Imaginary World of Blinding Lights

Here's some of my favorite frames of Ri in the worst day of his job:

Me : Lightning is such a cautionary tale for Ryuji’s character, it’s actually insane writing.

See ch 159 and him stopping Lightning from killing someone Lightning considers a friend because of #politics #religion and basically #war

Vs Ryuji’s reaction a hundred chapters ago upon discovering Shima is a spy

He’s come a long way, both from accepting Shima’s own enjoyment of his double spy role, but also from seeing just how far people, like Lightning, are sometimes willing to go on hurtful paths, even if it’s for “the right reasons”.

So yeah, Lightning is not just a mentor to Ryuji, who’s been on an honorable path since the beginning (as in, he wants to kick Satan’s ass to restore his temple’s reputation and he’s doing so by becoming the best exorcist he can) : he’s also an example which is not always good to follow and I think Ryuji is showing that he’s truly learning that lesson.

comm by me

I just got my copy of vol 35 today, and in the preview for vol 36, it describes Modri as a 聖職者 (clergyman).

The definition of this word in English seems looser so I'll put the Japanese one - "someone whose profession is to lead in a religious capacity". So there is our confirmation that he is an official religious leader as opposed to just an obsessed weirdo, lol.

On Wikipedia, for both 聖職者 and clergy, it lists "deacon" as one such profession. And if you've seen my previous posts about Modri, you'll know it's possible that he's actually saying "as I'm a deacon... even if it kills me" (in Japanese you can say this with the exact same words as "as I'm a butler... even in death")

Okay, then how do we know that Polaris wasn't also saying "deacon"?

FOL orphanage's Mastiff Class. If each of the classes are based on the four star lords, this is the one that corresponds to Polaris. The children are taught bulter duties and the skills required to run a large manor. Therefore we can assume that when Polaris said shitsuji, he did indeed mean "butler" and not deacon.

Meanwhile, all the signs point to Modri being a deacon, so we can assume that he was saying "deacon" when he called himself a shitsuji. Plus, if Polaris were Modri, all of the boys in Mastiff Class would've been running around in priest vestments...

other matters to consider:

Modri + Polaris's conflicting values - Modri serves his god, Polaris serves r!Ciel

2. Polaris does not mention God or demons even once

3. How Polaris wrecks his room vs. how tidy Modri keeps his room

How it's going:

I refuse to believe, I'm the only one that saw that new panel and didn't make the connection back to the very first chapter!

and i imagined that he’s using him like this (don’t ask me why)

Margot's entire hypothesis is that by rejecting a traumatic event, by forgetting it, you can "become someone new," you can move on. But the show disproves that hypothesis.

Trying to "move on," trying to "forget" actually only brings more pain, more anxiety, more despair. Life remains off kilter for all of them. At the beginning of the series all of these women are stuck, are lost, are feeling out of place in some capacity — all because they haven't actually acknowledged the shit that's fucked them up.

For Greta and Jodie their separation— largely pushed by Margot— makes it so that they never actually get to talk about the church fire and all the guilt they hold about it. When Charles Sampson brings them together again, that's the first time that they might actually begin to process it. Jodie even says, "I want to tell my story... I am still there, in that place, on that night."

It's Jodie's desire to unpack that night and Greta's refusal to (first, with Sampson, and later, at Greta's house) that leads to Jodie's death — another accident, another point of trauma caused by refusing to think about and talk about the past.

Similarly, Saoirse, Robyn, and Dara have refused to discuss the night at the cabin since it happened. They end their friendship with Greta to "put it all behind them." Saoirse says early on "it DID happen" indicating that they have basically written it out of their memories (as best as they can). But it haunts them, it creeps up, because trauma doesn't just *vanish*

What is deeply tragic about all of their stories (Greta, Jodie, Saoirse, Robyn, Dara) is that if they had just TALKED about it, if they had held each other through all the grief and fear and guilt and agony, then they might have actually healed from it.

The show ends where Greta's trauma begins (the church yard), and it also ends with S, R, and D finally finding Greta (who symbolizes all the trauma they have from that night at the cabin). It is in the returning, the acknowledgement of the dark points in their youths that actually sets them free— well, not entirely free from the trauma, because it will always be there, but free from the weight of carrying it alone. They all have acknowledged it, come to some terms with it, and THAT is what will allow them to move forward, to become someone "new."

I think that that's the message I love most about this show: don't run from your trauma, look at it. Face it, however you need to.

Throughout the series we get a lot of jokes about her questionable parenting (+ relationship) choices because y’know. It’s a comedy. But in the nursing home scene, Robyn, who has also been least sympathetic to Greta throughout both sees through that old woman’s bullshit immediately and gives her a piece of her mind. It’s probably her most serious moment in the show.

“Right. This is the last. We gotta go to a wake, first thing. We cannot, under any circumstances, get hammered the night.”

"People like us are just wired differently."