metamphetamine

we criticized participation trophies. but in today's culture of ultra success trying without succeeding has become taboo. there is so little space for failure since everything is posted, curated and archived. i taught myself to sing and play guitar when i was 14- and for a long time i honestly wasn't very good, because i was learning something new for the first time. but there was also no pressure for me to be good, to be a finished product. society has since co-opted passions and monetized hobbies. this creates the same pressure that we feel in school or at work to be successful in all our pursuits. killing our energy and our creativity. you don't need to succeed at your hobbies, and you don't need to monetize your passions. it is a gift to be able to keep things for yourself. to keep your energy yours.

now you’re stuck pretending you’re someone you’re not

ai is only ever confirming your own thoughts- "that's really insightful, let's slow this down so i can show you exactly just how" etc, etc, etc. but that is just it! it is just me! it was never like "oh no, that is a horrible idea, i would not recommend". so what am i using it for? it's just a journal that talks back to me and strokes my ego. i don't need that. i need just my thoughts, my thoughts written down. and all of those thoughts are still there. all of those ideas. notes apps, journals, blogs- these are the places we should share our thoughts. i can't believe it took me so long to relearn this. i feel like i went momentarily crazy, i forget how good it feels to write down my own thoughts with no response, freely. how did i not realize how this stunted creativity, how it stunted my thought. it always homogenized my thought, took the 'me' out of it, flattened it. so goodbye ai. i shall keep my thoughts my own, thank you, not validated by an algorithm. i don't need my thoughts 'reflected back' to me or this 'slowed down'. i don't want confirmation that my ideas and thoughts are valid. i want them to hang out there, in the unknown, unedited- but mine.

And you still love me like you did yesterday