understand what you were feeling — not pushing it any further.

“We were walking her to the bus stop,” Jeongguk let Jaehyun know, being quick to change the topic. “We thought about meeting you there”.

He nodded, turning around to start walking back there. “Let’s go then”.

“No, it’s okay” you caught their attention, taking a few steps away from them. “The bus stop is only two streets away, I can walk alone from here”.

“It’s late at night, though…” Jeongguk pointed out.

“It’s not even midnight yet” you amusedly reminded him.

He shrugged. “It’s still pretty dark”.

“I’ve walked alone at night in Latin America for years now, I think I can survive this” you playfully squinted your eyes at him.

“That bad?” Eunwoo asked.

“You don’t wanna know” you let out a breathy laugh. “Thanks for being so considerate, though”.

“Wait, before you go” Jaehyun stopped you, rushing to take his phone out of his pocket.

Unlocking it under your curious eyes, he handed it to you, receiving a confused look before you reluctantly took it in your hands — eyes opening wide when you realised the dial option was open.

“Your number” he simply said when you seemed to have frozen.

Taking a deep breath yet not giving it a second thought, you typed the Korean number you had ever so diligently memorized after arriving in Seoul. The one you had thought would be absolutely useless to have memorized by now, as in the two months you had been here you had made exactly zero friends.

Once you made sure you had typed the right one, you handed it back to Jaehyun — feeling your phone buzz in your pocket the very next second, announcing an incoming call after he had done so.

“Save my number,” he ordered, hanging up the call and shoving his phone into his pocket. “I’ll be glad to help you out if something like this happens again”.

“Ohhh, what a gentleman” Eunwoo teased, missing the sulky pout that had just formed in Jeongguk’s lips.

“We’re SM buddies, we gotta stick together”.

“Thank you” you smiled. “I really hope I never have to bother you, though”.

“Staff members and idols can be friends, you know?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Can they?” you teasingly questioned with a tilt of head. Not sure if that was what your contract said.

“Like I said before, the company doesn’t have to know” he shrugged nonchalantly. “We all hang out in the end”.

“I’ll believe you then” you chuckled.

“Hey, um…” Jeongguk caught your attention. “I-Is it okay if I get your number from Jaehyun?”

You found yourself being completely taken aback, having to take a second to process whether you had heard that right or your average knowledge in Korean was betraying you. His friends, on the other hand, had a hard time keeping their teasing comments to themselves.

Keep it professional, you reminded yourself when you could just not ignore the way your heart had sped up.

“Um… w-what for?” you wondered.

“I, uh…” he tilted his head out of nervousness.

To keep in contact with you regardless of not being able to see you very often. To get to know you.

“There’s this place I know that has the best tteokbokki I’ve ever had. I can send you their contact information, since you wanted to order some”.

You couldn’t hold back the smile that had just curved up the corners of your lips, over the fact that he remembered something you had so casually said minutes ago.

“You can send it from my phone” Jaehyun was quick to tease.

“I’d like to know if she got home safe later tonight, too”.

“You can ask her from his phone” Eunwoo joined in the teasing, laughing as he watched Jeongguk’s frustration grow bigger.

For some reason, you, on the other hand, did not enjoy the bummed look on his face as much as his friends did.

“You can have it” you agreed, loving the way his face had lit up and his lips had parted into a bunny smile at that.

“I can?” he carefully confirmed.

“Mhm…” you confirmed. “I’m really craving tteokbokki now, so I’ll be waiting to hear from that place you’re talking about”.

“I’ll text you right away” he smiled as well.

“I’ll be waiting then,” you smiled, throwing a quick glance over your shoulders. “I better go catch the bus before it gets any later…”

Seeing them nod once your eyes were back on them, you took a step towards them out of instinct, only to stop in your tracks right on time when you realised they did not say goodbye to people —even those they had just met— by kissing their cheek, like you had been doing all your life.

Internally thanking the fact that you had remembered before actually kissing one of Jeongguk’s cheeks and freaking them all out, you ended up bowing instead, having them gently do the same.

“Have lots of fun tonight”.

“Take care” Jeongguk said before you turned around to walk away.

Watching you intently as your figure got further and further away from them, he failed to feel the teasing smiles his friends were staring at him with. Only realising they would —once again— not let him live this down the moment his eyes fixed back on them, after you had turned left in a corner and he was no longer able to see you.

“What?” he asked.

Eunwoo snorted. “Out of all the crushes you’ve had, I had never seen you this desperate”.

“I don’t have a crush” he denied, walking past them as they all made their way back to the pub. “I was just being polite”.

“I think we’re past being polite at this point” Jaehyung called him out. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you accidentally going into her studio when you visited last week. Too bad she was not there”.

Jeongguk’s head lowered in shame. “You guys are just pushing it”.

“Oh, so there’s no need for you to have her number then” he taunted him. “Since you’re only being polite, you can just tell me the name of that tteokbokki place and I’ll text her”.

Jeongguk laughed sarcastically at that, taking his phone out of his pocket and motioning for Jaehyun to do the same. “She said I can have it, so just send me her number and I’ll text her”.

Jaehyun rolled his eyes in amusement, exchanging knowing looks with Eunwoo before he looked for your number on his phone.

“if someone comes in—”

“let them.” jungkook cuts in.

chapter one.

jeon jungkook makes you realise the true importance of a leader by teaching you a few things—but it’s because of that, a flurry of inane emotions overtake you and gets you to overthink—are you a sinner for thinking you two got close?

chapter two.

training with jeon jungkook alone was effective. your significant improvement was enough to get your entire team into a celebratory mood, which ultimately ends up into a hot mess when stars fall.

chapter three.

you’ve been counting days until the premiere of this movie. kim taehyung has cancelled plans, and jeon jungkook hasn’t shown up. the day is too short for you to spend time with both, but they make it work.

chapter four.

mind games begin with jeon jungkook amidst your burst of success in your practice match before the tournament. however, you abruptly encounter the harshness of being famous.

“Síp,” you playfully said, peeking your head out of the room and pointing at the label next to the doorframe, which he had clearly missed before entering the wrong room. “Spanish department”.

“Oh, I… I must’ve looked like an idiot talking to you in English then,” his mumbled words earned a giggle from you, rushing to deny them. “Jaehyun-ssi didn’t tell me you guys had a Spanish department now”.

“It’s quite new, and not that big of a deal to be announcing it to everyone, I guess. We just translate a bunch of media” your shoulders moved up and down in a small shrug. “Anyway, like I said, the cafeteria is still here,” you pointed to your right. “You just need to go to the next door by the end of the hall”.

“Oh, thank God it’s on the same floor, I’m dying for something sweet”.

You couldn’t help but laugh lightly at his remark, which you were sure had been directed to himself more than to you. “If you don’t know what to get yet, they have these red velvet cookies on Thursdays that are to die for”.

“Thank you, I’ll definitely try them” Jeongguk smiled, beginning to turn around so he could walk away from your studio for once and for all, yet not managing to take his eyes away from you. “You don’t wanna come with?”

“Oh, no” you shook your head, taking a step back as you grabbed the door to start closing it. “My break isn’t up until three more hours. I should really get back to work now”.

He nodded understandingly, taking a step back as well. “I’ll leave you to it then. Sorry again for disrupting you while you work”.

“It’s okay, really”.

And with one last smile on both your ends, you closed the door, completely unaware of the fact that Jeongguk remained staring at it for a couple of seconds as he tried to process the recent events.

The Spanish department, he repeated in his head as his eyes fixed on the label next to the doorframe. SM was definitely one step ahead now for expanding their designated foreign languages outside of English and Japanese. Plus, they got some extra points for having someone as cute as you as the head of the department.

Well, he didn’t really know if you were the head of it, and he didn’t know why that gave them extra points either, but he could just not look over the fact that you were quite the sight.

Shaking his head in an attempt to compose himself, he resumed his way to the cafeteria — this time actually making it to it. It looked different than the last time he had visited; it was indeed smaller than it used to. Not like it mattered anyway, as for some reason it hardly ever got too crowded.

Although things had been thoroughly rearranged, he managed to spot the baked goods section by the other side of the room straight away.

Rushing to it and quickly searching for the cookies you had mentioned, he couldn’t help a smile from curving up the corners of his lips once he found them. Usually he would’ve gone for the double chocolate ones, but his mouth watering just by the sight of the ones you had recommended, made him grab one with no hesitation.

As he turned around to go pay for it, however, he couldn’t help but notice that there were only two of them left, and just like that the thought of you not managing to get one once you finally made it to your break was quick to invade his mind. So, without giving it a second thought, he got the two remaining ones as well.

Making his way down the hall after having paid for them, he tried to think of a way to give them to you without looking like a weirdo — finding it quite hard to come up with any casual excuse as to why he was buying cookies for a girl he had just met five minutes ago.

Politeness. That was it. He was being polite to the new staff member he had accidentally bothered minutes ago. Nothing more, nothing less.

Going with that, he internally apologized for being about to interrupt you once again as he stopped by your door and knocked on it —like he should’ve done the first time around, if he had only taken one second to read the sign—.

Just like that, there you were again right in front of him.

Although confused, you politely returned the shy smile he was meeting you with. “Yes?”

“Um…” he hesitated at his lack of words, letting go of the useless excuse he had come up with and simply handing you two of the cookies in his hands. “They were the only ones left”.

“Oh my—thank you,” you accepted them with both hands and a small bow. “I’ll go get my wallet, wait h—”

“No,” he cut you off with a shake of his head. “It’s my treat, don’t worry”.

Your eyebrows furrowed, staring at the cookies in your hands and deciding to hand him one of them back. “At least you keep two of them then”.

“It’s okay, really” he reassured you, gently pushing your hand back as he refused to accept it, and taking a step back to announce that he was leaving. “Take it as my way of saying sorry for disrupting you twice”.

“I already said it was okay, plus the second time it was to give me this…” you pointed out, then giving him a thankful smile when you noticed there was no changing his mind by the look on his face. “But thank you”.

“No problem,” he smiled. “I’ll, um… see you around”.

Without another word as he watched you smile one last time, he decided to go back to the practice room for once and for all, leaving you to work with —hopefully— no further interruptions, and beating himself up over the last words he had said to you.

See you around. Ha. As if he came here on a daily basis and could actually run into you anytime.

Good job at looking like an idiot in front of you for the second time that day.

All that aside, though, talking to you was nice. That he thought on his way back. It was refreshing to be met by a staff member who would keep an actual conversation with him rather than give him two word sentences whenever they worked with him.

Maybe you weren’t sure who he was, or maybe it had to do with the fact that you did not work for the same company as him. Maybe you were just friendly. Either way, whatever the reason was, it felt nice.

“What took you so long?” Jaehyun asked as soon as Jeongguk had made it back to the practice room.

Jeongguk shrugged, taking a bite of his cookie as he took a seat on the same spot as before — eyebrows furrowing and lips turning into a pout over how good it was.

Thank you for recommending him the red velvet one.

“You didn’t tell me you guys had a Spanish department now” he casually pointed out.

“Yeah, they opened it after we visited Latin America for the SM Town. Apparently we have a really big Spanish speaking fanbase, so…” Jaehyun shrugged, grabbing a bottle of water and taking a seat on the floor, right next to his friend. “You saw the label when you were walking to the cafeteria?”

“Something like that…”

“Wait, don’t tell me you were another one of those who entered the wrong room” Jaehyun teased, laughing harder than intended when Jeongguk remained silent. “I swear to God, Y/N should start locking it by now”.

“Y/N?” Jeongguk tilted his head. That sounded cute.

“Yeah, Y/N,” Jae nodded with a smirk. “The poor girl who keeps getting walked in on by idiots like you who cannot read a sign to save their lives”.

Jeongguk playfully shoved him off, not even bothering to get offended as he took another bite of his baked good.

Y/N.

So that was your name — the one he only now realised he had forgotten to ask. Just like he had forgotten to look at the label right next to the door before entering your studio.

Although he knew very well he would never hear the end of it from Jaehyun —and probably the rest of their friends when he inevitably told them later that evening—, Jeongguk found himself being quite thankful to have been another one of those who got the wrong door.

The mass under the duvet rolls, a corner flips down to reveal a bleary eye.

“Huh?”

“It’s just- there’s ice on my window. On the inside.”

You’d both been away for several days to spend Christmas with your families, and returned within a few hours of each other to find that the heating had broken. And at the start of the harshest winter in a decade, no amount of layers or hot chocolate will keep you warm throughout the night. And your room, with its single glazed windows, is far colder than Yoongi’s.

The lounge isn’t an option, you’d already tried for the best part of an hour, but the pleather sofa is colder still.

Yoongi, probably too tired to care, just grunts and moves a fraction to make more space, so you climb in. Double-socked toes seek out warmth next to his but you’re still careful to leave a polite gap. Polite enough for new-ish roommates sharing a bed for the first time, at least.

Yoongi said when you moved in back in September that the landlord was shitty, said that it’ll be weeks or months before he’ll do anything that requires spending his time or money, so Yoongi himself had taken to making the repairs. You didn’t mind at the time. The rent was cheap and it was close to the city. Close to campus. Yoongi was quiet, kept to himself, cleaned up, and paid his bills. The ideal roommate. But it was still warm then, and you weren’t aware that Yoongi’s skillset didn’t extend to fixing boilers.

“Thanks, Yoongi,” you whisper to the mound under the duvet.

The duvet grunts.

—-

The apartment is empty when you wake. The clock says nine-thirty, but it’s the weekend, and your roommate doesn’t usually leave his room before eleven at the earliest.

You curl up on the sofa, blanket around your shoulders, legs tucked against your chest, a bowl of hot porridge balanced upon your knees. If you wanted, you could message him. Say something like sorry for invading your space or i hope i didn’t snore! Anything that could un-knot the worry lacing in the pit of your stomach that you crossed a line by asking to share his bed.

It’s not necessary as it turns out, because Yoongi is home just a few minutes later, one bag and two to-go coffees in his hands. He’s especially lovely just out of the snow, with his cheeks turned pink, eyes bright, and a dusting of snowflakes. There’s a lot on his hair. Pretty.

“Sleep okay?” He doesn’t look at you as he hands over your coffee, marked oat milk capp on the side in barista cursive. You weren’t aware he knew your order.

You nod and smile gratefully, mouth still occupied by a spoon of porridge. He sits at the other end of the sofa.

“Good.” He doesn’t smile back, but his few gruff words are enough to set your mind at ease. It doesn’t seem like he’s bothered. Bothered people don’t buy coffee for their botherers.

“Why’d you get up so early?” you ask, after a minute.

“Can’t sleep- when it’s cold,” he says between sips of his americano. “Got some hot water bottles for us, and a bunch of those handwarmer things that you crack.”

Oh. You dig out your phone from your pocket and open PayPal. “How much do I owe? For the coffee too.”

You’re broke as hell, but you hate the guilt that comes with not paying your way. You can walk to the restaurant you work part time at for the week instead of catching the bus, for the sake of keeping warm at night.

Yoongi huffs a laugh, an awkward noise, something someone makes when they’re caught. “Don’t worry about it.” He catches your narrowing eyes. Shifts in his seat. Sighs. “I should’ve explained better before you moved in. Should’ve said that the bastard will let us suffer and not lift a finger,” Yoongi explains, keeping his eyes trained on his cup as his tone grows more bitter. “Should’ve said this happened last winter too, and I ended up paying for the engineer to fix it. I’m sorry I didn’t say.”

“Oh. Why didn’t you?”

“Do you know how hard it is these days to find a student with a job, a non-smoker, and obviously has decent personal hygiene? One guy tried to shake my hand after scratching his asshole right in front of me.” Yoongi shudders. Whether it’s the cold or that unnecessarily vivid imagery, you don’t know. “And I can’t afford this shithole on my own.”

“Wow,” you say, wryly. “I feel so used.”

Yoongi scratches at the nape of his neck. Doesn’t reply, even though that was obviously meant to be a joke.

“That was obviously a joke.”

Yoongi laughs. Sounds fake. “Hah- yeah, no it was funny.”

Hmm. Still awkward. Before you get the chance to open your mouth, Yoongi stands abruptly, announces he has something to do for a group project, says he’ll be at the library all day, probably. You nod again. It must look dumb, how often you nod at him, like one of those bobblehead dogs people keep on the dash of their cars. He doesn’t even notice, already walking into his room.

Within a few minutes he‘s in the lounge again, backpack slung over one shoulder. He doesn’t look at you when he asks if you have plans tonight. His ears are red. Taps at his phone.

“Nope. No plans.”

“Okay. Well- see ya.” And he’s gone, the door catching on a draft and slamming behind him.

You get his text an hour later while you’re writing an essay from your spot on the sofa, your new hot water bottle saving your toes from the chill.

yoongi [10:36]: bring your duvet if you’re gonna sleep in my bed tonight

yoongi [10:36]: you kept stealing mine

me [10:37]: sorry yoongi

me [10:37]: were you too cold?

yoongi [10:39]: only a bit

yoongi [10:39]: bring your duvet? : )

me [10:40]: okay : )

yoongi [10:40]: okay : )

It keeps you warm for the rest of the day.

———

It feels weird, the notion of following Yoongi to bed when he announces he’s going to sleep. So you don’t. You don’t, even though you’d been yawning for thirty minutes before the movie ended. Even though you’d already all but said you’d sleep with him tonight. Not with h- just… just in his bed.

But when you get to your room and notice the ice on the windows thicker still, and your own breath fogging the air, the decision is basically made for you. Fuck it.

Yoongi is cocooned in his duvet, only his eyes and forehead visible from the light of his phone, when you tap on his open door. Your own duvet is draped around your body like a cloak.

“Offer still on the table?”

“Mhm. Close the door, yeah? It’ll keep the heat in.”

He shuffles back while you shuffle over and all you can hear are short huffed breaths and the rustle of cheap polyester. It’d be a little funny if the winter didn’t bite at your nose so.

“Is this weird?” you ask after a few too-long minutes of laying side by side, facing each other and scrolling on your phones in total silence.

Yoongi looks up from his phone. “I don’t know. Yeah- I guess- I guess a bit.”

You don’t reply, you just chew on your bottom lip, and Yoongi must take that as some kind of worry about him and his intentions because he says, “I’m not going to- like..” and you interrupt him by saying “No- No! I know-“ and then he interrupts you by saying “you wanna build a pillow wall?” and then it definitely is weird because you keep talking over each other, trying to make each other comfortable but your voices keep getting louder and more insistent and more rapid and neither of you are actually listening or even saying anything until you just - stop. And then you smile awkwardly at Yoongi from your cocoon. And Yoongi smiles back at you from his, but his eyes are kind, and crinkly, and it doesn’t feel so awkward when he’s doing it. And then you’re both laughing over nothing. His breath is warm even with the gap between you. Smells minty. It’s nice.

“You wanna just go to sleep?” he asks softly.

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” He smiles.

“Okay.” You smile back.

——

On the fifth night, you’re woken by Yoongi screaming your name.

“Get up! Fuck! Help me!”

You don’t even notice the water until your socks are wet. The cold, the wet, it stings, but you’re running - slipping - until you get to the bathroom, the source of both the water and the screaming.

He’s drenched. Completely. From head to toe. It takes a few seconds to register why.

“Why are you just fucking standing there?!” Yoongi screeches, gripping the pipe under the sink with a soaked towel. Despite his efforts, it’s spraying everywhere, catching him in the eye even though he’s craning his neck away. “Oh my god! The pipes froze! Help!”

“Fuck,” is the only stupid sound you can get out of your stupid mouth. “Fuck, Yoongi! What do I do?!”

Your hair is getting wet now too. The spray is coming from two directions, you realise - the sink and the shower. Shit.

“Turn off- ugh-turn off the water.” He tries to angle his face away from the spray, but it keeps hitting him in the eye, in his open mouth. “At the stoptap.”

“The- the what?”

Yoongi’s eyes grow wide, groans incredulously. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding?” Any other time you’d be offended, but your pyjamas are wet and it’s fucking freezing and right now you couldn’t give a shit about anything else so you just glare right back at him through the spray.

“Here,” he says with urgency, grabbing you by the wrist and manoeuvring your hands over the towel he’s wrapped around the pipe - for what little good it’s doing. “Hold this.”

He dashes off, faster than you’ve ever seen the man move leaving you to be hit in the face by the spray instead. A minute that feels like an hour later, the water slows to a fast drip.

“Did it work?!” Yoongi calls from what you think is the kitchen.

“Yeah!” You shout back.

You meet in the hallway, water trickling down your noses. You both stand there just looking at each other, panting, hair sticking to your foreheads. Cheeks red and hands redder.

Yoongi looks bothered. “Sorry,” he says. “For swearing at you. For shouting.”

“No- no it’s okay. I get it.”

He pushes his hair back from his eyes. Now isn’t the time to think about how pretty he is, but you do it anyway. And then he takes you by surprise, by stepping closer, reaching out, and tucking a lock of wet hair behind your ear. It’s such a small thing, insignificant really but it feels like something is happening and it’s too much. He’s looking at you. Looking. He’s so close, and his fingers are brushing your cheek and it’s too much. It’s intense. You look away. Down at the floor. Down at the floor that has quite literally turned into a paddling pool.

“It’s New Year’s Eve.”

“Huh?”

“It’s like- three a.m on New Years Eve.”

“Oh.”

You don’t know why you said that. But Yoongi’s not looking at you anymore. He’s looking at the floor too.

“Now what?” you ask, though the answer is obvious to anyone with an ounce of sensibility.

“Ugh.”

——

In the morning, you call in sick to the restaurant from Yoongi’s bed. There’s no way you could manage a twelve hour shift after a night of mopping and barely two hours sleep. Yoongi’s in the kitchen, you can hear him calling the bar. Your managers probably think you’re both faking, but that’s the last thing on your mind.

You’re replaying the moment. The moment it seemed like he was going to kiss you, and you made a terribly un-smooth attempt to break the tension. It’s not even like you’d never thought about kissing him. Maybe once or twice. Maybe more, if you’re honest. So why did you dodge?

Yoongi comes in with two steaming mugs. It’s basically all milk, he explains with a frown, seeing as the pipes are still burst and you can’t have the water on. He calls his friend Namjoon, who lives with his boyfriend just one block away, to explain what happened. Namjoon offers up the use of his shower to the both of you without Yoongi even having to ask. Everyone likes Yoongi. You like Yoongi. So why did you dodge?

——

Namjoon and Seokjin are disgustingly in love. That much is obvious as soon as you see them both together. You’d met them individually, briefly, in the months gone by - but seeing them together, it’s blindingly obvious why Yoongi had refused to move in with his best friends, instead choosing to stay in his shitty apartment with the shitty landlord.

Yoongi encourages you to shower first, Seokjin points the way for you. And God, it’s hard not to take your sweet time. You haven’t been this warm in nearly a week, and your skin is damp and hot by the time you emerge from the bathroom twenty minutes later.

The three men go quiet when the bathroom door clicks shut behind you. Too quiet. Namjoon’s smile is bright and friendly but he clearly plastered it on to disguise something else. Seokjin looks like he’s trying to stop himself from smiling at all, the corners of his lips twitching as his eyes dart from Yoongi to you, and back again. Yoongi just gathers up his things and heads past you into the bathroom.

Namjoon offers you a chair at the table, and Seokjin sets a bowl of porridge in front of you a moment later. While you eat, you try not to notice the way Seokjin keeps opening his mouth, and the way Namjoon keeps elbowing him, or poking his thigh or shaking his head. They are really, horribly, obvious, and they’re making it incredibly difficult not to laugh into the breakfast they’d so kindly made for you.

“I just want to say-“

“ Seokjin…”

“-that Yoongi is really happy with you-“

“your company as a roommate-”

“Namjoon…”

“Uh-“ you start.

“You like living with him, right? He’s a good cook, and he’s good at fixing stuff-“

“Except the boiler,” says Namjoon with a laugh, which is silenced instantly with a sharp look from his boyfriend.

“-cause he’d be really sorry to lose you-“

“-as a roommate.”

Seokjin rolls his eyes. “-yes, yes, as a roommate,” he agrees but with air quotes. “Especially before he can tell you he’s in l-“

“Kim Seokjin!”

Seokjin ignores Namjoon’s admonishment. Just reaches out to lay his hand over yours. “You’re not going to move out, right?”

“Uhm,” you mumble around your porridge. You swallow to stall for time. Jesus Christ.

——

It’s New Year’s Eve, and you’re eating pizza in bed and watching TV. You should be working, and if not working then at some club with your friends. But here you are, with Min Yoongi, sharing a bed in a fancy hotel, apparently “a late Christmas present!” from his best friends.

Both of you had tried to refuse, but Seokjin, who you now understand to be sweetly manipulative with all the best intentions, insisted that the room would only go to waste if you didn’t take it. Taehyung knows a plumbing apprentice who’ll fix the pipes for cheap, but not for another few days. Namjoon and Seokjin have offered up their shower for use, and you’ll get by with bottled water for the dishes. For one blissful night though, you have a warm hotel room and a jacuzzi bath.

“They could’ve gotten us a twin.”

You look over at him. His ears are red again.

“Is this not okay? you say, voice tentative and small. “I can go, if you’re uncomfortable.”

Yoongi’s eyes catch yours at that, shakes his head. “I’m not. I thought you might be.”

You try to make your smile reassuring, and when Yoongi doesn’t look reassured in the slightest, you scoot closer and rest your head upon his shoulder.

“I’m comfortable. Okay?”

“Okay.” You glance at the mirror, catch his eyes trained on the top of your head and he’s smiling. He’s smiling so fond.

Outside, there’s fireworks.

“Happy New Year,” he whispers against your hair.

“Happy New Year, Yoongi.”

If you were braver, you’d kiss him.

——

It’s night seven, and Yoongi hasn’t stopped complaining. Maybe it’s because he’s nursing a cold. Maybe it’s because you’d had a taste of warmth and comfort at his friend’s home, and then the hotel, and then you had to come back here to this frozen place with no running water for the next three days.

His voice is thick with cold, and his throat must feel like razor blades like yours - but he’s still talking shit about the landlord and it’s driving you fucking mad. You just want to sleep. But Yoongi, for once, is far too chatty. At first you’d tried to reason with him.

“When he gets here I’m gonna turn the hose on him.”

“No you’re not.”

“I fucking am-“

“He’s not even gonna come.”

“Shit... Yeah, you’re right.”

——

“I’m gonna get a lawyer-“

“No. You’re not.”

“Yeah- and then we’ll sue-“

“Yoongi, we’re students. We don’t have the money for a lawyer.”

“Fuck. Fine. Okay.”

——

“I’m gonna find that cunts house and waterboard him in the middle of the night.”

“Yoongi!”

“What?”

“That’s too dark.”

“Yeah… Sorry, baby.”

“…What?”

“Nothing.” Yoongi coughs twice. “I’m very sick.”

——

“I’m gonna-“

That’s enough. That’s fucking enough.

“I swear to God, Min Yoongi,” you hiss from your cocoon. “If the next words out of your mouth aren’t I’m gonna go to sleep then I will drown you in that fucking bucket under the sink.”

“I thought you said waterboarding was too dark?”

It sounds like he’s teasing, but it’s pitch black and you can’t see if he’s smiling. You punch the burrito of a man lying next to you anyway.

“Oof,” he chuckles. “That might’ve actually hurt if I didn’t have all this padding.”

“I hate you tonight, Yoongi.”

“Will you like me tomorrow?”

“Maybe.” It’s hard to stay mad at him. “If you let me sleep.”

“Okay. I will. I’m sorry.” Sounds like he’s smiling. And then he does what he hasn’t done before, not even once this past week of sleeping in his bed. You feel the weight of his arm across the middle of your burrito cocoon duvet, wraps around, tugs you a little closer. Tugs you so close that you’re tucked under his chin. So close you’re sure he can feel your breath on his neck. And his voice soft, ever so gentle, “this okay?”

“Yeah,” you breathe. “S’okay.”

“Okay.” Sounds like he’s smiling. You let yourself smile too.

——

Jimin and Yoongi finally met tonight, at Hoseok’s birthday party. You’re just so pleased they’re getting along.

“What about you? What’re you doing after graduation?” The question is directed at Yoongi, you won’t finish your degree for another year. You turn to look at him with interest, because you hadn’t discussed that before. Why didn't you?

Yoongi gets a little faraway look in his eye at the question. “Norway.”

“Huh?” That doesn’t make sense.

“I wanna go to Norway. Study the architecture. Just for six months. A year at most.”

This doesn’t make any sense. “But you hate the cold.”

He’s only looking at you now. He could lean in, but he doesn’t. So polite. Maybe he doesn’t want to- in front of all these people. Maybe he doesn’t want to at all. The chatter carries on in the background. No one’s even paying attention.

“You look… really pretty.” It’s a poor attempt at a whisper.

“Yoongi,” you laugh, the Norway talk suddenly (almost) forgotten with the unexpected compliment. “You’re drunk.”

“Am not. If I’m drunk, you’re drunkerer,” he huffs, but he’s looping his arm around your waist, pulling you into his lap. “Smell pretty too. I like this top on you.” He runs a gentle hand up your arm, traces a finger across your necklace. You’re holding your breath. “Beautiful.”

He rests his chin upon your shoulder, and you lean back against his. Anyone at Hoseok’s party would be inclined to think you’re together, the way you’ve spent the whole time together on the sofa, laughing at jokes that no one else gets. It’s not cold here, in fact it’s awfully warm compared to what you’re used to now, but you’re huddled close all the same. So yes, everyone here thinks you and Yoongi are together. You’re inclined to let them think it.

You press a kiss to his cheek while the alcohol makes you brave.

“You’re pretty too, Yoongi.”

And he smiles so wide that it could split your heart right open. Lay it bare for everyone to see. God. You wish it would stay winter forever.

——

You wake up on that same sofa the next day, your head pounding in Yoongi’s lap. In Yoongi’s lap. One of his hands is in your hair, the other on your hip. He’s sleeping still, you think, and you twist to look up at him and that’s a mistake, because the movement makes him stir.

“Morning.”

“Good morning.” His voice is nice when he wakes up, so deep and a little strained. You wanna keep this moment, where his hand moves to cup your cheek and you remember kissing his last night. Can’t remember now if he was calling you beautiful or your necklace. He definitely called you pretty, and that was… yeah. You want to hear him say it again. Sober.

“You wanna get breakfast before we go home?”

“Dressed like this?”

He laughs under his breath. “We’ll get take out, yeah? Movie day in bed?”

“Yeah.” You smile bright, he lights up. “Yeah okay!”

“Okay, lemme go say bye to Hobi.”

——

“What did you choose?” Yoongi asks when he climbs in next to you, his hair still a little damp from the shower. Smells like he stole your shampoo again. All citrusy, mixed with something deeper. You like it. Suits him.

“Hacksaw Ridge.”

“You wanna watch a war film at ten a.m on a Saturday. With a hangover?”

You grin. “Andrew Garfield is the actual love of my life. I’ll suffer for him.”

“Really?” Yoongi says, the tease evident in his tone. He’s trying not to smile. “The love of your life?”

“Celebrities are the easiest people to love,” you explain, taking a bite of your bagel.

Yoongi tips his head, amused. “How so?”

You weren’t expecting this conversation. Not hungover on a Saturday with the love of your life (Andrew Garfield) present. You swallow. “No pressure with celebrities. Nothing to ruin. Unless they turn out to be- like… a sex predator or something.” You point at Andrew Garfield who is holding a gun. “I think I’m safe with him.”

Everything goes really quiet for a second. Yoongi looks from you, to the TV, and down at the bagel on his lap. You can’t work him out when he goes quiet like this.

“What about-“ he starts, looking back at the TV and the love of your life, Andrew Garfield. “What about… people?”

“People?”

“People you actually know. Are you safe with them?”

If he’s talking about Tae, or Jimin, or Siwoo, then yes. Yes because there’s no heartbreak there. You’re not too close. You can love them without expectation. If he’s talking about himself (more likely, you guess) then a few months ago, you would’ve said yes too, because he was just the sweet guy you lived with who helped you put up shelves. Now- it’s just… you can’t - you don’t know.

“I don’t know.”

Yoongi just looks at you blankly. A few seconds or a minute or ten pass and he’s just looking, eyes searching yours and you think you can hear your heart beating in your chest. Maybe it’s his. Maybe it belongs to both of you.

It gets louder, louder still and then you both seem to realise with a jolt that someone is at the door. Yoongi is faster, somehow, and he jumps out to answer it. You stay where you are, wondering if you should’ve just said yes, I’m safe with you because then he might’ve kissed you, and you can forget all about the love of your life, Andrew Garfield.

There’s raised voices down the hall, and you recognise the other as the landlord, showing up out of the blue but two months too late.

As it turns out, he’s scheduled to have the boiler replaced in ten days.

Yoongi is livid. Angry that he’s let you both suffer in the cold over the hardest winter in years.

“You know we had to share?! It was so fucking cold we had to the sleep in the same bed to keep warm.” There’s venom in his voice. The landlord deserves it but you hate it all the same. Had to.

The landlord says something indecipherable and Yoongi’s rage is palpable even from down the hall. “Don’t you get how inappropriate that is? That’s disgusting.”

Oh.

On the TV Andrew Garfield tells Teresa Palmer I love you. You scowl.

“Shut up, Andrew.”

——

yoongi [19:22]: joon gave me a copy of the new spider-man movie, you wanna watch it tonight? : )

me [19:57]:       uh actually i think i’m gonna stay at sungho’s place. it’s his birthday party tonight

yoongi [20:03]: oh okay

yoongi [20:03]: wait sungho your ex boyfriend?

me [22:49]:        yeah

You don’t know why you came really. You could say it was because Tae begged, because he’s your best friend and he’s been complaining about missing you for months. But now Taehyung is gone, as he usually is at parties,  somewhere in this house, he’ll be in the arms of Jungkook. You’ve seen Sungho maybe twice, kissing his girlfriend of eight months on the cheek. You’d smiled at them, waved, and they waved back. They’re cute together. And you’re not having fun. You’d much rather be at home, tucked under Yoongi’s arm watching a movie from bed that neither of you really watch, as you had for the past several weeks.

Perhaps it’s because there’s less than a week of cold left, before the replacement, but last night… Last night was the hardest.

Yoongi was holding your hand, brushing your knuckles with a calloused thumb over, and over. And when you were both falling asleep, with the movie still playing, you’d curled around each other, limbs intertwined, finding warmth against the body of the other rather than within your respective duvets.

And when you woke up in his arms - your hands under his shirt, against his back and holding his body against yours, with his fingers curling under the hem of your top, brushing against the soft skin of your stomach - it was everything.

So you found yourself wishing you could wake up like that forever. But that hurt all the more, because how could it be forever when winter will give way to spring so soon? When the boiler will be replaced and your room will be habitable again. How could it be forever when Yoongi graduates in a few short months, and does what he said he would - move to fucking Norway or Sweden or some horrendously far away place, swapping one frozen home for another. And you’re left here another year, in this shitty apartment with the shitty landlord, and without the one person who keeps you warm at night with just his smile. How could it be forever when you’re letting him think you’re with your ex tonight? Who fucking does that?

Maybe you’re just scared.

——

me [17:12]:           i’m home! i’ll cook if you wanna watch spider-man tonight?

me [17:59]:           yoongi?

yoongi [21:22]:    pulling an all-nighter at the library with namjoon, feel free to watch it without me

That’s a lie. You know because Namjoon added you on Instagram, and he and Seokjin are teaching Jungkook how to ice-skate right now. But you lied too. Because a lie of omission is still a lie, right? So who are you to call Yoongi out?

——

Yoongi stays out the next night too. Blames his dissertation, says you’ll understand next year.

It’s bitterly cold without him. You say so and he doesn’t reply.

me [00:43]:       yoongi i miss you. please come home

He doesn’t read that one.

You really fucked up.

——

Today, he comes in the door just as you’re leaving for class. The lie clearly wasn’t about being up all night, the circles around his eyes say as much.

He brought two electric heaters with him. Explains in passing that one of them is for your room.

Oh.

——

You’ve had the bed to yourself since Sungho’s party. Yoongi says he’s working on his dissertation. Which you know to be bullshit because he never works on anything for his degree until the week before it’s due. On the fourth night his side is left cold and empty, it’s too much of the wrong thing. So at two a.m, maybe three - you get back up, walk into the lounge where Yoongi sits on his laptop, with two empty cans of Red Bull at his feet.

“Why are you avoiding me?” You try to sound assertive, but the sound comes out small and pathetic. Because the truth is you know why he’s avoiding you, and you know it’s your fault.

“I’m not?” See, he makes it sound like a ridiculous question but he didn’t even look up. Avoiding even looking at you.

“Yoongi,” you start and he sighs, exasperated. “It’s been ages. Come to bed, stop pretending you’re working.”

“I am-“ you cut him off with a bark of incredulous laughter and he looks up at you, wide-eyed when you push his laptop firmly closed.

“No, you’re not.” Hot tears threaten to spill over if you don’t break the dam with your words first, so here goes. “You think you’re so fucking subtle sitting there typing away when you know I’m looking but I can see in the mirror that you’re on fucking discord with your friends.”

Yoongi, the idiot, turns to look at the mirror he seemingly forgot existed, despite him being the one to hang it.

“I know this thing we do only started because I was cold,” you reason, more to make sense of it all for yourself rather than for his benefit. “But it’s more than that for me, Yoongi. You’re more than just a warm body to sleep next to.”

He’s too quiet.

“You want me to sleep in my room again? You brought the heater, right? So I should? I don’t want to but I will.” An embarrassing noise threatens to make itself heard when Yoongi turns back to you, eyes huge and sad. “If you don’t want me around should I move out-”

“No.” Yoongi gapes. Opens and closes his mouth like a fish, a big dumb fish out of water. “I’m not angry. Don’t go- I’m really not.” And then he takes your hand, tugs you down into his lap. His hands are in your hair now, holding you against the crook of his neck but his T-shirt is wet against your face and it takes a few beats to realise the wet is coming from you, and then you’re sobbing and fuck, it’s so stupid. It’s embarrassing.

He’s stroking your hair now, peppering soft kisses against your temple, down your cheek, whispering in your ear, “don’t go, baby. Don’t cry. God, I’m sorry- I’m really sorry.” He waits for you to calm, for the tears to stop, and then he’s guiding you to stand, leading you back into his room.

He climbs in next to you, pulling one of your duvets over the both of you, and it’s hard to put into words how much that one small thing means. He wraps you up in his arms again, like the night he held you last. You press a kiss to his shoulder.

“You shouldn’t be sorry,” you say, when you find your voice again. “I let you think I was with someone else.”

Yoongi shakes his head as soon as you start talking. “Shh. Don’t explain. We’re not even toge- wait… let me think?”

You cringe. “Nothing happened. I just went to the party with Tae, we crashed in the lounge with a bunch of people. I was- I dunno. It- nothing happened, okay, Yoongi? I didn’t even want anything to happen. I wanted to be here.”

“Why weren’t you here?”

“Scared.”

“Oh.” You hold your breath as your eyes rake over his blank expression. And then his face crumples and he holds you tighter, burying his nose in your hair. “I th- thought I made it clear, how much- and then you… baby I was so jealous. Shit .” He laughs then, bitterly, more at himself it seems, because his hand strokes down your hair, and tips up your chin. His dark eyes are intense on yours. “Are you scared now? I thought I misread everything. Or missed my chance. Did I?”

You shake your head.

“Hey,” Yoongi says, his voice deep, running a thumb over the apple of your cheek. “Use your words, yeah? Let’s not get this wrong again.”

“No, Yoongi, you didn’t misread anything,” you say, and he smiles, leans in, his breath ghosting your lips. “You didn’t miss your chance. I’d give you a thousand.”

“Still scared?” he murmurs.

“Yes,” you admit. “But I want us anyway.”

His smile is wide and beautiful. You love it. Love him. Dark eyes dart to your lips.

“Can I-”

“Y-“

And you’re kissing.

since the beginning of your relationship, jungkook had told you about how restless and turbulent his schedule could get sometimes. so, keeping that in mind, you never really told him how much being ditched on date nights, or even on your own birthday dinner party, hurted you. the last thing you wanted was to be selfish and look like the clingy type.

today especially had been a very long day for you, though. all you wanted was to get home and feel the warmth and security of your boyfriend's arms. all you craved for was his affection and attention. but because of the upcoming comeback, you knew that probably wouldn't happen since jungkook had been busier than usual. still, you decided to try to call him, wanting at least to hear his voice. he answered after the fourth time trying.

"...kook? hey, sorry for—"

"y/n, what the hell?" he interrupted you, his voice annoyed and loud. "for fuck's sake, calling four times in a roll? seriously, do you think acting like this is cute? i'm clearly busy right now."

"...wow, uh—" you sighed. your eyes were already fighting tears from the built up frustration, but you chuckled bitterly. "yeah, i don't know what came up with me right now... sorry for disturbing you, kook. trust me, i know how annoying i can be"

jungkook felt his heart drop at your words, and regret filled him immediately. he could notice how hurt you were just by your broken voice. God, what the fuck. what made him think he could talk to you like that?

"no, angel, i'm sorry. it's not your—"

you hung up, not wanting to hear what he had to say anymore. if he was so tired of dealing with your shit, then you should probably just leave, right? that way, you wouldn't bother him any longer. God, you really should've just kept your mouth shut.

jungkook did not want that, though. he was sure of his feelings for you, and he was sure that he needed you. suddenly, work just seemed fucking worthless for him. how was spending that much time and energy locked in a studio better than going home to you?

he obviously loved his job, but he had already dedicated all of his teen years and so much of his adult life to becoming a successful idol, that now he couldn't help but notice that all the money and fame he had conquered could never replace the love he had been neglecting from everyone in his personal life, including you. that realization was enough for him to get up and just abandon the meeting without further explanation, leaving behind the rest of the bangtan boys and staff confused.

when he got to your apartment, the whole place was dark. he knew you weren't asleep. your anxiety would never let you rest after a fight. your head had the need to overthink every single detail and spoken words, and that always left you very neurotic and troubled – that's why he was sure that coming over to talk was the best alternative.

he entered your room to find you curled up on your bed, obviously trying hard to make yourself small and stop shaking. knowing that he was the one making you feel that way made jungkook nauseous with guilt.

sitting beside you, he stroked your back and hair softly with his fingers, desperate to see your face.

"y/n...?" he whispered. "angel, i'm here. can we please talk?"

you didn't answer with words, but your uneasy breathing from crying so much earlier and the way you tightened your grip around your legs even more were enough reasons for him to get closer to you.

jungkook laid down on the bed, hugging your figure and leaving several sweet pecks over your soft skin. he didn't even know how to start apologizing.

"i know that the way i have been treating you lately has no excuse, but i need you to know that i am genuinely sorry, y/n." he breathed. "i'm so fucking sorry."

just like that you were sobbing again. your emotions were already all over the place because of your shitty week, and getting home only to discuss with your boyfriend was too much for your tired emotional state to handle.

you turned around and buried your face on his neck. jungkook held the back of your head, hugging your body tightly against his while pressing soft pecks on your temple.

"i love you, y/n. so fucking much it hurts. you're my baby." he whispered. "i promise you that i will never act like such an asshole again. i won't let you doubt my love for you ever again. okay?"

you nodded at him. you knew he was sincere with his apology, he wasn't one to say empty words.

"just please don't think i don't support your career, kook." you looked up at him with red teary eyes. "you don't have to choose between me and doing what you love. you make me so proud every day. all i want is for you to be happy."

"i could never think like that, angel." he smiled softly and pecked your forehead again. "you are the one that makes me insanely happy every day. i'm so thankful for your love. i won't take it for granted."