we're all stories in the end

i love when i unsubscribe from a mailing list and the thing is like “You’ve unsubscribed, if this was a mistake, resubscribe here.” as if i didn’t have to use an 8x sniper scope to find the damn unsubscribe button in your email in the first place

it’s weird that professional letters are supposed to start with “dear.” i don’t even call my mom that

my darling hiring manager. my springtime rose. if hired i will bring a strong work ethic to this position

as a woman you're always too young or too old for things because the perfect age is when you're a man

having a headache while hydrated is so unfair. you were supposed to protect me.

Orgasm denial. Orgasm anger. Orgasm bargaining. Orgasm depression. Orgasm acceptance.