Games, games, games!

im not a girl Unless ☝️ im being told to go piss

@ralfmaximus

i swear if the wizard doesnt let me out of his abandoned salt mine soon im gonna fucking LOSE IT

what did you do to be put into the salt mine

i MAY have eaten his special wizard meal. but i think he should let me out tbh

was it good? was it worth it? are you able to bear the weight of your sin?

im not gonna lie it was fucking delicious i would fucking do it again. wait shit youre the fucking wizard in disguise seeing if ive learned my lesson arent you. fuck.

10 YEARS IN THE ABANDONED SALT MINE.

I feel cheated. no one on Reddit told me that tumblr is a serotonin factory. Keep liking and reblogging my posts please thanks

Just don't fly too close to the sun.

Throw me to the sun and I’ll get it pregnant

he understands the website your honour

*smirking* you couldn't waterboard that out of me, but even if torture was an effective method of information extraction and not a futile display of state-sanctioned sadism, the high percentage of false confessions it produces would mean that even if you could waterboard it out of me, could you even trust the veracity of my statement?

they're trying to get me to do something called ""my job"" instead of reading about medieval english poaching laws

what they don't tell you about sex is that it doesn't have to involve sex

Even though it was dark out, and all the hot teens who kill people were locked in their chambers, I somehow managed to leave mine undetected, sliding my skinny little Polly Pocket body through the edges of my vaulted door. I moved Taylor Sw*ftly, heading towards the one place that gave me comfort in this hellhole of a prison: the library. Where no one ever went except for me because I'm different and quirky and like to lead. The library was off limits to prisoners, and even though it held all of Tic Tac's ancient history, for some reason it was uninteresting to everyone in the realm. But not to me. The smell of black mold and asbestos and 300-year old dust clouded my senses, welcoming me like a bouncer at a club as I made my way through the candle-lit fire hazard shelves. "Now I'm quite certain you're not supposed to be here" a silky low one hundred thousand dollar sounding voice called from behind my bony shoulder. I jumped, almost tripping over my silly little baby bird feet as I turned. The prince, who was not in his usual formal attire, but in a pair of Buzz Lightyear spaceship pajamas, was standing before me towering overly like the Hulk. The candle light danced across his chiseled jawline and his dark brown fusilli curls fell in front of sleepy blue orbs. It made Cornhole look almost…human. I gathered my shock, praying that the split second I faltered he didn't notice. But the way the corners or his mouth turned upward like the Cheshire Cat told me he did. "And I thought you couldn't read! But look at that, here we are," I said, hiding the ancient tome I had pulled from the shelf behind by stick thin body as I tried to casually move out of his gaze. He stepped closer, pressing his ice cube tray abs against my small frame and giant rack. His breath was warm and damp like a dog as he laced a large hand behind my waist grabbing onto the book in my hands. He smiled. His dentine teeth shining in the dark as his lapis lazuli eyes flicked to my mouth. "I could have you killed you know." My stomach slut dropped, aching for him to rip my insides open and wear me like a tracksuit. "Do it," I breathed. The words leaking out of me like an anxious girl with IBS. He growled, low and guttural, like he was about to devour me whole as he leaned into my uncooked linguine hair. "Tempting," he whispered, pulling back and taking the book from me in one quick swoop. "But I think I'll wait. Who knows what you'll get up to alive." He winked at me like a car salesman and moonwalked out the door, leaving me standing there star struck and empty-handed. What the hell was that??

fill your body with cranberries so the horse that kills you gets a sensual surprise when he begins to feed

i will give the  horse that kills me no such luxury

interesting dates on this post

those aren’t dates, they are explicitly stated to be cranberries

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

brennan went so hard with that big scary primus tachonis speech that he had to immediately let loose and play the weird little freak that termina is right after as enrichment. and i think that’s beautiful.

I love picking up self published novels, sometimes I'll get a few pages in and immediately recognize the prose structure and be like. 🫵 reddit user or 🫵 tumblr user or 🫵 ao3 user. but never twitter. not once twitter. I don't think those people write