from complex ptsd: from surviving to thriving by pete walker
will byers stan first human second
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@mgandim
from complex ptsd: from surviving to thriving by pete walker

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It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)
Too much pain and suffering. Do I have to get catharsis or something? I don’t love it, but I don’t hate it as well. It shows how much value we hold in this world even though it seems like there isn’t any. How much we fail to appreciate what we already have. Like Mary and his children for George Bailey. There were some very cheesy almost cringy moments. I assume it’s due to age differences.
This movie has always been topping on lists as “the best movies ever made,” so that probably caused me to have inhumanely high expectations towards it. Otherwise, it was a fine watch.
Dec 16, 2018
Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013-Present)
My girl Monica introduced me to this awesome series, and I’m forever going to be indebted to her for it. I just love everything about this TV show. Hilarious. Fun. Very very gripping. Has a diverse cast. It’s not fair that whenever I want to write something extremely positive, my whole vocabulary just drains. I guess I’m only good at the negative stuff.
I just want to say that I don’t have any not favorite character. I love them ALL. They all have their flaws and strengths, and I love them for it. And yes. Even Hitchcock and Scully. My ultimate favorite character would be Jake, obviously. No, Amy. No, Rosa. No, Boyle. No, Holt. No, Gina. No, Terry. You know what, they are all my ultimate favorites. I love the whole 99th precinct. Also, I’m very grateful that the show didn’t get cancelled because what would I live for then? Okay, there is still Game of Thrones, but girl needs to loosen up because GoT is some serious stuff.
P.S. Aww, Look at Boyle at that GIF, just adorable. I love him.
Jul 3, 2018
Submarine (2010)
My movie taste is getting really British these days. I’m not complaining, just saying. I love the production, artsiness, and queer feels of this film. I like it, but I don’t love it. The whole story didn’t let me to get fully attached or something. I just liked the artsy scenes and funny narratives.
I knew this film since forever because I love Arctic Monkeys and Alex Turner. Also, I’ve been grooving to Stuck on The Puzzle by Alex for a while now, so that’s why I’ve watched this film.
P.S. It’s crazy how much the actor of Oliver Tate resembles Alex Turner.
June 3, 2018
Schindler’s List (1993) dir. Stephen Spielberg
My heart is torn. I have been sobbing throughout the second half of the movie, honestly. Just wow! The production, visuals, message, actors, soundtrack, and everything really makes this perfect film! I couldn’t even say anything because it was too good. Definitely one of my favorite films of all the time.
Thanks to this film, I’ve realized that I should invest more time on quality content that just some light trashy esay-watches that don’t have any messages or lessons to teach. Since I love watching movies already, I can use it as a way to contribute for my advancement as a being.
May 30, 2018

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The Intouchables (2011)
No movie have ever forced me to deal with so many emotions! I have been laughing, crying, worrying, hysterically laughing, smirking, half-laughing and half-crying, and just beaming most of the time. Love it!! My current favorite film!! I just couldn’t describe all the joy I got from this film! The fact that the film is in french really adds to the excitement. Not to mention the amazing soundtrack!! I’m a fan of both Earth Wind and Fire and Beethoven, so I really came to loooovvveee ittt!! I just couldn’t… I love how the film shows two dead ends of lives in France.
May 28, 2018
One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)
Since the book left me a very loud impression, I was thinking to watch the film for days. There I go!
I know it might seem annoying for some people, but it’s the truth! The book is almost always better than the movie. Because the book was brilliant in the first place, how is it possible for the movie to be lousy? So I suppose the movie was good, but I couldn’t help but spot these “blemishes” from the film though I know that it’s impossible to include every little detail of the book. Although the movie was 2 hours and 17 minutes, I still felt that a lot was missing. But if I stop being overly absorbed to the book, I conclude that the movie is a stellar one.
Mar 22, 2018
Desperado (1995)
Gangster films are never my type, but this first GIF with Salma Hayek made me interested to watch this. Oh well. All the shootings and killings never seem so cool to me because it’s never okay to murder. It can seem badass at the moment, but what mostly matters is the message it sends. Apart from that, the film was quite entertaining, I suppose.
Jan 31, 2018
(I can’t believe I haven’t watched any film in 20 days. Wow it’s impressive. Well, it’s mostly due to my 2 weeks trip to Siberia though.)
Your Lie in April (2014)
I’ve been listening to Ghibli soundtracks while I was writing, and somehow landed with this anime. One of my principles of life is to not to watch k-drama and anime. But here I come! The thing with Korean and Japanese entertainment industry is that they don’t have any compelling story or anything of that type, but they know how to hook people and make them keep watching. And when you finish watching, you will blame yourself for watching such a trash. I indulged for about 3 hours, so no big deal. I can be productive for the rest of the days.
Anyways, the story tells about some musical prodigies and their struggles as musicians. Not to mention, they are only middle schoolers. Well, when you’re in middle school, everything kind of feels like a big deal. I’m not that disappointed in the anime.
“If there is a crowd, and there is a stage, I’m taking it,” was the part that really ringed to me because it fits my current situation. I have to finish my college applications and decide my next four years and partly life. I can’t give up now.
However, as always with the animes, they sexualize girls a little too much. Seriously? What is it with the legs. If their legs are 100%, the 85% is exposed. They are supposed to be middle-schoolers and everything, but yeah. Whatever. If jeopardizing women’s sexuality is what it takes for the industry to keep up working, then pity to humanity.
Jan 5, 2017
Armageddon (1998)
This is one of the films that you always see on TV but never watch completely. I rented the film with my family, and watched the film on a normal speed for 144 minutes. That was long. Anyways, I liked the film. It is actually older than me. Wow. Though it’s old, I could not point out visible flaws from the film. The computer graphing and overall film production was good considering its age. Notwithstanding its bloody length, I actually enjoyed the film. It is dramatic, sure. But was fun to watch sometimes.

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Across The Universe (2007)
This film can be described with single word - The Beatles! It is a musical that conveys its story through The Beatles hits. Even the protagonist’s name is Jude. The story takes place in 60s America when Jude moves from Liverpool to US. Through the movie, we can see America during times of Vietnam war, world of affluence, love, and violence. I love how they wrote the story that it relates to lyrics of the Beatles songs. Different yet decent one.
Jan 3, 2018
Clueless (1995)
Yay, finally got to watch one of the most iconic films of all time. This film has inspired so many movies, songs, music videos, and costumes that made it impossible to not to watch. Finally the day has come. Here I go.
I’m going to put my judgemental self back and concede that Clueless was entertaining. I cannot relate to any of the issues these kids face, but honestly it was a fun watch. Classic high school film that has inspired so many films that now the original seems trite.
Clueless, indeed. Maybe at some point in our lives we are all clueless. But it doesn’t mean we are stuck. We can be clueless and still keep going.
Dec 23, 2017
Battle of the Sexes (2017)
Voilà! Love it! Love it! LOVE IT! Battle of the Sexes is now my second favorite film after Mona Lisa Smile. The movie takes place in America of 70s and is so audacious. It shows struggles of not only gender equality but also LGBTQ rights. Inspiring! Billie Jean, portrayed by Emma Stone, is a women’s tennis champion and is a bold young lady who challenges her sexist authorities and breaks gender stereotypes. Compared to 70s, so much has changed and the appreciation should go to people like Billie.
I wonder how much the actors and actresses have went through to depict professional tennis players. It must take so much energy and effort. Some people might say acting is easy, but really? There is a reason that Emma Stone is an Academy Award winning actress. Last year she brought Mia to life by La La Land, and this year it is Billie by Battle of the Sexes. Since Steve Carell is much older than Emma Stone, it must have been even more harder for him to train and act like a tennis champion. Respect!
Dec 23, 2017
Game of Thrones (2011- ) Season 1-7
It took me 3 days of hard work to go through all of the seasons. Sighs. I have watched the season 1 couple years ago, and did not liked it much because it seemed to be made of nothing but sex. On Saturday, however, when I gave my TOEFL test, I have decided to watch it. Although I have watched the season 1 before, I seemed to have forgotten most of it, so I half watched and skipped to remember back. It was a strange experience to do nothing but to watch Game of Thrones for days. On my second day of watching the film, I started to hallucinate and hear things when there was nothing. Also, I was full of terror because of all the dangers the series hold. Since I am an extremely lazy person, I cannot abide to watch a single episode for an hour, so of course I watched the film in double the speed. That way, I managed to do 67 hours of “work” in 72 hours with getting almost normal sleep. That being said, I spent all my waking hours to watch Game of Thrones for three days in a row. I thought I was going mad because when I thought someone was outside of my home, I literally grabbed a knife and waited for that person. Jeez. Sanity is an easy thing to loose, my friends.
Back to the film. Game of Thrones had so much bloodshed that it made me nauseous. The next prevalent scene from the series was sex. Once you are really in, there is no way out. If it wasn’t so, I wouldn’t be in reign of terror for three bloody days.
Dec 16-18, 2017
Skam (2015-2017)
I love this film. I lost my Norwegian TV series virginity to Skam, lol. I watched the 4 seasons in 2 days. That included reading countless subtitles. But I just loved this film. Every season is focused about one of the main Characters. Season 1 was about Eva which told about friendships and honesty in relationships, while the second season centered around Noora, that beautiful blonde in the GIF. The main reason I watched the series is Noora because she is breathtakingly beautiful. The third season tells the story of Isak and hardships he faces when he realizes that he’s not into girls. It was hard to see how much these kids go through to get out of their closets and reveal their sexual orientation. The last season involves around a young muslim girl Sana who is part of the gang. This season reveals the prejudice towards islam people and hardships the young muslims face trying to blend in.
The love stories of Noora and William, Eva and Jonas, Isak and Even, Sana and Yousef, Vilde and Magnus, and Chris and Casper all reveal different hardships youth face. These stories reveal the value of friendships, fidelity, acceptance, and diversity. I loved this film. Really. One of my highlights of the year.
I am kind of sad that the show has been canceled before answering many questions. What would happen to Vilde and her family? Are Eva and Jonas getting back together? What about Chris Predator and Emma? Has Chris fell in love or is it another fuck boy story? How about Jonas? We never had chance to understand what he is going through.How about Sana and Yousef? Would they marry? Would Sana’s family permit her to be with non-Muslim? What will happen to the Russ Bus, which the series was building for since episode 1.
Come on, we definitely need additional seasons!! At least let the characters graduate, please.
Dec 11-12, 2017

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The Book of Henry (2017)
I’m shook. It has been a while since I cried mad while watching a movie. The Book of Henry is a film that will make you hold your breath for a minute and make you release with a great pleasure. I love everything about this film. This is a masterpiece! I dare you to watch it! The soundtrack, the cast, and everything is on POINT! I have a very important thing in 16 days that will decide my life, but I don’t regret at all about watching this film and don’t feel like I wasted my time in this critical period. One of my all time favorite films for sure.
Henry Carpenter is an 11 year old genius who lives with his mom and adorable brother Peter. Henry tries to save his neighbor and classmate Christina from her abusive stepfather Glenn Sickleman; however, Henry turns out to have a brain tumor and dies not long after. T.T This is so far one of the most emotional parts of the film. I was sobbing throughout. Because they were living in a small town, and Sickleman was a prominent figure in the town with his connections, there seemed to be no way to help Christina. While Henry was on his deathbed, he concludes that the only way to save poor Christina is to murder her stepfather. Thus, Henry writes a meticulous plan in his book of the murder. Susan, Henry and Peter’s mother, decides to continue Henry’s plan after witnessing the abuse of her neighbor. Nevertheless, in the end, Susan realizes that she’s an adult and backs out. Right in the same time, the school principle decides to report the abuse, and when the police comes in front of his house, Glenn kills himself. This part was a little fairy-taily, but it was still nice to see Henry’s incentives realize. Also, I know that adopting a kid is a very tricky business, but somehow Christina got adopted by her neighbors. That didn’t made sense, though. She must have relatives or someone. Still, I loved how everything turned out happily ever after.
“Our legacy isn’t what we write on our resume or how many commas we have in our account. It’s who we’re lucky enough to have in our lives and what we can leave them with. The one thing we do know, we’re here now. So I say we do the best we can, and that’s what I think about my legacy.”
-Henry Carpenter
Nov 16, 2017