I don't really feel like I know you anymore. That isn't true at all, it isn't; but the feeling never goes away. Honestly? I really like it. I really actually appreciate this feeling. It's one I've never been able to enjoy. "Not knowing" has always been one of if not the greatest fear I've ever had, but I don't feel scared. I feel excited. I feel like there's more to look forward to now.
The things you say, the choices you make, it's all as though you've evolved. Like finding a great many doors leading to unexplored rooms in a home I thought I knew inside & out.
Your responses feel new. Your choices carry more authority, more strength. You have never seemed this decisive. You carry the air of someone familiar but far more aware. It is as though growth has become a tandem tactic between us, which I couldn't predict would be or feel this way. Is this love? I know what I used to believe. I know how my past iteration would process this. "See? You were always able to be this way, why couldn't you be nicer to me before?" That's what I know I would have thought, but that hasn't happened yet. I've spent days and days trying to make sense of this. I haven't, because I don't really care. I don't need to understand why. I'm just beside myself with shock that this has happened..that we are here.
This is what I wanted. This is what I want, this is what I like. You are what I like. I feel constantly surprised by you. Like every day just may be Christmas and I have no calendar. But it IS scary.. To know there's all these rooms, all these changes in someone I've known for nearly a decade, I'm worried about finding locked rooms. I'm afraid of finding anywhere I'm not welcome but it's not real it's a strong fear. It's not enough to keep me from trying, or exploring. I feel like the only locks I need to think about are my own, and all of this is so odd to be faced with after so long.
I feel like I've found proof of something only I've believed in my whole life. Finding all the evidence of something magical but I'm not interested in proving it to anyone anymore. Is that selfish? I don't know. I really don't know. I feel like I've walked through the gates of Eden and I don't want to tell anyone where it is. And that isn't going to change, either.. unless it's for /her/ maybe, but even that feels like a maybe because I don't think she believes in this heaven that I've found. And that's sad, but, I'm really not interested in lamenting over who isn't in Heaven tonight. Maybe that's because I'm different, too.
I am. You are. This is.. and I'm thrilled to be here, I'm absolutely eager to find every new space in this mansion of you.
dededos
kianamaiart
yousharknotpass
prguitarman
izzy806
ellievsbear
