smol birb

I was pregnant and everyone was yelling at me and my boyfriend because of that, even though we repeatedly told people that we never did anything. I gave birth but when I looked at the blankets that they put my “baby” into, it was a stapler wrapped inside them. Yes, the kind that you have in an office. So we talked to the doctors and they said that this happened because I ate contaminated Doritos and that the same thing was happening to others around the world who were giving birth to different office supplies.

The Umbrella Academy (2019-)

What’s funny is that dream was submitted AND posted back in 2016!

you know how they say a picture is worth a thousand words? This one is worth at least two million

his FUCKING EARS

food is THE love language. let me bake you some fucking bread.

THIS IS SO LOVELY 

i love when i see my door open a crack and then a second later i see my cat’s beautiful little face

i looked this up cause i wanted to know if you could and you can technically but then you’re instantly guilty of contempt of court and go directly to jail

Huh. I would think it would fall under the 5th amendment and just mean anything you say in the courtroom can’t be used as evidence one way or the other. Breaking your oath once you make it, that’s perjury at best and a serious crime but just refusing to swear shouldn’t be.

The fifth is only for not testifying against yourself or your partner.  Besides, they don’t just decide to have you in court, you have to agree to it weeks or months in advance.  You can say to a police officer “I’m not willing to testify” but if you don’t and you end up in a court room and decide to waste everyone’s time, congrats, you’re in contempt.