Odd-Eye listened closely, nodding along as Awase spoke, not interrupting. When Awase finished, Odd-Eye leaned back, kicking his feet up onto his desk and humming in acknowledgement.
"Well first and foremost, let's cover what you clearly already know and get it out of the way - she was in the wrong. You know that already. I would be wasting your time to sit here and repeat it for you ad infinitum, so let's establish it firmly as a fact and continue."
"What you're describing is something I'm extremely familiar with, because it's an incredibly common experience for autistic children, particularly those with any sort of fluctuating emotional regulation. What you've done - and again, the process is remarkably common - is that you've recognized that there are an established set of 'rules' that the rest of the world is privy to and you are not. You favoured being quiet and isolating yourself because it allowed you to avoid violating those rules."
"Which is where the second set of rules comes in, because in actuality, there's two sets. Allistic people share a mutual understanding of how people in a society are meant to speak, whether they know it or not, but they also share a mutual understanding of how people in a society are meant to think and react."
"Say for example, you and I are having a conversation. You tell me that, perhaps, you're planning a get-together in the upcoming week with a few friends. I tell you that I, on the other hand, have no plans. Innocuous enough, except that we're once again using those rules. Under the surface, I'm asking you to invite me along with your plans. When you inevitably don't, I take offence to it."
"It seems nonsensical in theory, but very sensical to people who understand that implicit language. That doesn't mean you're wrong for not understanding it, but it also doesn't mean that they're wrong for expecting you to. In a case like that, it's nobody's fault - allistic and autistic individuals simply communicate expectations differently, and while it can be remarkably isolating, nobody is at fault for it."
"Where it becomes problematic is when those expectations of fluid communication beget resentment, which is what you've described regarding your mother. Parents often struggle with the concept particularly hard, because they feel as though your emotions are their responsibility. When you're upset, your mother takes that as a sign that she's failed, and it frustrates her, and she directs that frustration towards you for not 'succeeding', so to speak."
He casually picked up one of the many daggers from the collection near his desk, idly tugging at the strap of his eyepatch with the tip as he spoke - though the eye itself remains closed.
"So here's what we're left with. Children, because they lack the necessary social understanding or intelligence at that age, treat you as entertainment. Their friends don't react how you react, so they find you novel and entertaining when you lash out. As a result, they provoke you. You aren't taken seriously, because you're viewed as entertainment, so this girl you speak of doesn't feel the need to respect your boundaries, because you're a joke to her."
"Your parents, because they take responsibility for your happiness, see that you struggle with your emotions and that it causes social conflict for you, and because they want you to be happy, they feel a latent desire for you to also be 'normal', because they believe it would solve all of your problems. To their generation, part of being normal is being romantically interested in girls who want you, so when you refuse, they become frustrated at you through a lens of believing that you're sabotaging your own happiness."
"The important connecting thread in all of this, if you'll notice, is that none of it is your fault. How you feel is never your fault - how anyone feels is never anyone's fault, it's human nature. Reactions are our fault. They react to you with aggression, and that's their fault. If you reacted to others' innocent behaviour with aggression, that would be your fault. Reacting to provocation specifically designed to agitate you, however, is not your fault - that's the fault of the individuals trying to provoke you."
"Which brings us back to the topic at hand. You're struggling to interact. There's a reason. We can identify it, and we can provide you with the strategies to combat it comfortably, which means there's hope yet! You should be eager in that regard!"
He gave his usual smirk, setting the dagger back down on the corner of his desk.
"So tell me what we're doing today, Forgeborne. If you'd simply like to talk about your struggles, we can easily spend our time doing that, and I'll have no gripes about it. If you'd like to workshop some fixes, I would have no qualms. How would you like to use the space today?"
