Games, games, games!

They got a whole cat at the Goodwill?

Been re-reading my copy of Sherlock Holmes, and I never noticed how little Watson actually speaks in the text. Other than a couple questions and a few equivalents of ‘oh my!’, the main way we hear his thoughts are through his narration. Now I know this probably because ACD had a limited amount of words, and watson dialogue wouldn't be as interesting to the readers- But I like the idea of 'WORD FAMOUS DETECTIVE and his hypeman that he brings along’. You never hear a peep out of that guy, he just stands menacingly in the background until Holmes says something like “ah yes. He was 6ft tall.” and he goes “ AHH FUCK YEAH, THATS MY FUCKING BITCH I LOVE YOU YOU’RE THE SMARETEST PEROSN IN THE WORLD I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU GOT THAT LETSS A FUCKING GOOOOOOO!!!!!!” and then falls silent again.

Everybody say "thank you south america" for the humble potato

3. you can also pretend you’re a deep sea predator pretending to be aquatic plant life drifting in the currents to attract prey

Kids today need to learn how to pull the evil taffy.

4. Brush away the spiderwebs in the vast and mysterious crypt you're exploring

lets start blair witching it in the corner. together

I keep getting shown an AI ad where a guy is cooking burger with entire assembled burger and French fries sitting on the grill and poking them with a spatula and I haven’t once paid attention to what this AI burger man is attempting to sell me.

Ah yes my friend Mike and his circular rows of teeth.

Pirate’s booty, Pirate’s penis, Pirate’s balls. All treasure.

What about a Pirate's soul?

Does not matter at all to me. Pirates are made to be objectified.

I’d honestly be scared as fuck if a bunch of basic shapes came floating towards me. Yellow Prism. Red Sphere? Fuck that.

You are really gonna freak out when I tell you about the sun

The Sun's fine as long as it stays over there

this made me smile, sending you warm vibes today

… How warm?

Hello. You're the most beautiful person in the world. Genuinely first place. Be sure to rest up.

This feels like a trap

Rarely, I’m nice

Man at my job just told me to “hold your little horsies just a little longer ☺️” about the task I’ve been waiting for him to complete or at the very least update me on for six weeks. Brendan, I will fuck your adult son. You’re gonna start seeing me at family Christmas. Horsies in tow.

Ants have the most badass lives of anything in the animal kingdom, life as an ant is like warhammer

you can't come to my birthday party? aw dang, (remembers it's bad to guilt trip people) this doesn't matter to me at all (remembers to demonstrate that i am affected by you to affirm your positive presence in my life) but while you're away i will die (remembers not to guilt trip again) unpreventably. unrelated to you. don't worry about it. (remembers to express care through actions and not just words) you're in the will.