jumping jellyfish

So on the fourth of july weekend, that Friday we went to a rave, and then to the club. I did NOT get as drunk as last time

The rave was cool but not what I expected, the venue was a smallish carpeted room, i was expecting a big hall. The music was fun and i ran in the mosh pit ao that was cool, but we left after like 30 minutes and went to the club next door lol. This club is always fun, and their music is so fucking good, its like, new stuff like Megan thee stallion and shit, but also like the 2010s stuff. We had alot of fun and then ubered back and doordashed wendys

Then forth of July was nice, we all went out to get post-club brunch, and then went back to someone's place to watch this show we're watching. Then went to see the fireworks over the river, gorgeous, and then we went skating on the top of this parking garage my roommate can get into cause she works at the uni. A police car drove up, i thought we were getting kicked out but i think he was just don't his rounds. He gave us a "hell yeah 🤘" and let us stay. Then we got insomnia cookies but I just got ice cream, I got a mint chocolate cookie flavor and marshmallow flavor with white chocolate fudge stars. So fun.

Then the next day my roommate and i skated around campus, v fun.

Then I took off work that monday and had my doctor's appt, I wore my new jeans from old navy. PETITE length. It was raining, i took the bus plus a 5 minute walk to get there, and the bottoms of my pants were SOAKED. Fully dragging on the ground, getting caught under my shoes, even wearing my platform sneakers. Petite my fucking ass bro.

The next weekend we had a game night, but we only really managed to play 1 game lol. It was fun tho

The weekend after that was a pride parade. That Friday I was chudded out watching anime eating mac and cheese playing guitar hero, and my roommate and a bunch of friends came in and we all played some guitar hero it was great.

Then Saturday was the parade, we all went watch and caught the last 20 minutes of it. Then it started absolutely downpouring we ran for cover under a big awning and luckily my other roommate volunteered to go run to get the car we parked 10 minutes away.

We went home and dried off, then went out for lunch. Came back and played a few board games.

Then we had a little pregame and went out that night. the club was packed like crazy, i mean it was a gay club on pride, should've expected that. Then we went home and ordered Wendy's again lol.

Ok and that was the last eventful weekend I had.

But even during the weekdays and stuff, im so having fun. My roommate and I are watching through attack on titan, that's really fun. My other roommate, her friend, and I have been watching through hacks, which is a blast.

I never thought I could be this social, and I absolutely never thought I would even want to be this social. But im talking to people, hanging out, watching shows, having conversations with people on the regular and its so good.

And I think I was so thrown off by that that I could barely mention the issues ive been having. I dont think I even mentioned my hypermobility, or my worsening acne, or the fact that ive been losing hair continuously since I was 12. Aaaugh why did I do that.

And then when the doctor asked about what symptoms of adhd is experience i couldnt think of anything and I felt so stupid. Well I was thinking, it makes me not want to do anything, including being alive, but I was thinking about how I cant say that cause they'll have to like flag that or smth lmao, so I was like "uhhhh. Paying attention I guess"

I also was hoping to get my adhd meds prescribed by my pcp as I always have, but apparently I have to see a psychiatrist beforehand and have him prescribe me the meds and idk. Im so scared im not going to be able to articulate how exactly i struggle with adhd, or im going to mention about how its so hard to be alive and do stuff and hes gonna get me with the depression diagnosis but really I think if I was just able to be excited about being alive I'd be fine

I love strong friendship dynamics. But the second it turns mushy I get nails on a chalkboard in my spine. But I can still find people attractive so its like im hell being taunted by myself.

My eye is twitching with how much I want to be invited to this. I want to be part of the "everybody" but I literally do not know these people

Her friends called her back and asked if she wanted to come to someone's house and hang, so she went. I kinda really wanted to go, i was hoping she would ask if i wanted to come lol. But it fully makes 100% sense why I wouldnt be invited, these are *her* friends, I dont know these people, ive only met them once. But they were all really fun and cool and i had alot of fun with them last time, I was still kinda disappointed that I didnt get to hangout though lol

After she got the first call, I agreed that tonight wasnt the best time to have ppl over, but maybe i should have acted more enthusiastic about the prospect of hanging out so she would invite me.

I woke up sat upright on the couch, kitchen trash can in front of me, no pants on (I initially wore a romper and had jeans over it to make it a shirt, so i was still covered with the romper shorts), no idea where my phone or wallet was, no idea what had even happened. I had a vague memory of throwing up but not the full story.

Apparently after we got back, they ordered Wendy's and hung out for a bit, then I started puking gross black puke everywhere. And I was throwing up like, alot, to the point that one of them said if I hadn't stopped soon they were gonna take me to the ER. But they were trying to get me to change out of my pukey clothes and into some pjs, but discovered i was wearing a romper and they, also drunk, couldnt deal with all of that.

They tried to put me to bed, but I was throwing up too much to lay down, so they got the chair back pillow and sat me up on my bed, but I wasnt sitting up enough so they gave up and brought me back downstairs to sit on the couch, and thats how i woke up.

Initially I wasnt embarrassed at all when i learned about what happened the day after. I of course apologized to those who had to drunkenly deal with me throwing up everywhere, but i was kinda like "hell yeah i was lit asf", but as time goes on in find myself thinking about it more and more and getting more embarrassed. I literally threw up on myself in front of everyone and needed people to help me go change like wtf eeww

But at the same time im kinda glad I experienced it. I really wanted to experience heavy drinking in my fleeting youth. My hangover was bad but not as bad as I thought. I was just really nauseous and couldnt keep any food or water down for about a day, but no headache or anything. I kinda wanted the type of hangover you see on tv with the headache and then they eat a big breakfast sandwich or something and theyre mostly ok.

I need to stop thinking about this, but I think theres a stain in the rug where I puked. I think, i really dont know cause i dont remember. and I keep looking at it. I should buy a new rug. Or at least turn the rug so the stain is under the couch. What are we gonna do when my roommates and move all the furniture to do a workout or something and the stain is in plain view. Thats so gross and its gonna be so awkward.