I wrote another chapter (ik itās been a while) if you lik this the others are on my profileā¦somewhere(I should really create a linkā¦)
Iām beyond happy he couldnāt see my thoughts
Why am I thinking about him like this? Iāve been aroace my entire life, Iāve never felt anything like this before. I feel myself wanting to be around him, not caring if he puts his hands on me
Thatās sounds kinda nice
I blushed at the thought but quickly shook it away. Instead of getting lost in those dangerous thoughts, I picked up that dagger from earlier
Canāt believe I laughed over some healing magic
I donāt remember being that sensitive to it, I mean Iāve always had some tolerance, but not that little.
Okay now Iām second guessing myself
I was so lost in thought, so busy flipping that dagger and smiling like an idiot to even realize my surroundings, to dumb to hear the steps behind me, to focused to listen to the thoughts around me. And me, the Knight Of War, jumped out of my own damn skin, dropping the dagger in the process
God I just jumped like three steps
āFor the love of God how long have you been there?ā The smile pulled at his lips, the very same smile that made me forget that I was staring at him in his doorway, that smile that I purposefully tried to ignore but never ended up working
Donāt smile at me bitch
I tried to hide all those nerves under that mask I wore, yet at this point it wasnāt effective, I had it bad, and it seemed everyone but him knew
āLong enough.ā My face went a little red, I hated how much the mask broke around him, how he broke those walls without even trying. Iām Lancelot, the boy who people fear, and Iāll keep saying it, but I shouldnāt like someone like this, I shouldnāt crave their smile, shouldnāt want their hands on me in places I shouldnāt say, I shouldnāt crave the taste of their lips
I do everyday, I find myself wanting to know every inch of that body, I found myself thinking things I shouldnāt, things Iām so happy he couldnāt hear.
āYou looked all peaceful smiling like thatā¦ā I snapped myself out of those thoughts, pulling my hood over my head just like I did yesterday
God I tend to do that a lot
āButā¦Iāll leave you alone on that. My mom-mother said you wanted to talk to me about something.ā I almost laughed at that cute little stutter, he always got embarrassed about calling his parents that, and oh I never let him live it down, yet I pushed it away for now
Donāt need anything else he can use over my head
āOh, uhā¦yeahā¦ā I rubbed the back of my neck, hood still over my head, I was clearly nervous to anyone within this training grounds
Good news itās just us then
I hate how much he effects me, Iām sitting here not getting nervous over a battle or something I should, Iām getting nervous over something as simple as
Yet itās not simple at all, itās anything but, I didnāt even know I could feel this, I didnāt even know I could want someone like this, I thought I pushed all these thoughts and feelings away years ago
āI-I heard about this thing happeningā¦your mother told me they were having this big party this Fridayā¦she told me I had to come, you know as a knight in training and all. I-Itās a danceā¦and I remember you werenāt always the best on your feet. I was wondering if youād want me to teach youā¦you knowā¦how we used to.ā I looked up at him with this bashful look in my eyes, I hated how shy this made me
Itās just a question, and heāll most likely say no
āWhy not.ā He shrugged like it was the most casual thing in the world
Heās just being nice. Nothing more
Am I? Is this all because Iām playing nice? Iām starting to second guess myself, is this all just a nice act?
I never felt this before, I donāt know what it means or if itās even normal, yet by the way Isolda, Chion, and Jade acted I just assumed
I pushed those thoughts aside, I couldnāt have them here, where someone might be able to hear, you canāt trust anyone I guess
āReally?ā A soft smile pulled at those lips
Yet so right at the same time
I didnāt think he actually wanted to do stuff with me
He nodded, rubbing the back of his neck, giggling nervously. āWhy not. Plus I need it.ā I let out a small yet embarrassingly audible gasp, a sound that was somewhere between with laugh and a satisfied sigh
No no Tristan. Stop thinking those things
How I hoped he wasnāt thinking the very wrong things I was feeling
My face flushed pink at the very thoughts I shouldnāt be having, at the thoughts that shouldnāt exist within my mind
Why was he so embarrassed about this?
Oh trust me. You donāt wanna fucking know
āSo when are we doing this?ā I heard myself say, meeting those beautiful opposite eyes, my face was as natural as my pink eyes. Yet I wouldnāt be surprised if he knew the meaning now
āMeet me under the lanterns tonight after everyone is asleepā¦alone preferably.ā He swayed on his feet, a smile pulling at those god awful lips
Great. Another reason to full my thoughts
āYeah sure.ā A smile twitched before I was able to mask it, I shook it away, but I knew he saw, he was staring at me and I hated how coward his gaze made me feel
Why dos he hide something so sweet?
āDonāt call it that.ā I hated how harsh my voice came out, I was composed, back to the shell of a boy he once knew. Yet he was getting to close, finding out to much
I felt bad enough to slip away, honestly I donāt even think thatās why I left with his eyes down, I donāt have a reason, I just couldnāt take the feeling of vulnerability under those amazing eyes.
I slipped around the corner, close enough to hear his voice. It was midday, someone had bound to hear. Yet for some reason I didnāt care to much
āLance why?ā I put a hand over my mouth, keeping any servants from seeing the grin I wore. His words were frustrated yet playful, I knew he was gonna ask about the dagger thing. That was a story for another time
I heard him slap his face, not intended to hit himself that hard, I heard his little grunt of pain and let out the smallest of giggle. Yet I didnāt care even as I read his mind and knew he was smiling at my corner
I finally got myself out of that writers block I was in, Iām working on another chapter, I wanna have it done for Lancetris week, but I doubt it