permanent vaction

A new female character. She’s hot, funny, smart, cool, a fanboi’s dream. She and Poe obviously have history. They are at ease with one another, hug a lot, have inside jokes, each other, the fanbois are appeased. It seems like Poe is indeed a hetero dude™.

Meanwhile, Finn eyes the both of them with what an observant audience member easily identifies as jealousy. Somewhere in the second half of the movie he approaches hot new female character and says something like ‘Yeah, I’m really happy for Poe and you. He’s a really nice dude and deserves someone as hot, funny, smart and cool as you.’ He turns to leave. The fanbois rejoice. The gay has been defeated.

Then we hear her answer: “Waaaaat, no buddy, Poe is gay as shit.”

The dudebros stop breathing.

“And I also think he has the hots for you”

Some start whimpering silently.

“And btw, I’m a lesbian.”