It's never really over isn't it. You just come back whenever you want. This pain.. I'm still not over this pain.

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@michvoid
It's never really over isn't it. You just come back whenever you want. This pain.. I'm still not over this pain.

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I'm actually starting to miss you again. But I need to come to terms that one day you won't come back.
So many memories pop up for me that were two years ago now and it just makes me sad. It feels so long ago yet it doesn't. Things were so different back then. Would I relive them? Yes.
How things have changed. Sometimes I miss old life.
I'm slowly starting to make peace with that things will never go back to the way they were and to stop waiting.
Alot of memories pop up now that were from two years ago. It doesn't feel so long ago yet it does. Life was so different back then. I miss that time yet I know nothing ever stays the same.
I knew you wouldn't be in my life forever but I like to think of the good memories we've had rather than the bad ones. Before everything became so fucked up.
I don't like to think about it too much anymore and I try not to. Because I would've never had the courage to fully walk away so I think it'd had been better if you made that decision.
I just wish I meant more in some way, but I don't think you'll ever realize anything.
I believe in soul ties, I hope you somehow feel it too.

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This longing, this aching feeling is getting worse by the minute. It's been a month since you stayed over. And usually by a month, this feeling in my chest starts getting worse and worse if I haven't seen you.
But I need to accept that one day you won't come back. Every time I'm out, you're on my mind. I don't know why. I wish you'd leave it. I wish I could live my life as I please but you'll always be in the back of it. I wish to share these memories with you, but you're someone I no longer recognize and you don't want much to do with me anymore.
I don't think I'd ever find anyone else, I don't think I'd ever get over you. I'm convinced I'll spend an eternity waiting, waiting for false hope and the images in my mind to come true. For you to come back. The you that wanted me still. But he's been gone for a while.
Why was I cursed with this strong feeling, towards a person like you.
Am I stupid for still lingering? I feel like I am.
I saw you almost a month ago. You asked to come in so I let you. We cuddled skin to skin. I felt close to you again.
It doesn't hurt as bad as it did anymore when you just ghost whenever you want.
I so desperately want to find my twin flame. My person. If you're out there, I'll constantly be looking for you.
Can someone just take away this lingering, this yearning, this longing.. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I really can't. Why can't I move on?? Why do I still miss him? Why does my heart still want him so bad?
At this point I need more hoe's that I actually find attractive and worth talking to. Life gets boring ☠️

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There has to be much more than this life.. I just want to be happy......
That attachment isn't as strong as it used to be but sometimes I'd wish you'd text me out of no where other than a 'wyd.' Sometimes I wish you'd ask if I want to hang out. Or try to catch up atleast. Part of me wishes that and another part hopes that all that bad karma eats you up and effects you because you deserve it after how horribly you treat(ed) me.
Why am I still waiting? When you proved to me many times that you don't care. Breaking no contact wasn't as exciting as it should have been. You didn't even look at me. Why am I still putting myself in his painful position while you go do whatever you please.
Sometimes I wonder why I was cursed to still have feelings for someone who no longer gives a shit about me and only wants to sleep with me. Someone who is so rude and fucked up towards me. Someone who has anger issues and strong narcissistic traits. I want to lift this curse if it's no longer meant for me. I'm so tired of waiting for nothing and holding onto the past. It still feels literally impossible for me to completely move on, especially if he still wants to be intimate. That'll only delay my healing process and he doesn't understand that. It was enjoyable at first but then it started hurting more and more.
This actually isn't enjoyable anymore. I'm not sure if I should let it reach it's third year. It only causes pain for me while he doesn't give a shit at all.

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Lol I see how it truly is now. Wow.
I wish things were different. I wish I wasn't still yearning and waiting.. Those words you said while drunk, of course I fell for it..
You've left me with more everlasting trauma. I'm not sure when I'll recover.