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illogical bizarre miracles are happening every second and you trippin for thinking you’re the only one they can’t happen to

gomez addams is the dream friend. id kill to have that dude in my corner. like if he found out my company closed cuz of covid he’d just give me 5k a month until “you get back on your feet, old boy”. I’d have to sword fight him like twice a week but then I’d just get better at sword fighting. literally what is the downside

seeing people say shit like “i wish i as born gay” or “i wish i was born a different gender” makes me s o sad bc ill bet you dimes to dollars that person is on the lgbt spectrum but because of ingrained phobias and the way media portrays people like us, it feels like an insurmountable implausibility, when its really not. if you wish you were gay, or trans, or whatever, then like, maybe you should give the introspection a chance. compulsive heteronormativity is real and it can truly make you believe youre cis and straight and that you never need to think more into it than that.

every day i search the internet for new horrible images to torment and vex my dearly beloved friends with

okay but imagine you’ve just tentatively made some new friends, but not everyone in that friend group likes you. one of them has made it pretty clear that they don’t trust you as far as they could throw you, and does nothing but mock you viciously. another is treating you a bit more like a human being, but he still takes it upon himself to constantly tease and provoke you because he knows that you have no right to retaliate. you’re hardly friends, but it’s not, like, on sight beef either. uncomfortable acquantances. then, for some convoluted reason, suddenly you’re on a road trip together. just the two of you. it’s suuuuuper awkward, because are you just supposed to not talk for hours?? you make some small talk about the weather, and you’re both painfully aware of how uncomfortable and stilted the conversation is. eventually, the conversation gets a bit more personal, and you tell him about your family. it’s clear he’s actually listening, and being really nice, actually, all things considered. and then he tells you his first girlfriend turned into the moon. quick—what do you say?

hearing the john mulaney “do my friends hate me or do i just need to go to sleep” bit is the best thing to have happened for my mental health because every time i’m afraid my friends hate me it’s around the time i should be going the fuck to sleep

I read somewhere “if you feel like everyone hates you you need to sleep and if you feel like you hate everyone else you need to eat” and it was honestly world-shattering and I wish I’d heard it years ago!