Sometimes it was relaxing, to just let himself be carried away without having to put any thought into his actions. And to be truthful, he loved that feeling. Junseo couldn’t get enough of feeling as if he could rest his mind even for a moment, and simply linger in a place where everything was quiet and peaceful. It didn’t matter where he ended up, all that mattered was that the tide of words that seared itself into his mind had become a wave of comfort at those times.

He had that feeling in Yejun’s, but it felt as soon as the storm had subsided and left a glimmering sea of hope, it had vanished and he found himself being swept away once again. 

A part of Junseo desperately wanted to know when he started to feel like this whenever he was with people-people he knew, and people he didn’t. 

But another part of him knew that it didn’t start at a specific point in his life; it was something that was natural to him. 

Junseo had long since realized that the feeling of drowning under the gaze of countless eyes was as ordinary for him as it was to be breathing. 

When he was younger, and had experienced less of what the world seemed to have in store for him, Junseo had always fought against the water that had no end. He went along with what his parents expected of him, but found tiny ways to make it feel like it was always his decision. The expectations that were thrown at him were always met with the swiftest of resilience that contrasted the fact that he ended up doing whatever that was expected with him. 

Junseo wanted to believe that he was the one who controlled his life when he was younger. That whatever he did was ultimately because he wanted to do it, and that if it ever came to a crossroads, Junseo would be the one who’d be able to decide which way he’d want to go. 

But when he grew older, and lived more days doing what others wanted from him, he quickly realized that feeding himself the lies he wanted to hear was nothing but putting a safety net made of feathers underneath himself. 

“Is the script finalized for the series?”

Junseo looked up from his plate, his eyes landing on his father from across the table, subtly taking a glance from his mother on his side who was busy on her phone. The restaurant was empty as per usual due to his father’s reservation, something that Junseo couldn’t help but find himself thankful for. Less people meant less wandering eyes. 

“Yes.” his reply came out with such ease, it was as if the sweat that had begun to make his hands clammy was non-existent. “We’re set to start filming after we wrap up all the promotions for our-“

“Did you get the main role as we planned?”

The sigh was impossible to keep within himself, reaching the part of the dinner that he knew was bound to come. It was like clockwork: they had their weekly dinners at the same restaurant they’d be coming to since Junseo had been working, and for the first half the conversation steered between the lines of pleasantries and complaining about everyone’s respective lives. 

Then they dived into the territory of Junseo’s life, which although quite clearly should be his own worries, it was more of a topic of debate than something that was his. He’s had this repeat enough to know this was more of a business meeting than a family dinner, which is why he always ended up ordering the smallest dish on the menu, knowing he wouldn’t be able to eat any at all. He learnt how that was a mistake when he found himself in the bathroom afterwards, kneeling by the toilet, the stress of it all having such a strong hold on him. 

Junseo knew in his heart that the reason he disliked being around other people was because of the expectations placed on him by his parents. He felt as if those demands followed him around like a permanent sign attached to him, allowing for others to cast judgements on him based on that alone. It was one of the most burdening feelings knowing how his parents saw him and how they critiqued every small thing he did. 

He couldn’t quite handle feeling like that everywhere he went, with everyone he met.  

“There isn’t one lead role. Our company designed it to where each member has their own chance to be the lead.” 

“Yes, sure, but did you get the role with the most relevance?” 

“They’re all equal-“

“It would be a shame to see something who’s been in the industry for so long outshined by someone who’s going to freshly debut. What was that kid’s name? Mingi?” 

“Minjun?”

“It would be quite embarrassing if he had the same level of importance as you wouldn’t it? We wouldn’t want for people to have more to talk about after what happened the last time you were on tv, yes?” 

“Yes, dad.” 

“It was quite troublesome having to witness the negative comments overpower the positive ones, and we wouldn’t want to deal with pulling strings to stop slanderous articles from coming up again, would we sweetheart?”

Junseo had to suppress the urge to roll his eyes when his father motioned to his mother, watching the way she managed to put her phone down, not wanting to hear her comments piggybacking his. 

“We sure wouldn’t. It may have been on your company for not preparing you enough for your first drama, but you’re equally at fault Junseo. We’ve given you all the resources you need, and if you can’t rise up to the occasion you’ll be the blame.” 

“Except he will this time; there shouldn't be an idea that he can’t. He can and he will, isn't that right, Junseo?” 

He suddenly felt something tightening in his throat, as if he took a sip of water and it went down the wrong pipe. He wanted to disagree with his parents, to explain why he didn’t do well the first time he landed a role, and to defend himself from their expectations that felt like a wave rushing over his head and fighting to swallow him whole. 

Junseo had grown accustomed to sidelining what he wanted in life to please his parents. There was never a moment he could remember where it was the other way around, nor could he remember feeling like he was able to disagree with what his parents wanted from him. His parents demanded things from him, and Junseo did his best to go along with them. He didn’t know if he even had the right to sway from the path that was specifically paved for him. 

“Of course, you’re right.”

Junseo could feel himself struggling to keep himself above the water, teetering on the prospect of finally giving up and letting him go under. He always wondered how it would feel to be free of these expectations-of these burdens that he had been forced to face since he was a child.

A few years ago being free came with the idea of wanting to run away from everything he knew in his life, and simply staring fresh somewhere where nobody would know him. 

But, now it didn’t quite matter. If being free meant slipping underneath the water, that was okay. If it meant he had to surrender himself to the waves that he had been fighting against for countless years, that was doable. 

Junseo knew the water was rising at a faster and harsher pace than he had ever experienced, and a part of him didn’t truly know if he could bring himself out as the winner of this battle. 

Thus, it was no surprise that when his class got a new student in the middle of the year, he was the first to approach her. Myungbin, being practically the whole class’ friend, felt like it was his duty to make her feel as welcome as possible. 

And maybe it was also the fact that seeing her sit in the back, not having made any moves to get to know anyone, keeping her eyes focused on the windows that didn’t just sit right with the young kid. 

Ever the one to act before thinking things through, it was only a few moments before the school day was to begin that Myungbin had decided to march to the back of the class, right where Hana had just arrived. 

“Hi!” 

The voice was bright and loud, not a single semblance of care for anyone around them was present in him, simply wanting to talk to the girl that had him itching to move every single class. 

“My name’s Myungbin,” the kid’s smile rivaled the furrowed brows and blank look on Hana’s face, which only increased his smile in size (in an attempt to look all the more welcoming, even if there was a chance he looked like he was in pain). “but you can call me your new best friend!” 

A beat of silence was his instant reply, causing his smile to waiver in the slightest as his eyes finally met Hana’s, both of them staring at each other with different emotions flickering between the hues of their eyes. 

There was a small part of Myungbin that suddenly thought of how maybe Hana didn’t want to make any new friends, and maybe she was perfectly content sitting by herself every single day,

But the thought was too absurd for Myungbin who craved social interaction every other minute, so it flew out of his mind as immediately as it came in. 

Maybe she just thought Myungbin was weird. 

Maybe his parents lied about his smile being the best thing about him.

Oh god, his parents set him up. It was another one of their “learning experiences” that was meant to make Myungbin grow, but to be quite frank, as a young kid, he would rather leave the growing for the future. 

His thoughts silenced at once when he heard laughter slip in his ears, finally escaping his mind only to see that the blank face had dissipated and instead a bright smile had found its way onto Hana’s face. 

“If I’m calling you that, shouldn’t you call me the same thing?” 

Even though it didn’t seem physically possible for his small face, Myungbin’s smile had managed to grow even wider, feeling as if he accomplished something of worldly importance seeing Hana smile for the first time. 

“Duh! How else are people going to know about our friendship?” 

2019

“You’re the most ugly person I’ve had the displeasure of meeting, you know that?” 

Myungbin heard the annoyance pierce through the small cafe, the voice bringing an immediate smile to his face regardless of the words that were carried along with it. He turned his head around from the seat he was in, watching her walk from the entrance straight towards him, anger emitting from her; her brows stitched together, the way the corner of her lips dipped down ever so slightly, and her eyes that scorched a fire of irritation. 

Myungbin couldn’t help himself letting out a chuckle at the visual of her powering through the batches of people as if she was on a mission. He was quick to get himself to get up from his seat, a feeling of warmth scouring through his body: something he hadn’t quite truly felt since the moment he left everything behind. A feeling that only two people had ever managed to make him feel. 

“The smile’s only making you uglier.” A swift jab to his chest was accompanied by those words, only for Myungbin to disregard it all and wrap his arms around her, pulling her as close to his chest as physically possible. 

“Hana.” 

“Jackass.”

“I’ve missed you so much.”

“Is that why I didn’t know you were back until now?” Hana’s voice had simmered down from its attempt at anger at such a speed, if Myungbin hadn’t been friends with her for more than a decade, he would’ve grown concerned. 

It had only been 6 years of them being apart, but when it was under the comparison of them being friends for 13 years, it felt longer than just that. 

“I’m sorry, Hana.” 

Everything was so much more than it was at the surface of their friendship. Everything always meant so much more. Everything always mattered so much more. Everything always hurt so much more. 

“But, I’m back for good.” he whispered gently, as he felt her arms tighten around his back, his chin slightly lowering onto her head. 

The two friends reuniting after being apart for as long as they were, was probably a bit more dramatic than they both imagined, but neither paid any mind to it. Their communication didn’t halt altogether, but it was never the same when they were both used to seeing one another face to face, rather than behind a phone screen.  Being such integral parts of each other’s lives and having that fall apart the way it did just meant so much more now. 

Even if they had a missing piece in their friendship. 

준서

2019

“So, do you guys want to share contact info? I think it’ll be nice to start a group-chat just to get to know each other a bit more.” Hyunwoo spoke as he scratched the top of his head, the smallest of smiles playing across his lips, something all of the boys seemed to share.

It had only been an hour ago when the CEO of Crescent Crystal had held a meeting to announce what each boy had been suspecting ever since word had spread throughout the small company: five boys had been chosen to finally debut. 

Granted, neither of the five boys had expected to be informed that they’d be debuting in a group, and an idol/actor group at that. But it wasn’t like the majority of them had any issue: a debut was a debut, in whatever form it came for them. 

Thus, the five boys had been left with one another to “get to know each other”, with the CEO leaving only moments ago. 

“I think that’d be smart. Plus, we can plan stuff together through that.” Yejun spoke directly from the left side of Myungbin, the younger noting how although he spoke to the group, his eyes wouldn’t stop glancing at Junseo from across the table. 

“Cool, cool, I can set everything up, I just need your guys’ info and we’ll be set! One step closer to debuting, right?” Hyunwoo was the embodiment of both nervousness and excitement as he sat there with his phone out, the smile on his face fighting the way his hands trembled ever so slightly. 

To say there was an air of awkwardness would be putting it as simply as possible. As far as Myungbin knew, none of the boys really knew each other at all, and the thought of being shoved into a dorm with one another, and debuting in a group was something they’d all have to wrap their heads around. 

“Alright, Junseo, can I get your-”

“I’m good.”

The response raised Myungbin’s brow, watching the eldest of the five shrug off Hyunwoo as he continued scrolling through his phone. If Hyunwoo was the perfect example of excitement, Junseo was the quintessence of discomfort throughout the whole meeting. Avoiding eye-contact with any of the members, and giving short and curt answers to anything the CEO asked. Myungbin didn’t know much about the man personally, but from the way the meeting went, the way Yejun’s eyes lingered on Junseo every few seconds, and the way he didn’t seem interested in the slightest in regards to the other boys, Myungbin could tell he was going to be a problem. 

“What?”

“Listen. We’re in a group, right?” Junseo questioned, finally putting his phone down onto the table, turning ever so slightly to stare at Hyunwoo, the latter shifting in his seat. “As in, we’re working together for our careers, yeah?”

“Yeah, you’re-”

“So, we’re coworkers. Not friends. We’re a bunch of people stuck with one another in order to advance our careers, nothing more. I don’t want to be anything more. If you’re going to have this group chat, don’t count me in.”

Silence leaked across the room, Myungbin eyeing all the boys in the room in an instant; watching the way Hyunwoo’s face tinged with a pink hue as he turned away from Junseo, while Yejun’s stare at Junseo had lost any ounce of subtlety, and Minjun who had been the most quiet throughout the meeting had begun playing with the hem of his sleeves. 

“What a prick.” the words slipping from Myungbin’s lips were meant to remain as a thought, but watching the aura of smugness that followed Junseo’s movements bothered the young man beyond belief. 

“I heard that.”

“Look at you go! Figured out how to use your ears properly.” 

Junseo’s glare shifted from Hyunwoo onto Myungbin, watching the way his eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched several times, showing his bad attempts at hiding his anger. 

“Thanks for proving my point as to why I don’t want to be in a group chat.” 

“I don’t think we really need you in the chat-“

“As if you don’t need me. Me being in the group is a favor for you guys, I already have a solid thing going, not like you three.”

“Or maybe your failed attempts here and there put you on the same level as people who don’t have things going just yet, huh?” 

Although Myungbin’s fighting words pierced the air in the room, the tone of his voice was anything but malicious. He found it the tiniest bit humorous how easy it was to get under Junseo’s skin, and although he didn’t have any intent to start an argument today, he didn’t really have any intention to stop either. 

It was kind of funny watching the way Junseo looked as if he was going to leap across the table and lunge at Myungbin. 

“Let’s stop.” Yejun’s voice cut through the building tension, his tone a contrasting warmth to the icy words that had been spat across the room. “We can talk more about this next time, no one’s obligated to do anything, and no one’s doing anyone favors. Let’s call it a day and meet up another day, okay?” 

His question didn’t require an answer, Myungbin watching the way Junseo’s eyes met Yejun’s for a split second before he was up out of his chair and out of the door. 

Maybe Myungbin already had a favorite amongst the boys. 

2020

“You have a kink for storming out of rooms, don’t you?”

His joke was met with a groan, and to be honest Myungbin was a bit shocked he didn’t have anything thrown at him. It had been the week the boys of Silver Millennium were told to move into the group dorms, and although none of the boys seemed particular excited about sharing living spaces with another, anything else was out of the question. 

An undying desire left Myungbin claiming Junseo as his roommate, even with Yejun attempting to lecture him otherwise, and Hyunwoo looking at him as if he had grown devil horns. He hadn’t had much contact with the elder short of glares being thrown his way whenever they crossed paths in the company. 

It was kind of fun for Myungbin. 

“You have a kink for going places you’re not wanted, don’t you?” 

“Yeah, the rejection of it all kinda gets me going.” Myungbin found himself leaning against the railing just as Junseo was, the elder rolling his eyes before letting out a quiet grunt, moving to get a cigarette from his pockets. “Listen, I came here to talk to you.”

“Talking to me would mean I want to talk to you too. You came here to talk at me.”

“Eh, I could never tell the difference.” it was obvious the humor emitting from Myungbin was there to make himself comfortable as opposed to cause laughter, watching the way Junseo kept his sight away from Myungbin, the thin straight line on his lips now twisting into a frown. “But, honestly, now that we’re roommates, I feel like we should clear the air.”

“So...apologize.”

“We should clear the air, hyung, both of us.”

“I don’t think I did anything wrong.”

“You just called me a gremlin in front of everyone and said that if we roomed together I’d be missing by the morning.” 

“Again, nothing wrong.”

Myungbin let out a laugh at the way Junseo shrugged him off entirely, more focused on raising the cigarette to his lips than paying attention to anything Myungbin was saying. 

“Fine, I’ll apologize for trying to antagonize you, it was just fun watching you quake in anger-”

“This is an apology?”

“I like cracking jokes, it makes me feel less like you’re going to throw me off this roof.”

“If I commit murder, I’m not wasting a prison sentence on you.”

“Whoa,” Myungbin finally looked away from Junseo, his eyes focused on the skyline of Seoul in front of them. “I don’t know whether to be insulted or not.”

Another grunt in response, Myungbin peeked a stare at the older of the two from the corner of his eyes. He watched the way the smoke escaped his lips, suddenly feeling a sense of nostalgia amongst the smell of smoke, the cold air nipping at his neck, and the dark sky giving both a sense of comfort and loneliness. 

“I want to be your friend-”

“Are we in grade school?”

“and I’m willing to take a fifth of the space in the room to get to that place with you.”

Silence lulled between the two of them, the noise of the city remaining to fill the empty spaces. 

“A sixth.”

“I’ll sleep on the floor so my bed won’t take space.”

“Deal.”

The two of them finally made eye-contact, the faintest of smiles dancing across Junseo’s lips, allowing for Myungbin to return the gesture. Myungbin wasn’t sure the two of them would grow to be the best of friends or anything of the sort, but all that he cared about was making sure he wasn’t the one driving a wedge between this group of boys. 

A part of him didn’t think he could manage being the reason why another of his friend groups fell apart the way it did. 

덕수

2021

Myungbin was a sole believer in soulmates. He firmly believed that there was something out there for everyone. For some people, maybe their soulmate was within themselves. For some people, maybe their soulmate was in the form of a friendship that would last till the end of time. For some people, maybe their soulmate was someone who had a missing piece of their heart.

Myungbin knew in his heart everyone has someone. 

But he didn’t think everyone was destined to be with their soulmate. And that sometimes in life, it wasn’t a rare occurrence to meet the one who you knew you were destined to be with only to wake up one morning and only have them in your memories. He felt that even if someone was someone else’s soulmate, that there was a chance they’d meet and become so intertwined in each other’s lives only to unravel as quietly as when the strings of fate brought them together. 

Whenever he was close to vocalizing these feelings, Myungbin was always cautious. 

He didn’t think most people would get that he felt like he lost a part of himself-a part of his heart, when he managed to slip between his fingers. It felt surreal that when his eyes landed on him he felt his whole world shift, as if something missing had finally come together. 

When he was younger, he didn’t think much of it. Always the one to poke fun at his friends being in love, he never imagined himself in the same position. And he never found himself to be in love until everything he had with him slipped away and shattered in countless pieces that wouldn’t bring themselves back together. 

Myungbin’s sentiment extends to his idea that soulmates wouldn’t stay together if their souls aren’t ready to meet one another’s. That instead of love feeling like walking down a flowery path, with the breeze of undying comfort lingering in the air, and the warmth of holding hands bringing an unconditional sense of security, it felt like having flesh ripped open and letting the heart remain vulnerable to any blow and hurt that came its way, unable to do anything about it. Myungbin thought that if it wasn’t the right time, that the love two people held so dear would be the reason they fell apart rather than be the reason they grew closer. 

Myungbin wasn’t sure when or if he would ever find the person he knew in his guts was ‘the one who got away’, and he wasn’t sure if their souls were meant for each other’s anymore. 

“Can you kiss me again?” the sound of the city filled the empty space that lingered between Yejun and Junseo, neither of the boys inching to close the gap between one another. 

“Junseo-“

“Just one more time.” Junseo’s pleads bleed into the sound of the city being alive, allowing for himself to excuse the desperation in his tone that was barely audible. 

“It’s not right, Jun-“

“We weren’t right when we started, why does it change anything now?” Yejun could tell from the way Junseo was speaking that he was both fighting to hold himself back from letting any tears slip, and he was fighting his own mind to be able to even speak his heart. “If we do something wrong one more time, what difference does it make?” 

A siren blared in the background of the boys, allowing for yet another bit of noise to slip in between the cracks of silence between the boys, letting them both a second to try and collect their thoughts that had slowly been swept away with the wind.

“I miss your touch.” 

There wasn’t a moment Junseo didn’t shock Yejun. From the moment they met, and let their hearts skip a beat in the form of an unspoken spark when their eyes landed on each other. Even now, in the cold night with both boys looking like strangers and almost feeling like strangers to one another. Junseo was a surprise in every sense of his being. 

“I miss your lips.” 

In the short while they first met, Junseo quickly became one of the best parts of Yejun’s life. It didn’t take more than a few times of the two hanging out for Yejun to like what he knew about Junseo, and count down the moments until he had the chance to learn even more about him. 

“I miss the way you always treated me.” 

He would never admit it, because even in his own mind it sounded like nothing more than a cliche from a romantic comedy, but Yejun finally discovered the meaning of falling fast and falling hard when Junseo walked into his life. Never once in his life did Yejun want to know every single thing he could about someone, while also wanting to keep things a secret so he could learn of them through memories he could always keep in his heart. 

“I miss how you always spoke to me like I mattered.” 

In his 23 years of life, it was the first time Yejun felt true love. He wasn’t shy of love, and it wasn’t like he hadn’t dated previously, but it was never like this. It never felt like his world had been lit aflame with a new purpose whenever he simply looked into Junseo’s eye; a glaze of hope always staring back at Yejun. 

“I miss the way you held me.” 

Yejun let himself give his heart to Junseo in between small kisses in empty rooms, and quick glances that only they knew of in crowded rooms.

“I miss the way you made me feel safe.” 

Junseo gave his heart in between nights spent clinging onto Yejun in bed and moments where he could let himself fall, knowing Yejun would be right there to catch him. 

“I miss your love.” 

Both boys lost their hearts in one another, and even when the love for each other was only existent in memories, neither of them made a move to retrieve their hearts. 

“I miss you.”

Their hearts belonged to one another, even if neither boy could cherish them the way they wanted. Their hearts were like puzzle pieces that finally found its rightful places, completing a puzzle that seemed to have broken away. 

Yejun missed Junseo. 

There was no way the young actor could deny that, or even interpret his feelings in a different way. He didn’t want to. 

But he knew better. 

The love the two boys had for one another was as brilliant and hot as a flame, and just like a flame, it was gone as quick as it came, leaving nothing but the cold darkness. 

It didn’t take more than a quick glance for Yejun to know that while Junseo’s pleads were nothing but truthful, that Junseo hadn’t changed. Maybe he was worse than when they were together. Junseo always came off as someone who held appearances to a high degree, and it he made it a goal to make it clear with always dressing to the nines with what was in season, and simply having himself look like he was always coming back from a photo shoot. 

However, in the nights where the older had slipped into Yejun’s home in order to find the warmth of his embrace, Yejun finally had a chance to see the real Junseo. Or at least, as much of the “real” Junseo, that he himself was willing to show. 

Gone was the man who didn’t pay any mind to those around him, the man who walked the earth as if it was built for him, and the man who was far from comfortable with letting anyone see him as anything but his absolute best. Instead, there was the man who wordlessly found himself wrapped around Yejun’s body, wanting to receive the type of attention he never knew he needed. There was the man who stumbled in his thoughts and words, wanting to prove how much he cared for Yejun with every breath he took.

There was the Junseo who showed off how much the world was chipping away at him. Through bags underneath his eyes that seemed to become more and more prominent as time slipped by. Through nights where he couldn’t bring himself to speak and simply came for the affection he never felt before. Through confessions of how scared he was every time he opened his eyes in the morning. 

Through it all, it became apparent to Yejun that he was far from the Junseo that everyone knew of. He was lost in himself, and he gave Yejun the chance to see him as his most vulnerable. He gave Yejun the chance to help find him. 

But, if anything, the dim glow of the lights on the roof showed that while Yejun desperately tried to help Junseo, he had lost himself even more. 

Before, he was wandering aimlessly in a maze built from everyone’s expectations for him. Now, he was drifting away into a typhoon of thoughts he had no intention of swimming away from. 

“Have you gone to see someone like we talked about?” it was a cop out, a cheap one at that, and Yejun knew. But, if he told Junseo he missed him too, he knew what it would lead to, and he didn’t know if he could handle being the wave that swallows Junseo whole. 

“My mom almost found out and that was enough to make me give up.” Junseo’s hands were quick to reach up and wipe at his eyes, his head ever so slightly tilting away from Yejun. “It’s a habit, I guess. Giving up on what helps.” 

“You can always go back-“

“I gave up on you too, didn’t I? Can I go back to you?” 

Gone was the soft tone embedded with the ghostly appearance of desperation in Junseo’s voice. Instead, there was a harsh anger in his words. Although, it didn’t take Yejun longer than a second to realize that the anger was directed at himself. 

“You need to start looking after yourself, Junseo.” the younger finally made a move to eliminate the space between them as he put his hand on his friend’s shoulder. “You’re important, Junseo. For reasons I know you don’t understand just yet, you matter so much. You can’t let your life slip away from you, it’s yours. Not for someone else to own and control.” 

“You make it sound so fucking easy.” 

“And it’s not, I know.” Yejun put the slightest amount of force on Junseo’s shoulder, trying to squeeze it comfortingly. “It’s never easy to go against everything you’ve known in life, everything that's become a habit, even if it’s not a good one. But if you don’t start somewhere...if you don’t start soon, Jun, I’m scared you won’t be able to in the future.” 

Yejun never thought that when the famed model showed interest in him, that he would fall in love with someone who had become so attuned to self-destruction that it was like second nature. To the point where he didn’t even know what he was doing would end up hurting himself. 

The second he felt Junseo’s body lurch ever so slowly to the side, wanting to pull away, Yejun found his hands reaching up to cup his ex’s cheeks, allowing for him to finally glance into the eyes he had been so desperately avoiding the whole night. 

The eyes that glittered with tears, and was nothing but a seemingly growing void of hurt. The same eyes that Yejun found himself smiling at the first time he saw them. 

“I’m not promising anything.” 

“I’m not the one you should be promising to, anyways.” the faintest of smiles began to linger on Yejun’s face, although it was void of the same warmth it always had. It hurt him that Junseo thought that he would be doing this for anyone but himself, but he knew it probably hurt Junseo even more. 

Yejun didn’t know what was in the future for them, but it wasn’t what his mind was focused on. He wanted Junseo to get better for himself, so he can finally begin to live life the way he spoke of it in his sleepy rambles during the nights they were together.