dreaming vs remembering @milkyspine - Tumblr Blog

#mine #writers of tumblr #poetry #spilled ink #writing #poem #romantic poetry #i suppose #connection #love #so i've been dating a boy #a beautiful; kind; gentle boy #he feels so different from everything before #feels so right and easy #and sometimes we are out of sync and get things wrong and miss things and feel a bit disconnected but even then. even then.#the love and care pushes through #he's so precious to me. im so grateful for him #and its been hard to have this because i look back on other experiences i had (ones i thought were good) and realise it wasn't quite right #not bad or abusive but not good for me and not healthy #lots of realisations in the time ive been with him. lots of growth #anyway #i want you to know you get to change your mind about your own experiences #if you wake up one day and feel something that happened wasn't okay. that's okay. its not a betrayal to other people to grow and reevaluate #i hope you can give yourself that permission

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milkyspine

#mine #reblog #i havent posted in months and months #im sorry for the absence and silence #the things ive been feeling and thinking feel so private and vulnerable #sometimes regret giving my username here to people i know in real life #this is one of those times #i hope to share what ive been writing with you soon #i miss you #hope youre feeling loved and accepted through whatever changes have come or are coming your way

— get out

— forgiveness isn't a knife (put it down)

#mine #writers of tumblr #poetry #spilled ink #writing #okay to rb #poem #spilled words #tw: trauma #wrote this after a therapy session where i realised a lot of the shame i still feel is because #i couldnt forgive myself for surviving what ive been through let alone for how i survived #of everyone invovled.. id say the 5 year old deserves the most forgiveness #the bitterness is in me being the only one who can give that to her #but I'll try #anyway #whatever you've been through #i hope you find a way to forgive yourself for what it took to live past it #you deserve that #always

—new growth

#mine #writers of tumblr #poetry #spilled ink #writing #okay to rb #poem #spilled words #tw: trauma #moved out #its freeing in ways i thought it would to live with friends but harder in other ways #when is life ever simple though #realising i dont have to put down roots if i dont want #and i can choose how deeply they run #anyway #hope youre okay #2024 has been a year from hell full of change and growth and none of it painless #how has the year treated you?#gentle i hope

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#mine #writers of tumblr #poetry #spilled ink #writing #okay to rb #spilled words #poem #tw: trauma #tw: sa #tw: abuse #wrote this after one of the first conversations i had with my mum after i told her what my brother's did #hearing her insist it wasnt their fault. hearing her say she cant lose him. hearing her say it was our dad's fault. hearing her defend them #especially my oldest brother #probably the worst thing she's ever done to me #so sure i can take it. cause i always have #i'd say “i would never do this to you; it wouldnt matter who you said had dine it” and she said “youre a better person than all of us”#sometimes i wish it'd killed me so maybe she'd see it for what it is but..#anyway #i hope you know youre more than your strength #and that just because you can handle it doesnt mean you should #you deserve peace and to feel safe enough to put on and take off your strength so you can just be #i hope it all reaches you soon

might not mean much, but as someone who experienced csa, I'm proud of you for having the strength & courage to tell your mother now, even if her reaction isn't what you were hoping for.

it means more than you could know. helps makes it worth it, really

#ask #answered #it took courage to tell her but it's taken more not to regret it #so your words mean a lot #thank you

#mine #writers of tumblr #poetry #spilled ink #writing #okay to rb #poem #spilled words #love #love poem #wrote this in two parts. first part for my ex girlfriend and the second part for my ex boyfriend #its funny the patterns you don't notice until they're right in front of you #hearing all the ways you failed or let down the person you never wanted to is painful. it's hard not to feel like its my fault #even when they tell me its not #i loved them a lot. I love them a lot #but sometimes you don't fit with people the way you thought you would #we're actually all still friends but i still think about before and guilt is the dog on the other side of my leash pulling me and pulling m #anyway #it's been a while #i hope you've been okay #i missed you #how are you? how's life? is your heart doing okay?#i hope the days passed painlessly and gently for you #and maybe today/tonight can be kind to you too

— no matter how hard you try, forgiveness isn't a death and you can't bury this while it's alive

#mine #writers of tumblr #poetry #spilled ink #writing #okay to rb #poem #spilled words #tw: sh #wrote this after the realisation about P #just another secret for me to choke down #i know i don't have to. i do know that #and now it's not just one brother. it's two. two that i'd have to hope and pray my mother could see for what they actually are #instead of what she wants them to be #and i just don't think she could ever do that #so what's the point in telling her?#i think i will tell her. one day. for me though not for her #so that i can see her clearly for who she is when it matters most #but it's just so much to deal with #i've regressed so far. sh again. not eating. i'm pretty suicidal most days but not actively #i just need it all to stop #i just need my mum to save me for once but she never will #anyway #how's life for you?#how is 2024 treating you so far? i hope gently #hope you're sleeping okay #hope whatever pain you're carrying lifts this year

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#mine #writers of tumblr #poetry #spilled ink #writing #okay to rb #poem #spilled words #tw: trauma #tw: csa #tw: abuse #tw: dv #i'm sicker every day #i think i was so focused on my oldest brother & dad's friend that everything else seemed not worth mentioning or nowhere near as bad #but then i casually mentioned to one of my friends some of what my youngest of my older brothers used to do #and i realised as i was saying it that it wasn't normal #it just felt like the realisation i had about my oldest brother all over again #it feels like there is always more for me to process #everyt time i think i've bared it all.there's always something else #first dad's friend. then my oldest brother. now the youngest.#dad overlooking it all #i just want none of it to be real #i don't understand how all of this happened to me without anyone doing anything about it #i keep wishing i'd done something to stop it to save myself.#and i know i saved myself the only way i could #but it wasn't enough.#anyway #i hope you're as okay as you can be

— gynecologist, room 202

— 7

—the heart that flees and the heart that bites

— hanging

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#laura #went on a trip to see my cousins #left at 6am #the sky was such a beautiful dark orange and then when the sun rose it was bright red #i've never seen anything like it before #the reddest sky i've ever seen

—boy

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