Hey God
I'm coming to you again
Because I know you'll listen
Please help me
Please make this one be the one.
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

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@midnightmerciful
Hey God
I'm coming to you again
Because I know you'll listen
Please help me
Please make this one be the one.

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I realised this morning
God I haven't asked you in a long time
I haven't with my heart, with my soul
Asked you
Begged you
Beseeched you
In a long time.
Did I lose faith
Did I lose hope
Did I just forget I could ask you and that you would respond.
God here I am now.
Please please please grant it me
Please
If it's right for me
If it's good for me.
Because you're the one who said
“And when My servants ask you concerning Me – indeed I am near. I respond to the call of the supplicant when he calls upon Me.”
Dear God
I don't just want to be your friend
I want to be yours.
My Rizq is with God
That means my spouse rizq
The love in my life rizq
My success rizq
My happiness rizq.
It all exists
Its just not all reached me yet.
My Rizq is with God
And what better place could it be.
God forgive me.
I've messed up so bad.
And I keep messing up
And I don't even know
How hard my heart has become
Shower me in your mercy
So I may come out of this hole I dug myself into
And so I may be amongst those you are pleased with.

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هَلْ يُمْكِنُ أَنْ يُقَالَ: أَنَا لَسْتُ أَنَا بَعْدَ الآن؟
Can it be said: I am not me anymore?
هَلْ يُمْكِنُ أَنْ يُقَالَ: اتَّخَذْتُ شَهَوَاتِي رَبًّا؟
Can it be said: I have taken desires as my Lord?
وَيْلٌ لِي، مَاذَا فَعَلْتُ
Woe to me what have I done
خُنْتُ اللَّهَ الَّذِي لَمْ يَخُنِّي
Betrayed the One (Allah) who never betrayed me
I want to be a good person
I want to be a good believer
I want to be a person who at the end of the day is secure in that he has pleased his Lord.
You will never know the disappointment I feel in the knowledge that I am not.
Ya Allah
I so want to be in love with you.
I want to be one of those who your pleased with
I want to be one of those who follow your Prophet.
I so want to be his follower
But I keep failing
I keep failing
I fall
And I fail over and over again.
And my heart breaks over and over
Knowing that I disappointed you again
Please forgive me Allah.
It is the thought of the hereafter that gets me through the day
It's the thought of the grave,
That reminds me to pray my Surah Mulk.
In the hopes it will protect me from the punishment.
It's the thought of standing in the plains,
That corrects my standing in Salah.
In the hopes that my standing is accepted and is correct in the plains as well.
It's the thought of the Prophet ﷺ pleading for intercession,
That reminds me to send salawat on him
In the hopes he remembers me on that day.
It's the thought of the scales,
That reminds me to pray سُبْحَانَ ٱللّٰهِ وَبِحَمْدِهِ، سُبْحَانَ ٱللّٰهِ ٱلْعَظِيمِ.
In the hopes that the scales tip to the good side.
It's the thought of the Prophet ﷺ and his blessed water,
That reminds me to do wudu correctly.
So I'm recognised as part of his Ummah.
It's the thought of the bridge
That reminds me to stay steady in this world
In the hopes I am steady on the bridge in that world.
It's the thought of Jahanam
That reminds me to try
In the hopes that he will have mercy and protect me.
It's the thought of Jannah
That reminds me to try
In the hopes that he will have mercy and admit me into Jannah.
Don't drown in your sorrow so much
That you forget
That his Love for you
Supercedes any difficulty you experience
That he loves you
More than you love yourself
That he is Al Wadud
And that what he has written for you
Is beyond what you could ever imagine.
Rejoice in the knowledge
That Al Wadud is the one who loves you.

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Allah, my Allah
My chest is tight
My head overtaken my grief
By sorrow
By worry over the future
By the uncertainty
By the delay
Allah I won't pretend to understand
You are the All Knowing and you love me
I will try to understand that instead
How utterly helpless I feel
Just sat here
Knowing I can do nothing
Literally nothing
Oh my Allah
You see me
You hear me
You are with me
Be enough for me
For they were not
I've had a terrible week
My hearts not been this sad in a long time.
It's so easy to say "have trust".
"Have faith"
"Trust in God's plan".
Yet it is not an easy task
It's not easy to put your feelings aside and your rationale and leave it to God.
But it was never meant to be easy.
If it was so easy it wouldn't be a test.
So I ask God to give me the ability and I shall try and do it.
God knows it will be half hearted.
He knows it may not be with my full heart.
But he will know I tried.
And that's all he asks for.
It's in the midst of this uncertainty
Its in the midst of this confusion and pain
That do I have to remind myself
It's my lord Allah who loves
It's my Lord Allah who controls and does
It's my Lord Allah who plans and carries out
It's not in the hands of her or him
It's not in the hands of that person
It's in my Allah's hands
And who better could it be with.

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Allah I'm sorry
I'm sorry I let go of my own dreams because i didnt believe in them because I didn't believe in you.
I'm sorry I lost faith in you.
I'm sorry I believed it wasn't for me because I didn't believe in you.
These are horrid words
Allah I'm sorry
I'm so sorry.
Please forgive me.
I believe in you and have hope and that is more stronger than anything else I can do.
I love you Allah.
I had not realised how hard my heart had turned
Until I tried to cry for my sins
And tears did not escape my eyes.
I sinned last night
Yet awoke this morning
I sinned last night
Yet was blessed with my sustenance this morning
I sinned last night
Yet was awoken for Fajr this morning.
The list is endless
How merciful is my Lord
In not cutting off my blessings
Despite my multitude of sins.
This is what made me cry.
Ya Rab, forgive us
And have mercy on us
And allow us to never commit those sins ever again.