Never Quit

90490) I used to think I would have this eating disorder for the rest of my life, however short my ED would make that. I really took a leap of faith into recovery and embraced it and I'm so glad I did. I can actually say I'm living free of my eating disorder now and I want to keep it that way.

One day, maybe.

91043) Confession; I really feel like every Eating Disorder (ED) documentary that's been made is so glamorized. They don't make it serious enough AT ALL about what really happens, about ANY part of an ED. And i hate it so much that they do that. They need to make the documentaries SERIOUS and more realistic. Yes i know that would be more triggering. BUT it would make the ED seem easy and not that serious, etc. I hate it.

I follow a lot of recovery accounts on Instagram, not pseudo, but real- eating lots, eating variety, presumably above like bmi 18.6, post about life stuff, not just ed stuff. For the most part, it feels helpful but lately there have been a lot of "worst day in recovery is better than the best day of the ed" and "everything is getting so much easier everyday now". One person has been really inspirational but she just posted something about how low her urges are, 3 months into recovery. I just feel bitter that I have been in a "stable" place in my recovery before, I have been weight restored for months at a time and IT JUST WASNT GOOD. RECOVERY DID NOT FEEL GOOD OR WORTH IT. I GOT DEPRESSED AGAIN. I RELAPSED AGAIN. I dont want this to come off as a "I'm the worst, I'm the sickest, I'm the only one who cant recover", I'm just fucking sad and confused and why does this happen, what's wrong with me. Some of them were definitely sicker than me, for longer than me. Why do I fail, why did recovery feel so bad? Why didnt I feel like it was worth it when their lives are better now? Why should I bother trying again?

Seeing my face on my shitty laptop camera during Zoom lectures is honestly terrible for my body dysmorphia lol

91699) I was in a different country for x months and it made me look closer at my friends. Not one person called me to check on me during that whole. Not once. I was in a different country with people speaking language Im not proficient at, all alone during a fucking pandemic. And they couldn’t care less. But as soon as I come back they start calling me to tell me about their problems. And it’s not the first time I’ve noticed but this time it was so much clearer

*gas mask breathing noises* you know where the nearest taco bell is

*muffled plague doctor mask noises* down the block to the left

So I was diagnosed with atypical anorexia nerviosa at residential and it makes me feel like shit. It makes me feel like I can’t even be good at having an eating disorder

Truth.

Twilight may be trash but at least they cast actual native americans to play natives

The Twilight franchise was basically a great cast all trapped in hell together

91681) I was denied access to in patient treatment because I wasn't technically considered underweight at my very short height of x, despite losing half my body weight in less than a year. That was the point when I realized I had to get better myself or I was going to die.

*cough* reminds me of someone at the barn who is ALWAYS there!

How my first level test will go.