second chances

is there a Buck edit to Bubblegum Bitch by Marina and the Diamonds because if not then there should be

one consistent aspect for Buck to me is that he's got an internal moral compass and makes decisions based on that. he loves asking for advice often, but his moral compass is very firmly internal and guides the big decisions he makes.

thinking once again about Karen saying everyone she loves belonged to Eva first and I want to chew a table. thinking about her aiming for planets and moons, building skills to reach them, and falling short because of reasons beyond her control. she's not going to be chosen first, she's not going to find a guarantee. she's always aware of the ways in which her dreams can be taken, the disappointment of adjusting to whatever is available instead. and the fear, valid and overwhelming and always in the corner of the room, that this could become the reality with her family too. that she could lose them by not being someone else. that's how the story has gone before, it could go all the way this time. but it doesn't. instead she stands with Hen in the backyard of their home, with their son walking them down an aisle, to renew vows, surrounded by their family. all of them choosing. all of them a guarantee by being present.

the wild thing about 9x14 (and 9x15) is that Buck doesn't even actually have to lie to Eddie fully. he just doesn't bring Eddie's attention to the idea that whatever is wrong is actually not about the psychological thing with Bonnie. he let's Eddie think that's the crux and assures him he has THAT handled. at no point does Eddie consider that whatever is wrong could be PHYSICAL, because all the loud pointers he's stuck on are about any emotional or psychological trauma. because that is what was horrifying Eddie.