still astray.

hello, meia! sorry it took me forever to introduce myself and my guy, life got in the way but i’m not gonna abandon my boy so here he is. this is nam dojoon, a recently turned demon agent who’s trying to vibe through life B) here’s his profile and a rundown of his background. under the cut i’ll list some trivia and plot ideas??? also, LIKE THIS POST if you wanna plot! i’ll crawl my way to your ims

𝐣𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐨

     the life he’s been living hasn’t felt like a life worth living at all. accused of betraying his father, living in hiding, living in fear, glancing over his shoulder at every turn even when they head into town for news in hopes to learn anything about his current status. it’s a waste, he feels, to live in fear. but he knows no other way to live in his current predicament so he doesn’t protest, just lives each day by each day. his sleep is no longer as fitful as it was when he had first been banished, but there are days when rest does not come to him.

     but the universe seemed to want to give him surprises nowadays, and he was given the gift of a strange visitor who wears odd clothes and speaks in an interesting dialect. he can still understand him, but his tone and the way his voice lilts gives him thoughts that he might not be from around here. might not be from this time, no matter how odd of a thought that is. 

     his bodyguard had been a bit rough, and he had gently reprimanded his friend, telling him to back off and try not to kill their new visitor so quickly. they ended up back at the small villa they were staying in, away from the town.

     letting out a sigh, jinseo smiles wryly at the question because while yes he is, he also technically is no longer. “that could be said, yes,” is how he addresses it, deciding not to go in too deep about what had happened to him on the first meeting. the other male’s clothes are interesting, and he reaches out to touch what seems to be holding his collar together, something pearlescent, almost like a shell. 

     his bodyguard protests at the request, but jinseo is willing to listen since it doesn’t seem that the other male has a weapon of any sort. 

     as they’re left alone, jinseo steps away from the strange male and walks over to the window, hands clasped behind his back before he turns to look at him again. “who are you and how did you get here?”

honestly, dojoon thinks he should probably explain himself a little bit more. his strange circumstances, how he has no idea where he is and will definitely need these two stranger’s guidance to navigate the world he was somehow transported into—oh god, how is he even going to get home? will he be able to? there must be some sort of objective here that he has to complete in order to open up a way back home. if only it was easy to find.

dojoon has more to say, questions at the tip of his tongue just waiting to spill because no matter what ‘time’ he is in, he’s always the same big mouth who doesn’t know how to shut up. except—nevermind, his mouth shuts close almost immediately when the ( beautiful, radiant, graceful ) prince’s fingers graces his buttons. way too close! do royals not know personal space!? dojoon takes a heavy breath, pushing down the urge to shove the prince off of him out of embarrassment because he knows the guard will only drive a sword through his body if he did so.

thank god the other pulls back not too long after. it takes dojoon a while to register the question though. “right. my name. uhhh...” dojoon takes out his university’s name tag from his pocket, showing it to the prince. slowly. he doesn’t want to startle the prince with new items he may not recognize.

“i’m dojoon. nam dojoon. nice to meet you, i think. can i say that?” even though he has been trying to zip his mouth, he ends up rambling either way. classic. “to be honest, your majesty, i have no damn clue how i got here. i was just... admiring this really beautiful painting! and then when i blinked, i was suddenly here? whatever it was even dragged my lovely guitar with me,” dojoon sighs, patting his guitar case. “i don’t get it either.”

𝐣𝐢𝐧𝐚,

meia juneiverse with @miadojoon !

the atmosphere after winning a game is always so relaxed and happy, and jina, despite not being one to thrive in parties, definitely thrives in the happy atmosphere. it also helps of course that she’s part of the quidditch team and thus one of the reasons that they’re even having this party, even if her brother is always the one who receives the most praise, as the seeker position literally determines the end of the game. but she’s happy with just being able to bask in positive vibes, and as the party starts to branch out from the quidditch team to just general conversation in the gryffindor common room, she gets up to sidle next to one of their team’s beaters, a playful smile on her face. 

settling down next to dojoon, she holds out her butterbeer in a silent request for a toast, a friendly smile on her face, no suspicious signs at all of the question that she’s about to drop on the other. she waits until he’s about to take a sip of his drink before she asks, casually — 

“so, you like my brother, huh?”

victories, no matter how small, must be celebrated. this huge win, too, deserves that same treatment. for your information though, that’s not dojoon being biased simply because he’s also in the quidditch team! alright, he will admit that it’s nice knowing his efforts are being appreciated, since he likes being appreciated. besides, dojoon would dare to argue that he contributed quite a bit to achieve this particular result. but of course, at the end of the day, it’s not him that’s being showered with praises and compliments. dojoon never lets it get to his head, especially not when he catches a glimpse of their precious seeker surrounded by the other students.

maybe ‘catches a glimpse’ is kind of an understatement. dojoon always searches, always looks, always stares—it’s about time that someone notices.

oh, and someone does. someone a little too close to the boy that’s constantly running around his mind.

when jina approaches him with a friendly smile—that should have been the first sign of suspicion, but dojoon had been none the wiser, fool that he is—he merely returns it with his own grin, lifting up his mug to adhere to jina’s silent request for a toast. it was when he’s about to take a ( calm, tranquil, serene ) sip, jina decides to drop the bomb.

oh, and what a bomb it was.

dojoon coughs—no, he hacks, an uncontrollable fit that lasts for longer than it should have. there’s heat rising to his cheeks and his ears, which only makes him look all the more silly with butterbeer spilling onto his clothes. gross! he’s suddenly unable to look at jina in the eyes, now fully aware at how visceral his reaction had been.

totally not suspicious at all. good job, dojoon!

he forces out a laugh, which sounds hoarse after his earlier mishap. “what are you talking about?” as if on reflex, his eyes wander back to where he knows jinseo is still standing. shit. no! stop that! look away! she’ll know! dojoon turns back to jina with a nervous quirk on his lips. “jinseo? i mean—doesn’t everyone? you would know. look, he’s practically being bombarded by fans.” he’s gesturing to the scene in question with a dismissive wave of his hand, going for casual.

𝐣𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐨,

i’ll make you say wow whatever i do or don’t do, however i live

     he hates that he’s gotten used to looking around whenever he hears a scuffle outside. tonight, it’s a robbery and he’s arrived quickly because he had been nearby. he can’t help that he keeps an eye out on the surroundings as he makes quick work of the burglars, considering they’re no match whatsoever for him. they might think so, since he’s much slimmer and lithe, compared to … the other person that roams the city to protect the streets.

     but he’s trained himself enough to be tough, and he has no trouble holding his own again the group of burly men that were attempting to rob a bank. “poorly planned,” jinseo taunts them, smirking a bit as he dusts off his hands after tying them all up with rope and he tuts for good measure, clicking his tongue. “think the cops are coming?” 

     there’s a lull in the conversation as he wonders on what he should do. he’s always been better at behind the scenes sort of things, and originally it was him that was robbing the banks. which is hilarious that he’s stopping it this time. he frowns, crossing his arms across his chest. this is all—

     sensing someone behind him, he turns and takes in a red and blue figure behind him and he tosses up a peace sign at the other. “someone’s late,” he taunts playfully, knowing fully well that if he had been at home, @miadojoon would definitely have beat him here. “planning to take credit for my work again?”

his role as a hero doesn’t cease, filled with sleepless nights that'll have him wander into the streets with nothing but the blanket of darkness to keep him company. a friendly neighbourhood spiderman patrols his area without any complaints, seeking to protect those within his reach no matter the cost. that’s the motto that he has been living, the responsibility that he's willing to bear.

tonight is no different. once he had gotten word of a robbery close by, he’s quick to head in that direction. he had just finished talking it up with someone trying to steal a car. the conversation started well at first, in his opinion, but—well, it shouldn’t be surprising that it ended with a brawl.

before he left for his next location, he rang the police. sometimes they’re just too slow. so it’s even more ironic for a certain someone to say he was late the moment he arrived.

looking around at the sight the less than friendly neighborhood cat had left behind, he can't help but whistle in astonishment. “aren’t you a feisty one?” he comments. “and to think you were one of these guys back then. look at you turning a new leaf. i’m so proud of you!”

it’s a wonder how dojoon even got himself into this mess, really—actually, he doesn’t know what to call his current predicament. everything happened in a blur, leaving him absolutely clueless. instead of being within the comforts of the music studio in his university, he’s here. he doesn’t know where here is.

the last thing he truly remembers is the sight of a gorgeous painting, one that he had been admiring on his way back home. if dojoon knew this was going to happen, then he would have just gone straight home! now he’s here, in a foreign place he only vaguely recognises, with nothing but his bag filled with useless junk and his trustee guitar strapped to his back.

oh, right. and he’s being stared at by a very pretty guy ( @miajinseo )... who's wearing traditional clothing. in this day and age? ( unless dojoon is the one who's out of place ).

“so...” he finally starts speaking after a long while of staring. “you’re... you’re a prince?” dojoon asks, not at all hiding his disbelief. “i mean you certainly look the part. you seem... graceful. and beautiful. and stuff.” he can feel a glare piercing the back of his neck—is that the prince’s bodyguard?

is any of this even real?

after being dragged here by the pair ( with a sword near his neck at that, the scariest experience of his life ), dojoon has nothing but questions. whether they’ll be answered though, remains to be seen. at least he’s not being forced to the ground anymore. they’re in a house—or something close to that.

𝐝𝐨𝐲𝐮𝐧,

having a twin is great. 

doyun loves his brother, he means that with his whole heart. @miadojoon is like super cool and smart and he’s always been a great support to doyun. so really, no complaints. they grew up close to the point it was more odd to not see them together. but of course they couldn’t always stay attached at the hip. 

as much as doyun might want them to. he also respects that they both have a differing friend group and different interests. the whole they’re twins but not the same person thing. 

but does that mean it doesn’t hurt when dojoon starts vanishing more often than he’s around? a little yeah. doyun can’t even really say when it started. when he noticed that dojoon was going out randomly and staying out later. or how sometimes he would wake up and dojoon would already be gone. that kind of thing. of course they still had their weekly smash bros matches and dojoon still helped him with class work and whatever. but it still felt like dojoon was around less. 

and this lead doyun to the ( probably widely incorrect ) assumption that  his twin brother no longer through he was cool enough to hang around. this also led to him starting to go on about his new biker club in a not so subtle - yet subtle way of bragging about being in  a biker gang. something to make dojoon think he’s a tough dude or whatever. 

“anyway, thats why i won’t be home for dinner tonight.” he finishes, leaning against the door frame of dojoons bedroom. his arms crossed and he’s giving his best i’m chill expression. “some buddies and i have a … thing to deal with, ya know? just street stuff.” 

doyun has been acting a little fishy lately.

it’s not like he’s suspecting his younger twin of doing anything shady ( no matter what it is doyun has in mind, in dojoon's eyes doyun can do no wrong ). he has a feeling that doyun has been coming home past curfew though, not that they have a curfew. it’s just—they usually eat dinner together but their schedules seem to be clashing these days. he misses his brother, of course. although if he’s being honest, it’s not just doyun who's spending less time around the house.

unfortunately, dojoon has gotten himself into quite the pickle. by that he means: he got himself wrapped up in a gang and has been dragged around to gatherings and brawls. the thing is, he likes these guys, enjoys hanging out with them too. they’re fun to be around and they’re definitely a group of his closest friends. that doesn’t mean they aren’t involved in dangerous activities, sometimes he feels bad coming home with bruises all over his skin that he tries to hide with his oversized hoodie.

all this might be coming back to bite him in the back though, because now it’s doyun who’s claiming to be in a biker club of sorts—where would doyun even find people like that?—and returning home a few minutes after 11pm. that’s exactly what doyun is saying now, to which dojoon responds with a raise of his eyebrows. “my dearest baby, what kind of ‘biker club’ requires you stay out for dinner?”

it has been a notably eventful day.

usually, eventful isn’t always a good thing. in the field, it might mean the loss of many lives. eventful could mean disastrous, unpredictable, unprecedented chaos—not this time, though. it’s simple, it’s fun, no one is hurt aside from a few bruises that came from a game like laser tag, capture the flag or water gun battles. although the jeers and the side glares dojoon gets as he participates aren’t completely gone, no one said anything terrible for once. maybe it’s because he’s one of their best chances at winning most of the time, what with his enhanced ability, amplified further now that he’s a demon agent.

nevertheless, all that is over for now. he, along with the other agents, are standing before the bonfire and listening to the crackles of fire. it’s a lot more peaceful, as opposed to the riot that were the games. dojoon scans through the crowd, looking for a particular individual, eager to see how he’s doing. eventually, he finds him—although it never takes him long to find his twin brother in the first place.

𝐝𝐚𝐞𝐬𝐮,

event thread with @miadojoon

“brace yourself!” daesu calls out as he jumps over a bush with ease, continue quickly towards the younger agent without pause. he has a blue flag hanging form his back pocket and the sound of other agents running after him can be heard. laughter bubbles in his throat and without a second of hesitation he ducks slightly and bumps into dojoon before lifting the younger agent into his arms.

with his added cargo the senior agent rounds a few trees to get back to their base. “hang on tight, kiddo–we’re going to need to hide.” he says, not even sounding slightly out of breath despite carrying a full sized human on his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. he skids around another tree then quickly steps behind the large trunk. only then does he finally set dojoon down. 

“shhh, come on here–take this.” he takes the blue flag from his pocket with a grin. 

dojoon loves games—in fact, he thinks it’s been a while since he’s participating in something like this. it’s all physical and fights and shooting makeshift bullets at one another all in good fun. the only problem is: he doesn’t really have a good strategy. he thought his enhanced ability that he can’t possibly turn off anyway will give him an advantage, but the most he has been doing is brawling and he doesn’t even remember where the flag is.

guess it doesn’t matter though, because not long after, as dojoon is trying to survey his surroundings—debating on whether to lick his finger and stick it out in the air in order to follow the direction of the wind like in those movies—daesu comes barging into his peripheral vision and outright picks him up. “oh my god,” he says aloud, only to cover his mouth quickly because he doesn’t want them to get found out! daesu shushes him too, which helps.

only when he’s set down does dojoon uncovers his mouth—oh, and he’s been holding his breath without realising too, so he’s taking a deep breath while he’s at it. he tries to speak in a whisper, which says a lot because he’s usually annoyingly loud, “woah, that was—well, i always knew you were strong. but still.” dojoon looks down at the flag, blinking rapidly like he just noticed it’s there. and to be fair, he did. “how did you—that was fast!”

i imagine you in the night sky,

i keep looking for you i was wandering on the road and yet again end up going back to the same place

( ... )

     once he has his food, he turns and glance around. the cafeteria is mostly empty, with only a few other agents milling around and all jinseo knows is that he doesn’t want to be alone with his thoughts right now. and, if anything, dojoon will … talk to him right? jinseo doesn’t know how to approach this, but he walks over and sits down at the next table over, having changed his mind at the last second on sitting down at the exact same table. it’s closer than he’s willingly been to dojoon in months and he can feel his heart thudding, and he has to swallow a few times and give himself a mini pep talk in his brain before he manages to put the chocolate milk he had gotten onto the table next to dojoon’s hand. 

     a peace offering, if you will.

if there’s anything dojoon had learned from the incident that turned him into something inhuman, it was that the world isn’t kind enough to grant him, or anyone, any warning signs. within several moments, everything he knew had changed—his own body, the people around him, and the treatment he’s receiving from those he thought loved him. what was supposed to be an easy mission turned into something else entirely. although they’ve been told that this next mission can be dangerous, nothing could have prepared him for this. whatever this is.

the first red flag should have been that he was separated from his brother. everything went downhill from there—he couldn’t contact doyun, the head agents began experiencing troubles of their own, and there were too many casualties to count. doyun could have been one of them, and dojoon wouldn’t have been there to try and protect him. but just like before, something took mercy on them and doyun was saved once again.

even after everything they’ve been through, even though the memory of a gun against his head remains fresh in his mind, even with his belief that he’d never be allowed within jinseo’s orbit again—he knew doyun would be okay with jinseo. because despite all that they are, all that they never will be now, jinseo doesn’t stop caring.

( maybe he can’t believe that for himself yet, but at the very least, he knows jinseo wouldn’t abandon doyun. that in itself is more than enough for dojoon. )

still... that doesn’t mean dojoon is glad with the circumstances afterwards.

jinseo was hurt. badly. a building fell on top of him—dojoon couldn’t stomach listening to the details, nor was it in his right to know. considering their last encounter, there’s a higher probability that jinseo doesn’t want him to get involved at all. the fact of the matter is: jinseo could have gone before any of this was resolved; before dojoon could affirm jinseo’s importance in his life, even if jinseo doesn’t want to be a part of it anymore. it’s a different sense of dread, knowing that he could have lost someone before they could fix the string that binds them. dojoon is aware that their time together might have already run its course, but he’d rather it be decided by jinseo—not by death; taking away everything he ever held dear once again.

dojoon doesn’t deserve to hear jinseo’s laugh anymore, it’s not his place to draw the beautiful melody out of the other’s lips. but if he could ask for anything—he’d like to know that jinseo is still laughing, still smiling, still alive. it doesn’t matter how jinseo feels about dojoon, as long as he’s still here with him; avoiding his gaze, denying him, dismissing his existing, but existing with him regardless.

sometimes he wonders whether the universe is trying to tell him he’s asking for too much.

he thought of visiting the other boy, to thank him even. but the moment he stepped into the makeshift medical bay to be with his brother, he lost his confidence. it doesn’t feel like something he should be doing, not when his presence could make jinseo spiral into a state worse than he’s already in. so he bites back his tongue, he keeps walking past where he knows jinseo resides, he ignores that strong desire of his to run to jinseo and make sure jinseo’s heart is beating properly on his own. he pushes through that loud urge, despite the heavy steps he takes. all he did was take a quick glance; not at all enough to satiate the overwhelming need.

dojoon hasn’t seen jinseo since. until today.

they find themselves within each other’s sphere in the cafeteria, of all places. dojoon can’t tell what compelled him to look towards the entrance when he did, but it makes sense in the end—it’s jinseo, after all. even though he isn’t trying to, he’s always looking for the heart he lost; the one he gave to jinseo without his old friend knowing. what surprises him was instead jinseo’s actions, closing what dojoon thought was an infinite distance between them. without a word from the agent, dojoon was offered a box of milk.

he’s not sure whether he should laugh or cry. instead of either, dojoon smiles, like he always used to whenever he’s around jinseo.

“hey there,” dojoon says, sounding a little hesitant. jinseo may have approached him first, but that doesn’t mean dojoon had been granted a free pass to start a conversation. and yet, those urges that he managed to contain from that time returns with a vengeance, clawing at his chest and climbing out of his throat. “i heard about what happened. how are you?” he asks before he could swallow his words back down, wishing he could simply bite on his own tongue. maybe he could, it’s not like it would hurt him too much.

they’ve reached this point already, though. surely it means... something.

tapping on the chocolate milk, he nods jinseo’s way. “thanks for this. and for... everything else.” there’s no way anything he’s going to say could encapsulate how grateful he is for jinseo, nor could they ever express how elated he feels knowing that jinseo is still alive. “i knew... that doyun was safe with you. and i was right.” finally, he gathers enough courage to face jinseo—even if jinseo wouldn’t return the sentiment. what matters is that he says this; “i’m glad he was with you,” he breathes out, only a fraction of everything he wants to say. but he knows better; he’s giving jinseo a way out of the conversation.

but there must be a reason why jinseo sought him out, right? it might be wishful thinking on his part. considering how cruel fate can be, this chance rendezvous could end up amounting to nothing. dojoon tries to remind himself of that; jinseo doesn’t feel the same way about him anymore. hoping hurts. even so, his heart remains stubborn.

things as they were before ,

she can’t help the fact that her heartbeat picks up and a shiver runs down her spine when dojoon turns his attention on her. she’s frightened, of course – dojoon had lost control once already, had given into the negative energy, even though he had managed to pull back. she’s scared but at the same time, this is dojoon. dojoon who had been her friend before the incident. dojoon who is now a demon, but a demon who kept his mind and his heart. dojoon, who had been cleared by the head agents to serve again as an agent, alongside his twin brother. surely, dojoon has all the reasons to want to stay in control, if only to stay with doyun.

“dojoon,” she repeats in a voice that is a little louder, hiding the waver with surprising success. “um, no… i. i didn’t want to use the room,” she says and she swallows after that, fighting back the fear and reminding herself that this is dojoon, who she knows. dojoon, who doesn’t deserve her fear and alienation because of this. it’s all too easy to picture jinseo in his position. they, too, are twins, and jinseo is the enhanced one – who’s to say that if they had been put in that situation, jinseo would not have fallen to the negative energy? it’s impossible to make that assertion.

jina might not know a lot about demons, but she knows that if jinseo had turned into a demon, she would have hated it if people treated him differently. he would still be jinseo to her. it’s with that mindset that she tries to look at dojoon, the way that she would want people to look at jinseo if it were him in dojoon’s position.

jinseo would never forgive her if she abandoned the friend he likes so much, too.

“i…i was looking for you,” she says quietly after a long pause, dojoon’s crossbow being placed on the floor oddly giving her a small sense of courage. she takes a step into the training room, then another, letting the door swing shut behind her and closing her into the same room as the newly turned demon agent.

“i wanted to ask… um, how you were,” she starts, before his apology catches her off guard, and her eyes widen slightly, fear dissipating minutely in the face of the unexpected words. “sorry? why? you… you haven’t done anything to me.”

ever since he turned, it’s like his senses have multiplied. they say it’s one of the perks to becoming a demon agent—if there are even any—but dojoon doesn’t think so. even though it’s just a simple and subtle shift in expression, a small sign that’s invisible to the naked eye, dojoon can always tell one thing: whenever those around him are afraid. he can’t figure out whether it’s because of everything about himself being enhanced, or if it’s because he’d been surrounded by so many agents who tried to hide their fear from him. either way, although jina is trying her best to keep it under wraps; dojoon can see.

despite this, he appreciates her trying. jina had always been kind—both of the ahn twins were, nothing has changed when it came to the pair. it’s dojoon who has changed, a betrayal taking the form of his very existence. he doesn’t blame her, or anyone for that matter, for being wary around him. nearly everyone within this agency has had a terrible history connected to demons. dojoon and doyun do too. it’s why he accepted the situation, the judgement, jinseo’s hatred for him—there’s nothing he could do about it, and he doesn’t want to.

jina’s admittance catches him off guard, though. “you... were?” he blinks, not even attempting to hide his confusion. the door shuts, and now he’s even more aware of how they’re the only ones in this room—another flashback occurs; dojoon looks away from his old friend for his own sake.

“i—well, i’m... i guess i’m as fine as i’ll ever be,” he chuckles, but it sounds more bitter than he intended it to be; this is harder than it needed to be. his throat feels dry and he’s clueless on how to approach the situation. dojoon chooses to stick with honesty, it’s not like he can lie to jina anyway.

SUNFALL

( ... )

“you made me wait –you kept me out and–and i thought you were going to die–and i wouldn’t get to see you again.” the words are choked out, incoherent and messy. desperate for dojoon to realize how important his life is to doyun. “why–why did you lock me out? we’re supp–supposed to be in this together but–but i couldn’t be here for you!”

a voice in the back of his head whispers to him.

       look. you’re being selfish again.

dojoon knows he had been cruel—he shut doyun out, banned him from entering the medic room until he’s completely cleared by the head agents, then until he cleared himself, then until doyun has healed from top to bottom. he can say that it's mostly for doyun’s sake, and it is. he can predict how his twin will react the moment he steps into the room, faced with the gravity of everything they’ll have to face in the future. but it’s also because dojoon doesn’t want to witness that scene, the sight of doyun’s once bright smile fading into obscurity, a beautiful view that the world should see now reserved only for a select few, the list thinning each day. dojoon doesn’t want to be reminded of the fact that he did this, his current existence as it is will only cause doyun pain—both of them.

he can’t keep sitting in denial though. dojoon will never be able to get rid of the guilt in his heart, taking root and poisoning his entire body ever so slowly, seeping into everything he’s doing and thinking. that’s exactly why he knows that doyun is feeling just the same, blaming himself for something dojoon chose to do. dojoon can see it in the way his brother scans the marks across his chest, how his lips part without a sound making its way through. he doesn’t say anything more, not yet, not until doyun says something first. he’s patient, he’s not going to rush doyun. it takes a lot of time processing. they don’t have all the time in the world, but he’ll make time if it’s for doyun.

the tears glimmer doyun’s eyes and dojoon sees that, wants nothing more than to reach out and wipe them away, but he waits until doyun closes the gap between them. it doesn’t take long once the ocean flows and dojoon invites doyun into his space without resistance. he kept doyun waiting long enough, the two of them can only take so much. doyun’s head rests against his shoulder and it's nothing unfamiliar. he raises a hand to run his fingers through doyun’s hair, a comforting gesture he hopes can bring him some form of peace—even for just a little while. he hopes doyun can remember him as he is now, a reassuring pillar to lean against, not for what he might become in the future.

everything starts to spill out of doyun’s vessel, so dojoon tears himself open to take it all in—every bit of doyun’s frustrations, the overwhelming guilt of the survivor, the desperation that comes with almost losing a part of himself—dojoon swallows it all whole and lets it fester within himself in an attempt to keep doyun from suffering all on his own. although he’d do anything to stop doyun from hurting, this is the most he can do now as he holds doyun close, embracing his brother. he hopes his body can still share warmth like it used to, but he’s not sure anymore. he doesn’t know exactly what has changed. just that doyun has to be the one to see it all, eventually.

there’s a lot he wants to say to doyun, but none of it starts with hostility, nor will it begin with bitterness at his own situation, he's not going to retaliate. he’ll never put that on doyun's shoulders. “i know. i'm sorry. it was stupid of me, i wasn't thinking clearly, but i didn’t want to take that risk. i know it’s cruel of me to ask you to understand, so i won’t. you can be as angry as you want with me.” dojoon’s other hand starts to rub circles against doyun’s back, subtly telling the other that doyun is free to curse him, to say more—dojoon doesn’t mind. not in the slightest. nothing will hurt him as much as losing doyun.

“but you’re wrong about one thing, doyun.” dojoon pulls away only slightly just so he can look into his twin's eyes, doing his utmost best to express his sincerity, how doyun holds his world together. “you’re always with me. you were with me while i was going through assessment after assessment, you were with me during nights when i couldn’t sleep in this room... and you were with me then, bringing me back to reality. you brought me back to you. you’ve helped me more than you know. i’ll keep reminding you if i have to.”

dojoon tries to smile once more, though he can’t tell whether it’ll shine as much as doyun used to back then, like the smiles he can now only see in his memories. “we're still in this together, you dummy. even after everything.” even when i’m gone, dojoon doesn’t say. he holds doyun’s face in his hands, using his thumb to clear the tears rolling down doyun’s cheeks. he lets out a shaky breath, blinking back his own tears to the best of his ability. it works, somehow.

it hurts to see doyun like this, it hurts even more to know that this is because of him. but dojoon isn’t going to make this about him, no. he had done enough of that while he’s sitting in this medic room being plagued by his own negative thoughts. dojoon wants to think of nothing but doyun in this moment, this is where he devotes his entire life to his brother—or what is left of it. dojoon believes nothing else matters now, as long as doyun can keep himself upright and alive, then dojoon will ask for nothing more. if the world still has some good in it, then he hopes it’ll let him grant this one wish.

& by any other name

* / LOADING … history with @miadojoon ! 

he’ll call it by whatever name he chooses. part of him wants to say that it’s just a clever method to weasel his way into his team’s good graces, establishing their trust in him and making his position more secure. but part of him knows that it’s also out of genuine concern for his teammate, just a boy and five years his junior, who had gone through a very traumatic experience.

never mind that it was just as traumatic for juwon himself, who had spent days in recovery and is now only cleared for short walks within the med wing. at night, he wakes up gasping for breath, feeling the pressure of the other’s demonically strengthened grip crushing down on his throat, the white-hot pain of claws passing through his side like butter. but he always hears dojoon’s weak plea when he wakes, begging him to take doyun home. and maybe that’s why he can’t help but feel the need to visit dojoon and let the other know that this hasn’t ruined their team… not yet. because even after transforming into a demon, dojoon’s love for his brother had been enough to pull him back from the brink.

the need to check on dojoon is heavy, and no matter what juwon might use to excuse it to himself, the end result is still going to be the same. knocking on the door to the other’s room, he pushes it open without waiting for an answer, stepping into the doorway with the doorframe as heavy support. “hey… dojoon,” he says quietly, his eyes tracing over the figure in the bed.

it feels like the days pass by him in a blur.

he doesn’t know how long he has been here, bound to this small room with nothing but medical equipment that he doesn’t understand and a rotating staff of terrified agents rolling in and out to keep him company. dojoon tries not to think about it, struggles to maintain the faint buzzing in his head that screams too loudly when he’s at his most vulnerable. only one thought has been keeping him rooted to reality, even as he feels himself nearly slip off of the edge every few times: his brother, doyun.

but he doesn’t trust himself to let doyun in yet. not until he’s completely cleared, no sooner than that. not until dojoon clears himself. he doesn’t want to take that risk—he never wants doyun to see him like that ever again, if he could help it. so even if he’s tearing himself apart by pushing away the other half of his own soul, he’ll keep at it. he can handle this pain, it’ll never hurt as much as the thought of losing doyun.

stuck here, he doesn’t expect any visitors. definitely not from juwon—their saviour, the man he almost killed with his own bare hands. even though he was barely in control of his actions, he can still feel juwon’s pulse under his touch, weakening the stronger his grip. he couldn’t measure his strength back then, nor could he retract the claws protruding out of him. despite all this, juwon enters his room without much of a knock. he doesn’t know whether he should deem juwon brave or stupid.

“hey,” he returns the greeting with his own, his throat tight. “how—nevermind. i was gonna ask you how you’re doing but i think we both know.” dojoon faces juwon properly, looking up at his senior with an apologetic smile, ready to get it all out before he chickens out. “it probably can't amount to what i’ve put you through, but i wanted to say i’m sorry. you know. for everything.” he doesn’t need juwon to accept it, he just needs juwon to know that if he could help it—if he had a better choice—he wouldn’t have let this happen. to any of them.

creatures of destruction don’t possess the hands to heal.

dojoon trusts the head agents, it’s difficult not to. he had been with them for a long while, nearly most of his childhood. he never questions their judgement, he wouldn’t have even flinched if they deemed him dangerous and chose to exterminate him as he is now. his loyalty knows no bounds, he owes them his life and more. he’ll do anything to make sure doyun is safe with them, too.

he’s a little confused by their decisions this time around, though.

although dojoon isn’t exactly sure how much the head agents know about interpersonal relationships between their agents, he’s more than concerned that doyun is paired up with jinseo. surely they didn’t do that on purpose—do they even know? or maybe they hadn’t gotten the memo that jinseo isn’t exactly the best person to put around doyun right now? he’s worried for the both of them, even if neither would allow him to feel worried over them.

it’s a little amusing how similar they are in that regard, but for completely different reasons.

at least he’s aware that the pair are serious about their jobs. on the field like this, deployed into a dire situation, dojoon is confident they’ll do their best to maintain their professionalism. besides, there’s something else bothering him about the arrangements.

why is a demon agent assigned to partner up with the chosen head of the medics?

no matter how much he ponders over that fact, he can’t come up with a plausible reason for the head agents’ choice. it’s only natural that dojoon will do anything to complete his duties and make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible, but he doesn’t think his place is here. a part of himself is glad that he’s allowed to stick with someone who knows him, who isn’t afraid of him, who could call him a comrade. but he’s not sure just how helpful he can be here.

“lily,” he whispers, careful not to speak too loud—just in case. they don’t need anymore surprises. “i think there are a few injured agents not too far off, on the other side. one of them severe,” he informs, being as concise as possible. “what should we do? should i try to bring them over?” even with his enhanced abilities, he’s not sure he can bring every single agent in one trip. “or should i bring the one in most danger back here first?”

still astray.

   there’s a lot of things that have happened over the last few days. too many.

   jinseo has only heard about some of them: the death of a senior agent, doyun being injured, juwon being injured … dojoon being turned into a demon human hybrid of some sort.

   dojoon.

   there’s too many jumbled thoughts surrounding the now demon-agent (?) that cross his mind that he’s genuinely not too sure of what to think. he had been worried sick when he had first heard of the news, worried about his friends and worried about whether they would be alright after the near-death experience that they had gone through. he had wanted to be nearby, he had wanted to hold dojoon’s hand and reassure him it was okay. but … but then he had been turned away at the door, hearing whispers of unstable and demon and a lot of other things that he had been too numb to hear.

    the only things he could process was dojoon and demon. it’s almost too much for him to handle, and he remembers blankly collapsing in the hallway to a loud ringing in his ears. it’s too much. he can’t think straight and he doesn’t even know how he had gotten through the next few days.

    the only thing that he can think about is dojoon’s sunny smile, so fitting for his code name, and he only feels the tears that drip down his face as he mourns something that he had never had, and could never have now. he’s not sure what he’s mourning, but there are heart-wrenching sobs that leave him at night when he’s sure jisu is asleep and when he wakes the next day, he feels like death.

   all he knows is that dojoon is no longer the person he thought he knew. he’s not who he thought he knew anymore. perhaps it’s stupid to think this way, but he knows that it’s what he believes and nothing can change his mind about it. demons are the reason he and jina are alone in the world and demons are his mortal enemy and he wants nothing to do with any of them. that much he’s certain about and he doesn’t know what else to think aside from that.

    he’s pondering this, walking along but when he turns the corner he sees someone entirely unexpected.

   dojoon.

   he stops his initial instinct to greet him, stopping shell-shocked in the hallway and he’s glad it’s not a busy time of day or they would probably be pissing off a lot of agents. but it feels like time has stopped, as if there’s no one else there with them. he stares, unable to stop himself from doing that, and slowly takes in the bruises and then his eyes land on the marks. the black marks.

   the marks of a demon.

   the glare appears before he can help it, trying with all his might not to snarl at the other. he’s, fortunately, swordless right now or he might do something he would come to regret. instead, he stares almost blankly, almost unseeingly at the faint marks he can see and he sniffs, turning his gaze away. hearing dojoon’s voice make his resolve almost break but he holds on strong, inhaling slowly through his nose.

   “you …” he doesn’t have anything else to say, his brain coming up blank even when dojoon gives him an opening to say something. it’s stilted and awkward, where it would usually be filled with teasing and bright smiles matched with somewhat shy ones. it’s almost unrecognizable to him and he briefly allows himself to wonder what happened to him. he would never act like this around dojoon. but he knows the other knows … knows about his vendetta against demons … knows that he had joined because he had wanted to help but also because he wanted revenge. it should be no surprise but it’s still surprising.

   his movements almost feel robotic as he tugs out the gun from it’s holster, not feeling like he’s in control of his body, as if another being has taken control. he watches, feeling almost disembodied, as his hand raises and cocks the gun, moving to press the barrel almost against dojoon’s temple.

    "what’s stopping me from killing you right now?“ jinseo asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

dojoon stands there, feeling jinseo’s stare bore into his soul. the voice in the back of his mind tells him to look away, to simply turn and face this cruel reality another day—but he can’t. if he doesn’t do it now, if he doesn’t tear the root out of the ground and nip it at the bud at this very moment, he won’t be able to do it in the future. so dojoon forces himself to take it all in, every bit of jinseo’s judgement, the piercing words that he hears, foreign from jinseo’s usually vibrant voice. everything else around them fades away and they’re left with themselves, but they’re not the same. they will never be the same again.

he doesn’t blame jinseo, he isn’t capable of blaming anyone. from the very first moment he realises he’s no longer who he used to be, that he lost his right to humanity and the happiness he used to take for granted, he only had himself to blame. dojoon wouldn’t have it any other way. he could blame the world, he could say that the universe had been cruel and robbed him off of everything he ever had—but he was the one who jumped in front of a demon, he was also the one who chose to stay alive and bear the consequences of his sinful existence. he’s not alive for his own sake anymore, so he’ll let his life run its course.

it’s easier to say it’s his fault that jinseo is reacting this way, cold and cruel, no longer the boy he once knew, someone he can tease and bother, stick close to despite everything. every bit of happiness he felt around jinseo is now becoming a glass case of memories he’ll keep to himself, lock away for no one else to see but himself, a display of everything he craves but can’t have. dojoon deserves every bit of this, knowing what he had become, a version of himself he never knew could ever exist.

jinseo has gone through enough, he doesn’t want his presence to be another source of jinseo’s pain. maybe he’s standing here so that jinseo can take it all out on him in one go. because even though jinseo is glaring at him with an overwhelming hatred that dojoon has to bear on his own, he also knows that jinseo is soft at heart—kind and tender, under layers of hardened resolve and haunting experiences that shaped who he is today. they opened up to each other once after all, even if those doors are closed to dojoon now, he won't ask for anything more, he’ll cherish everything jinseo gave him so far in his heart.

even if it’s breaking. even if it’s no longer the heart of a human.

everyone is entitled to their hatred for demons. dojoon himself—he’d witness his own parents lose their lives in the hands of mindless demons. he’s aware jinseo had gone through something similar, many agents have. he’s not sure how he’d react if the situation was reversed, but he understands. this is fine. this is more than enough. jinseo’s friendship will be a part of those fleeting memories that come once in a lifetime. good things don’t last forever, as much as he’d like them to.

dojoon doesn’t budge even as jinseo takes out his gun, raising it to him. he can feel the weight of the gun against his temple, but his smile refuses to leave his face. although jinseo might take it as a challenge, it’s more for comfort than anything, for both of them. dojoon doesn’t take a step back, no. he doesn’t retreat either. he stands his ground. he reaches out for the weapon, fingers brushing slightly against jinseo’s hand as he does. he wraps them around the gun and moves—slowly, so jinseo doesn’t feel threatened. instead of against his temple, he lets the tip of the gun rest against his chest, right over his heart.

a beat of his heart. one breath. he locks his eyes with jinseo’s, stepping forward once, the gun like a light stab against his chest. dojoon will let jinseo pierce him if he so wishes. “nothing is. and it’s up to you if you would believe me, but... i don’t want to stop you either.” if anything, if jinseo was strong enough, if jinseo was willing—he’d probably choose to die by jinseo’s hands.

but he’d never let jinseo bear that burden. he’d die for his brother, he’d die for jinseo, but he won’t let either of them—not even jinseo—carry that guilt for the rest of his life.

( maybe there’s a reason why he’d go so far for a friend he already lost. maybe that reason is long overdue. maybe he’ll have to take that reason to his grave now, because there’s no time for the two of them anymore. )

things as they were before ,

a story in the past, with @miadojoon !

she had heard about what had happened to seb’s team. of course she had. she had wasted no time in going to her former team leader to offer him comfort in the best way she knew how, with a listening ear and a hug to remind him that someone is still there for him and that he isn’t alone. but bringing herself to face doyun and dojoon is something altogether different. she doesn’t know the last member of the team too well, just a few passing greetings and polite nods, but juwon is important to her own team member, suhwan. so while they are not close enough for her to visit him, she’s nonetheless relieved to hear that he pulled through and is well. 

what she hasn’t heard a lot about is the behaviour from the twins after their dischargement. if she had, she would have known that her own brother is harassing dojoon aggressively – something she would not have expected with their history of friendship. but she has no idea about just how bad things have gotten. 

pushing open the door to the archery range, she’s expecting to see one of the two twins, but if she doesn’t find dojoon, who she’s looking for, she’ll have to look elsewhere. luckily for her, the newly turned demon agent is there, holding his crossbow, and although a thrill of fright runs through her at the realization that it’s just them, with no one to stop him if he loses control, she also reminds herself that he has already been cleared to be an agent again. everything should be okay. 

“… dojoon?” her voice is quiet, a hand still resting on the door.

these days, if doyun isn’t here—dojoon finds himself alone more often than usual.

it’s no one’s fault. he knows his presence is unwanted, regardless of whether he has been cleared as a proper demon agent or not. no matter the intricate details surrounding what made him this way, he doesn’t expect to be treated any differently than the rest of the demonic beings that threaten their very lives. so he picks up his crossbow and heads into the archery range when no one else is there, closes the door and wallows in the silence of being alone. doyun doesn’t allow it to happen when he can help it, but there are days when the two of them will part ways. like today.

of course there are people that he’d like to talk to again, friends he thought he could selfishly keep until the world proved him wrong; showing him that it can take anything with just the snap of a finger. all it takes is a single day. dojoon sticks the longing he feels onto the tip of his arrow and shoots, watches as it exits his hemisphere and lands on its target, straight through the middle. as if letting go is the right thing to do. if only it was that easy, though. nothing ever is.

he doesn’t think he’ll have company. when he hears the sound of the door opening faintly he doesn’t turn to look, fully believing that whoever enters will walk away the moment their eyes land on him. instead of that, he hears a voice calling out his name—soft, almost hesitant even. dojoon blinks, the voice familiar to his ears and his memories. finally, he takes a chance and dares to witness the reality of the situation. “jina?” he echoes that same hesitancy. “oh.” it takes a second too long for him to gather his bearings, flashes of his encounter with another old friend, someone the two of them know too well, interrupting his thought process.

dojoon offers jina a smile, but he’s not sure how reassuring it would be. “did you... uh, wanna use the room?” he asks, already putting down his weapon. not only to say that he’s willing to go if that’s what she wants, but to also tell her he isn’t a threat—he doesn’t want to be, he never did. dojoon remembers the feeling of a gun against his skin, wondering if it’ll happen again. jina shows no sign of hostility though, leaving dojoon just a little confused.