Leti Square Root

Frerin had a plan.

The old copper washtub was unwieldy and much heavier than he thought, but they managed it quite well in the end. Just before dawn, he and Thorin carried it out from the bathhouse straight under Mistress Njala’s pudgy nose. Now this large metal object stood right in front of him, on a very snowy and very steep slope of the Lonely Mountain. It was going to be so much fun!

“Bam!” Agreed Dis, slamming her rattle against one of the washtub’s walls. Frerin cringed, hoping that they were too far away from the gates of Erebor for anyone to hear the noise.

“Yes, Dee, that’s a ‘bam’ alright,” laughed Thorin, taking her under her arms and putting her into the bathtub. “You’re going to crush many orc skulls with your ‘bams’ when you reach battle age!”

“Thori, bam!” Dis giggled and poked his knee with her rattle. Thorin made a silly face at her and fell into the snow, faking a sudden and spectacular death. It made Dis squeal in delight.

“You see, Thorin? I told you she would like it!” Frerin grinned at his temporarily dead brother. Thorin was only a few years older than him, but Grandfather and Father kept on adding to his burdens since he was supposed to become the king one day and that made Thorin more and more solemn with time. Frerin promised himself to do everything he could to make his brother smile as much as Dis did.

Thorin’s eyes blinked open, “You know that Mother is going to skin us alive when she hears of it, right?”

“First of all,” Frerin protested,”IF she hears about it, not WHEN. Second, we’ll make sure she won’t. Right, Dee?”

“Bam, Freri! Bam!” Dis offered eloquently, slamming her rattle into the washtub once again.

“Bam, Dee!” Frerin replied, kicking the washtub and eliciting a similar sound out of it. The metal vessel vibrated slightly against the snow.

“If you both keep on doing that, Mother will hear about it much sooner than we’d like to,” Thorin got up, shaking off the snow from his tunic. Frerin didn’t like the frown that formed on his brother’s face.

“Come on, Thorin! Dee needs to learn how much fun sledding can be. Just look at her!”

Frerin’s words worked. When Thorin glanced at Dis jumping up and down in the washtub with excitement and giggling at her brothers, he couldn’t stop himself from smiling.

“Thori bam? Freri bam?” She asked hopefully, her big blue eyes open wide, her cheeks pink, her mouth stretching in a toothless grin. At that point, wrapped in her thick winter coat and waving her rattle around, resembled a bouncy ball of fur more than a cute pebble.

Frerin looked at his brother and was met with Thorin’s gaze. There were mischievous sparks in his eyes now. They nodded at each other in wordless understanding.

As their boots slammed into the washtub’s walls, they both exclaimed: “BAM!”

And then the washtub started sliding down the slippery slope of the Mountain.

With their little sister inside it. Alone.

Dis giggled.

Thorin gasped.

Frerin made a shrieking noise.

“Diiiiis!” Both Thorin and Frerin shouted in terror and started running downhill after the copper monstrosity that kidnapped their sister.

“Bam! Bam! Bam!” Dis exclaimed as the washtub bounced up over a snow-covered stone and landed back on the ground with a clunk. Frerin’s heart jumped into his throat and he stopped in his tracks.

“Move!” His brother shouted at him, and Frerin started running again. Dis… He had to be faster, he had to catch his baby sister before it was too late. She didn’t know how to steer this thing, she had no idea how to stop it, she was so tiny, and Frerin’s brain knew only one thing: run. He had to run as fast as he could.

Thorin was the first one to reach the washtub. He lunged at it, grabbing its top edge firmly with his hands, but it continued to slide down the slope, dragging him downhill. A tiny part of Frerin gave out a small chuckle, amused at the sight of Thorin literally ploughing through the fresh snow and quickly turning into a snowman.

Frerin ran after his siblings as quickly as he could; so quickly in fact that he hadn’t seen that piece of rock sticking out from under the snow. Or rather, he noticed it when it was already too late. He flew through the air while the ground approached his face at an alarming speed. All Frerin could do was to stretch out his arms to cushion the fall.

As he fell to the ground, his fingers instinctively wrapped something hard and frozen stiff. He blinked, realising two things: one, he was now sliding down the slope too, snow falling straight into his wide open mouth; two, how on earth did he manage to grab Thorin’s boots?!

“Wooohooo! Look, I caught up with you!” Frerin shouted at the top of his lungs, laughing out loud, air swooshing past his face, snow getting under his coat as he slid down quickly, towed by his brother. This was what he called fun!

Thorin shouted back something, but Frerin couldn’t make out the words. “Bam! Bam!” Dis added, slamming her rattle into the washtub again.

“Watch out, Freriiiiiiiiin!” This time, Thorin’s words were very clear.

There was a thump and then a thud, Dis squealed, Thorin grunted, and the washtub was thrown into the air with Frerin and his older brother in tow.

Frerin always wondered how it would feel if he could fly. Now he literally flew through the crisp winter air, wind blowing through his hair, his body seemingly weightless, but before he could enjoy the view, all three of them, plus the washtub, fell straight into a large heap of snow.

“Ouch! Get off my elbow, Thorin!”

“I’m not even anywhere near you, Frerin!”

“What’s that then?”

“Ouch! That hurt, you lulkh!”

“You see? Ugh! Ey! That hurt too!”

“Baaaa?” Dis gurgled. “Babaaaa!”

They disentangled themselves from each other and dug through the snow.

“Dee, where are you?” All they heard was their sister’s giggling somewhere further away. When their snow covered heads finally emerged above the snow, both Frerin and Thorin were blinded by the sun shining straight into their eyes.

“Baaabaaa!” Dis giggled again. A large shadow was cast over them and Frerin finally dared to look up.

“Good morning, Grandmother Urtha,” he heard Thorin speak quietly beside him.

Drat. They were in trouble.

“Enlighten me, boys, what were you trying to achieve here?” Towering above them stood Grandma Urtha who looked at the boys sternly, her lips pressed in a thin line. Dis was in her arms, giggling again and pulling at one of her grandma’s red sideburns.

“Umm… Nothing, Grandma,” Frerin mumbled. “We just wanted to enjoy the snow together with Dis!”

“By putting her into that metal monstrosity? Are you both out of your minds?” Grandma Urtha scowled, and then kissed her granddaughter on the top of her head. “Poor baby girl. You don’t need to be scared anymore.”

“Babaaa!” Dis exclaimed with a big smile.

“She wasn’t scared, she liked it, Grandmother,” Thorin protested.

“Boys, I have enough of your ideas! Last week you put her into that barrel of honey…”

“Dee got there by herself! We were just trying to get her out!” Frerin waved his hands, recalling how mortified he was when it turned out that Dis disappeared from her playroom and crawled somewhere away when the nanny dozed off for a moment, and how relieved he was when Thorin found her in the pantry.

“And what about two days ago when the guards found you in the armoury? All three of you, together with Dwalin! Are you going to tell me she took that sword all by herself?”

Frerin exchanged glances with Thorin.

“Well, she sort of did…” he started.

“The rack… it fell… on its own…” Thorin muttered.

“And that explains how Dis got onto your back and waved that sword, trying to poke Dwalin’s eye out?” Grandma Urtha rumbled. Suddenly, Frerin felt very, very small and insignificant under her thunderous gaze. Everyone did, to be honest. Even Grandpa Thrór.

“Grandma, it wasn’t like that at all,” Frerin started. “You see, Dwalin and Thorin are taller than me, and they didn’t want to train with me, so when Dee…”

“I have enough of your explanations! You are her older brothers! You should protect her from harm! Thank Mahal, I was here at the right time. Look what they have done to you, my little princess!” Grandma Urtha booped Dis’ button nose, her angry expression turning into a soft smile. “Now, we’re going back to the Mountain. When your parents hear about this, I expect you will be grounded for at least two weeks!”

“Two weeks?” Frerin moaned.

“But we were supposed to go to Dale tomorrow!” Thorin added.

“Dis will be going to Dale. You two – not so much,” Grandma Urtha stated.

“But Grandma, that’s not–”

“I don’t want to hear another word about it! And while we are returning home, you will recite the list of the dwarven kings of the First and Second age.”

“Ugh, Grandma, please…” Thorin grunted, rolling his eyes.

“You will begin with Durin the Deathless. And now let us return home.” Grandma Urtha added and started walking.

Frerin and Thorin groaned in unison.

“Baaaa!” Dis chuckled and waved her rattle, casting a pointed glance at her brothers. And then she stuck her tongue out and blew a raspberry in their direction.

“Now, now, my sweet little pumpkin, you are a lady! And do you know what ladies get upon their return home if they behave? A cup of hot cocoa and a cookie,” Grandma Urtha explained and Dis giggled again.

Frerin’s stomach growled.

“Ey, Thorin!” Frerin elbowed his brother and whispered behind Grandma Urtha’s back. “That was fun, right?” “Aye, lots of fun,” Thorin grinned, elbowing him back.

“Great! Let’s do it again tomorrow!”

“How are you planning to sneak out of your room if we’re grounded?” Thorin asked. “Well, I heard rumours of a secret passage hidden in the wall between our rooms…” Frerin winked at him, making his brother nod with a chuckle.

“... and then Durin II ascended to the throne. And after him the great Nain the Blacktooth ruled…” As Thorin’s arduous recitation echoed through the forest, Frerin chuckled.

He had a brand new plan.

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Khuzdul: Lulkh - idiot

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