part II: Not mine to love
You didnât know when you stopped sleeping. Maybe it was when Kol stopped coming home at night. Or when you found the white envelope on the dining table with a wedding invitation in it, the morning after sleeping with him again. Or when you had to call one of his siblings to lend you some money, because Kol stopped transferring money to your bank account to pay for the apartment.
"Iâll pay for it," Niklausâ said over the phone, while he was wondering the streets in wherever he would be. You werenât able to speak, you just listened to Niklausâ voice while he told the debt collector to give him 2 days and heâd pay all of your debts and the rent for the next couple of months. You were thankful, so thankful, that Kol even introduced you to his siblings.
You didnât know you stopped eating. But when Kol came over weeks later, heâd noticed all the food he left you were still in the same place he put them. Way over their best-before date, no package opened.
He looked good though. He always did, he could stop sleeping or stop eating/feeding and heâd still be the most handsome man youâd ever laid eyes on. It wasnât fair. He was happy, you were a mess.
Your hair tucked in a messy bun, wearing a shirt Kol had left here the last time he paid a visit. "Take a shower, get dressed, weâre gonna have dinner,â he spoke, throwing out the last remaining boxes of food. âIsnât Davina waiting for you,â you mumbled, wrapping your arms a little tighter around yourself. âI have to take care of my best friend, since, well sheâs not taking good care of herself." He told you.
You shouldnât be this happy to hear him say he was staying at least for dinner. He wasnât yours to love, he never was. You should have stopped loving him this way the moment he told you he was engaged. But you had him, for a couple of hours to yourself.
He took you to your favorite restaurant, the one you met him at. But the food didnât taste as good as it did before, in fact, you couldnât taste it at all. You ate all of it, your body happy with the first meal in weeks. "So, whatâs new?â Heâd ask, trying to start a conversation for the first time since dinner had been placed on the table.
"Nothing, actually. I uh, I almost lost the house. Howâs the wedding planning going?" âWhat do you mean you almost lost the house?â The frown on his face growing. "I couldnât afford it. Klaus paid the rent for the next six months, so I have some time to look for a job." You told him, as if it was nothing. "You could have called me. I would have transferred you enough money for the rent, and food.â You could have. But you didnât.
Back at home, he pulled out his wallet to leave some cash everything you needed to support yourself. You watched his every move, having the perfect view from where you were sitting on the kitchen counter. For once, it wasnât decorated with dirty dishes and used glasses, because Kol had cleaned everything.
His eyes staring at the closed envelope he had sent you. Then at the pack of cigarettes. "Has Klaus been paying for this too?," he questioned, holding the package up for you to see, but you didnât respond.
"I thought youâd stop. You said you would." "You said Iâd always be your friend but we barely speak," you informed him. Within seconds, he was holding your face, forcing you to look him in the eyes. You hated it, hated that he was so much stronger and faster than you.
"You are my friend," he commented. Right, just a friend. "I love you." You wanted to tell him you loved him in return. You even wanted to scream it. But you didnât. You just kept looking at him, watching the distance between his and your lips becoming smaller. Until they eventually touched, and you kissed him back.
As he pulled away from the kiss, you never opened your eyes. Instead resting your head against his chest while on of his hands held your head in place. "You didnât say you loved me back,â he hesitated. "Youâre not mine to love. Not anymore."
"It never bothered you before, what changed?," he asked, his other hand rubbing circles on your back. "Youâre engaged. What we are doing is wrong." His chest rising as he breathed in, and falling when he let out a sigh. "Letâs go to bed," he proposed, picking you up as you nodded your head.
You let him carry you to your room, you let him kiss you again. Let him undress you, lay you down on the small bed. Let his hands wander every inch of your body as if he never touched it before. It was wrong. It would always be wrong. But you never stopped him.
The morning came, and this was the first time you didnât watch the sunrise from the balcony. You actually slept for more than 2 hours. Walking into the living room, Kol already had his coat on and car keys in his hands. Quick goodbyeâs exchanged, while he hugged you one last time. Before you knew, you were alone again.
A few weeks, or well, maybe 2 months later, you finally opened the envelope. You have been eyeing it the entire time while finishing the bowl of cereal in front of you.
Your eyes scanning every word. "Kol Mikaelson & Davina Claire", felt like a punch in the stomach. Thatâs when you realised you missed his wedding, you opened it a week too late.
You felt sick, because he was married now. Totally not yours to love anymore, but officially hers. Sudden nausea taking control of you. Thatâs when last nightâs supper and breakfast from minutes ago left your body again.
Looking up all your symptoms, every internet link you clicked on told you, pregnant. But you couldnât be, because Kol wasnât able to procreate. But then again, you missed periods, vomitting almost every morning. Not being able to sleep on your left side, or stomach. Thatâs when you dialed Niklaus again.
"Klaus, where are you?," you asked him as soon as he answered the phone, your voice shaking. "At a bar. Visiting an old friend." âNo, I mean, where are you. Which continent, country, city?" You asked again. "Europe, France, Manosque," he started, answering all three of your questions, "why? Has my little brother lost his manners again?"
Breathing in multiple times before replying, you mumbled a soft: I think I am pregnant.
Thatâs when you broke down. âEverythingâs gonna be fine. Do you want to come back home?" You knew what he was implying. France, where you were born and raised. Marseille was your home. Klaus would only be hours away if he really was staying near Manosque.
"I booked you a flight and a hotel. Let me know if you get on the plane and Iâll pick you up." Right, you completely forgot you were on the phone when you heard the call end. An email with a single ticket to Marseille, and a confirmation of a hotel.
"Iâm going home for a while. See you soon.â You texted Kol, right before the captain announced to fasten the belt and turn all devices into airplane mode. Another quick text to Klaus to let him know you were taking off.
The elderly man sitting next to you looked frightened. Multiple french curse words leaving his mouth as the plane started to taxi to the runway. "Are you okay, monsieur?â You asked him, hoping to calm him down. "A little nervous, merci," he answered, giving you a kind smile.
He reminded you of your granddad. Then reminded you that you were actually going home, being able to hold the grandfather that raised you. Maybe Klaus was right, and things were going to be alright. Youâd atleast have a few more months to figure everything out.