lynyrd skynyrd clowncar accident

free use is kind of a funny kink bc it relies on the idea that everybody wants to touch you and have sex with you but what if they don't. what if you tell everybody at the party you're free use but they all ignore you and mind their own business

One way to get tasks done in the day is to make yourself a Chekhov's List. Put all of the things you have to do on a list, and now that they've been revealed they'll need to be completed by the afternoon (third act) and when you've completed something you can Chekov that task from the list

You can replace [ACTIVITY YOU ENJOY] with [SCROLLING] but watch out. This sucks bad 👍

hmmm, this seems to be some kind of curse breaking spell… be free ye reader

Like what if it actually is poppin at the Farg tonight

“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard

One time I came home from uni very upset and my younger siblings asked what's wrong. I said that mutated flies in our lab escaped because someone broke their jar. I didn't even realise how scary it sounded to them until I saw their faces lmao. I was upset because we were short on said flies (they don't reproduce very well) and my siblings thought that some crazy radioactive fly monsters escaped and we are all fucked now. Love being a mad scientist in their eyes lowkey

many women are excited to get old and weird, but i have great news that it's fully possible to become weird now, before you get old. just imagine the heights of weirdness you will be able to reach in fifty years if you get started now. that's what I think

I think Bilbo is gay but he doesn’t get laid much if at all because every time he’s alone with a nice bloke who’s interested he takes the opportunity to read them some of his poetry. and if they’re appreciative he takes that as a cue to read them more. if they’re not appreciative he won’t fuck them.

Using this as a spell to keep tumblr alive at least until this post is accurate

(unfamiliar with Sir Mix-a-lot) I am pleased to hear your baby returned safely