Small But Mighty

我到底是谁

经过的一切又有何意?

它有个所以然吧? 不然的话 为什么 会有这一切?

I wonder what my reservations are about, are they due to anxiety, self esteem, overthinking or the fear of judgement?

I can grow to be more self assured, deep thinking, appreciative, and raw.

My stupid boy and bub. U know how we were both very afraid of leaping into love because of our irrational fear of commitment. We both said, when we make a decision, we tend to stick with it and not change our decision.

Sadly, that’s not how it is in love and that’s why it will always be a losing game. I’m really sorry for giving up on us so much easier than you would have. There are a lot of things I want to say but I have no words for.

All I want to say is, as cliche as it sounds, it’s not you and it’s me. I haven’t been able to be truly vulnerable with you and I think that’s one of the biggest pitfall of the entire relationship. You definitely love me much more than I do and for that I am deeply appreciative and sorry at the same time.

I think I have not been honest with you, with myself. I’ve been hiding under the thought that maybe, with enough time and effort, I will be able to love you as much as you do me. I thought that maybe, love is borne out of time spent and connection. And it probably is. It’s just that I don’t think I have developed a sense of love as profound as I’m receiving from you and this nagging sense of guilt has really taken a toll on me.

The relationship was never toxic in any way. You have been and still are the greatest gift I can receive. You have done nothing but to shower me with your love and for that I am forever grateful.

I still believe we are both fine, fine people and we will be fine. I hope the hurt we’re feeling now will not scar us for life and inhibit us from another relationship. I honestly believe u deserve someone better, more loving than I ever will be for you.

You will always be my first and me yours. we have both improved and bettered ourselves through this relationship and that we take this experience as telling us that love is always worth it. There is so much of the world out there and I really hope we both experience a bigger slice of it.

I’ve been listening to this Chinese song a lot for the past 2 months and I think the lyrics really encapsulates how I feel.

這一刻 突然覺得好熟悉

像昨天 今天同時在放映

我這句語氣 原來好像你

不就是我們愛過的證 xian

差一點 騙了自己騙了你

愛與被愛不一定成正比

我知道被疼是一種運氣

但我無法完全交出自己

努力為你改變 卻變不了 預留的伏線

以為在你身邊 那也算永遠

彷彿還是昨天 可是昨天 已非常遙遠

但閉上雙眼 我還看得見

qian

可惜不是你 陪我到最後

曾一起走卻走失那路口

感謝那是你 牽過我的手

還能感受那溫柔

我比较喜欢跟自己在一起

每个人都好有个性

我也想要融入大家

不知不觉就走到了今天。我也不知道一切如何发生的但目前的我，心里满满的。感觉世界一切稳定，一切有着他们的安排。

要感谢的是自己，努力努力的为自己 show up.

但生命是条长线，偶儿他的幅度维度平顺直直的，偶儿他却起伏变化。

At the end of the day, me telling you all of this is still selfish and I will not deny it….

If I don’t say it today I don’t know if I will ever have the courage to..

Don’t want to feel uncomfortable and ghosted

I love us too much for this to go

Life is too short to have regrets (not just for me, but you if this is handled badly)

It will take me quite a while to be happy for you, but I want to in the long run, so please indulge me in my little request for distance to grow

I want us to enjoy life again

I dont know what love is or means

As you know, I was very happy alone..

I realised something was wrong when I wasn’t interested in anyone on CMB

All i know is i get jealous when youre hanging out with others, my heart burns when u talk about going on dates and my mind runs wild when youre not around

I want to greet you good morning everyday and make sure you sleep well everynight

I just wanted you to know that you’re loved and that it is by no fault of yours that I am gonna distance from you

Honestly, this whole thing is giving quite a bit of anxiety as well

I want to feel happy for you when you meet someone great/experience something good but for now I simply can’t

At this point, I really think the jealousy would kill me

I also just want to get this out of the way before u start dating someone seriously

我们都对爱渴望

I’ve never been good at figuring out what to say or to ask for things and this whole thing is just such an exercise/struggle for me!

Im really not asking you to choose between getting together versus not being friends with me… but i know there is a middle ground and I want to protect whatever is left because of my selfishness…

I don’t think it will be possible for me to just let the feelings dissipitate without actually telling you…

Really hoping u find your Jackson wang

It’s not right for you to be a victim of my tantrums and unreasonable feelings when even I know they are unreasonable

I don’t know if you’ve felt it but it’s been difficult for me to talk to you like previously because now i know that I have these feelings and i do not want to be a creep…

Talking to you now gives me anxieties at times

I have never lied to you or tried to cheat you in any way and I hope you’ve never felt like you were taken advantage of

I’m quite sick and tired of playing my own mind games and making you a victim of it

I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry……… feel free to feel angry, disappointed or lost……… I’m sorry…….

能给我一点时间吗?

I know I won’t be able to lie to you so all I’m asking for is some space and time 🥺

Whateever it is I want you to know that you are really v important to me