second chances

YES YOU GET IT!!!!!!! yeah i think there's something so fascinating about the way eddie's brain creates all of these paradoxes and self-fulfilling prophecies that allow him to justify the little plays that he puts on for the different parts of his life. if he's satisfied with being content he doesn't have to push anything, take any risks, go after something that maybe he never wanted anyways who knows what his feelings are, certainly not him!!

and like you said the reason he talks to chim and buck and encourages them to go for things is that he sees in them an optimism and capacity for getting back up again and creating beautiful things that he doesn't necessarily see in himself. like maybe they'll make mistakes but they wouldn't irrevocably ruin things like eddie does, if they make mistakes THEY can get back up and it doesn't define them as a person.

and yeah in this chapter in that moment eddie does have the chance to grasp at something and take a leap towards something beautiful, and he's been trying the whole time to talk himself into that kind of blind optimism and belief. but because of the way he has to frame it to justify his desires to himself, the thing he's jumping FOR is just a little shell on top of the thing he ACTUALLY wants, and he jumps so hard for the thing he's talked himself into believing he CAN want that he crashes through and accidentally dents the thing that he really wants instead.

Eh, it's not my loft anymore. Gave 'em my notice this morning. And now you don't need to worry.

chapter 3: this isn't a break-up, dear heart, it's a season finale

when is a lie not a lie?

When Eddie walks into the station exactly a week before Buck is slated to return, he is immediately descended upon by vultures. Or his beloved chosen family. Same difference.

“Edmundo Diaz,” Hen says, with a kind of glee in her voice that Eddie truly and sincerely fears. “Or is it Buckley-Diaz, now?”

The name sends a pang through him, some sort of wistful, useless hope that he drowns as soon as it begins to surface.

“Chimney,” he says, instead, rolling his eyes up to the stairs where Chimney is making his way down with a gleeful glint in his eyes.

“Hey,” Chim shrugs, something pleased in the tilt of his smirk. “You never said it was a secret.”

Guys guys guys guys guys guys

Aaaaaaaaaa

I am feeling so fucking emotional about the fact that not only did this guy read a huge chunk of my essay, but he spent so much time backing up what I said with video clips and photos.

I cut down the video so that Tumblr would actually post it — it's almost 25m long — but please go watch the whole thing and let him know I sent you. It's a REALLY good video.

Don't rush to work / Don't be late for lunch 上班别急 / 午饭可别迟到了