lynyrd skynyrd clowncar accident

The year is 2015, you wake up at 2pm and rush to your computer. Your friends are on skype! You message your skype group and say “dgdjfgdfg GOOD MRONGING I OVERSLEP TGDFG”, all your friends reply with a keysmash. They update you on what happened while you napped, two of your mutuals got called out for kinstealing. Tsh- not like you’re surprised. Even if they tagged as “not kin or id”, you knew they were reblogging too much chrom art for them not to be kin. Your friends quickly send you the callout post link and you scroll through it hastily. Looks like they also stole their mutuals theme layout. You close the callout and open tumblr.com, you recently changed your url from bpdayato to ayato2 (score!) and need to reblog the notice post again for your mutuals who may not have seen. You have one new ask! You open your inbox to read it. It says- “were u tumblr user schizogod.” …you delete the ask. You know if you say yes they will bring up old callouts, but that’s not important- your friends just sent you a rabbit invite and you’re going to watch darkweb videos!

is this like satire or did you guys actually live this

im so sorry that you're doomed by the narrative but i really need you to answer my message on Microsoft Teams

God I fucking love being a monk at the Monastery of Lindisfarne on this fine morning of June 8th, 793. I love looking at all the gold and silver objects and alive monks that live here.

through multiple disposable propaganda networks painstakingly build up over the course of the last decade, a couple of very expensive bribes to some very influential people, and no less than thirty sockpuppet accounts on reddit, i have put into motion a series of events which will culminate in a singular idea forming pseudo-organically in the consciousness of progressive discourse: the idea that it's problematic to subject a woman to a sexual encounter without having practiced on your homies first

i do this because i am a good fucking person and not for any personal benefits btw

makes me so sad when my friends refuse to pirate things and insist on paying for a streaming service EVEN when i offer to do it for them or teach them. like pleaseeee i have a vpn i have a plex server i can get you whatever you want. don't buy disney+ i can be your little poob i have it for you.

went to the beach ten minutes after an actual thunderstorm and got so cold i started coming up with a “fish” cover of creep by Radiohead which I was singing out loud over and over again. imagine me waist deep in the waves no feeling in my legs getting over a cold voice singing “i wish i was urchin. you’re so fucking urchin”

i was on the way to the movies & i saw an old guy with a piece of wood over his shoulders. it was huge -- a pole several feet long with a kind of wide fan at the end of it. and i said "what the hell is that?" and he looked at me and had this kind of ear to ear grin, and he said "what do you mean 'what the hell is that'?" and he sat back on his heels, still with that big smile like the sun spilling from the underside of a cloud and waited for me to answer and i said "i mean i don't know why you're walking around with that thing, whatever it is." and he laughed and put down his pole and kinda clapped me on the shoulder. "can i get you a drink?" he said. and i said "no, the show's in ten minutes," and he said "oh? what are you seeing?" and i said "christopher nolan's odyssey, i'm pretty excited," and he sighed and picked up his oar and kept walking.

jeff goldblum is the type of guy who gets mistaken for gay because he’s jewish. nathan lane is the type of guy who gets mistaken for jewish because he’s gay. stanley tucci is the type of guy who gets mistaken for gay because he’s a mild-mannered italian, which is jewish. seth meyers gets mistaken for jewish because of everything about him. zachary levi gets mistaken for jewish because everyone wants him dead. tom cruise gets mistaken for gay because he is.

nip over to troy, bit of rough and tumble, big horse, bish bash bosh, back home to ithaca. simple as

I WAS BORN YESTERDAY. I JUST BLEW IN FROM STUPID TOWN. THIS IS MY FIRST RODEO. PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME.

One of the guys I worked with told us a story about how, when they were doing archaeology surveys in the woods they ran into a bigfoot hunter. Bigfoot guy asked if they had seen signs of bigfoot, and he was like "Sorry, nothing like that. We're archaeologists, so we're looking for human stuff." and the bigfoot guy was like "Oh! I saw some Native American cairns on my way out here. I can give you a general location." and when he was like "Yeah dude, that'd be sick. We're actually looking to document those." the bigfoot guy was like "Yeah, they looked pretty cool. I didn't touch them though, because Native Americans built them, not bigfoot."

Fascinated by how Ingmar Bergman invented a fictional land of irredeemable evil and psychic terror as the setting for his films. Fortunately, 'Sweden' isn't real.

happy 10 year anniversary to “fuck shit titties it’s friends at the table”

crazy how there are only 2 hours of doing things every day before you keel over and die. if this werent normal id be worried