My Other Side

like it did when I was young.

Anticipating Santa,

and preparing for family to come.

The carols seem annoying,

by the time the season hits.

And all the hustle and Bustle now,

comes with stress to buy all the right gifts.

We rush through malls and grocery stores,

looking at our feet.

Not wanting to meet the eyes of who,

might have a greater need.

We don’t smile anymore with childlike glee,

when we see snow begin to fall.

All we can think of, are the dangerous roads ,

and the other idiots who drive them all.

The season is filled with must do’s,

and more chores that have to get done.

And trying to find the perfect gift,

is no longer any fun.

So we pass out money and gift cards,

because it takes no thought, or trip to the mall.

And we focus on what we have to do,

just to get through it all.

There are no friends coming over,

singing carols out of tune.

There are no more magic moments,

only things we have to do.

We give because it’s expected,

not because it fills our hearts.

And we want to be given what’s on our list,

that we give to our counterparts.

It wasn’t all that long ago,

I was excited for this time of year.

To sing the songs, and smile, and laugh,

and tell stories that bring out cheer.

I knew the joy it truley is,

to give to someone in need.

To feel grateful for all I have,

no matter how little it may seem.

Christmas magic opened doors,

to places in my heart,

That every other time of year,

seemed they could only open a part.

We say it now each year it seems,

to bring back a simpler time.

But how much longer before we realize,

the Christmas meaning is what’s sublime.

No matter what you may believe in,

or your status in this life,

There is no greater gift to give,

then empathy for another’s strife.

Understanding towards one another,

without judgement for what they do.

A truly deep Acceptance of all People,

regardless of what they’ve been through.

We are all searching for connection,

so listen instead of talk.

Put away the phone, and give value to,

just time with another to walk.

Stop rushing, because you’ll get there,

no matter how fast you go.

Appreciate those around you,

and learn to take it slow.

Open your eyes and look up a bit,

and it may open up your heart .

Slow down and expierence the season,

brotherly love can give Christmas magic a strong re-start.

Give something of yourself today,

Is what I challenge you to do.

The more you give freely of yourself,

The more will come back to you!

Merry Christmas to ALL,

and to ALL a Good Night !!

I write A LOT!

It is my most expressive form of communication.

I write stories, thoughts, ideas, and epiphanies.

I write about love, loss, hurt, and anger.

I write definitions, and words to remember, I write about things I see, conversations heard, and what I've learned. I write of experiences I've had, and those I long for.

I write to see perspectives other than my own, and I write to be introspective into my own life.

Sometimes it's tidy and the pages are clean,

Sometimes it's messy, on a tattered napkin in a restaurant, sometimes it's frantic and sloppy because I can't get it down fast enough.

Most of what I write is for me.

Some is to advance my education.

Much is a window into who I am,

Some is a view of you.

Some is written with the purpose of sharing myself, but I will never have the courage to actually let you read.

Of the 3% I do share, many will judge me unkindly for it, because they will read it from their perspective and not open themselves to see mine, and I will feel ashamed that my communication lacked effect.

But through it, from time to time, a few will see me, feel my heartbeat in the paper, see my soul in the words, and know my spirit in my penmanship. They will not judge me on my thought, but they shall connect with my emotion.. and they ...

For every thing we have.

For home, and friends and family,

and even kids that drive us mad.

We talk of all the things we’ll do,

Much better in years to come.

How next year we hope to have more to share,

Next Thanksgiving will be “the one”

Why do we think, it’s not enough?

Because, if we are honest with ourselves,

The things that those around us need most,

can’t be found upon the shelves.

A stroll, a talk, even a simple smile,

Or a sympathetic ear,

for your time is much more valuable for sure,

then anything you bought this year.

So as I sit with my ones, most dear.

I’m grateful for this time,

and I’m thankful for every path I crossed,

who shared a moment of mine.

I don’t remember every purchased gift,

But l’ll always treasure in my heart;

Every kind word, invitation, helping hand, or voice of encouragement given,

to add to my souls' small spark.

Alas we are adults now,

And “things” we want

we can buy for ourselves.

But the gift of honest true connection,

will always need to come

from someone else.

So give this rare gift as much as you can,

For as much as you give,

it will be returned.

And it will multiply the value of each day you have left

Building a life of gratitude,

For love all deserve.

I love you all!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I’ve never needed a hero, I save myself each day, I never wait for anyone, To pay or pave my way.

I won’t ever ask for help you see I can do it on my own I won’t grovel for you to take care of me I’m in charge of my own home

But if you want my softer side For me to make time for you You’ll have to step up and do for me Even when I won’t ask you to

My value will be seen

My heart is tired of hoping

I’ve had true love beside me once

I’m no longer looking for anything

I’ve lived for many years now Doing it all alone I have no time to teach you What by now, a man should know

If you don’t find me worthy Of investing in my life Of creating a safer place for me To show my softer side

If you come with expectations Of only doing to get a return If your heart has conditions to open it That you want for me to earn

Then don’t bother wasting my time Just walk the other way It’s easier for me to be on my own Then make room for you everyday

If I appear to be drowning In the daily stress and strife Don’t worry or fret about me I will rescue my own life.

I love you...

I do my best never to judge what you do, how you dress, your style, your choice of words, how you want to present yourself, whether its your crazy, your sad, your happy, or your quiet moments..

Your education, your choice of career, the person you date, your body type, or your age, if you have or haven't had plastic surgery, whether you love the outdoors or prefer city life, if your with me everyday, or I only hear from you every few years, if your rich or poor or caught in the middle, if your famous,or unkown, a people person or a hermit...

Unless my opinion is asked for I will try to never tell you what you should or shouldn't do, how you should or shouldn't act , or put boundaries on your dreams by telling you what is or isn't possible...

Wear what makes you feel good, sing even if your tone def, and dance with your own moves to your own beat with your own rhythm.

I love and accept each and every one of you for who you are, in whatever part of life you are in.

I know the choices you make aren't always easy, and I know you make them for you, and not for my approval, just as mine are for me.

Wrong or right I will never assume to know why you do what you do, or believe I know better...

And whatever choices you make, whether I agree or not, I will hope it brings you peace and happiness in your heart, mind and soul...

My daddy

He never followed other men

He created his own path.

When others lived life selfishly

He offered all he had.

Not a moment of his life was spent

Living for himself

Every day he gave to everyone

He considered love his wealth.

He prioritized his family first

And devoted his whole life.

We never needed anything

Even through our poorest times

Over the years I watched in Awe

As he smiled his cares away.

Bringing happiness to everyone

Who crossed his path each day.

Kind words, good jokes, silly puns and stories

Along with music, filled our home.

No hatred, pride, or prejudice

Around us would be known.

Throughout my days he’d always say

How he wished he had more to give

A big strong man, with a soft humble heart

Was an example of a good life lived

My father’s love was powerful

And matched by only one

My mothers sweet devotion to him

Would never be undone.

Together hand in hand they went

Down every road of life

His weakness she would ever be

His love, his life, his wife

My daddy you’re my hero

In every single way

Teaching me to give my heart

To all who pass my way

Your love was undeniable

To us, to friends, even foe

That as you round this turn in life

I hope our love you know

You never let a day go by

Without telling us how you feel

I am forever grateful for

You showing us that love can be for real.

If you know my dad, please honor him

By looking left and right

And express your love for all of those

You treasure in your life.

Give a smile, greet a stranger, sing at the top of your lungs

Remember him and make a friend, and always spread your love.

With all my love, your little girl,

Love is in the SMALL things we do,

When someone TRULY loves us ... it's those

SMALL things real love appreciates the MOST!!

THIS IS FALLING IN LOVE

It is wonderful when someone remembers and wants to replicate the special moments they share with you.. or they show adoration for something about you.

THIS IS FALLING IN LOVE

When it's not about when you gave them something, or grand gestures, big vacation moments, or airs you put on..

THIS IS FALLING IN LOVE

When someone wants to stare at the stars and dream with you, or lay on the floor and listen to music starting sentences with "what if... " and " did you know?" and those are their favorite memories, and the most cherished thoughts of you...

THIS IS FALLING IN LOVE

When it's about appreciation for your quiet, and the joy THEY feel when you laugh your annoying laugh, when they want all the real, all the odd and even all your ugly, not to "accept" but they actually crave that about you and get pleasure from your happiness!

THIS IS BEING IN LOVE

When someone misses your mess, loves the idea of you being near even if it's a room a away, is grateful you simply exists, and would pay any price to remove your pain.

THIS IS BEING IN LOVE

When they want to share everything with you, because no matter how great, or how small the event, or accomplishment, ... if they couldn't be with you, or tell you about it, it would no longer feel significant, or worthwhile.

THIS IS BEING IN LOVE

If you are not in love with someone who feels this way for you. Get quiet, and start to do and love the simple things about you.

FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF

Not in an arrogant, self serving way. Not to set a bar for what you want to believe you deserve... but fall in love with your small stuff, take pride in your crooked smile (because you're smiling), create both dreams to be goals, and dreams of imagination, reward your own accomplishments, and get excited for the things you want to do.

THEN..

Invite someone (or everyone), to share all these simple things with you, and let yourself feel these things for them (Parents, children, friends, partners).

Revel in their joys, get excited for their plans, and show faith in their dreams, both the ones with goals (like education) AND the imaginary (like winning the lottery).

FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE (or EVERYONE)

It may not be returned the first time, and it may hurt when it isn't reciprocated, but Eventually...

IT WILL come back to you!!

YOU WILL FIND REAL LOVE

BUT DON'T STOP THE SMALL STUFF THERE !!

Because it is in the small stuff we continue to grow, find appreciation, strengthen bonds, connect, create, give AND FEEL more love .... both with individuals AND in the world

THIS .... THIS IS WHEN WE BECOME LOVE

AND LOVE ATTRACTS LOVE..

If you do the little things, and focus on the small stuff..

YOU WILL NEVER BE WITHOUT WHAT WE ALL NEED TO CHERISH THE MOST....

LOVE!

For you to follow through

Did you know that I was waiting here

As you told me to do

Did you know that I was waiting

As you decided to go away

Did you know that I was waiting here

Because you said to stay

Did you know that I was waiting

When you chose just not to come

Did you know that I was waiting here

As you backed away to run

Did you know that I was waiting

In the spot you’d said you’d be

Did you know that I was waiting here

For you to set me free

Did you know that I was waiting

When another caught your eye

Did you know that i was waiting here

Even though you told me lies

Did you that that i was waiting

When she broke up your heart

Did you know that i was waiting here

to mend the damaged part

Did you know that I was waiting

And waiting still I am

Did you know that I was waiting here

With my heart still in my hand

Did you know that I was waiting

And forever here I’ll be

Just remember I'll be waiting here

So tired from not sleeping the night before.

But just as my head hit the pillow,

I struggled to find comfort, peace or any amount of sleep.

Once again, rest was out of reach..

and I was left restless.

I battled, for hours.

Then I tried to work,

but couldn’t concentrate.

As time marked the lost hours through the night, I could feel “it”….

“It” is the onset of emotions, created by trauma, by loss, by fear, by doubt, by all that has made me, as it bubbles up from the depth of who I am, creepin in from the darkest corners of my soul reaching into my head and taking from me …sanity. although it’s temporary, it feels like eternity.

Another night tossed into grief I didn’t want to live, nor do I willingly re-live.

Mourning both the obvious loss, as well as the hidden, the secret, the quiet loss that always follows …

Now, it’s almost 5am, I must start clawing and climbing out of my own head just in time to push “it” all back down into the dark…

fighting as I put my make up on,

to hide the mess the stolen night has left behind.

Just so I can say

“I’m fine”

Yet strong.

The heart Will shatter,

But still beat.

The heart feels much

But is touched by few.

The heart see’s all

But searches for the good.

The heart thrives on

Honesty, kindness, grace, and trust

As well as on Pain, sorrow, loss, and anger..

And and from these things it creates connection, and powerful, deep understanding and pure love!

The heart acknowledges the negative

But looks to be positive.

Many say the heart is blind, or stupid

But the heart chooses to be optimistic over logic, so all can have hope of change and growth.

The heart is in one,

But is capable of connecting us all

The heart is the same one to another no matter what the creature, person, belief or background.

We cannot lead with our brain, because it doesn’t feel, it is meant to create the plan to meet the needs and passions of the heart. We need only to change our brain so it learns to follow the heart earnestly, humbly, in search of constant improvement.

By Mikki Castleman

I am that old couch you saw,

just two short years ago.

You were shocked to see me in the yard,

“For sale” to let go.

You asked him why I was being sold,

He said he hated to.

Because I was so comfortable,

and my stitching still looked new.

 You said you’d “love me forever”

That I “fit you perfectly!”

That “the curves and seat fit like a glove”

You were excited you found me!

Now as the time is passing,

You’re neglecting to take care.

My leather is in need of oiling,

My springs could use repair.

But I still fit you like a glove,

And for you, I’m always here.

 But now you browse new furniture,

Looking for a better match.

Even though I never fail my job,

Giving comfort when you ask.

Last month you put me in the garage,

You no longer want to see,

damage to my leather seat,

that you never oiled for me.

Your tired of hearing my squeaking coils,

That you never tended to.

You’d rather show off a new bright couch,

For all your guests to view.

 So now you have me tucked away

For when you are too weary

To take on another stressful day,

And need to see life clearly

 You say that you still love me.

But you say it to her more.

you care for all her damages,

even new she gets restored.

You don’t mind it’s me that’s breaking down.

But you don’t want to let me go,

Because I still can comfort you

When you need me to do so.

 You’d rather just set me aside

For no one else to choose.

I can have no other owner,

Because I’ve already conformed to you.

And we don’t pick where we belong

As possessions never do

But to watch you choose another couch

Breaks my heart I don’t please you.

 I replay daily in my mind

The promises you said,

To love and care for only me

Until your dying bed.

I hope one day you realize

I never let you down.

My age has just antiqued me,

My values higher now.

One day you’ll wish you cared for me

As I have always you

One day you’ll realize my love

Never wavered once, it’s true.

My arms can still provide you rest

My cushions still conform

But even at my very best

I still am slightly worn

 So seek out fancy colors

New bright ticking made of gold

Trade me in if you so choose to do

On something new to fit your mold

she’ll never be as comfortable

or set your mind at ease

or quiet your bodies burden

or anticipate your needs

 Remember that I love you

Just as from the start

No matter what you do to me