MIECZLW

                                𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐃   /   𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑   /   𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐎   

he   wished   it   was   that   simple.      to   hear   the   words   and   know   that   they're   true   but   it's   not.      not   for   him.      for   as   long   as   he   can   remember   ,   guilt   has   been   a   constant   shadow   looming   over   him.      always   taking   on   the   burden   of   others   and   making   it   his   own.      from   his   mother   to   his   father   ,   from   thomas   and   now   jason      (         lest   not   forget   allison   ,   erica      &   boyd.         )      even   donovan   still   haunted   his   dreams.      blaming   himself   ,   it's   what   he   was   used   to.         still   ,   he   gives   a   feigned   smile   ,   practised   and   damn   near   undetectable.               "         i   love   you   too.         "         words   spoken   as   he   leans   into   tj's   side   ,      curling   legs   up   onto   the   sofa   beside   him.      "      thank   you.      for   being   here   ,      for   being   you.         "   

eyes   are   desperate   as   they   search   the   youngsters   for   any   form   of   understanding.      but   in   it's   place   is   fear.      was   it   so   terrible   of   him   to   be   relieved   to   see   it   ?      fear   meant   that   there   was   still   a   part   of   the   boy   miecz   found   lurking   somewhere   inside   and   that   gave   miecz   that   glimmer   of   hope   he   has   been   needing.      if   he's   still   in   there   then   he   hasn't   lost   him   yet         (         which   only   fuels   his   desire   to   turn   this   around.         )         before   he   can   say   anything   more   ,   jason   has   all   but   collapsed   against   him   and   miecz   brings   his   arms   around   jason's   body   ,   instantly   lifting   him   up   to   hold   him   against   him.      he's   nineteen   now   and   yet   he   holds   his   son   like   he   was   still   the   pre-teen   that   he   stumbled   upon   way   back   when.      even   if   he   has   to   let   jason's   legs   hang.      with   one   arm   around   his   back   he   lets   the   other   rest   against   the   back   of   his   head   ,   his   own   face   buried   into   jason's   shoulder.      if   he   could   keep   him   here   like   this   forever   he   would.      here   he   was   loved   and   here   he   was   safe.         "         i   know   ,   kid.      "         it's   such   a   simple   response   but   it   holds   so   much   within   it.      it's   not   just   an   answer   but   a   promise   that   no   matter   what   jason   did   ,   he   would   always   know   that.               slowly   ,      miecz   lowers   him   back   to   the   ground   and   steps   back   just   enough   that   he   can   look   at   him   ,   using   thumbs   to   wipe   the   tears   from   his   cheeks.      "   but   right   now   i   don't   need   you   to   love   me.      i   need   you   to   trust   me.      can   you   do   that   for   me   ?         "      can   he   open   himself   up   just   enough   to   let   him   in   ,   can   he   trust   that   he   loves   him   enough   not   to   let   him   drown.      he   knows   people   ,   doctors.      they   can   help.      tj   has   a   group   that   he   can   take   jason   along   with   him   to   ,      there's   a   whole   spectrum   of   help   out   there   and   if   jason   is   willing   to   trust   him   enough   ,   to   work   with   him   instead   of   against   him   ,   miecz   is   sure   that   as   a   family   they   can   find   the   best   way   for   jason   to   let   go   of   the   aching   need   for   the   things   that   will   destroy   him   and   replace   them   with   something   else.      something   that   will   help   him   grow   into   the   man   miecz   knows   he's   capable   of   being.         "      so   what   do   you   say   ,   jace      ?      you   going   to   let   me   help   you      ?         "   

beep beep how’s my portrayal ?

with   head   bowed   ,   miecz   takes   the   opportunity   to   wipe   the   tears   from   his   eyes.      he   knows   jason   has   probably   already   seen   them   but   even   now   he   wants   to   protect   him.      jason   has   kept   so   much   from   him   and   it's   in   these   moments   miecz   can't   help   but   wonder   if   that   was   a   trait   he   had   picked   up   from   himself.      and   that   guilt   creeps   along   his   spine   once   again.      it's   the   pause   in   jason's   words   that   has   him   stalling   ,      and   before   he   can   truly   take   control   of   his   body   he   has   his   hands   on   jason's   cheeks.            "         that's   not   what   i'm   saying.         "         there's   deperation   in   his   tone   as   words   are   carried   by   the   air.         was   this   how   he   had   pictured   himself   becoming   a   father      ?      no.         would   he   change   it   for   the   world      ?         aboslutely   not.      jason   ,   regardless   of   the   mess   that   has   come   along   with   him   was   the   best   thing   that   had   ever   happened   to   him.   he   just   wished   that   jason   could   see   that   for   himself   ,   maybe   if   he   had   they   wouldn't   be   here   right   now   ,   having   this   .   .   .   talk.         "         i   would   never   say   that   to   you   ,   do   you   hear   me   ?      you   are   my   son.         "      in   a   breath   he   notices   he   towers   above   the   boy   and   so   miecz   moves   to   crouch   on   his   knees.      making   himself   smaller   ,   less   intimidating.      "         jace   i   ,      i'm   not   angry   at   you.      i'm   scared.         "         maybe   the   truth   was   a   better   approach.      maybe   if   jason   could   understand   what   he   was   really   feeling   inside   it   could   change   things   ,      make   him   want   to   get   better.         "         do   you   remember   how   scared   you   were   ?      when   i   found   you   ?      how   lost   you   felt   ?      well   ,      that's   how   i'm   feeling   right   now.      because   i   don't   know   how   to   help   you.      and   all   i   want   to   do   is   help   you   but   you   shut   me   out   ,   kid.      and   that   terrifies   me.      because   one   of   these   days   you   might   not   come   home   to   me.      do   you   understand   that   ?      jace   ,      i   love   you.      please   just   .   .   .      just   stay   here   with   me   okay   ?      i   -   i'll   figure   this   out.         "