Migraine Mayhem

I know I could do it. 

I know I’m strong enough. 

But then, sometimes, I have the sobering thought that I’m never going to defeat this thing. No matter how hard I fight, how strong I am, my migraine is never going to throw its hands up, back away slowly, and say, “Damn. Not messing with her. Better watch myself around her.” 

And that’s not fair.

I want to scare the ever-loving shit out of my migraine. I want my migraine to wake up in the morning and worry about me and what I have planned. I want my migraine to cower in fear when it hears my footsteps approaching. I want it to panic, to hide under the covers, to change its entire lifestyle to avoid me. I want it to cringe away from every little thing that even reminds it of me.

I want to fight.

I know I’m strong enough to fight.

Migraine day - I love my baby so much!

Do any of you ever feel “dyslexic” (for lack of a better descriptor) in the hours leading up to migraine pain? 

I had a migraine attack last night, one which I was honestly expecting, given how much crazy stuff went on yesterday and the night before, but all day, I was having trouble reading. I would see a word and think it was a completely different word - something COMPLETELY out of context - and I’d have to stop and force my brain to fix it. 

Phrases like “innovative recipe” became something about “microwave regards” on a bag of licorice in the gas station. Or reading the signs in the theater: “Balcony U-W ^” became “Bacon Up.” Someone asked me what the sign had said, and I had to physically stop myself when I realized that it hadn’t actually told me anything appropriate, go back to the sign, and reread to make sure we were going up the right set of stairs. Thank goodness they had so many ushers working to direct us. I just kept handing over my tickets and saying “thank you” a lot!

Street signs were hard too, which was awful since I was the navigator on this trip. “Kris/Knot/Kroc/Knox/Kroix” and such. I couldn’t even tell how long some words were, like when I was looking for Lyndale Ave, and I couldn’t tell if Lara Rd was a long enough word to possibly be it as we approached and needed to decide whether to get into the turn lane or not. I ended up turning the map upside down, which helped a lot, but the situation was still frustrating. I was actually glad the roads were so awful yesterday, as it gave me more processing time as we approached downtown. I just kept checking and rechecking the map and repeating directions out loud so the driver could catch me if I was inconsistent.

In the lead up to a migraine, I frequently have trouble speaking. Nothing major - just a few repeated syllables here and there like a mild stutter mid-word, or the endings get tangled up when a word has a suffix. Something like “watering” might sound closer to “watinger.” I also sometimes reverse hands or fingers when I’m typing right before a migraine. “Letters” might become “leuuers” or “lerrets.” “Nad” and “hte” are very common mistakes too.

I have “Purple Cake” loaves (blueberry cinnamon) cooling on the counter, I am all dressed up (overdressed?), I get to drive to another town nearly an hour away, and hang out with a new coworker and all her friends, whom I may or may not know…

I never do stuff like this… Or if I do, I’m usually just tagging along with a couple of really good friends…

Anyway…

Only downside was I think I got too wound up about it this morning, and between that and the glare off the snow on the way home, my head is beginning to pound.

Migraine flares are not your fault.

Pain flares are not your fault.

You are doing the best you can at a difficult time, and you deserve the world.

You are not to blame.

You are enough.

You are amazing.

After reading about eucalyptus and mint possibly soothing a headache and needing to try about anything, I found a shampoo that contains eucalyptus and a conditioner that contains both. It’s Head and Shoulders Itchy Scalp formula.

Even a temporary moment of aahhh is sometimes what you need to get to the next moment.