Sin. 05 x T-01-54

"So, we... Can't talk to others much right now. Can't go outside, and nobody really comes to us... Except that agent." "But they permitted us to have this blog." "For socialization." "Yes..."

"We will mainly communicate through the method of 'responding to asks', according to this website's functionality. Additionally, either of us may share insights into things worth sharing from our daily lives." "So. Ask either of us things. Or ask us both... But don't pry too much." "Mm. We reserve the right to be silent in response." "Of course."

"So... Ask us things. We will do our best... to answer, I assume?" "Nearly everything you could say is good. I... Meursault may not need it as much as I do, but I would like to talk to people. So... please say things." "..." "End of introduction post."

I first met you on one of those days they call Walpurgisnacht.

Your voice echoed in my head as I found out I was wearing your straitjacket. I immediately felt a constricting pain all around my body and an insatiable rage consuming my thoughts. I could still hold back then... And yet, more often than not, your voice overtook me.

I was the one who spun the thread to understand you, and I succeeded.

I heard your resentment and abhorrence. "This straitjacket cannot hold my violence back...", so we both yelled out. With time, I started hearing your grief and sorrow. In short, the thing they called your E.G.O.

Regret. A crushing force.

I started seeing that medical facility where they kept you when I used the E.G.O. Sometimes I saw shadows of workers approaching me. It must be your worst fear.

...To have your strength stripped away, to be reduced to nothing but a mess in a powerless body.

You are nothing more than I am. A murderer, twisted into being completely unrecognizable by others. You are full of regret, though I, myself... have not thought about such things in a long time.

I know you now. So, I wonder... If you saw me, would you still try to crush me with that head of yours? Would you instead see me as a dear friend, the only one you can bare your soul to?

It's meaningless sentimentality, I know. There is no use wondering that. You are no longer human. The one I hear in my head is not the one who inhabits your physical form.

Still, I cannot get that thought out of my head.

Meur said I'll need to do physical therapy to return to a better shape, but that's after I gain some body mass and after I can at least walk without falling. For now, he just gives me a massage every now and then.

Mostly he massages my back, naturally, but sometimes he helps me stretch my joints, especially my knees and elbows. I... enjoy it, quite a lot.

I have to be careful not to lose myself and go into too much detail while writing this.

He's really good at massages, as well as other things. It does hurt, but without being overwhelming, just enough so you know there's something happening under your skin. His hands are always so firm and get so hot... The sensations are nice. And it's him, so... I always like his touch. Makes me feel all warm and nice inside, almost puts me to sleep.

Meursault is very tactile. He's always been more expressive in that way and not in his words. Specifically, he kisses me quite a lot... I'm not complaining at all, I like the way he is. But, ahem, that's... not exactly what I was talking about.

It's taken me a bit to get used to him touching my head. After... Everything they've done to me, it makes me remember things. Sometimes I still shiver when he does it - not in a good way, I mean. But it usually calms me down... Especially when the ringing gets bad.

According to the information passed onto me by the LCR Team, 54 took a longer time compared to other Abnormalities to become cognizant and doubt his core concept. Exact time he's been kept in containment constitutes 7 weeks and 2 days. For other Abnormalities, that time did not exceed 3 weeks.

The exact reason was cited as "resets", meaning: the Abnormality's consciousness became overloaded with intense feelings, and, instead of regaining the self and going to Distortion form, the Abnormality reset to its default state, losing all memories gained before that.

"Abnormalities will naturally forget or ignore anything that happens in the past in favor of their current behavior, incapable of even acting in any manner unrelated to their embodied concept". The concept that 54 embodied, as was relaid to me, was "Regret". Only by doubting the nature of that regret was he able to overcome his nature as an Abnormality and regain a portion of humanity. But regret ended up overwhelming him instead in all instances but one.

As was stated in the previous log, even now 54 displays symptoms of being static. It makes me wonder if he may fully regress to the Abnormality form again, rendering all efforts null.

It's selfish, but, at the front of my mind, there is a thought: what if he forgets me?

Of course, that can only mean one thing: the LCR team will keep trying to bring him back. However...

...Nevermind. There's nothing for me to say. I was sent here to aid him, and I will do just that for as long as I am needed.

■■■-.. 54 is still ravenous. That's not to slander him.

I am aware of the things that happened . Those researchers kept the man starving, alone, in the dark. Alyssa also told me his brain was rotting. The exact mechanics of that, as well as of his head turning into metal, remain a mystery to me. But that is besides the point; those were pointless ruminations.

He's extremely hungry. That is unsurprising, as he's severely malnourished and emaciated, even after over a month on the diet I prepared for him. I do know it takes time for people to regain their health. But I worry for his case.

Sometimes 54 eats until he gets abdomen pains, but it never goes to fat nor muscle. More than that, I've been taking care of his wound, and he has not been reopening it, but it doesn't close. His hair does not grow out, neither on his head nor his face.

It is a commonly observed sign for Abnormalities early in the rehabilitation process to be "static", in body and mind both. I see how he suffers from his body and mental state every day, and there's nearly nothing that can be done about it. He's simply frozen in time.

It makes me wonder how he existed during his stay in Lobotomy Corporation. I may not understand how he feels, but I know he's terrorized by the experience.

Overall, the point of this log (possibly lost due to my mental state, which can be described as "sleepy") may be summarized as: I don't know how long it will take for him to get better, nor if it's possible.

Very few Abnormalities have made substantial improvements compared to their forms during containment. That's information I've been told not to pass on to him, I ask that readers do not do that either. But, I am writing it down as the reason I worry.

My emotions and doubts, however, won't stop me from assisting in his recovery.