ＧＯＬＤ ＲＵＳＨ.

Truth be told Sydney loved Mila to bits. Mila was the first person to welcome her to fairview with open arms, the first person who actually helped Syd fall in love with the town. Not to mention it made work a hell of a lot easier when you were with your best friend, and that’s who the other was to Sydney. Charles grew up here, he had plenty of acquaintances, but all she had was Mila outside of her marriage. She knew of the other woman’s transgressions, and while she didn’t approve she didn’t think it made her a monster. A bright beaming smile broke onto her face as her friend burst into the room, “I’m decent,” she half laughed, the woman had swapped out of her scrubs only mere moments ago, “You say that as if we aren’t the ones that hid the candy stash to begin with,” she stated as she reached down to open a drawer, “You know I’m a candy monster.” Candy was something she could easily snack on during the work day, jolly ranchers specifically were her Achilles heel, but there were other candies scattered throughout her stash, “Take your pick….oh!,” she exclaimed as she reached down plucking a red jolly rancher out, “except this one…it’s calling my name.”

“Oh, details! The devil’s in them, don’t call him out.” Swatting the air in front of her, she tried to dismiss the notion that most days they were the ones who caused mischief around the clinic. Frankly, some days she came home and wondered how they got anything done at all. Between puppies and Sydney, it barely felt like work. Maybe that was the key to happiness. Bottomless Mimosas on the weekends and bottomless work hours during the week, all accompanied by one Sydney Ashworth. Chuckling, she looked over her shoulder towards the drawer, bouncing on her make-shift seat on top of the desk to get a better look. “Yes, you are. Sweet attracts sweet. Everyone knows that.” Fixing her gaze onto Syd, Mila felt herself grow a bit nervous but mostly excited about what was going to happen next. “Don’t you worry. I wouldn’t keep you from your Jollys. Wouldn’t want to lose an eye.” Sliding off the desk, she gently poked Sydney in her ribs as she walked up to her, coming to a stop as if to look for something in the drawer but instead she took a three musketeers bar out of the pocket of her cardigan and dropped it in the midst of the sugary chaos. “I’d take that if I were you.” Giving her a mischievous little smile, Mila couldn’t help but beam. This was her second chance, only this time she knew she’d get the reaction any becoming mother would want. “You should take it because from now on there’ll be three of us.” Feeling her heart hammer in her chest, she just waited for the other shoe to drop and for Sydney to realize what she meant. This would be their little happy moment and for now, it was enough to banish the heartbreak Eli had caused into the back of her mind.

Well, she wasn’t breaking up with him, which he said a few Hail Mary’s to himself for. Nothing could have prepared him for her true news. She was pregnant. God, he’d never even considered that as an option. He’d lived eighteen years with the decision he and Piper made to not have more children after Peyton. He sometimes forgot that Mila wasn’t apart of that- she had no loyalties to Piper or the agreements Eli had made with her. He couldn’t even recall if he had told Mila the true reason they never had more children than just Peyton. He tried to shake the shock on his face but not before she noticed. He was ashamed. She was so happy to be with child and all he could think about was what if the baby had health problems and what his existing family would think of the smallest Rhodes addition. The anxiety and pure fear of what a child would do to the current family dynamic threatened to drown him. Pushing through it but still unable to muster a smile, he gave a stuttered response. “Th-that’s great, Baby!” Asking if she was sure would have been harsher than Eli could ever be towards Mila, no matter the situation. His mind raced with so many things, he couldn’t even see how much this kind of reaction would hurt her. 

There it was - that familiar sting of rejection. Only this time it was coming from the last person expected. Her gentle touch sprung back as if it had burnt her. Blinking a few times, her gaze broke away from him and a heartbreaking calm washed over her. It’s funny how you never expect people to disappoint you even though that’s what they’ve been doing all your life. Shifting away, Mila got up on her feet and started pacing, her eyes drifting between Eli’s silhouette and the floor. Maybe he just needed a minute to collect himself. It’s not what they had planned but surely it’s what he would want. Anything to convince herself that the man she loved wasn’t about to turn his back on her because of a baby. Leaning against a dresser, she crossed her arms in front of her chest and sighed. “It is.” And while she was good at putting on a brave face, somehow it crumbled within the first syllable of her words as her eyes became pleading. “Right? It’s great. This is good, right?” If she hadn’t caught herself in time, a ‘please’ would’ve followed, immediately making her feel even more pathetic.

The familiar tune of Toploader’s ‘Dancing in the Moonlight’ killed the silence that had spread through the clinic after closing hours and most of the staff said their goodbye's - except for one soul. The light still burning in the office indicated that Sydney was still around and Mila instantly reacted. Blasting the song from her phone, she busted through the office door, her free hand covering her eyes in case Syd was changing out of her scrubs. “Hey sugar, you decent?” If there was anyone on Wisteria Lane Mila would bet her horses on, it was Sydney Ashworth. Seemingly the only person who sometimes kept her sane and who reminded her that not everyone here lived vicariously through Piper’s wrath and bad-mouthing. But most importantly, Syd was the friendly reminder that you could absolutely meet your best friend at 34 years old and wish you met her sooner. Peeking through her fingers, she chuckled and swayed in sync to the tune as she made her way to sit on top of the desk. “They made the grave mistake of leaving us to close. Want to ransack the place for a secret candy stash?”

TASK 002: moodboard  N°1  ► inner workings

Elias fresh off an ER rotation, a twenty hour shift following Valentine’s day. The two had a wonderful evening at the ball, besides the dramatics with Rose’s note being found. Still, they were solid- despite all of Piper’s ravings. Or at least, he thought they were solid, until he heard those words. I need to tell you something. 

He recalled to when he’d said something similar to Piper before shattering her entire world. His heart raced, expecting the worst to come from her like she couldn’t deal with his ex wife anymore or that she was leaving him because Peyton hated her. All scenarios he thought up couldn’t prepare him for what was coming. He did take a seat, feeling like he needed to brace himself for heartbreak. “Okay… what- what is it?“ His focus was on her features, trying to work out what she was thinking. The thought never crossed his mind that she was pregnant- they’d never even talked about it being a possibility.

Hearing the weariness in his reply made her shift on her spot, her lips turning into a soft, curled line as she looked at the man sitting across from her. With everything happening around them, he was truly the most beautiful outcome.  Although every little step she had taken with Elias this far was scary, it was the good kind. Her life was never soft and all the love - or the lack of it - she ever got to experience was rough and selfish. That was until she met him. And it knocked her off her feet. So while all this care and safety was unknown territory, it was amazing to finally experience it. So surely this was just another item on the list. Something unfamiliar and yet something she wanted so badly. Reaching up, her hand curled around the back of his neck and gently played with the tips of his hair as she tried to collect herself. For once in her life, she looked into the future and it looked good because one thing was certain - she’d never be alone again.

“I’m pregnant.” It left her lips like a breathless whisper, a nervous and overwhelmed chuckle escaping her lips before she smiled sheepishly. “Eli, I’m pregnant.”

There was only so much charm to hearing the same songs blast through the speakers of the store over and over again. And it was even less fun when some wise store manager decided to reorganize the shelves and the flour was nowhere to be found now. Hurrying through the aisles, Mila eventually found the right array of bags and left her shopping cart unattended for just a second. Grabbing what she needed, she had almost worked through her shopping list and was only a few items away from checking out when she turned around to get back to her cart - only to find it gone. A look of confusion accompanied her hurried steps as she returned to the crime scene, looking around just to see someone else push away her mountain of goods. “Excuse me!” Following them, she chuckled in amusement until they stopped. “I think that’s my cart that you’ve taken.”

How much meaning two little pink stripes could hold when they were framed in the right piece of plastic. Or in Mila’s case, six stripes from three separate pregnancy tests which she had taken. All of them confirming a truth she could barely wrap her emotions around. Happiness because this was all she ever wanted. To love unconditionally. To do everything right by a child. To be the opposite of her own mother. To finally - have a family. And then shock. Because this wasn’t supposed to happen. Because it wasn’t even an option. Because it seemed like a far-fetched dream. And lastly, worry. Because this conversation hasn’t happened yet. She hadn’t gotten a chance to talk to Elias about this piece of their future yet. He already was a father to an amazing girl who was also ill. That changes perspectives and leaves little room for a surprise baby. However, that’s what pushed itself on the agenda. When she heard the front door, her heart slammed against her ribs. A fraction of her mind hoping it would be Peyton or Nora, anyone to give her a few more minutes. Sitting in bed in their room, Mila pulled her legs towards her chest and wrapped the blanket around herself just a bit tighter, her eyes on the door. Any minute Elias would walk in and she’d change their reality. And while she wanted to jump into the joy that threatened to overflow out of her heart, she wanted to do so with Eli. And for that to happen, he had to know.

As if on queue, the door opened and Mila offered him a small smile. “Hey.” Sitting up straighter, she tossed the blanket aside and shifted on the mattress so that she’d be closer to the edge. Reaching forward, she tapped the space next to her. “I know you just got here but can you sit down? I need to tell you something.”

It was a beautiful gathering, there was no doubt about that. Say what you may, the Ashworth’s knew how to impress a large crowd. However, that’s where the issue rested - the crowd. The second she didn’t hang on Eli’s arm anymore, Mila felt completely lost. From casual small talk with people she never met before to avoiding Piper at any cost, it was hard not to feel like an ant in an enormous city. That’s why her heart fluttered with gratitude when she spotted a familiar face. Grabbing two champagne flutes, Mila smiled her way through the room until she came to a stop next to Nora, practically shoving one of the glasses into her hand. “Which fork is the fanciest? I need to know so that I look graceful when I stab myself with it.” Taking a hurried sip, her eyes darted through the room before landing on the other woman again. “Please, be my chaperone for a few minutes before I lose my mind.” Her eyes pleaded for a few seconds before they light up, a small smile accentuating the lines around them. “I didn’t get to tell you at home but you look great, by the way.”

Elias’ clinical mind told him exactly what to do- how to pull someone out of a panic attack without making things worse. Still, when he was faced with Mila’s teary apology, he couldn’t hold back his own tears. He finally registered what she kept saying to him. “No, no, it’s okay. You have nothing to be sorry for.” Eli would never have blamed Mila for her panic attack, how could he? He loved her and wanted to help her through her pain. Judging by her raw emotion, there was a sea he would need to wade through in order to do that. “I don’t need you to tell me what that was, Mila, but I do need you to tell me where it came from.” He couldn’t expect her to come clean with her entire life story, but truthfully he didn’t know much about her life before she moved to Fairview at all. He needed something- anything to let him into her psyche. He gathered her sobbing body and held it gently to his own hard frame. His touches were tender and gentle, knowing better than to trigger another attack. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? No matter what you tell me. I love you and we’ll get through this.” Elias was comforted by the fact that he wasn’t the only one in pain but he chastised himself for just the thought, not wanting Mila to suffer. The next thought was dedicated to the irony of taking medication for his own anxieties but being so level headed confronted with someone else in a similar predicament. It spoke to the true man Elias Rhodes was, contrary to what his ex wife might think. 

When his own tears registered in her mind, her hands escaped his and instead gently cupped his face. Two shaky thumbs wiped them away, her heart still hammering as her emotions now mixed with guilt. Guilt because she lashed out on him. Guilt because he wasn’t prepared. Guilt because she never truly told him who she was. Storming into his life, she mixed everything up but never returned the favor by completely opening up. Elias Rhodes moved in with a nobody who was a thief and never was worth anyone’s affection - and he didn’t even know it. Her hands slid to his chest and then to his back as she wrapped herself around him, feeling instant comfort as he pulled her in. So close, she could hear his heartbeat racing her own and another apology slipped through her lips. “I’m so sorry.” Inhaling, she tried to forget everything else and just focus on the man who just promised not to run. Wasn’t that all she ever wanted? A place to call home and someone’s unconditional love? So why was she still so scared of her own past when the future looked so bright? Closing her eyes, she gave herself a moment to calm down until she felt tiny, gathered in his arms. “When I moved here,  I didn’t leave my home. I ran.” Simply admitting that shot another wave of anxiety through her system. Pulling herself even closer, she closed her eyes when she spoke next. “I lied when I said I had a falling out with my mother. It wasn’t just one thing that split us up. It was consistent for as long as I can remember. My father wasn’t in the picture because she ran from him and she dragged me into a messy life with messy men.” It was hard talking about it without remembering it and losing herself in thoughts that haunted her. But mostly, she was terrified he’d look at her like a broken toy. Mila certainly felt like one sometimes. “It wasn’t always - good. They weren’t always kind or gentle. You don’t meet these type of men where I grew up. My mother knew how to shut it down but she didn’t really care when it was directed at me. So eventually it was a constant open season when it came down to me. New guy, new bruises.” There was an art in saying out loud without actually saying it because she knew it would only send her into another frenzy. “It got worse when I got older. Some would back away when I fought back but some - ” Shaking her head, she just wanted to disappear. Run. Be gone. Erase herself and let everyone move on. “I get overwhelmed sometimes when something breaks or people yell. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen to you. I swear I’ve got it in check. I promise.”

Things were going perfectly fine- as they always did with Mila. Then it turned into something else. Elias saw the pain in her eyes and she screamed for him to get off her. His motions were deliberate but not fast or intimidating. His training- his medical license told him this looked like PTSD but that couldn’t be! How could he not know that about the woman he loved? He couldn’t think about that now, he had to bury his guilt for not seeing it sooner. He knew what to do now, he could help her with this. He had to stay calm even though his heart ached from thudding against his ribcage. Eli caught Mila by her hands before she could slip on the water or worse and pulled her back to the couch. He was careful not to put pressure on her besides her hands. He kissed them, shutting his eyes to try and stop the tears. As soon as he opened them again, he knew he had failed. “Mila - Mila - Mila. I’m right here, baby.” He brought her hands to his lips, kissing each palm one at a time. “It’s Eli, I’m right here, okay? I’m not going anywhere.” He kept one hand holding both of hers and moved the other to her chest where he placed his flat palm. “I want you to match your breathing to my hand, can you do that for me? Come on, Mila. I can’t- I can’t do this without you, Baby.” 

Panic gave way to confusion when she felt pressure on her hands. A pressure that came with no pain but instead feather-light kisses. An unexpected turn of events but it was enough to subside the genuine fear that jumpstarted the entire process. Gasping for air, she blinked her tears away as her lungs kept burning, begging for air. And where she saw black just a few seconds ago was replaced by a blurred vision of Elias. Opening her mouth to say something, any chance of actually doing so was shut down by her own body. Instead, she just looked into his blue eyes, wide-eyed, and battled herself for control. This wasn’t a first-time occurrence. She had survived this before. But never was there someone in actual physical contact with her when she got triggered. And never had it been this bad before. When she heard him utter her name over and over again, she wanted to tell him she’d be okay. That she heard him. If only she could simply inhale. With both her hands which had attacked and pushed him aside just a moment ago going limp in his grasp, she tried to focus on the soft pressure he put on her chest, trying to follow his instructions until another gasp shook her entire frame and Mila began to breathe. It had never been this intense but she never had anyone to talk her down from it either. Having Elias give her this comfort only proved to her once again why she felt so safe with him. “I - I’m sorry.” The words spilled out of her throat and she almost choked on them when tears started to form a trail down her cheeks. A few more seconds and her rapid breathing turned into sobs as she leaned against his hand, her eyes closing in an attempt to stop the tears from spilling. “I’m so sorry.” Her apology stood in stark contrast to the panicked yelling she displayed just a second ago. 

Valentine’s day was quickly approaching and Elias felt like he really owed Mila this year being their first Valentine’s day as a legitimate couple. He was excited to show her the romantic side of himself since she mainly saw the sneak around and just surviving divorced father. He knew about the ball at the Ashworth’s but he would have been just as happy to ditch the big party and spend alone time with Mila. The roses forgotten in a vase on the coffee table as he kissed Mila. “God, I love you so. damn. much.” He’d gotten so wrapped up in Mila that when he shifted for better leverage, he kicked the vase off the table sending it flying. The glass shattered against the floor and water and roses spilled everywhere. 

@milagabor​

Butterflies - that’s exactly what she felt. No grand words, no avalanches of thoughts - just carefree, beautiful butterflies taking over as she giggled in between kisses. Maybe it was stupid to call it puppy love but that’s how it felt when Eli showed up with roses and suddenly Mila felt all giddy. Never in her life was she a girl who swooned over gifts - mainly because she never received them - but it was certainly nice to get some attention. Wrapping an arm around him, her cheeks started to hurt from smiling upon hearing his confession. “Yeah, you’re sort of growing on me too.” Another giggle as she teased him, knowing damn well what she was doing as she leaned in for another kiss. “I lov-” And then it all stopped. The crashing vase brought with it a silence that made her ears ring, her entire body freezing as her heart started beating in her throat. Just like that, her sunshine turned into a storm. She wasn’t in the comfort of her home anymore. And those arms around her weren’t Elias’. The air seemed to escape the room and she felt like she was suffocating, a wave of heat making its way up her spine until adrenaline kicked in and blind panic took over. Her vision was blurry from tears that instantly shot into her eyes but she didn’t see anything anyway. Gasping for air, her hands started to beat around her, pushing, shoving, desperately trying to get away. “Get off me! No!” The words were barely audible as she choked on them, trying to inhale while her body fought her for control, every nerve demanding protection from the inevitable, muscle memory at its finest. Only she wasn’t holed up in a tiny trailer. And those arms holding her meant no harm. But trauma was a cruel thing. “Please.” Digging her nails into whatever she could get a hold of, Mila pulled away while shaking her head, not noticing as she stepped into the mess on the floor, her words becoming a plea. “Please.”

open starter: @wisteriastarts​

location: the coffee cup 

Beth never held back in getting or doing what she wanted. Her decisions were always normal, as some would call it compared to what she found herself getting into lately. She sipped on her coffee cup before closing the book she had set on the table, sighing dramatically. “I think I want to get a tattoo. Something super outrageous. Give people something to really stop and stare at, you know?” she shared with the person beside her, before letting out a laugh. “Kidding. Mostly. I mean, a tattoo does sound like fun. I haven’t had fun in a while.” Maybe she was exaggerating a tad. Fun was all she seemed to be having lately, hence the academic probation. But nobody really knows that. 

It had become a habit for Mila to offer some of her time to the Moore kids whenever she ran into them. They had met under lighter circumstances but she had no interest in withdrawing herself since Rose passed. If anything, she wanted to check on them from time to time. Be that non-judgemental character that swooped in right before tragedy struck. Everyone could use one from time to time, right? After all, Rose didn’t abandon her when most people did and her kids didn’t deserve the odd looks they received since that fateful day. Seated next to Beth, Mila put her coffee down and chuckled at the girl’s idea of a rebellion. “I don’t mean to crush your bubble but I’m fairly sure most people here would consider a butterfly outrageous.” Her words were only half a joke, some people around here just clearly haven’t heard of the concept of ‘live and let live’. “What do you consider fun? ‘Cause I have an entire room of kittens at the clinic. Cuddling them isn’t as hardcore as getting your face tattooed but it’s good for morale - and you could always get a piercing afterward.”